It’s weird to have a crush on Santa, right?

The whole red suit and beard should’ve been a turn-off, not to mention the reindeer and sleigh. Oh, and his age. The guy’s easily twenty years older than me.

But when I spot the super sexy Santa someone hired for my dad’s bachelor party—don’t ask—I want to sit on his lap and tell him all I want for Christmas is him.

The good news is that Santa—whose real name is Ellery—is into men and, more specifically, me. And he’s not opposed to me sitting on his lap at all. Or taking a ride on…I mean with him. We’re having our own wonderful Christmas time.

With the snow falling and the chestnuts roasting, I’m realizing I want to be with Ellery even after the holiday season ends. But does what we have stand a chance outside the magic of Christmas?