Epilogue II

EPILOGUE II

DOMHNALL

We barely make it to the hotel room before I tear all Anna’s clothes off again.

She seems sure of what will happen when I meet this alter of hers, but all I know is that I want the girl I’ve loved since I was seventeen, in any way, shape, or form she comes in.

I push her against the door and snatch both of her wrists, slamming them to the door beside her head.

She grins back at me as I press my groin against hers to pin her there.

“Were you hard all throughout dinner?”

“Of course I fucking was.”

Her grin gets bigger.

Fuck, I’ve missed her. This year without her has been one of the hardest years of my life, and that’s fucking saying something.

“What do you feel right now?” I ask.

“Uh… your big dick.”

I chuckle. “Not that. I mean your feelings. I’m trying to check in. How are you feeling? Like if you had to name the feeling?”

Her eyebrows pop to her hairline. “Who are you and what have you done with Domhnall Callaghan?”

“Ha ha,” I say deadpan. “You aren’t the only one who’s been in therapy. I still think feelings are fecking annoying as shit but apparently they’re important. So name your feelings.”

“You first,” she says stubbornly, even though she’s the one still pinned against the door.

“Fine.” I look up at the ceiling, thinking about that stupid fucking feelings wheel my therapist is always having me look at to name my feelings from. It’s always more helpful to have the damn thing in front of me. But I’m definitely in the yellow or orange section. I’ve stared at that damn wheel enough, I’ve got a lot of the feeling words memorized so I can pick out the ones I need.

“Okay, I’m happy. Excited. Enthusiastic.” I smile down at her and massage the pulse point on her wrist with my thumb. “Curious. Impatient. Aroused. ” I always particularly liked that one, especially now that I get to do something about it more than stare at stolen pictures of Anna.

Her eyebrows bunch as she looks up at me. “How are you so good at this?”

“Come on, don’t tell me they haven’t busted out the feelings wheel in your therapy sessions?”

She huffs out a breath so hard it makes her hair fluff out of her face. It’s fucking adorable and my cock jumps in my pants.

I can’t fucking believe she’s finally here. I grin so big I think my cheeks are gonna fucking bust.

My Mads and me. After all these goddamn years. We finally made it.

“Marry me.”

She gasps, eyes wide, but her smile gets as big as mine.

Then she tugs against where I’ve got her wrists pinned. “Lemme go.”

Alright, not exactly the answer I was hoping for. But I do release her wrists and step back, freeing her.

Then she starts skipping—literally skipping —through the large suite towards the bedroom. “C’mon,” she calls over her shoulder. “Follow me.”

I hurry after her, and when I get to the bedroom, she’s opening the accordion closet doors and walking inside.

“What are you doing ?”

“Close these on me and turn off the light?”

“Mads— Anna. Seriously, what the fuck?” I finally get to the closet and see she’s sitting in the very corner with her arms wrapped around her legs. When she looks up at me, she’s never looked younger or more vulnerable. I immediately want to yank her out of there and pull her into my arms.

“Pull the doors shut and turn off the light.”

“Anna, this is?—”

“I want to marry you,” she says, shutting me up. “But we need her permission, too.”

Fuck.

She was right. This is going to be complicated.

“It doesn’t feel right shutting you up in here like this.”

She shakes her head, obviously impatient with me. “This is just a shortcut to bring her out. I’ve done it dozens of times. It’s okay. Trust me.”

Fucking fuck. She’s scared of the dark. It’s her worst fear.

“Of course I trust you.” I can’t say anything else because I know its what she needs from me. And I’ll always give her what she needs, no matter how it kills me. Wasn’t that what this whole last year was about?

I thought that would be it, though. One great sacrifice, and then I’d be done. Some part of me actually thought, despite the bullshit I spew in therapy, that I could take up the reins again once Anna was back and be master of my own destiny again.

Fuck. This is going to be forever, isn’t it? I’m never going to feel that sense of control I did back when I was numbing all emotions and keeping everyone in my life at an arm’s length. I was a miserable fucking bastard, but I thought I was in control. Even if it was an illusion, it was a comforting one.

But… being happy is better. Being in the yellow and orange part of the feelings wheel is better. Letting Anna all the way into my fucked up, gnarly little center is fucking better. Even if it comes with chaos that’s always spinning me off my axis. I want it. I want all of it and all of her.

“Then—” She gestures with her head towards the doors. “What are you waiting for?”

I swallow hard, then close the closet doors on her with her inside.

“Now the lights,” comes her muffled voice. “All of them! And shut the curtains!”

Jaysus fecking Christ.

I hurry so I can get it over with. I yank the blackout curtains shut first, then turn off both bedside lamps we’d left on earlier, the only lights in the room. Finally, I shut the door, leaving the room in total darkness.

How long are we supposed to fucking wait? Standing here in the dark is even freaking me the fuck out?—

A scream comes from the closet.

Fuck!

I pull the door back open so light streams in from the living room, then run to yank open the closet doors.

I’m not sure what I expected to find on the other side.

Anna in tears? Curled up in a ball, completely whacked out and dissociated like that night I found her in the cage?

Instead, I find her sitting in a yoga pose, looking up at me calmly as the dim light falls upon her face.

“Well hello, Domhnall. I’ve waited ever so long to meet you.”