Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

JESSICA

D amn him. And damn my treacherous body.

I never should have gotten close enough to let him touch me. One touch and my body went up in flames. Every memory of us together flashed before my eyes, and I struggled to walk away. All I wanted was to feel his lips on mine and his hard body pressed against me.

Hell, I almost said yes to his ridiculous offer to stay in the guest room. In my house. There’s no way I can handle being under the same roof with him right now, even if the guest room does have its own bathroom and is separated from all the other bedrooms. I’m too tempted by him. And being tempted by Matthew is dangerous.

I’ve lost count of how many times that man broke up with me or told me it wasn’t our time yet. One minute he’d tell me he planned on marrying me someday, and the next he told me we couldn’t be together. He broke my heart every time he pushed me away.

Then again, I’m the fool who kept letting him do it. I believed him when he told me he’d marry me. All the way up until the point he married someone else. That was the day my entire world crumbled down on top of me, and a little piece of my soul died. There’s no way I can trust him again after that.

I can hear his footsteps behind me as I walk toward my car. It doesn’t sound like he’s trying to catch up, but I pick up my pace anyway. I need to put space between us so I can think about everything I’ve learned in the past hour.

I can’t believe how upside down my life feels after just arriving. Day one at home was supposed to be easy. Meet with Richard, maybe visit the funeral home, and settle into my old room. That was it. There shouldn’t have been any reunions with my ex, and I certainly shouldn’t have to deal with the fact that he’s living in my house.

When I reach my car, I hop in and start it up. Matthew is still walking toward me. He stops next to the driveway, his arms crossed over his chest, and waits. Is he expecting me to get out and talk to him? Or maybe he’s debating on stepping in my way so I can’t leave?

Regardless, I put the car in reverse and back out of the driveway until I reach a place I can turn around. I check the rearview mirror, and he’s still standing in the same spot watching me drive away. My heart aches to go back to him—to let him touch me again—but my mind is screaming no.

My mind wins.

As soon as I hit the main road, I pull up David’s number.

The phone rings once before he picks up. “Hey, Jess. Didn’t expect to hear from you so soon.”

“I’ve got a huge problem, and I need help.” The words rush out so fast. Even I hear the panic in my voice.

“Whoa. Calm down.” David speaks in a slow, controlled tone. “What happened?”

I take a deep breath and wipe away more tears. I’m getting really tired of crying and need to get my emotions under control before my eyes enter into a permanent state of puffiness. “He’s living in my house. That’s what fucking happened.”

“Huh? Who’s living in your house?”

“Matt!” I yell. Now that there’s a little distance between Matthew and me, my anger is taking over. I can handle anger. “And the fact that he’s living there isn’t even the worst part. My uncle was planning on selling him the house!”

“Wait.” There’s a long pause before I hear David take a deep breath. “Not the Matt? The man who said he would marry you someday and then married another woman without even telling you he was dating someone, that Matt? ”

“Yes, that Matt.”

“Well, shit. That sucks.”

“You think?” I turn the car toward town, though I have no idea where I’m going. Just somewhere away from Matt. “I need your help. I have nowhere to stay now. It’s tourist season, and I need to find somewhere in town.”

David’s silent for a few minutes. Did he hear me, or did I lose him out in the middle of nowhere? “David, are you there?”

“Yeah, I’m here. I’m just wondering why he’s staying in your house while you’re looking for somewhere to stay.”

I sigh because I’m struggling with this sudden decision too. “You know he has a daughter. I can’t exactly kick her out on the street.”

He tsks, and if I could see him, I imagine he’s nodding at my predicament. “You could. You just won’t.”

“David, it's not her fault her dad’s an asshole. I’m not going to take my issues with Matt out on a four-year-old little girl.”

“You’re a good person, Jess. I’m not sure everyone would be able to do that.”

“What choice do I have?”

He’s silent for a moment, almost too silent and I start to wonder if I lost him again. But then he speaks. “You said it’s a big house, right? Why don’t you just stay there? Make him sweat it out.”

“Hell, no. Not happening. Can you just start looking for a place for me to stay? It doesn’t have to be in town, but close. I’m desperate here.”

“Okay, if that’s what you want.”

“Yes, it’s what I want.”

He falls silent again. David has never met Matthew, but he and Blaire know almost every detail of our relationship—from the day I met him by the creek to the day I found out he married Emily. For reasons I’ve never fully understood, David’s always been in favor of seeing me with Matthew again. But I’d be a fool to even consider that path.

“Spit it out, David,” I blurt out, too anxious to wait for him to tell me what he’s thinking.

“What happened to his wife again? ”

I roll my eyes. He knows what happened to her. “She died in childbirth. Why?”

“Well, if she’s gone, and you and Matt had this great connection, why not see if anything can come of it?”

“Why am I not surprised by this? I’ve given that man so many chances over the years. His chances are done.”

“I understand why you feel that way, but I think you should at least have it out with him. I still think there’s more to the story as to why he married this woman. You should ask him.”

“I don’t need to ask him. Because my Matt, the one that loved me and promised to marry me, would never have married another woman. Not for any reason under the sun. The fact that he did proves he was never really mine in the first place. It was all a lie.”

“I hear you, Jess. I really do. But I’m a guy, and we do dumb shit. All. The. Time. You need closure from this. It’s been five years and you still won’t date. Whether you want to admit it or not, Matt still has a hold on you. Until you have it out with him, I’m afraid he always will.”

God, I hate David and his logic sometimes. He’s right. About all of it. Matthew’s been the only man for me. Despite how many times Matthew told me to date others—to test the waters and make sure my feelings for him were real—I never did. I didn’t need to date other men to know I loved him. I knew the minute I met him that he was my soulmate.

“Now is not the time for that. Right now, all I need is a place to stay. Will you help me search or not?”

He exhales slowly. “Okay. I’ll see what I can find. Stay close to your phone. I’ll call you as soon as I find something.”

“Thanks. Talk to you soon.”

We hang up just as I approach Main Street. The sign for Sweet Cakes and Coffee is the first thing I see, and my stomach immediately growls. It’s almost noon and I haven’t eaten much today.

Food and searching for a place to stay will be a good distraction. After I eat, falling into a soft, comfortable bed sounds ideal. With any luck, I’ll fall asleep and wake up when it's a new day.

I pull my car into a parking space and grab my laptop bag and purse. If they have Wi-Fi, then I can help David search. I don’t need much, just a room with a bed that’s far away from Matthew.

I open the door to Sweet Cakes, surprised there aren’t more people inside. It’s almost lunch time and I expected it to be busy considering its prime tourist season. But most of the tables are open, and there’s only a few guests inside.

I pick a table in the corner, and set my stuff down in one of the chairs. Before I have a chance to head to the counter a woman a few years older than me approaches. She has long dark hair pulled back into a ponytail and a warm smile on her face.

“Hello, there.” Her smile is huge and her eyes radiate happiness. The joy I see in her eyes instantly makes me feel a little better. “Can I get you something? Coffee, pastry, maybe a lunch sandwich?”

“Do you make mocha cappuccinos?” I ask. I don’t indulge in them often, but today I need a pick me up.

“Sure do. Would you like whipped cream on it?”

“No.” I pause and lift my finger in the air. “You know what? Yes, I’d love whipped cream. Thank you.” I glance at the chalkboard menu and quickly read through the lunch options. “And one of those turkey and Swiss croissant sandwiches.”

“Coming right up.” She heads back to the counter, and I plop into the seat like I haven’t sat down in weeks.

I’m completely exhausted, and this visit from hell has just begun. I can’t wait to see how much more interesting things get when Ryan arrives tomorrow. I’m sure he’s got a million reasons—none of which will matter to me—to why he never told me about Matthew buying the house. We may not see each other often, but Ryan and I have remained close since losing our parents. This is something he should’ve told me.

I pull out my laptop and fire it up. While I’m waiting, I glance around the dining area and my eyes find the Wi-Fi sign-in information posted above my table.

The waitress returns with my coffee and sandwich before I have a chance to even log into my computer. “Wow, that was fast. Thank you.”

“No worries. You’re a tad early for the lunch crowd, so you caught me at a down time. Give it another hour and it’ll be standing room only.”

Her kindness makes me smile. “Then I’m glad I’m early. I’m starving.”

She hesitates at my table, and stares at me for a second or two longer than socially acceptable before she says, “Sorry, I don’t mean to stare. But do I know you?”

“It’s possible.” I take a moment to really look at her and she looks familiar too. “I grew up here. Haven’t been home in years, though.”

“What’s your name, sweetie?”

“Jessica Evans.”

Her smile drops, and she reaches out and squeezes my hand. “Of course, you are. Now I see it. I’m so sorry about Uncle Jimmy. He meant so much to this town.”

I smile, fighting back the tears again. “Thanks. I appreciate that.”

“I don’t know if you remember me. I was several years ahead of you in school. But I’m Rachel Foster. Well, used to be Green. I married Ricky Foster a few years after school.”

“Oh, yes. Weren’t you the one that won the bake off at the state fair shortly after you graduated?”

“Yep. That was me.” I don’t know how it's possible, but her smile grows. “That prize money helped me buy this place when Mrs. Kerns decided to downsize.”

My phone buzzes, and when I look down, it's David calling me back. “Sorry, I need to take this.”

“Of course, you enjoy.” She pats my hand and heads back to the kitchen.

I swipe the screen to answer, and hold the phone to my ear. “Please, tell me you have good news.”

“Sorry, Jess. There’s nothing available within fifty miles of that town.”

I drop my head and sigh. “That’s what I was afraid of. What am I going to do? I have to be here. ”

“You know my answer.”

I grumble and drop my head onto the back of my chair. “I can’t. Staying in that house with him will be too hard.”

“Sometimes you gotta do the hard stuff in order to move forward. You’ve been ignoring this thing with Matt for far too long. It's past time you deal with it.”

“I have too many other things to deal with right now. I can’t handle him on top of my uncle’s funeral arrangements. I have to decide what to do with the family business, while still keeping my own business afloat. There is no head space left for him.”

“I’ve got your business covered while you’re gone. There’s not much you have to think about where Flathead Apparel is concerned. So that part of your brain is completely free. Fill it up with him.”

“You’re not helpful.”

He laughs. “Oh, but I am. You just don’t want to admit I’m right about this.”

He’s right. Again . It’s easier to ignore Matthew and lock up my feelings rather than deal with them. “I’m gonna go now. I’ll call you later, okay?”

“Don’t forget what I said.”

“Bye, David.” I hang up before he can respond.

I pick up my sandwich and take a bite. I groan when the buttery croissant hits my tongue. Either this is the best croissant I’ve ever had or I’m that hungry. Regardless, it hits the spot and I start to feel a little better.

Unfortunately, it's not good enough to make me forget about my problem. I’ve been running from this thing with Matthew for years. I know I should talk to him, settle this between us once and for all. But that’s the part that scares me the most. If we settle this—go our separate ways—then it means we’re truly over. That’s the reality I’ve never wanted to accept. I know it's unhealthy, and I’m doing more harm than good to myself, but at least this way there’s still a chance he’s mine. Because he’s supposed to be mine.

I finish my sandwich and start scrolling through a few more rental listings. Maybe David missed one that has an opening. After a few minutes, a shadow passes over me, and someone sits in the chair opposite me. When I look up, my eyes lock with Matthew’s deep green gaze.

“Jess, please. Can we be civilized adults for once, and just talk about this?” His voice is calm, but his words trigger all my inner anger. He’s right, but that doesn’t mean I’m ready for this conversation.