Chapter 17

CHAPTER 17

JESSICA

I park my rental outside The Wine Room and an overwhelming sense of belonging washes over me. Despite Ryan’s insistence that we sell the vineyard, the thought of letting this place go makes me nauseous. No matter what happens between Matthew and me, this is home.

If I stay, I have to sort out my feelings and decide what kind of future the two of us have. I can’t keep kissing him like this—leading him on—without first forgiving him. It’s not fair to either of us.

When we’re together, and he’s kissing me like I’m the only thing he needs to stay alive, I can’t think straight. I lose all sense of reason and logic. I want to forgive him and try to make a go at a relationship, but my fear holds me back. He’s hurt me so many times in the past, and if he does it again, I don’t think I’ll survive.

I drop my head to the steering wheel and groan. “You’re such a chicken shit, Jess.”

I’m letting my fear dictate my decisions. I’ve been doing it for years, and I don’t know how to change.

I take a deep breath, grab my purse, and head inside. I’m not going to find the answers today, so I might as well meet with Nick and deal with the vineyard’s business. Maybe once I have a status update, I’ll be better equipped to make a decision about what to do with it .

My shoulders sag when I see Nick waiting for me in the back corner booth—the one where Matthew first kissed me.

“Hey Jessie Cat.” Nick smiles and slides out to give me a hug. “It’s about time you showed your face around here. I was starting to think you’d already given up on us.”

“Nope, just super busy. Between the funeral and keeping my own business afloat, it’s been a little much to maintain.” We sit down, and he starts shuffling around some folders. I let out a deep breath and drop my head back on the seat. I’m exhausted and confused and extremely unfocused today. “Trust me, I would’ve much rather spent time here last week than deal with all the business meetings I had to sit through.”

“Then why do you do it?” he asks.

“What do you mean?” I furrow my brows and frown. “It’s my business. I kinda have to keep things moving forward.”

“I get that, but you sound like you hate it.”

I sit up straight. Every defensive instinct in my body fights to come to the surface. “I don’t hate it. How could I hate something I created? I’ve poured my heart and soul into my company.”

Nick squeezes my hand. “I’m not trying to upset you, Jess. Just trying to understand why you do what you do. You don’t seem happy, and I don’t like that.”

I rub my eyes and sigh. He’s not wrong. I do hate it.

I’m not happy, and I haven’t been for a long time. I was so excited when my business first kicked off. Success was inevitable and fast. At first, I loved every second of it. But as time went on and more and more of my time was sucked into work, my happiness waned. I’ve been doing it for so long now, I don’t know how to not do it anymore.

“I just want to see you happy.” Nick reaches around me and pulls me in for a side hug. “If you’re happy and want to sell, I understand. But before you make that decision, I hope you’ll at least spend some time on the vineyard again. This place is in your blood. You were meant to run it. I still believe that with all my heart.”

I sigh, no longer able to hold onto the lie of my false happiness. “I didn’t even realize how unhappy I am until I got here. But I don’t know how to fix it. ”

He tightens his hold around my shoulder. “Jess, you’ve been here for two weeks. Is your company still running?”

I look up at him, confused. “Yeah.”

“Is it falling apart? About to crumble to the ground and cease to exist?”

“Well … no.”

“And why is that?”

I narrow my eyes. “I see what you’re trying to do.”

“Well, am I right?” He smiles and waits for me to answer.

“I suppose. I have great people working for me. And someone I trust to keep the company moving forward if I’m not there.”

“Then what’s the problem? Sounds to me like you’re in the position to grab hold of your happiness and own it. All you have to do is decide to take it.”

“You’re right.” A lightness settles over me unlike anything I’ve felt in years. Could it really be that simple? It sure as hell doesn’t feel like it. “Why does it feel so complicated, though?”

“It’s only complicated if you make it that way.”

“But Matt and his daughter are living in my house. If I choose the vineyard, then I choose to stay in Watercress Falls. I can’t kick them out. It’s not fair to Emmie.”

“Oh. So Matt is what’s holding you back?” Nick smiles.

“Of course, he is. My decision impacts him greatly.”

“You do realize how much land you own, right? I know you love that house, but if you don’t want to make them move, you can build a new one. Hell, you could convert the back rooms behind us into a living space. Your options are limitless if you only open your eyes to see them.”

My eyes widen as I let his words sink in. I’ve been looking at this through a filtered lens and not seeing all the possibilities before me. If I stay, I don’t have to live in my house. I just have to decide what’s more important to me—hanging onto the house for the memories it holds or Emmie’s happiness. “You’re right. I wasn’t thinking about it that way. Thanks.”

“Anytime kiddo.” He kisses the top of my head and picks up one of the folders on the table. “Now, what do you say we get down to business? ”

I nod. For the first time in two weeks I feel like I might have some answers to all my questions. Nick’s right, I don’t have to be the one running the day-to-day operations of my company. I have no doubt David would be more than happy to step up and take over in my place. He’d do a fantastic job at it, too.

Hopefully, David will be fully on board with a drastic change in leadership.

My jaw drops when I pull up outside Adam’s office. I knew he was a talented architect, but I’ve never actually seen any of his work. His office blends perfectly in with the mountain landscape. The way it flows with the natural curves and slopes makes it look like it belongs here. Even the stone used matches the rocky slope behind it. It’s remarkable and just might be one of the most beautiful buildings I’ve ever seen.

As I’m getting out of my car, Adam steps outside. “Hey, Jessie Cat. I’m glad you called.”

He pulls me in for a tight hug which I gladly return. “Thanks for seeing me on such short notice. I know you’re busy.”

“I am, but I’m never too busy for family.” My smile fades and I drop my eyes to the ground. I know he didn’t mean anything by it, but his remark about family makes me sad. Because he should be family—my brother-in-law—but he’s not. He must sense my thoughts because he lifts my chin and smiles. “Hey, none of that. You’ve always been more like family, even before you and Matt started dating. Don’t ever think otherwise.”

“Thanks, that means a lot to me. Especially now that …” My voice cracks, and I can’t get myself to finish that statement. My last remaining blood relative may be my brother, Ryan, but Adam is right. Family comes in all forms and the Langdons have always been more like family than friends.

“So, what did you want to talk to me about?” Adam opens the door to his office and waves me in. I’m grateful for his quick change of subject and steering it back to the reason I came in the first place.

“I wanted to talk to you about converting some of the space behind The Wine Room into living space, and maybe even designing a house on my property.”

He stops and turns to face me. “Does this mean you’re staying?”

I smile and twist my fingers together. I haven’t told anyone except Nick yet of my plans. I’m a little nervous about how Matthew is going to take it. “I am. I want to keep the vineyard. It’s always been my dream to run it. It’s time I start living for myself.”

He smiles and pulls me into a hug. “That’s great to hear. It’ll be good to have you back permanently.”

“Thanks. But I haven’t told Matt yet. Do you mind keeping this between us until I talk to him? This news should come from me.”

“Of course.” He releases me, and the joy in his eyes vanishes. “But why build a new house? You already have one.”

I drop my head and sigh. “I can’t kick Matt and Emmie out. Not after getting to know Emmie. That’s her home now. I can’t break her heart by making them leave. Not when I have other options.”

Adam nods and pinches his lips together. He’s got that big brother look of disappointment in his eyes that says he doesn’t agree with my decision. “Adam, I can’t stay in that house with him. If I’m going to stay in Watercress Falls, I need my own space.”

“I get it, but the selfish side of me was hoping for a different outcome. Despite everything that’s happened, you and Matt belong together. But if your own space is what you need, I’m happy to help you out.”

“Thanks. I appreciate that. A lot has happened, and I’m not saying there’s no chance for Matt and me. But I’m too emotional to jump back into this thing with Matt too fast. My own space will help me think and work it all out.”

“Okay.” He pats my shoulder and leads me toward his desk. He sits behind it and waves to the chair opposite him. “Tell me what you want, and I’ll squeeze it in.”

“I don’t need much for now. There are several offices and storage rooms behind The Wine Room. If we can convert some of those to living space—a bedroom, bathroom, and small living room—that would be great. I can use the bar’s kitchen, so I won’t need that.”

“All sounds doable.” Adam makes a few notes before he pulls out a calendar. “This shouldn’t take too long to do. What kind of time frame are you hoping for?”

“Well, I’ll have to head back to Seattle soon to take care of business and pack my apartment. I have no clue when I’ll leave or how long I’ll be gone. But it would be nice to at least have a bedroom when I get back.”

“I’ll see what I can do to make that happen. The bathroom will take the longest. It depends on the plumbing and how much piping we need to put in. But once I’m able to start, it should take no more than a month at most.”

“That sounds awesome. Thank you.”

“Of course.” He makes a few more notes before he clasps his hands together and looks up at me. “Do you have time to pick out what you want in the bathroom before you leave?”

“I trust you. Just get something nice that’s readily available. It’ll be a temporary home anyway.”

“You got it. That’ll make it go even faster. As soon as I have a start date, I’ll let you know.” We both stand and he walks me back out to the front. When we reach the exit, he holds the door open for me and sighs. “You know, he bought a ring for you.”

I gasp. “What? When?”

“Before he went to your last graduation. He saved up for months to buy an engagement ring for you. He planned on asking you to marry him after you walked. When he left here, he was so excited. We all were. Even your parents knew. He was very old fashioned about how he handled it. He asked your dad for permission. When he returned, he wasn’t the same. All he said was that you two weren’t getting married, ever. Whatever happened when he was in Seattle that weekend, it broke him. We tried to get him to talk about it, but he wouldn’t. Next thing we know, he’s dating Emily.”

Tears sting my eyes as I recall what Matthew said about that weekend. “He saw me with David and misunderstood our relationship. He thought I was dating him.”

“And you weren’t?”

“No. He’s always been a great friend and business partner, nothing else. He was even married then. We graduated together. Matthew saw me walk out with David’s arm around my shoulder. He jumped to conclusions. He didn’t bother asking me about him. I didn’t even know he saw that until he told me recently.”

Adam takes a deep breath and crosses his arms over his chest. “That makes sense. That was at a time when he still struggled with his self-worth. It was probably a blow to any progress he’d made.”

I shrug and struggle to keep my eyes dry. “Not much I can do about that now. What’s done is done.”

“I suppose, but that doesn’t mean it’s too late for you two.”

“Maybe, maybe not.” I pull Adam in for another hug. “Thanks for telling me this. I have no clue what to do with it, but it does make me feel a little better.”

“Good. I wasn’t sure if I should say anything. Maybe I’m being selfish, but I want to see you two together.”

We say our goodbyes and I head back to the house.

For the first time, I’m finally starting to see my own role in why Matthew and I didn’t work out. I should’ve been more open with him about my life in Seattle. I hid so much from him because I was afraid he’d think he wasn’t good enough for the life I was creating. Turns out, he thought that anyway, despite my efforts. If anything, my secrets only made it worse.