Chapter 15

15

ELLERY

I jolted awake, my hand instinctively reaching for the warm body that should have been beside me. The sheets were cold and wrinkled from my restless night. It had been three days since he’d left, but Boaz’s scent still clung to the pillow, a cruel reminder of what I’d lost. My chest ached as I stared at the empty space, remembering how he’d looked curled up there mere days ago, dark curls splayed across the white linen.

The cabin felt too quiet without Boaz’s constant chatter. I’d gotten used to waking up to his voice, rambling about some new art idea or recounting a weird dream. Now, there was nothing but the faint crackle of the dying fire and the hollow echo of my breathing.

I forced myself out of bed, going through the motions of my morning routine. Coffee first—black and strong enough to put hair on your chest, as my old man used to say. As I waited for it to brew, my gaze landed on the kitchen counter where Boaz had perched last week, swinging his legs as he watched me cook breakfast.

“You know, for such a big, tough guy, you make a mean omelet,” he’d said with that impish grin of his. “Maybe I’ll keep you around for the food.”

The memory hit me like a sucker punch. I gripped the edge of the counter, willing the ache in my chest to subside. This was for the best, wasn’t it? Boaz deserved someone younger, someone who could keep up with his endless energy. Someone who wouldn’t hold him back from the life he should be living.

So why did it feel like I’d ripped out a piece of myself and sent it packing back to LA?

I grabbed my coffee and settled in my armchair. Without thinking, I reached for a chunk of pine and my carving knife. As I worked, memories of Boaz flooded my mind—the way his eyes lit up when he talked about his art, how he’d bounce from topic to topic mid-sentence, and his infectious laugh that could brighten even my darkest moods.

“Christ, kid,” I muttered, realizing what I’d carved. “Can’t even get you out of my head long enough to work.”

I set down the small wooden squirrel, joining the growing collection on my shelf. Each one felt like a tally mark, counting the days since I’d let him walk away.

As I paced the length of the cabin, every corner held another memory. Boaz sprawled on the couch, his iPad balanced on his knees. His laughter echoing from the shower. The way he’d looked spread out on my bed, flushed and wanting, begging me to touch him. How beautifully he’d responded to that spanking.

God, I missed him. Missed his endless chatter, his boundless enthusiasm. The way he’d light up a room just by walking into it. How he made me feel young again, like anything was possible.

I glanced at the clock, wondering what Boaz was doing right now. Probably working on some new commission, fingers flying across his tablet as he created worlds I could only dream of. Or maybe he was out with friends, laughing and flirting, already moving on. The thought made my stomach churn.

What the hell was I doing?

I couldn’t go on like nothing had happened. Couldn’t pretend Boaz hadn’t completely upended my world. I loved that chaotic, beautiful mess of a man. And I’d let him go. I had decided I knew what was best for him without ever giving him a chance to choose for himself.

I was such a fucking fool.

Within minutes, I’d packed a bag, doused the fire, and turned everything off in my cabin.

My heart raced as I yanked open the truck door and climbed in. I had to find him. Had to make this right. I had no idea where in LA Boaz lived…but I knew who did.

The engine roared to life, and I peeled out of the driveway, tires spinning in the snow. The roads were treacherous, but I barely noticed. My mind was filled with Boaz—his laugh, his smile, the way he looked at me like I hung the moon. How could I have been so stupid?

I pushed the speedometer higher, zooming past snow-laden pines. I had to get to Desmond. The old geezer would have Boaz’s address. The only question was if he was willing to give it to me.

I found him in the community center, like I had expected. He was surprised to see me, greeting me with a big smile. He hadn’t heard then. “What brings you here, Ellery? You finally ready to join our Bingo group?”

“Not really.”

“You should. It’s a lot of?—”

“Boaz’s address in LA,” I cut him off, my voice rough with desperation. “Do you have it? I fucked up. I need to find him.”

Desmond’s face hardened. “What did you do?”

My pride didn’t matter anymore. “I fell for him. That’s what I did. And then I sent him away because I decided I was too old for him, that he needed someone better than me.”

“You fucked up, son.”

He wasn’t telling me anything I didn’t know already. “I was wrong. So fucking wrong. I love him, Des. I can’t… I can’t breathe without him.”

Desmond shot me a piercing look. “You’re not gonna hurt him more?”

I shook my head vehemently. “No. I swear to god. I’m all in. Whatever it takes. Just…please. I need to tell him how I feel.”

Desmond studied me for a long moment, his eyes searching mine. I held his gaze, willing him to see the sincerity, the desperation, the love I felt for Boaz.

Finally, he sighed. “Give me your number so I can text the address to you. But, Ellery? You better be sure about this. That kid deserves happiness.”

I nodded. “Thank you. I swear, I’ll make it right.”

“And you realize tomorrow’s New Year’s Eve, right? ’Cause you won’t make it to LA anymore today.”

Whatever. “I’m not starting the new year without him.”

“Good luck!” he called after me as I ran out of the building.

I hit the road right away, putting Boaz’s address in Google Maps. As I pulled onto the highway, the enormity of what I was doing hit me.

I was driving over a thousand miles on the slim hope Boaz would forgive me, would still want me. The rational part of my brain screamed that this was insane. But my heart? My heart knew it was the only choice.

I was going to find Boaz. I was going to tell him I loved him. And come hell or high water, I was going to bring him home.

The steering wheel felt like an extension of my body as I pushed through hour after grueling hour. My eyes burned, my back ached, but I couldn’t stop. Not when Boaz was waiting at the end of this endless ribbon of asphalt.

As the sun dipped below the horizon, painting the sky in hues of orange and pink, I thought about how Boaz’s eyes lit up when he laughed. The memory of his infectious giggle echoed in my mind, a stark contrast to the oppressive silence of the truck cab.

“Damn it, kid,” I muttered, rubbing my tired eyes. “What have you done to me?”

I pulled into a rest stop, stretching my legs and grabbing a much-needed coffee. As I leaned against the hood of my truck, I rehearsed what I’d say to Boaz.

“I’m sorry. I was an idiot. I love you.”

The words felt inadequate, but they were all I had.

Back on the road, the miles blurred togethertogether until I reached the point where I physically was unable to continue driving. I found a motel and crashed hard, sleeping like the dead. When I woke up, I felt surprisingly rested, and after a quick breakfast and filling up my thermos with fresh coffee, I hit the road again.

Traffic was packed for New Year’s Eve, and it took me a long time to finally reach the sprawling suburbs of LA. My heart raced as I navigated the unfamiliar streets, following the GPS directions to Boaz’s address.

It was almost eight in the evening when I pulled up to his apartment building. I sat in the truck, my hands gripping the wheel so tight my knuckles turned white. What if he slammed the door in my face? What if he wasn’t even home?

I forced myself out of the truck, my legs stiff from the long drive. Each step toward his door felt like I was walking through molasses. My heart pounded so hard I could hear it in my ears.

Standing in front of his door, I hesitated. This was it. No turning back now. I raised my hand, took a deep breath, and rang the bell.

The door creaked open, and I gasped. Boaz stood there, a shadow of the vibrant man I’d known in Forestville. His usually bright brown eyes were dull and rimmed with dark circles, his skin pale and drawn. The curls I loved to run my fingers through hung limp and unwashed. He looked like he hadn’t slept in days.

“Ellery?” His voice was barely a whisper, cracking on my name.

The sight of him, so broken and vulnerable, shattered something inside me. My legs gave out, and I found myself on my knees, looking up at him. Tears I didn’t know I had left after the long drive spilled down my cheeks.

“Boaz, I’m so sorry,” I choked out, my usual stoicism crumbling. “I fucked up. I fucked up so bad. I thought I was doing the right thing, letting you go, but I was wrong. So goddamn wrong.”

My words tumbled out, raw and unfiltered. “I can’t stop thinking about you. Every fucking minute of every day. I see you everywhere—in my memories, in my bed, in my cabin, in every piece of wood I carve. I love you, Boaz. Christ, I love you so much. I love your laugh, your energy, the way you light up a room. I love how you challenge me, how you make me feel alive.”

When I reached for his hand, I half expected him to pull away. When he didn’t, I pressed on, my voice thick with emotion. “I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I’m begging you. Please, give me another chance. Let me prove to you how much you mean to me. I’ll do anything, Boaz. Anything.”

My heart hammered as I waited for his response, terrified I’d come all this way only to have my heart broken again. But this time, it would be my own damn fault.

Boaz’s eyes widened, his lips parting in shock. For a moment, he stood frozen, his hand trembling in mine. Then, like a dam bursting, tears began streaming down his face. “Ellery,” he whispered, his voice cracking. “I… I don’t…”

He pulled me to my feet and into his arms, burying his face in my chest. I held him tight, feeling his body shake with sobs. My own tears fell freely, soaking into his curls. “I thought you didn’t want me,” Boaz cried. “I thought it was nothing more than a fling for you. That I wasn’t enough, or maybe too much.”

I cupped his face, tilting it up to meet my gaze. “You’re everything, Boaz. Everything I never knew I needed.”

His brown eyes searched mine, filled with a mix of hope and lingering doubt. “But what about the age difference? And you living so off the grid? All those things you said…”

“Fuck all of that,” I growled. “None of it matters. I was scared, trying to protect myself. But being without you, it’s like missing a limb. I can’t do it anymore.”

Boaz’s lips quirked into a small smile. “You know, for a guy who doesn’t talk much, you sure know how to make a speech.”

I chuckled, relief washing over me. “Only for you. Only for you.”

His hands fisted in my shirt, pulling me closer. “I love you too, Ellery. God, I love you so much it hurts. I’ve been miserable here, thinking about you every second. I even tried to draw the mountains around Forestville, but I couldn’t get them right.”

My heart soared at his words. I leaned in, pressing my forehead against his. “Then come back with me. To Forestville. To our home.”

Boaz’s eyes lit up, that familiar spark of excitement I’d missed so much returning. “Really? You want me to move in with you?”

I nodded, a grin spreading across my face. “More than anything. I want to wake up next to you every morning, watch you bounce around the cabin, driving me crazy, and make love to you every night.”

He laughed, the sound music to my ears. “Even when I leave my socks everywhere and forget to do the dishes?”

“Even then,” I promised, sealing it with a kiss.

“When?” I could see him hold his breath.

“Right now. I’m not leaving without you.”

Boaz pulled away, his eyes sparkling with excitement. “Okay, let’s do this! We need to pack. Oh god, I need to pack. Where do I even start?” He spun around, taking in the cluttered apartment.

I chuckled, placing my hands on his shoulders to steady him. “Breathe, boy. We’ll do it together. Where are your suitcases?”

“Suitcases? Uh…closet, I think?” Boaz darted to the small closet, flinging open the door. A cascade of clothes and art supplies tumbled out. “Oops.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. This was the chaos I’d been missing, the whirlwind that was Boaz. “Alright, let’s start with clothes. You grab what you need. I’ll fold and pack.”

We fell into a rhythm, Boaz zipping around the room, tossing clothes my way while I methodically folded and packed them. His energy was contagious, and my heart grew lighter with every minute.

When the suitcases were full, we started packing things into shopping bags, whatever we could find. It took a few runs to get everything into my truck. Luckily, I had a cover for the bed, so all his things would be protected from the elements.

As midnight approached, we loaded the last of his belongings. The city lights of LA glittered around us, but all I could think of was taking him home, back to my cabin.

Boaz leaned against the truck, his eyes roaming over the cityscape. “You know, I thought LA was my dream. But it turns out my dream was a woodcarver in a tiny cabin in the middle of nowhere.”

I wrapped an arm around his waist, pulling him close. “You sure about this, kid? It’s a big change.”

He turned to me, his eyes serious for once. “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life, Ellery. You’re my home now.”

As I looked at him, backlit by the city he was leaving behind, I felt a surge of love so strong it nearly knocked me off my feet. This was it. The start of our life together.

As we pulled away from the city, the clock on the dashboard flipped to twelve. Boaz let out a whoop, practically vibrating in his seat.

“Happy New Year, old man!” He leaned over, planting a sloppy kiss on my cheek. “First kiss of the year. Hope that’s not too cheesy for you.”

I chuckled, keeping my eyes on the road. “Nah, it’s just the right amount of cheese. Happy New Year, sweetheart.”

Boaz’s hand found mine on the center console, our fingers intertwining. He was quiet for a moment, which was unusual enough that I glanced over. His eyes were shining with unshed tears.

“Ellery,” he said softly, “I love you. So much.”

My heart swelled. “Love you too, sweetheart. More than I thought possible. Let’s go home.”