Epilogue III

HER

Domhnall’s chest heaves up and down as he breathes, obviously shocked to meet me even though that was the intent of the little game they were playing.

I climb out of the closet, stretching as I go. The Chicago therapist made us—I’m sorry, not made us, merely intensely suggested that we —take up yoga to help us center ourselves. Even though I’ve informed her I’ve never had a problem being off center, thank you very much.

Domhnall’s hand comes down immediately to help me up and my breath hitches a little as I take it.

I’m embarrassed at the flush that hits me at the contact of his skin against mine.

But god, I’ve dreamed of touching this man for so long.

He pulls me up so we’re face to face, long dark lashes blinking over those piercing blue eyes of his. I can barely breathe at being this close to him.

“Are you okay?”

My hand reaches out to touch his face. It’s him. It’s really him .

But he flinches backwards before my fingers can make contact with his cheek, and it’s like a whip, lashing me. I take a step back from him.

“Playing hide and seek, hmm?” I straighten my shoulders contemptuously. “The girl always was so impatient. I’m sure I would have come out eventually. There’s no need to summon me like a ghost. Next thing I know she’s going to be pulling out a Ouija board.”

Domhnall cracks a smile. “You call Anna the girl ?”

I glare at him primly. “She is. And I don’t see that you’ve grown up all that much since I last saw you, either.”

His eyebrows furrow and then I see pain and shame and devastation wash his features as realization hits him.

“You,” he whispers, crumpling in on himself a bit, though he doesn’t turn away or even move further back from me. “She saw the once, but the rest of the time… it was you stuffed in that old busted-looking footlocker across the room, wasn’t it?”

I blink, trying to swallow back sudden, foolish tears.

I’m not the one who cries.

It’s the girl that cries .

“I had to protect her,” I manage to squeak out. “But I’m fucking sorry?—”

My voice breaks, and the tears I swore I’d never cry break through anyway. “I’m so fucking sorry there was no one there to protect you.”

I expect him to turn away in disgust. To shun me for the fucking disgusting creature I am. I’m the monster’s true daughter.

I took on the sins the girl couldn’t bear—shouldn’t have ever had to bear. I ate them and took them inside me like the sin eaters in those old Appalachian stories.

Then she stayed pure and innocent.

And I just stay soaked in the putrid muck of the monster’s depravity and perversion. The nameless daughter of darkness, rightly shunned by the world. Even by the girl. She hates me, even if lately she claims not to.

I’m a thing no one could love, and I’d cut myself out of her if I could. She deserves better.

So nothing could astonish me more in the world than when Domhnall steps forwards and flings his arms around me, pulling me close to his chest.

“It’s gonna be alrigh’, love. I swear, it’s gonna be alrigh’.”

I inhale his scent and absolutely crumple into him. I’ll just steal this moment. This one moment with him.

“I’m so fucking sorry,” I whisper again.

“It’s alrigh’. I mean, fuck. No, some t’ings will never be alrigh’, but at least we’re toget’er now, love. ”

He squeezes me harder, and the heart I didn’t think I had left shatters into pieces.

It’s the girl he’s calling love, not you , you dumb bitch .

But I don’t fucking care. Because I’m at the helm right now. And I’m the one feeling the arms of the boy I’ve loved since forever around me. So I don’t fucking care if he’s confusing me with her or just the body I’m in.

I lift up and kiss him on the lips. Just a peck. Just to see how he’ll receive it.

Because I’ve been waiting for this man my whole goddamned life and I can’t not take the chance.

He definitely looks surprised. That’s for damn sure. And his chest does that heaving up and down thing again.

But he’s hugging me so I can feel his erection suddenly spring to life. I grin and lift my face close again, giving him the choice.

“I want you,” I whisper low, shifting slightly against his hard-on.

He frowns, still breathing hard. “Is that alrigh’ with—? I mean, have you and Anna discussed?—?”

I grin at him. “Oh we’ve discussed.”

It only took about a month in therapy arguing for us to get on the same page. There were mixed feelings, but in the end, the girl decided fair was fair, and we could share. “Why do you think she pulled the hide and seek trick? She was hoping this could happen sooner rather than later. ”

I drop a hand to slide up his thigh slowly towards his cock.

He immediately snatches my hand away with a firm grip around my wrist, yanking it up towards his chest. He doesn’t let go, and I can see his jaw is clenched.

“Oh you discussed, did you?”

He steps into me, forcing me to back up several steps against the wall. I inhale sharply as he cages me in, grabbing my other wrist and forcing them both up to the wall on either side of my head.

I grin. It’s the same position he had the girl in. A thrill runs up and down my body at feeling it in the flesh instead of just in a fleeting memory.

“We did. She knows I’m the one who likes it a little rough. She knew you and I would have fun together.”

I peek my tongue out through my teeth. Fuck, this is so freeing. I’ve only dreamed of letting myself play this way. Of letting the darkness run free in a way that doesn’t feel bad. I want to be depraved but not evil.

“I want to play in the dark with you,” I beg. “I want you to degrade me. I want you to do every perverted thing you can think of to me, and I want you to make it hurt.”

His hand drops from my left wrist and comes to my throat, eyes lighting with dark fire. “Let’s not run before we can walk, love.”

“Why not?” I hiss. “I’ve been waiting for this my whole goddamn life. ”

His eyes narrow, hand squeezing a little at my throat in a way that thrills me down to my toes. It’s Domhnall. Oh god, it’s Domhnall here in front of me. It’s his strong, firm hand at my throat. I swear I’m about to come on the spot from the tiniest contact and the command in his hold.

“Have you sought this out before? When Anna didn’t know?”

He slides his other hand down my waist to my pussy, giving me plenty of time to pull away. But I don’t. Fuck, I’m so hungry for his hand.

“Did you go seek out other men to fuck you and satisfy this need?”

When he finally touches my center, he’s not shy about it. His hand firmly palms my pussy, and the pressure after all the anticipation lights the firecracker wick.

I shudder against him as I come. Oh god, my first ever orgasm with Domhnall. Oh god, he’s touching my cunt.

He looks so fucking surprised I’m coming from the barest touch, but he doesn’t pull away. He massages me more intentionally as I keep shuddering. Oh fuck, the man of my dreams is making me come.

“Choke me,” I gasp.

His hand at my throat tightens and my orgasm ratchets even higher. I cry out in bliss, shuddering against the wall.

His hard-on spasms against my belly before I finally go limp, blinking lazily up at him.

“No,” I gasp out breathlessly. “I never fucked anyone else. I just watched a lot of porn and bought some ruthless nipple clamps and obscenely large dildos online to shove in all of my holes while thinking of you.”

His hand around my throat squeezes hard before letting go, and his eyes go even darker. “The first you get for free. All the rest, you’ll have to work for.”

“Am I your little slut?” I blink up at him through my eyelashes.

“Is that what you want to be?” One of his thick eyebrows lifts.

“I’m your filthy little slut, and I need to be punished.”

“That, my filthy little slut,” he grins at me, “can be arranged.”

Ten minutes later, Domhnall’s got me tied down naked, bent over one of the fancy dining room chairs. My ankles are tied spread-eagled to the back legs, then I’m bent over the back of the chair and my wrists are tied to the front legs. The rope is soft, made of some sort of silk.

But he’s definitely got me in a position where I can’t move. My head rests against the seat of the chair, and yeah. I’m totally immobilized.

He’s pacing back and forth behind me. I hear the thwack of something smacking his hand. A flogger? A cane? I’m not blindfolded but all I can see is the goddamned chair.

I’m wet with anticipation, and I suspect he knows that. But oh my god. It’s my first scene with Domhnall. I finally get to see him as Sir. I finally get to feel his firm hand of control and the sharp bite of pain that can release these fucking demons inside me.

“Hmm, what does a dirty little slut like you deserve?”

“Everything,” I whisper. “Please, Sir,” I beg. “Ruin me. Destroy me.” Debauch me. Degrade me. Remake me.

Fuck everything the girl’s learned in her stupid therapy sessions. I want to worship Domhnall as my god. In this space, in our play here, he is .

“I want to worship at your feet,” I hiss. “I want to lick your boots. I want to suck on your balls. I want to swallow your cock down my throat and choke on it as you fuck my face. I want to?—”

I screech as a paddle smacks my ass, then writhe in the ropes binding my limbs. “Oh fuck, yes. More. Please, Sir. More .”

“I’m going to make you cry such pretty little tears.” His voice is low. Raw.

I giggle. “You can try, sir.”

Another smack. Oh fuck . That one smarts. I dance in my bonds. “Please may I have another, Sir?”

Oh god, he gives it to me. A paddle right to the bottom of my ass cheek—harder this time but in a way that thrills me so fucking deep .

“Yes!” I scream, not caring who else in the hotel might hear. Domhnall’s richer than god, right? So fuck it.

Suddenly Domhn’s warmth is up against my back as he curls over me, his voice hot in my ear. “This is barely even phasing you, is it?” he mutters darkly.

Fuck, I’m so thrilled by his nearness. And I’m so goddamned wet.

“I love every one of Sir’s touches. However they come.”

“Is that right?” he growls, and a hand drops to squeeze my ass, right where he just paddled me.

I cry out, and almost come again from the pain and his nearness.

He immediately releases me and steps back.

“Fuck you’re a live-wire, aren’t you?”

Then he steps around to the side and I see his hand right before he reaches and grabs my nipple to twist it.

My mouth drops open at the exquisite pain. He just holds it in the twisted position, ruthlessly. I lift up on my toes, my whole body feeling like it centralizes on the pain he’s eliciting in my left breast.

My legs tighten and I let out a little squeak.

“Fuck me,” he mutters darkly. “You’re going to come the second I let this go, aren’t you?

I can only squeak again.

He lets out a huff of a laugh. “And goddamit, I’m so fucking hard right now, my dick could break through a goddamned boulder. ”

He bends down so his hot breath is right in my ear again, his brogue suddenly coming on deep. “So I tell ya what, love. I’m gonna fuck every hole of yours now, so ya know yur mine, just as much as Anna is. And yur gonna come when I fuck your sweet little cunny. And then when I fuck your face. Because now you’ve promised you’ll swallow my cock like a good little slut, well that’s a ticket I’m gonna cash in. And then I’m gonna take yur asshole, because I’m a dirty motherfucker and I want it. So I’m gonna take it. Do ya understand me, slut?”

“As long as you make it hurt, Sir.”

“That’s the right answer, Pet.”

He lets go of my nipple and then spanks me. Hard.

I shudder from the flood of endorphins at him releasing my nipple, but am too distracted by him spanking me to come.

He spanks me once, and then twice.

Then over and over. Unforgiving smacks that have me quickly dancing on my tiptoes again and writhing in my bonds. Especially when he gets me in a spot the paddle already landed. Goddamn, that smarts!

My fingers clench around the ropes binding my wrists as my pussy clenches, so fucking wet. I always suspected it could be like this.

I dreamt about this for years after he was gone. Whenever my father locked me in the closet, or in the box beneath my bed, or in the big barrel out back when it was raining. I’d think of Donny hurting me for my sins and it would make me come in the dark. Just thinking of what his dark touch might feel like. I always thought it meant I was even more fucked up.

But it turns out I’m fucked up just like him.

“Please, Sir,” I beg desperately. Because he said I could only come when he fucked my cunt and my face and my ass, and he’s not doing any of those things right now.

He’s just spanking me like the bad girl I am, making me dance where he’s got me bound up so tight.

“Please. Please —” I whine.

And then I hear the barest noise of a zipper and then the slightest pressure of his chest at my back, his long, thick cock slipping between my spread legs.

He thrusts in my cunt— hard.

The girl has had him all weekend but this is the first time I ?—

I gasp out in such absolute exhilaration and singing freedom and dark pleasure as I clench down all my inner muscles on his cock.

Mine .

He pulls out far too quickly, but then he shoves back in, rougher still.

But not rough enough. He’s forgotten who he’s fucking. Just because it’s the same body, doesn’t mean it’s the same girl .

“Harder!” I shout. “Fuck me like you mean it, Sir, or don’t bother at all,” I call from where I’m bent over the chair.

His next thrust comes at me like a battering ram, and I feel him everywhere as he pounds into me. The chair I’m tied to screeches on the wood of the dining room floor as he sends it forwards several inches with the force of his pounding.

“Yes,” I cry, holding on to the ropes for dear life as I brace for his next thrust.

It’s just as brutal and I love him giving into the monster he always keeps so carefully tucked away inside him. With me he can give into it completely.

“I’m not crying yet, Sir,” I taunt.

“You little bitch. You fucking slut!”

I hear the snick of a knife being released and then feel the taut line of the rope binding my left ankle free, then my right. Sir is soon quickly slicing the ropes binding my wrists, too. He doesn’t bother undoing the knots, he just grabs me by my waist and bears me down to the floor.

“I wish you were wearing mascara,” he mutters.

“It won’t matter, Sir.” I grin up at him as he climbs on top of me, two knees bracing my shoulders down as he sits on me, positioning his huge cock at my lips. “You won’t get me to cr?—”

My words are cut off by him shoving his cock past my lips. In spite of what I know he wants, he tries to take it easy at first. Just pushing his bulbous head past my lips before retreating again.

But that’s not what either of us are here for.

He’s got me pretty severely pinned with his body—careful not to actually lean his weight down in his crouch on top of me—but when he next bobs his cock past my lips, I can lift up just enough to swallow his shaft down my throat.

I look him straight in the eye as I do it and he gasps, likely from how good what I’m doing to him feels.

I wish I had a hand free to squeeze his balls, but that’s not the point of this, is it?

Domhnall gets to be in complete and utter control, for once in his life.

So he snarls in pleasure, grasps hold of my hair to hold my head to the floor, and starts to fuck my face. Well, my throat, really.

I choke on his cock. Spittle pours out the side of my mouth.

And goddamn him, my eyes do tear up and water pours down the sides of my cheeks before he finally lets up so I can gasp for air.

“Such beautiful, beautiful fecking tears, lass,” he growls. “Now cry some more for me.”

He ruthlessly shoves his cock straight back down my throat.

And I take it, pussy clenching in near-bliss as I stare up at him.

My dark-haired god.

My Donny .

He’s giving me everything I ever dreamed of.

I stayed so strong my whole life for this.

So I could break completely and for once in my whole existence, be weak and cry and give myself over to the beautiful boy I watched my father destroy, the one I couldn’t save.

But I can save him now.

Maybe just maybe, all of us can save each other. Together in this twisted knot.

We can play in the dark, and long before I’d die without air because the gentle monster inside Donny is a far, far more benevolent monster than any I’ve ever known before, he pulls back and lets me drag in huge lungfuls of air.

I’m high with it and I spasm deep with a low, groaning orgasm.

“That’s righ’, my beautiful feckin’ girl,” he says, climbing off me and rolling me to my side, hand to my cunt. As he rolls me, he wraps one arm underneath and around my waist.

His middle finger lands right on my swollen clit and his other hand moves up to ruthlessly clamp and twist my right nipple.

I groan low and shudder between his arms wrapped around me, the orgasm only barely begun with the breath-play now amping much higher with the direct stimulation.

His two middle fingers dip inside my sex and I clench around them, but they’re gone almost as quickly and I whine at the loss of them.

Only to realize moments later what he intends when I feel those same fingers rimming my asshole with my own juices.

Domhnall’s hiking my leg up with his elbow moments later and dragging more juices down from my cunt to my ass before I feel his cock lining up there.

I expel a loud breath before his thumb comes back to strum at my clit.

He did promise all three holes, didn’t he?

“Deep breath in, love,” he whispers hot at my ear.

I’ve only just begun to take my deep breath when Donny thrusts forwards and breaches me. Or tries to, anyway.

The forceful thrust only scoots me forwards on the slick wood flooring several inches to the carpeted living room.

I can feel his frustration in the way he grips me and thrusts uselessly several more times.

“Flip me,” I tell him. “Get on top of me and take it. Take everything that’s yours.”

As if unsure, he lets go a little. So I roll to my chest on the soft carpet and spread my legs as wide as I can.

The next second I hear him spit in his hand, and I shudder with the start of another orgasm as I imagine him coating his cock with his own spittle. Then I feel the weight of him climbing on top of me and his heavy cock swinging between my butt-cheeks.

The next time he shoves forwards, there’s nowhere else for me to go.

I take him .

“Yes!” I scream, and then continue howling. In desire. In pain. In release, because yes, the pain has lit the orgasm that started moments ago.

It’s Donny fucking my ass, rutting inside me with harsh, rough thrusts. Over and over until I’m sure he’s splitting me apart like a log with an ax.

But I meant what I said to him at the start of all this.

I want it to hurt.

Pain is a refuge.

Hurt that’s on the outside is something I can scream into and release. Adrenaline follows on its tails and takes me to a higher, sublime place beyond the reach of the dark.

I don’t just cry, I wail and sob, exorcising the demons within me.

And now as he fucks me, one hand clenching my hip and the other on my cunt to hold me in place to absolutely just rut me like an animal—deeper and deeper and harder up my ass—I can fucking feel him through the thin walls of my ass and into my cunt. He’s there in places I have no godly right to be feeling him.

I scream with another orgasm.

Domhnall starts to shout behind me, gibberish and expletives as he thrusts harder than ever, absolutely wild before finally stilling and slumping over on top of me. He’s careful to roll slightly to the side so he’s not crushing me with his weight, but I love that he’s not pulling away.

He’s there, holding me, letting me feel his body completely wrapped around me, and still hard inside me. There is nowhere that I am where Domhnall is not.

“I love you,” he whispers into my hair.

I shudder again beneath him.

Does he know what it means to me for him to say that?

Does he have any clue?

I could die right here and be complete. I could disappear, and give Anna the wholeness I know she wants, finally at peace.

But… I blink my eyes several times… I don’t think I will.

Or maybe it’s because I can’t.

Maybe it’s not a choice either of us was ever capable of making.

He loves me .

Me and Anna, each just shattered pieces of a fractured whole. In the shards of the mirror, I think I begin to see the light grow brighter on the room that is us .

And front and center is our framed picture of the boy.

Donny.

The love of our lives.

You could be called Mads. One of us should be.

I still.

It’s so rare for the girl and I to communicate directly without Dr. Kim to facilitate. Usually we’re too angry at each other.

But here, with half of Domhnall’s weight on top of us, it’s easier to be close to her. Just like she felt closer to me when she was with him even when our father had made her forget me entirely.

The boy loves us, I tell her.

I know he does. He asked us a question. You should give him an answer .

Will we ever be enough? What if he deserves better?

We all deserved better. But now I think we all deserve to be extraordinarily wild with happiness, no matter if that means occasional tough times. So that means we deserve each other.

Well fuck. When did you grow up and get so wise?

When you weren’t looking .

Domhnall rolls all the way off of me and curves me into his chest. “Fuck, you alrigh’? I was too rough there at the end.”

“Yes.”

“Fuck. I’m so sorry, I’m so feckin’ sorry. I’ll never do that to ya again, I swear, I’ll—” He drags his hand down his face and tries to move away, but I only haul him closer, shaking my head.

“Don’t say that!” I cry, throwing my arms around his waist. “That was the best fuck Mads has ever had. Yes , she’ll marry you. I mean, we’ll marry, you.”

My cheeks get hot, which is ridiculous, considering this man literally just fucked me ten ways from Sunday. I’ve got the memories, but I didn’t feel any of the pain. I think that might be more of a Mads-and-Donny thing when they get in a particular mood. I’m a light-pain kind of girl, I think. But I’m happy to let them play in the dark together to let their demons out.

Domhnall’s eyes have been dancing back and forth between mine but they finally settle. “Anna?”

I nod.

“Wait, are you serious?”

“She and I just had a little chat. She finally picked a name. Mads . We’re both the girl you first fell in love with, but it only felt right that some part of us should still have the name. So she’s Mads and I’m Anna now.”

He blinks, and understandably, this is all going to be a little hard for him to follow at first. Shit, it’s happening inside my head, and I barely know what’s going on half the time.

“And you both want to marry me?” he says cautiously.

I nod.

“And the rough sex we just had was okay with ya?”

I lift an eyebrow. “More than okay. Though now that I’ve switched back to Anna, I might demand a massage later.”

A grin breaks out on his face. “I’m so fecking in love with all of ya! You’ve made me happier than I ever coulda hoped ‘a bein’!”

He throws his arms around me.

I laugh with total, absolute abandonment and joy, for the first time believing that everything is really going to be all right. “We love you, too. ”