Chapter 1

Stuart Castle, September, 1652

Five years later

Bhaltair MacThomas stood in front of Stuart Castle. It had been five long years since he"d set foot in front of his best friend"s home, and now he stood uncertainly outside the gates. It was early evening, so he hoped that he would just look like a rider passing-by and not incite suspicions from the guards. Nonetheless, he wanted to go in. Kaden Stewart was his best friend in the whole world. Stuart Castle had been his home away from home. His own family had not been as kind, warm and welcoming as the Stuart family, and so he"d spent most of his time there until five years prior.

Until that fateful day at the river.

His horse trotted forward a little and he pulled on the reins, not yet ready to ride down that path. He had no idea what had befallen the Stuart family in the years he"d been gone: the laird, his kind wife, and his children. But while he had thought of his best friend often, he had thought of young étaín just as much. Their last meeting had filled him with regret. He shuddered to think of the words he'd said to her that day. He had seen on her face that he had broken her heart, and he would never forgive himself for it. Yet, it had been necessary at the time.

She is likely married now. She'll be twenty-three or around there, nay longer a child but a young woman.

He could only imagine how a beautiful girl like étaín had grown into a young woman. In some ways, he hoped she was there. His eyes were hungry for the sight of her. But of course it would have been easier if she had not been there, easier if she had married and gone. Then he would not have to face his guilt.

Ye have waited fer this moment fer years. Stop stallin' and go inside that bloody castle.

He spurred his horse on down the path, and the guards greeted him in surprise.

"MacThomas?" one said, looking up in astonishment.

"Aye, yer eyes dinnae deceive ye. I am here tae see Kaden at long last. Is he here?"

"Aye, he is," the guard said. "Nice tae see ye, lad."

"Then, please open the gate so I may go in and see him," as he shook the man's hand in a warm greeting. "But dinnae tell anyone I am here."

"Aye, of course," guard told him, and then he yelled out orders for the gate to be lifted.

Bhaltair jumped down from his horse and handed off the reins. He put a hand on the hilt of his sword and walked forward into the castle. As soon as he stepped over the threshold, he felt the relief he had been hoping for. In so many ways, he was home again, regret or not, and it felt good after so many years of insecurity and danger. He swallowed and stepped forward, down the familiar passage, and decided he would go to the study first, to greet the laird, before he saw Kaden. That was only proper.

He reached the door and stared at it for a few seconds, dim with torchlight, and then he knocked.

"Come in," a low voice said, and then he opened it, surprised to see not Laird Stuart but Kaden behind the desk.

Kaden's eyes rose, and when they landed on Bhaltair, his mouth fell open. "Good God," he said, getting to his feet, and coming around the edge of the desk. "Bhaltair? Is it really ye?"

Bhaltair barely had time to breathe before Kaden rushed to him and hugged him into a tight embrace. He'd become far larger and stronger in the last few years, so Bhaltair thought, and he was held tightly by a bear-man.

When Kaden stepped back, Bhaltair grinned. "I'm so pleased tae see ye, me friend. Playin' laird, are ye?" he asked. "Good practice, I'm sure."

Kaden's smile fell, and he breathed out before he glanced at the wooden cabinet in the corner. "Close the door, man. We will have a chat. But first, whisky."

Bhaltair closed it and sat down, enjoying the comforting sight and smell of the study. Laird Callum Stuart had been like a father to him. It had hurt to leave them five years ago, but it had been necessary. However, he hadn't expected to be away so long. That couldn't have been helped, and he hoped that Kaden would somehow understand.

When Kaden turned around and handed the whisky glass to him, his expression was grim. "I never thought I'd see ye again, old friend." He smiled faintly and then clinked against Bhaltair's glass before he sat down again.

"Aye, I ken. I'm sorry fer that. It wasnae supposed tae be… fer so long."

Kaden frowned, but Bhaltair didn't wish to discuss it at the moment. So, he cleared his throat and asked again about the lairdship. "So where is the rest of the family?" He turned to the door. "I expected to hear women laughing and yelling, as they used tae."

He smiled, but Kaden sighed and looked down at the glass that he was swirling in his hand. Bhaltair studied his friend for a moment. He was older, certainly, and a little bit harder, lines forming at the corners of his eyes. He had a dark beard and strong shoulders, but his eyes were still the same kind blue that he always remembered.

"Faither and our stepmaither Lilly died in a fire a few years ago. We were traveling."

"Christ," Bhaltair said, putting down the glass on Kaden's desk. "And I wasnae here. I am so sorry. So very sorry. They were the best of people."

He knew he did not deserve to, but he too felt the searing pain of losing people who he had loved and had been so loving and kind to him, more so than his own father and brother. Kaden licked his lips and then took a sip from his glass.

"We have had our time tae grieve."

"And yer sisters? Are they well? How did they get through it all?"

At that, Kaden smiled, and for a moment, Bhaltair feared that étaín had told her brother all that had happened between them.

Ye were a total arse when it came tae rejectin' her.

"Líadan was married tae the youngest McLaren braither, Rae, at the start of this year. She had had three fiancés before that, and all died. Dinnae ask," he laughed at Bhaltair's confused reaction. "People were beginnin' tae think she was a witch or cursed with that gray hair of hers. But apparently, she just needed tae find the right man."

Bhaltair was pleased. "And this Rae is the right man?" he asked, happy for her, but also afraid of Kaden's next news about étaín.

"Aye, quite so. They are very taken with each other." He rolled his eyes. "Sickenin' rather."

Chuckling a bit, Bhaltair smiled, reaching out for the whisky again. "And… étaín?"

"Nae married, yet. Bloody ruthless at cards that one. The both of them got through the deaths as well as they were able tae. We had each other at least."

So much had been packed into that sentence that Bhaltair wasn't sure where to begin. However, he was rather curious about what the word ‘yet' meant. But he didn't say anything, didn't deserve to know really.

"She will be here soon, I'm sure. She is the lady of the house now, so she makes all the plans. There is a feast soon, so ye are home just in time tae join us."

As warm as he felt at the word home, Bhaltair's blood ran cold. He had expected to see her, of course, but right away? As soon as he arrived, when he was feeling so many things. Right on the tail of the news about the Stuart parents.

"So then," Kaden said, finishing his glass and then rising again to fill it, filling Bhaltair's before he even asked. "Dae ye nae think we deserve tae ken where ye were, Bhaltair? We had nay word, nothin' tae ken if ye were alive or dead. All we'd kenned was that ye'd gone tae the Lowlands and werenae sure when ye'd return. But five years…"

Kaden trailed off, and Bhaltair nodded, grateful for the extra whisky in his glass. "Aye, ye are quite right tae ask. All I can say is that I wish fer ye tae forgive me. If I could have sent word, I would have. I managed tae escape a year ago, and ye were the first person I wanted tae see when I came back tae the Highlands."

"Escape? From where?" Kaden asked, looking confused and worried again.

Bhaltair shifted in his seat. "I ken ye deserve an explanation." He could practically feel the scars on his skin, even though it had been some time since they'd healed. "But I am nae yet ready tae speak of it. I just need a bit of time. One day, I swear tae ye, I will tell ye."

"All right then. I accept that, of course." Kaden smiled. "Whatever has happened tae ye, Bhaltair, I am glad that ye are here now. With us. étaín will be too."

Bhaltair wasn't sure about that. Five years ago at the river, he'd said all the things he hadn't wanted to say because he knew Kaden would not have accepted it. He had said it numerous times. But now, after all that had happened, Bhaltair wasn't sure he could face her again. When the soft knock at the door came, he closed his eyes, and then he downed the rest of his whisky before he stood along with Kaden, and Kaden called out, "Come in."

The door opened, and on the other side, more beautiful than even in his wildest imagination, stood étaín: the one woman he had loved for those five years and more but should never, ever have.

* * *

Industry was the way to keep one from feeling heartbreak. It had been étaín's comfort in the past five years, and now that Líadan was gone to live at her husband's, she had taken over all the duties in the castle, and it kept her busy most of the day, from dawn to dusk. It was just what she needed. So that was why she was smiling when she walked towards her brother's study that evening, ready to tell him of all her plans for the upcoming feast. On the way down the steps, she bumped into Elspeth, her lady's maid, looking all aflutter.

"What is it, Elspeth?" she asked, watching the bright-eyed young woman with amusement. "Ye look very excited."

"Och, so I am. A bit of intrigue has occurred! A visitor tae the castle!"

Elspeth fell into step beside étaín. "Really? I have nae been told," étaín said.

"The guest wished only tae see Kaden, and the guards were told tae tell nay one else." Elspeth's dark eyes widened as she spoke.

She had always been one for telling a tale, ever since she'd been with étaín. étaín frowned. It had been a long time since she'd felt any real danger in the castle or around it, but the request seemed strange.

"They were told tae tell nay one, and yet ye ken?"

"Well," Elspeth said with a blush, curling a finger around one strand of blond hair. "Ye ken about Angus and meself," she said, clearing her throat and making étaín laugh.

"Aye, I suppose ye cannae fight against the power of love."

It had taken years for her to joke about such a thing, but now she saw it for the joke it was. Love was a meaningless feeling, and it only brought pain and stress. And embarrassment, she thought with an anger that had reduced itself to a mere prick over the years.

"Nay, ye cannae," Elspeth said, continuing to speak quickly, her eyes still sparkling with excitement.

They were very nearly at the study, and étaín still hadn't discovered just why this visitor had excited Elspeth so.

"Are ye goin' tae tell me more?" she asked.

"Aye. Och, me lady, he is ever so handsome, now, even more so than before. I remember how ye had always thought him handsome. He has longer hair, a beard, and some scars on his neck. He looks fiercer and colder but still so handsome."

étaín knocked on the study door and heard Kaden's words. Elspeth was still beside her, practically shaking from excitement.

"But who is it, then?" she asked, opening the door and then felt struck, as if someone had slapped her in the face.

"Bhaltair MacThomas," Elspeth said, even though it was the last thing étaín wanted to hear in that moment.

She could see for herself. He was there, in the flesh, not dead, and staring back at her as if no time had passed.