Chapter 11

CHAPTER 11

JESSICA

I rush into the guest room to start gathering my things with David and Blaire on my heels. I can tell they both want to ask me about Matthew’s reaction to meeting them, but I don’t want to talk about it. Especially not with an audience. Besides, I don’t exactly understand his reaction either.

With the click of the door, I squeeze my eyes close. I count to ten to calm my nerves before I turn around. David is standing by the door with his arms crossed over his chest wearing a scowl. Blaire just looks worried.

“Question.” David steps toward me. “I don’t want to make this time harder for you than it already is, but why did Matt look at me like he wanted to beat the shit out of me?”

I drop my head into my hands and fight back tears. “I don’t know. He’s never met either of you before. His reaction makes no sense.”

Blaire steps up behind me and wraps her arms around me. “Honey, his reaction suggests otherwise. No man looks that protective and territorial over a stranger.”

“But that’s impossible. I think we’d all remember meeting. He so rarely came to Seattle, and when he did, we never exactly went out.”

“Sounds to me like you two have a lot more to talk about than just this house. There’s something else going on there, Jess.” David lets out a low breath and shakes his head. “I really don’t like being at the other end of a man’s fist, especially when I’ve no clue why.”

“Don’t be so dramatic. Matt would never hit you.”

David’s head snaps up and his eyes widen. “Are you sure about that?”

Blaire rests her hand on David’s chest and some of the frustration inside him deflates. He meets Blaire’s gaze and nods. Blaire looks at me, her eyes calm and soothing. “Can I ask why you never told him about us? We became friends before you started grad school. That seems like something you’d tell the man you thought you were going to marry.”

I toss my head back and stare at the ceiling, unsure where to begin or even if they’d understand my reasonings. “You have to understand where Matt comes from. He had a lot of insecurities about our future together. The reason he broke it off with me the first time was because he was so certain I’d meet someone better than him in college. He wanted to give me the chance to meet that person and be with them if that’s what I wanted.

“No matter how many times I told him I didn’t want anyone else, he never listened. I was afraid if I told him about you two, he’d think I moved on—found new friends and a new life that didn’t include him. I couldn’t risk doing anything to cause him to pull away more than he already had.”

“So, you kept this entire side of your life a secret from him?” David asks.

I nod. “You saw what happened after I told him about the investors and the business start-up. After my graduation, I was so excited. I told him everything that was happening. He slowly pulled away from me after that. By the time he was done with vet school, we were hardly talking anymore. My worst fear had become reality.”

“I get that, I really do.” David paces in front of the door, clearly not happy with my past actions. “But we’re your friends, Jess. Let’s say things worked out with you and Matt. Did you ever plan on introducing us to him?”

“Of course, I did. I just needed to make sure he wouldn’t pull away from me first. I’ll be the first to admit, it probably wasn’t my brightest idea, but I was scared of losing him.”

“Newsflash, Jess. You did lo—”

“David, that’s enough.” Blaire holds her hand up to David before she pulls me into a tight hug. “There’s more going on here, Jess. I’m certain of it. You owe it to yourself, and to Matt, to figure it out. I hope you decide to talk to him.”

I let out a deep sigh and nod. “I’ll give that some thought. For now, let me take my stuff upstairs. I probably already have a full house.”

When I come back downstairs, the entire Langdon family plus several of my friends from high school are gathered in the kitchen. Ryan is hanging out in the living room with several of his friends plus a couple of the Strong siblings. I think I see Noah Strong, he’s a couple years younger than me, and one of the Strong twins, Iris or Cassia, but I don’t know which one. I never could tell them apart.

Emmie’s eyes light up when she sees me. She immediately runs toward me. “Jessica, I missed you. Will you be here more now that today is over?”

“Um.” My body stiffens as she wraps her arm around my waist and stares up at me with those familiar big green eyes.

“Emmie,” Matt scolds. “What did I tell you about giving Jess some space while she’s here?”

Emmie tightens her hold around me. It’s a nice gesture but one that confuses me. My interactions with her have been so little since I’ve been here and her attachment to me now seems unwarranted. Then again, she’s only four. I’ve no clue how four-year-olds view new people that enter their lives.

I squat down in front of her so I’m level with her face. “Sorry, I’ve been busy. But yes, I expect to be around more. I still have a lot to take care of, but we should be able to go riding before long.”

Emmie clasps her hands. “On a big horse? Please say I can ride a big horse.”

I chuckle at her relentless attempts to ride anything but the pony I hear she has. “That’s entirely up to your daddy. You have to follow his rules.”

Emmie’s smile fades. She already knows her daddy’s response without asking. I pinch her little nose before standing. “Just keep working on him, he’ll eventually give in. My Daddy did.”

She mumbles something I don’t understand and turns to leave the room. I can’t help but smile at her persistence. She reminds me so much of myself at that age. I head over to the table where Gracie Strong, my best friend from high school, is sitting at the table with Leann and Adam, and a woman I don’t recognize.

“Hey Jessie Cat.” Adam stands and gives me a hug. “It’s so good to see you, again. We’ve missed you around here.”

“I’ve missed you guys, too. It’s definitely good to be back.”

“Word is you’re thinking about staying. Is that true?”

I scrunch up my face and shrug. “Thinking about it. I don’t want to sell the vineyard, and if I keep it, I’ll need to be here. But there’s a lot to consider before I make a decision.”

“I imagine there is. Whatever you decide, just don’t forget, we’re all here for you.”

“Thanks. That means a lot to me.” Adam was always more like a brother than a neighbor. He looked out for me long before Matthew came to live with them. I’ve missed him and the rest of the Langdons more than I’ve allowed myself to acknowledge.

He turns to the woman sitting next to him. “Did you meet Camille earlier today?”

“No, I didn’t.” I reach out to shake her hand, but she pulls me in for a hug instead.

When my body stiffens, she chuckles. “Sorry. I guess I’ve lived here long enough now that I hug everyone.”

“That’s okay.” I smile and let myself relax in her embrace. “You’d think I’d be used to that since I grew up here. So, how do you know Adam?”

“Well, I hired him to renovate the chalet I bought and now we live together.”

For the first time since I arrived my smile feels genuine. I look at Adam and he’s wearing the same big grin. “You mean you two are together?”

“Yep.” He pulls Camille closer and kisses her cheek.

I clasp my hands in front of my chest and bounce on the balls of my feet. “I’m so happy for you. If anyone deserves to find happiness, it’s you.”

Adam glances over his shoulder at Matthew. To my surprise, he’s talking to David, and it looks like they’re having a pleasant conversation. I search the room for Blaire and she’s standing across the island from David. She turns toward me like she knows I’m watching and shrugs. I shouldn’t be surprised to see David seek out Matthew and make whatever was wrong earlier right.

“You know, I’m not the only one who deserves happiness,” Adam says, dragging my eyes back to him. He kisses Camille again, and the way she nods at him is like a secret conversation only they can hear. Matthew and I used to have that. Seeing it between Adam and Camille makes me sad. He releases her and wraps his arm around my shoulder, leading me away from the group.

“Adam.” I drop my head into my hand and rub my forehead. “I know what you’re suggesting, but it hurts too much to be near him.”

“Of course, it does. It always hurts when two people who love each other as much as you two do fight to stay apart.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“It never is. I realize I don’t know what happened between you two, but I know he loves you. And from what I see in you, you still love him, too.”

“Yeah, well,” I wipe a rogue tear off my cheek, “love isn’t always enough.”

“That’s where you’re wrong. Love is always enough. Love is everything. You have to fight for the ones you love. Go to the ends of the earth and back again if that’s what it takes.”

His words hit me hard. Tears stream down my cheeks, and I’m struggling to not completely fall apart in front of Adam and whoever else is close enough to see me.

Adam reaches for me and pulls me close. “Oh, Jess. I didn’t mean to upset you. You know you’ve always been like a sister to me. I just want to see both of you happy. That’s never gonna happen unless you give each other a chance.”

“But how can I after everything he’s done? I don’t think I can ever forgive him.”

“Sure you can. You love him. That’s a fact you can’t deny. Lucky for you, love and forgiveness go hand-in-hand.”

I don’t have anything to say to that because deep down there’s a part of me that knows he’s right. Instead, I let him hold me until I stop crying.

I finish curling my hair and take one last look at myself in the full-length mirror on the back of my door. My long blond hair hangs in loose curls past my shoulders. I decided to wear my favorite white dress. It’s a halter style dress with a deep V that shows lots of cleavage. Add the A-line fit under my breasts and the flowy skirt that hits just above my knees and this dress accentuates all my best features. Not that I care that my features are on display. It’s not like I’m trying to catch anyone’s eye.

Keep telling yourself that, Jess.

I let Gracie and Leann talk me into a night out at Stocks and Stables. According to Gracie, it's still the place to hang out on a Friday night. She said everyone comes out to dance and drink a few beers to unwind after a work week—even Matthew. So yeah, I might be getting dressed up for him.

After David and Blaire left yesterday, I decided to stay in my old bedroom. It’s closer to Emmie’s and Matthew’s bedrooms, making it harder to avoid them, but it feels more like home. Emmie likes having me across the hall from her. She sneaks into my room when she knows I’m in here and talks my ear off about horses. She’s a sweet kid, and as much as it pains me to admit, I’m starting to really like her. She’s wormed her way into my heart, making it a lot harder for me to decide what to do about the house.

Ryan left this morning. He had to get back to his team before their next game. I wish he could’ve stayed longer. It was nice spending time with him. I hope we do a better job at making time for each other moving forward.

He thinks I should sell the house to Matthew. He also isn’t opposed to selling the vineyard, but I don’t think I can do it. The vineyard was always my dream, not his. Despite the success of my outdoors apparel company, it's still my dream. It’ll be an adjustment, and my role in my company will have to change, but I know I can do both.

There’s a loud knock on the front door downstairs, and I check the time. It’s almost seven. We plan on grabbing dinner before we head to Stocks and Stables. I thought Matthew would be home long before now, and I’d see him before I left. A tinge of disappointment washes through me, and I scold myself for even thinking like that. I need to stop thinking about him so much and push him out of my mind, but I can’t seem to get Adam’s words out of my head.

Love and forgiveness go hand-in-hand.

Is it really that simple? I doubt it, but it's a nice notion, nonetheless.

Walking into Stocks and Stables on a Friday night is like going back in time. I’d hardly recognized the place when it was set up for Uncle Jimmy’s service, but now it looks just like I remember. Same stage with a live band playing hit country songs, crowded dance floor of mostly girls attempting the latest country line dance, and a bar lined with cowboys watching the girls shake their hips.

I don’t see him, but I know Matthew is here. I can feel him. I’ve always been able to feel when he’s nearby. Even that first day by the creek when he tried to steal my horse, I felt someone’s presence.

I follow Gracie and Leann toward an empty table along the wall. It’s close to the dance floor and is positioned so we can see most of the bar without obstruction. I instinctively search the large open room, seeking one thing. My eyes land on his, and I suck in a breath. Matthew is standing at the bar with his arms crossed over his chest and his eyes glued to mine. Even from here I can see the heat in his eyes. My body has a mind of its own and my thighs clench together. I ache for this man. Every inch of my body still wants him, and only him, despite his betrayal.

“Earth to Jessica,” Gracie calls from behind me. I turn around and she and Leann are both staring at me with knowing grins. “You good with a pitcher of beer?”

“Sure, that’s fine.” I take a seat beside Gracie. The waitress finishes with our order and leaves.

When I look up, Gracie and Leann are still staring at me. “What?”

Gracie shrugs and glances at Leann who leans forward with a grin on her face. “We’re just wondering how long you’re going to put yourself through this?”

“Put myself through what?”

“Denying yourself Matt,” Leann says in a very matter-of-fact tone. “It’s so obvious you still love him. And I know for a fact he still loves you. What I don’t understand, none of us actually, is why you two aren’t together?”

I cover my face with my hands and muffle a groan. From the way everyone’s been acting, I can only assume Matthew never told anyone what really happened between us. When I remove my hands, they’re both staring at me like they’re waiting for an answer. “Listen, Matt’s the one that broke up with me. He’s the one that went off to vet school, met another woman, and then married her. It’s kinda hard to be with someone when they marry someone else.”

“Did you ever ask him why he married Emily?” Leann asks.

I start to reply but Joseph walks up to our table with Matthew and another guy I don’t know. “Evening ladies,” Joseph says as he squeezes a chair in between me and Gracie. “Y’all feel like dancing?”

I roll my eyes and do my best to pretend Matthew isn’t standing behind me. The other guy with them sits down next to Leann and reaches out a hand. “Hi, I’m Sam. I don’t believe we’ve met. I work on the ranch with Joe.”

I take his hand and smile. “Nice to meet you.”

Before I have a chance to say anything else, Gracie and Leann jump up. “Come on, guys. Let’s go.” Gracie grabs Joseph’s hand and Leann grabs Sam’s and they head to the dance floor, leaving me alone with Matthew.

“Real subtle,” I yell after them. Gracie turns to me with a mischievous grin and waves her fingers in a playful motion.

Matthew slides into the seat beside me just as the waitress brings us our pitcher of beer. She sits a full mug in front of me. I pick it up, and down half of it in one drink. If I’m going to be forced to be near Matthew tonight, I’m going to need some liquid courage.