Chapter 9

CHAPTER 9

JESSICA

Y esterday was the longest day of my life. Not the worst, but definitely the longest.

The worst day of my life was coming home for my parents’ funeral only to find out that the one person whose comfort I needed most married another woman the weekend before. I’m not sure there’s anything that could top that emotional roller coaster. Although yesterday was pretty damn close.

I stop next to the large oak tree in the backyard and lean against it. Glancing around the property, I’m hit with so many memories growing up here—most good, some bad. I’ll treasure all those memories for the rest of my life, but I’m hit with the realization that I don’t know if I can handle living here again. I always thought I’d come home to stay, but now I’m not so sure.

After my parents died, I still thought of this house as mine. Sure, I was hurting—who wouldn’t be after losing both parents and the man they loved in one week? But I never expected running away would become permanent.

Even after Matthew broke up with me before we left for college, I still planned on coming home and marrying him. I saw him every holiday and break. Even though he broke up with me, he still made love to me like I was his forever. And I let him. I understood his struggle with self-worth. I held onto the truth that one day he would marry me. Our time in college was nothing more than a temporary setback. I believed that with all my heart. Up until the time he married Emily.

Being back home is harder than I expected. I didn’t expect to still love Matthew so fiercely after all this time. There’s a part of me that hates him—hates what he’s done—and I certainly don’t trust him. How could I after how he broke me? But all the pain, and hurt, and heartache hasn’t even come close to diminishing my love for him. He’s my soulmate.

With my letters clutched to my chest, I grabbed Matthew’s hand. “Come on, let’s go out by the big tree.”

We ran out the back door and across the backyard. Matthew has his letters, too. We applied to the same two colleges, University of Washington and University of Minnesota, and we got our letters for both schools this week.

We decided to wait and open them together. The anticipation of not knowing and being so close to the decision that would affect the next four years of our lives was agonizing. If we didn’t get accepted into the same schools, I swear I’d die.

He really wanted to go to Minnesota. I didn’t care which school we went to as long as we were together. The thought of being apart from Matthew was too painful.

When we reached the tree, I pulled him behind it so we were hidden from view. We came back here a lot and made out. It was far enough away from the house that as long as we were behind the wide base of the trunk, no one could see or hear us.

He pressed me against the tree and kissed me. Damn, could this boy kiss. Hard. Soft. Wet.

I parted my lips and his tongue dove into my mouth and every inch of my body went up in flames. Even after four years of kissing this boy—or man now, he was definitely all man now that we’re eighteen—every kiss with him felt like the first kiss. His lips always left me all tingly inside and aching for more.

He broke away first and dropped his forehead to mine. “Shall we read our letters?”

I nodded, still too breathless to speak.

He stepped back and pulled his letters from his pocket. Mine were still in my hand and a little crumpled after that kiss. “Which one should we open first?”

“Washington.”

Our eyes met, and we nodded in unison. We ripped open the ends and pulled our letters out. Hesitating at the same time, we both took a deep breath before unfolding them. I scanned mine quickly and smiled when I read the word congratulations. I got in.

When I looked up at Matthew, my smile quickly faded. He stared at his letter with a scowl. “Well?”

“I didn’t get in, you?” He still didn’t look up at me, and that made my heart ache.

“I did, but hey, there’s still Minnesota. Let’s open those.” He nodded but he didn’t look so sure.

We opened those letters even faster and as soon as I read the first line, my eyes welled up in tears. After carefully reviewing your application, we regret to inform you that we are not offering you admission to the University of Minnesota.

I looked up at Matthew, his eyes glued to his letter with a huge grin on his face. “Oh, my God. You got in.” I shoved my letters into his chest and ran. I ran as hard as I could into the forested area that separated our family's property. There was only one place I wanted to be right now.

I heard him calling after me—no doubt he was following me—but I didn’t stop. I couldn’t. My entire world just crumbled around me, and I didn’t know what to do. How could I leave him in the fall? I couldn’t. There was no way I could survive four years apart from him.

I reached the big rock next to the creek and fell to my knees. The jar from hitting the hard surface shot through my body but I didn’t feel a thing. I’d pay for that later, especially since I was wearing a dress, and nothing was covering my legs.

A few seconds later, Matthew slid in behind me and wrapped his arms around me. “We’ll figure this out, baby. I promise.”

“But it's four years, Matt.” I spun around until I was straddling his lap. “I won’t survive four years away from you.”

“Sure, you will.” He brushed my hair behind my ear and gently kissed me. “It’s not ideal, but we’ll survive anything and everything this world throws at us. We’re soulmates, remember?”

I threw my arms around his neck and hugged him close. “I’ll never forget.”

“And I’ ll never let you.” His mouth found mine in a hard, claiming kiss. I melted into him as his hands ran down my back and cupped my ass. He pressed me closer to him; his need for me rock hard between his legs. When he rolled his hips and ran his velvety tongue down my neck, the ache between my legs intensified.

I couldn’t imagine a time when I’d never want this man. He was my everything. As much as it was going to suck, he was right. We’d survive this separation. It was only four years. And when compared to the rest of our lives, that would be nothing.

“Make love to me, Matt. Remind me how much we belong together.”

He growled against the tender skin of my neck, sending every nerve ending in my body into overdrive. “Fuck, yeah. We belong together. You’re mine, always.”

“Always yours, always mine,” I whispered.

With one hand, he pulled the strap of my dress and bra down, exposing my breast. He sucked my nipple into his mouth hard and gave it a gentle bite just like I loved. His other hand slipped between my legs and under my panties. He slid two fingers down my slit and pushed inside me.

I threw my head back and moaned. “Please tell me you have a condom.”

“Yes.” He released me just long enough to pull his wallet from his back pocket. While he fumbled to dig it out, I undid his jeans and grabbed his cock. He was so hard and thick and ready to fuck me.

Desperate to have him inside me, I quickly stood and slipped my panties down my legs. I tossed them aside and waited until he had the condom on before I repositioned myself on top of him.

Normally, we took sex slow. Him gently caressing my clit or pumping his thick fingers inside me while I stroked him. After a lot of heavy petting, sometimes I’d take him in my mouth or he’d fuck me with his tongue, but right now I needed him inside me.

I slid down on top of him in one swift movement. We both groaned once he was fully seated inside me. He didn’t give me a chance to start riding him. Instead he grabbed my hips and held me in place while he thrust into me fast and hard.

It was the fastest he’d ever given me an orgasm. I came so hard around him everything else blurred and all that remained was him and me together forever.

Once we’d both come back down from our release and our breathing slowed, he cupped my cheeks and kissed me. “Make no doubt about it, Jess. One day I will marry you.”

The light crunch of feet walking across the grass pulls me out of my memory. I shake my head and groan. “Can you not follow me for once?”

“Well, geez thanks. I thought you’d be excited to see me.”

My head pops up at the sound of my brother’s voice. “Oh, my God, Ryan.” I jump up to my feet and throw my arms around him. “Sorry. I thought you were Matt.”

“Nope, not Matt. He had to get to work.” Ryan squeezes his arms around me and picks me up off the ground. “It’s good to see you, Sis.”

“You, too.” I pat his back and smile. Ryan and I have always been close, but with our careers, getting together has been difficult. He’s always traveling with his team and I’m always busy with meetings and fundraisers. “How long’s it been? It feels like I haven’t seen you in forever.”

“It has been forever.” Ryan puts me down, and we both sit under the tree. “It's been at least a year, I think.”

“Damn, that’s too long. We’re gonna have to do better than that.” If Ryan and I don’t change our priorities, even a little, our lives will be over, and we won’t know each other anymore. That’s unacceptable. “We’re the only family we have left. I don’t want to miss out on your life.”

“I know.” Ryan looks away from me. His eyes are full of sadness. “Losing Uncle Jimmy really puts everything into perspective, doesn’t it.”

“It does.” Not that I think acknowledging this fact will change anything. Ever since Ryan was drafted to the majors, he spends most of the year traveling with his team. It’s not like I can get away from Seattle often. I can’t exactly run my business on the road.

“I know what you're thinking, Jess.” He shifts his gaze to mine but looks away quickly. “That we don’t have the time. But I’m thinking we need to start making the time.”

“Yeah. You’re right. That would be a hell of a lot easier if we had a central location to call home. Say something like this house.” He cringes at my tone. He knows what I’m about to say. “Why would you agree to sell, Ryan? This is our home. I can’t believe you knew about this and didn’t tell me.”

“I tried, Jess. Several times in fact. Any time I brought up Matt, you’d shut me down.”

“You should’ve tried harder.”

“Seriously? How many phone calls from Uncle Jimmy did you ignore? You even ignored me.”

“I didn’t ignore you guys. I’ve been busy.”

“Yeah, I get that. You’re a successful business owner. You’re always gonna be busy. But no busier than I am with my team, and I still called you. Your busy work schedule isn’t the reason you ignored us, and you know it.”

“You always wanted to talk about Matt. And I didn’t want to hear his name.”

“We only brought him up because of the house. None of this would’ve been a shock if you’d answered just one of our calls and given us the chance to speak.”

“So, you’re saying this is all my fault. That’s rich.”

“No. I’m just saying you should talk to me more. Let me help you with all this.” He reaches for my hand and gives it a gentle squeeze. “You’re not alone, Jess. You should even talk to Matt. It might help.”

“How can talking to Matt help?”

“Might help you not be so angry all the time. It’s worth a try, at least.”

I am angry. Very angry. And hurt. I haven’t talked to anyone except David and Blaire about Matthew. It’s easier talking to them about him than it is Ryan. As much as I hate it, Ryan and Matthew are still friends. There’s always going to be some part of him that defends Matthew and the decisions he made.

And that hurts even more.

“I don’t want to sell the house. We grew up here. This is all we have left of Mom and Dad.”

“Nah, this is just a place.” Ryan holds his hand over his heart. “Mom and Dad are right here. They go everywhere with me. They go everywhere with you, too. You just have to open your eyes and see it. ”

I shift my gaze away, unable to look at the pain in his eyes. He’s being vulnerable with me right now, and I’m angry at how easily he can disregard the home we grew up in. Ryan and I hadn’t really talked about how we felt about losing our parents either. We’d been there for each other, silently providing support, but we didn't talk about it.

“So, you’re on Matt’s side?” The words came out clipped and laced with all my anger.

“This isn’t about sides.” I start to pull away, but he doesn’t let me. He grabs a hold of me and pulls me into a bear hug. “I will always be on your side. We may not always agree on matters, but that doesn’t mean I’m not here for you.”

I nod, and for the first time today, I have to fight back tears. I've been good so far at keeping my emotions in check. Leave it to my brother to drag it all back out again.

“Come on.” He releases his hug and pats my back. “Let’s go get all this hard stuff taken care of. I take it we need to go to the funeral home, and start making all the arrangements?”

“Yeah, I didn’t make it there yesterday.” I wipe my eyes as we stand. “How long are you here for?”

“For however long this takes. I told my coach at least a week, but if it takes longer, then I’ll stay longer.”

Hearing him say those words brings back my tears. I pull him in for another hug and let him be there for me. It feels good to lean on someone else for a change. I’ve been the only one holding myself up for so long, I almost forgot what family support feels like.

“Thanks, Ryan. That means a lot to me.”

He wraps his arm around my shoulder and kisses the top of my head as we head back to the house. He’s tall and broad and his arms feel strong and safe. When did my baby brother get so grown up?