Chapter 30

30

T halia stood on the balcony of her chambers, the cool Highland breeze lifting the tendrils of her hair and carrying with it the scent of pine and wet earth. Below, the Crawford clan lands stretched out in a vast expanse of hills were dark in the shadow of night. They seemed hollow, just as she was.

It had been days since that night in the corridor, and each passing hour felt like a wound that wouldn’t heal. He’d left with the men on a hunting trip, and though everyone pretended as if nothing had changed, Thalia couldn’t ignore the aching absence he left behind.

This is how it will be, alone. I must get used to it.

Her heart tightened as she remembered the last words they’d shared — the ones where Finn had told her, in that soft, devastating voice, that he refused to marry her. That she was free to leave, to start a new life, to marry anyone she wanted.

Of course, it could have been anyone. That was what he believed, wasn’t it? That I could marry anyone, and anyone could give him an heir.

Thalia shook her head, her hair whipping across her face as she tried to shake the memory. She had been so close to telling him how she truly felt, to confessing that she wanted him, only him. Damn the deal. But he had stopped her, his words shattering the fragile hope she’d clung to

It had been he that she wanted. It could have been anyone, but it was he.

“Thalia?” Arabella’s voice rang out in her rooms, following a soft knock that broke her spiraling thoughts. She turned to face her youngest sister, who had startlingly entered her rooms and was standing right behind her. The sudden shock of seeing her sister closer than anticipated made her jump and let out a scared gasp.

“What in the blazes!” she said firmly and took deep breaths to slow her racing heart.

“I’m sorry — I did knock… several times. And I announced myself?”

Had she really?

“What is it, Arabella?” Thalia said, not acknowledging her sister’s rationale.

“Nylah said we are all meeting downstairs. The other ladies are waiting.”

Thalia nodded, forcing a small smile. “Aye, I’ll be down shortly.”

Arabella’s brows furrowed. “You don’t have to come if you don’t want to. I can tell them you aren’t well.”

“No, it’s all right,” Thalia said, moving away from the balcony and smoothing her skirts. “I should go down. It’s a broken heart, love; no one died.”

Arabella didn’t respond to her, she simply followed her eldest sister out of her rooms and down to the drawing room. Thalia braced herself though she didn’t know what for. The ladies had been nothing but kind to her since they met. But there was an unspoken understanding that none of them dared mentioned the wedding or Finn.

When she entered the room, she found Nylah, Scarlett, Evelyn, and Margot gathered near the hearth with her sisters, Saoirse, and Rowan sitting close by. The mood was light, much lighter than she had anticipated, and for a moment, it almost felt normal. Almost.

Nylah looked up and smiled warmly at Thalia. “Ah, there ye are. We were just about to discuss our schedule for tomorrow. Thought ye might want to join us?”

Thalia smiled though it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “That sounds lovely.”

“Oh! But first, how are ye feeling after the cleansing ritual last night?” Margot asked excitedly.

“I feel – I feel just about the same, but a weight has indeed shifted slightly,” she said and arched her back slightly, stretching her neck from side to side before settling in front of them.

All of them looked up at her knowingly. She was lying, but being polite. If she was being honest with herself, it was a lot of sage and not a lot of healing.

“Ach! I told ye!” Saoirse said loudly and flashed a scornful glare toward Rowan.

“Oh!” Rowan said bashfully. “It got her mind off of… things. Even if only temporarily. That’s the whole point, isnae it?”

The loaded silence was almost deafening.

Scarlett was bouncing with excitement, watching the exchange eagerly and waiting for the perfect length of pause in conversation before she interjected – that time was now. “Anyway! Tomorrow?” she said, chuckling softly and urging the other women to join her.

As they settled into the conversation, the plans for the next day were solidified, and Thalia’s sisters went upstairs to sleep.

After the young girls departed the room, and a sufficient amount of time had passed, the women began to drink sherry, eat sweets, and share stories of their lives — Thalia was shocked to hear the candid revelations of these women.

Conor and Nylah were married before the war, and when he returned, he found that his clan was divided under his rule because she had ruled in his stead while he was away. They had to claw their way back to each other.

Nylah mentioned, “He even sent me away. Remember that?” She looked at the other women around her who nodded in agreement. “But still, we found our way back to each other. How about that for second chances? And now, our first bairn.” She cradled her belly lovingly and locked eyes with Evelyn.

Evelyn described how Kaiden was of the outcasted clan, and he believed that it was his fault that the war even happened. Their marriage was arranged, and they loathed the idea of each other, but they very quickly grew to love each other.

“It really was meant to be. The man I least expected in my entire life to marry and fall in love with was Kaiden, and now, I cannae imagine my life without him,” she said matter-of-factly.

That was one thing about these women that Thalia admired. When they spoke of their husbands, it wasn’t a dream-like unattainable love. It was real, and it was raw. They weren’t glassy eyed. These women were just as powerful as their husbands, and their statements of love and adoration for their husbands consumed Thalia’s thoughts. She saw herself in each of them.

I want that. I want to speak of my beloved like they speak of theirs. I deserve that…

Images of Finn flashed across her mind until Margot spoke up. “Rhys was a broken man when we met. He lost his older brother, was made to assume Lairdship of Campbell clan, and his entire clan had a sickness.”

“Margot was a healer — is a healer,” Scarlett interjected. “I dinnae want to be rude if that wasn’t made known to ye before now.”

“Thank you, Scarlett,” Thalia said softly and nodded for Margot to continue.

“Anyway, it took him a while to give me his heart because of how much the war and his clan’s sickness had taken from him, but love won out. Patience and kindness in all that we do. I love him very much.”

Thalia nodded, and Margot sipped her sherry proudly. She should be proud to have such a man in her life. If only…

As if on cue, Scarlett started sharing, “Arran and I had agreed on a fake engagement.”

Thalia nearly choked on her sherry. “What?” She had known that their engagement was contingent, but she had not put together that it was fake.

She nodded her head slowly, but the look in her eyes was that of pride and something else. Something deeper than Thalia expected.

“You arranged it?”

“Aye. He and I made a deal. We would both agree to marry, and after the one year and a day, he would find me a husband – Which very well might have been your Finn.”

Thalia thought back to Finn telling her that he almost married Scarlett. It was something about their engagement that he wouldn’t share with her, and they didn’t discuss it further. But now, sitting across from the woman who Finn almost married, Thalia felt a sharp, short-lived pang of jealousy.

“Why would you agree to that?” Thalia asked, clearly invested in this particular story.

“I was being made to marry a man I abhorred, so I was saved from that.”

Thalia nodded her head, but she leaned even more forward, “And what did he get out of it?”

“Well, he got his council off his back. The McLaren clan was low on funds after the war. Arran had to make several arrangements and treaties with the other Lairds — even some of his friends here.”

The rest of the women nodded their heads with understanding, and Thalia watched each of them.

“When did you tell them all?” she asked, pointing to the other women.

“Well, it came out in the end. Doesnae it always?”

The conversation quieted, and the fire crackled loudly.

“Tell her, Scarlett. When did ye realize ye loved him?” Nylah added after a few moments.

“If I’m being honest, I knew I loved him from the moment we first met. It was always different with him. After we met, I dinnae see anyone else… nae even when we were looking for a husband for me for after our arrangement. It was always only him.”

She gnawed on her cheek and nodded slowly, seeing glimpses of herself and Finn in the women’s description of their loves. It took her too long of a moment to realize that all eyes had fallen on her.

“So, Thalia, are we going to see ye smile again? Surely, it cannae be that bad. The men are only gone for a week. Finn will return, and ye will sort everything out.”

The mention of his name sent a jolt through her, but she masked it with a quick laugh. “I’m not so sure about that.”

Scarlett, perceptive as always, arched a brow. “What can she mean?”

Thalia hesitated. Didn’t they already know about their arrangement? They aren’t acting like it…

“I believe you already know what is going on between Finn and I…” she started, but the blank looks on their faces either meant they were feigning ignorance, or that they were truly ignorant to the entire truth.

“Can someone please tell me what you already know?”

Nylah sighed, “We know that yer uncle was terrible and threatened your life. He told us that he was helping ye get away from him and get your sisters away from him.”

“Did he tell you ‘why’?”

“He told us that he loves ye, and that was all we needed to ken, I suppose.”

Hearing that only made her feel more frustrated with the situation. “Well, that was a lie. It was —”

“Nay — Finn doesnae lie.” Nylah’s defense of Finn was immediate and unyielding.

“He didn’t tell you the full truth then.”

“Go on…” Scarlett said, leaning forward with intrigue.

“He was only saving me and my sisters from our uncle because we, too, made an arrangement for him to do so.”

Scarlett smiled, “What did he get out of such an arrangement?” Her question, very obviously, echoing Thalia’s line of questioning.

“In return for protecting me and saving my sisters, I agreed to give him an heir.”

Rowan, sitting beside Saoirse, looked taken aback, but she had been the only woman in the room to display that emotion. All of the others seemed to simply smile, knowingly, as Rowan’s outburst carried on. “That’s all it was meant to be? He married ye for a bairn?”

Thalia shook her head, her heart aching. “No, it wasn’t a marriage yet. And he… he didn’t force me into anything. The marriage was my idea, and he agreed to it, to protect you all.” Her voice cracked uncontrollably, and the backs of her eyes stung.

Saoirse, always the more astute, huffed. “I daenae care what the arrangement was. Ye deserve better.”

Thalia’s voice continued to waver, and she balled her hands into fists. “I thought — I thought that maybe things had changed between us. That we had changed. But he doesn’t want me. Not like that.”

The women all exchanged looks again, their expressions unchanged. It was Margot who spoke first. “Thalia. It had changed. He loves ye. I venture to reckon that he has loved ye for quite a long time from how he described it to us.”

“That was all a lie.”

Nylah levelled a sharp look at her, and Thalia quickly rephrased. “Not a lie, but…”

“But?” Evelyn asked slowly.

Thalia looked around, Rowan’s anger had subsided quickly, and her face was contemplative along with the other women in the room.

Nylah explained, “If it wasnae a lie, then it was obviously the truth, lass. He loves ye; he said so.”

Her heart twisted. This is all way too much to hear.

She stood, and Margot stood with her. “No, Thalia. No running. Be honest with us; do ye love him?”

“There is something between the two of ye,” Margot offered.

“He said, I’m free now. That I should leave and build a life of my own. He doesn’t care who I marry. He even told me he could have a bairn with anyone!”

All of their eyes hit the floor simultaneously, and Thalia downed the rest of her sherry before taking a firm step toward the door.

“Ye arenae a fool, Thalia.”

Thalia took another step toward the door. “It doesn’t matter. He doesn’t want me anymore. That was made perfectly clear when he cancelled the wedding.”

“Look,” Nylah said, softly, “if ye need a place to stay to start over, ye can stay on our lands. Ye would be safe and… close.”

Thalia’s heart twisted. The offer was kind, and it gave her a way out. A way to move on from the pain, to build a life with her sisters without the shadow of Finn lingering over her.

“Ye all would be welcome there, truly. Take the time ye need, and we’ll help ye in any way we can. Ye deserve peace.”

The other women in the room were looking at Nylah, open-mouthed, but Thalia felt a surge of gratitude.

“I think… I think it’s time we left. We will leave tomorrow evening after our day of fun. We will stay at the inn.”

“I’ll send a message to the innkeeper ahead of your journey.”

As the decision settled in her chest, there was a small, aching part of her that couldn’t stop thinking of Finn. She had wanted him to fight for her, to tell her that he wanted her, not just as part of an arrangement but for her, but he hadn’t.

It was time to leave.

She adjusted her skirts before bidding each of them a good night. That night, she tossed and turned, unable to find the deep sleep she so desperately craved. His eyes haunted her slumber, keeping her sleepless.

The sun licked at her face what felt like only five minutes later. They would be leaving tonight, and she needed to tell her sisters but decided to wait until after their lunch later.

The castle was still. The plan was a horse ride around the loch followed by lunch in the garden. As she walked downstairs, she couldn’t shake the feeling of unease that had settled over her, a gnawing sense that something was wrong.

It’s just because you didn’t get enough sleep last night. There’s no on around anymore to threaten you or your sisters, Thalia told herself with each step closer to the dining hall.

She could see the horses saddled already outside, and the bustling was a bit more, but there was still something off.

Where’s the staff? she asked the empty hall and looked around for help.

“They’re off this morning,” Nylah said from the far side of the hall. “Finn had arranged for them all to have the day off after the ceilidh… Anyway, Finn never changed that arrangement before he left. There are clansmen outside and on the borders of course, so we’re still guarded, but the staff in the castle are off.”

“I see…”

“I havenae heard from Conor. None of us have heard from any of the men who are out on the hunting trip…” she sighed and put her feet up on the table playfully. Her revelation answered a question Thalia hadn’t voiced aloud.

Her sisters were downstairs shortly after her, their eyes were bright and full of excitement. She felt a pang of guilt for keeping her decision from them and even more so for making the decision without them to begin with, but they weren’t welcome there any longer. That was clear.

Margot, Evelyn, Saoirse, Thalia, and her sisters opted in for the ride that morning. After choosing their steeds, they all set off at a slow trot, the peaceful quiet of the Highlands a soothing balm for all the weighed on her mind.

Thalia forced herself to focus on the moment. She needed this last day with her sisters, this one day of calm before they would have to pack and leave the castle.

“Look at that!” Arabella’s voice was full of wonder as she pointed out toward the shimmering waters of the loch. “It’s like glass this morning.”

Thalia smiled softly, watching her youngest sister’s eyes light up with excitement. Saoirse rode up beside her and let her horse fall into step with Thalia’s. “Ye look like ye are thinking too much again.”

Thalia sighed, shaking her head. “It’s hard not to do.”

“Today, just enjoy it.”

They all rode around the loch, the sound of heir horses’ hooves rhythmic and steady, the sunlight dappling through the trees as they made their way through the winding paths. It was serene.

They stopped at a small stream that reminded her of that night by the waterfall with Finn. They all dismounted and stretched their legs. Thalia felt the weight on her shoulders lift, only slightly, as she watched her sisters laugh and chatter. They were free.

Caroline skipped over to her, her cheeks flushed. “Can we do this every day?”

Thalia’s heart clenched at the thought. I have to tell them now. It can’t wait until the garden. They’ll be furious.

“Diana, Arabella… can you come here too?” she beckoned them over. Their faces were alight with excitement.

“I have to tell you something…” They all sat down next to her.

“We must away before Finn returns. He has made it clear that because things are over between us, we must go.”

Arabella’s face fell first, undoubtedly thinking about Euan. So, Thalia recovered quickly. “But we will be close by. The O’Duncans are only half a day’s ride and have offered us protection, so we can start anew there.”

“So, we’ll be close?” Caroline asked, trying to reassure her twin, who was clearly upset.

“I’m sorry this is happening to you, Thalia. You deserve to be happy,” Diana said thoughtfully. “I look forward to our next adventure. I know Conor and Nylah will take care of us.”

“It will be good for us. We could also go back to England — if that is what you desire,” she offered, and all of them shook their heads vehemently against it.

“And we will ride as much as we want with the O’Duncans?” Caroline asked, again trying to reassure Arabella.

“Of course,” Thalia said cheerfully.

“When will we go?”

“We should go tomorrow morning, I think. Just to be sure we aren’t overstaying our welcome. Laird Crawford has been very generous.”

Diana and Caroline nodded their heads in agreement, but Arabella swiped angrily at the alligator tears falling form her eyes.

“You will have your own horse, Arabella. You’ll be able to come back here anytime…”

“I know, I just hate that we have to leave. I’m tired of leaving. We’re undesirables everywhere we go. It’s not fair. We are good people, Thalia! We don’t deserve this.”

“I agree, but I promise this will be our last move. Let’s enjoy the Crawford lands while we can, soak it all in, and then get ready to start our next adventure, together.”

Finally, Arabella nodded her head. The sisters sat hand-in-hand together until finally Margot came over. “Ready? It’s about lunch time.”

Thalia smiled up at her, and they all followed her to their horses. The picnic in the garden was a surprise for her sisters. The blankets had been laid secretly out by Scarlett and Nylah, and baskets were filled with English sweets and savories. Thalia had hoped it would remind her sisters of better times before they had to worry about anything.

Their sighs of joy when they walked into the garden was all Thalia needed to know that they were very grateful for the spread.

Thalia sat back against the trunk of a large tree, watching as her sisters laughed and joked with the other women. It was comforting to see them like this, to know that even after all they had been through, they could still find moments of peace and joy. What made it even better was that they were acting this way even after she broke the news that they were leaving.

Nylah, sitting beside her, nudged Thalia gently. “Ye look lost in thought again.”

Thalia gave a soft, resigned smile. “I suppose I am.”

“Ye daenae have to carry all the weight on your own.”

“I know,” she replied though her heart felt heavy. “But it’s hard not to.”

Nylah gave her a knowing look, her voice gentle. “Finn?”

Thalia’s breath caught, and she looked down at her hands. She had been trying so hard to push thoughts of him aside, to focus on what mattered — her sisters, their safety, and their future. But no matter how hard she tried, Finn was always there, lingering in the back of her mind.

“Yes,” she admitted softly. “It’s him.”

Nylah didn’t press the topic further. A small voice in Thalia’s head wondered, Did she offer her lands to us so we would still be close to him? Is she hoping we’ll find our way back to each other?

Thalia pushed those thoughts out of her mind because she determined that Nylah was just being supportive and reassuring her that she wasn’t alone, even in her heartache, no matter who she was friends with first.

As the afternoon wore on, Thalia couldn’t help but feel a growing sense of unease. Tomorrow, they would be leaving the castle, and though she had made her decision, the thought of leaving without saying goodbye to Finn left a hollow ache in her chest.

There’s no turning back now.

Later that afternoon, as Thalia checked in on her sisters as they packed up their rooms for the move, Arabella asked, “Why are we leaving? Don’t you love him?”

Thalia’s throat tightened, and she struggled to find the words. “Because he… he doesn’t feel the same, darling. He doesn’t want me. He’s asked me to leave. He wants us to enjoy our freedom now that Uncle Maximilian is gone.”

Arabella turned away from her and tossed more clothes into the travelling chest without responding. Thalia walked back to her rooms slowly and started packing herself.

Packing on the day all of the staff are off was not a good idea…

She swiped at her forehead after a while and looked out of the window to see that the sun was nearly set. Dinner should be called soon — Rowan would be sure of it.

The once lively atmosphere in the castle had grown more somber with each passing hour that Thalia wasn’t busying herself with packing, so she got back to it.

A knock on her doors startled her back to the present, and she looked out of the window before responding to the visitor. It was dark outside, and her stomach growled loudly.

“Thalia? Can I come in?” Saoirse’s voice rang out.

“Of course,” she said loudly.

The tall woman opened the door and then bent down to carry in a tray that was left at the threshold. “Did ye nae eat?”

“Oh! I didn’t realize it was out there.”

Saoirse look at her sideways before setting the tray down on the table by the fireplace. “Are ye well, Thalia?”

“Yes, I’m fine, just got distracted packing.”

Saoirse hummed before turning around and getting Thalia’s bath ready. “I’ll just get this going for ye, and then I’ll leave ye in peace. With the staff out, I figured I’d help out Rowan.”

“That’s nice, thank you.” Thalia stared at herself in the mirror, her appearance urged a throaty chuckle from her lips. “I didn’t realize how crazed I looked!” She laughed.

Saoirse leveled a stare at her, almost as if she could see right through her fa?ade. “Thalia. I ken that healing ritual dinnae help ye much with Laird Crawford, but it did wash the death from ye. Ye dinnae need any more weight on yer soul, ye ken?”

“Yes, I understand.”

“It wasnae ever about him. It was about the death ye experienced.”

“I see. Well, then why did we do it? Death I can handle!”

She laughed softly, “Aye, we ken that now. It’s heartache that ye cannae – it’s got yer brains all loosed.”

“That’s one way to put it. Sure,” Thalia said.

“There is no ritual to rid ye of heartache. We all just have to go through it. All of us – It’s one of those human conditions.”

“Of course,” Thalia relented, and smile softly up at her.

Saoirse chuckled with her and then patted her hands dry on her skirts. “Right. Will ye need anything else before I turn in?”

“No, this was plenty. Thank you, Saoirse!”

Before stepping into the bath, Thalia visited her sisters’ rooms one last time. The hour was late, so they had all been tucked into their beds and were asleep already when she cracked open the door to each of their rooms.

“Good night,” Thalia whispered to each of their dark, quiet rooms before closing the doors and hurrying back to her chambers.

The bath was warm and relaxing. Thalia ran the herb-soaked water over her limbs and sighed into the steam. As the water started to turn colder, Thalia stood and wrapped herself in the drying blanket before sitting by the roaring fire.

Relaxed as she was, she couldn’t sleep. She sat alone and watched the flames flicker and dance, casting long shadows across the room. The cold ache in her heart sent a gooseflesh over her skin, and she pulled another blanket over her.

She knew that every time she closed her eyes, memories of Finn would flood her mind — she knew it would happen because it has been happening all day when she was awake. The way he had looked at her that night in the corridor when he broke her heart. How easily he had told her that anyone could give him an heir and that their wedding was cancelled.

Thalia stared into the flames, her thoughts spiraling. She had done everything she could to protect her sisters, to give them a future.

But what about my future?

She didn’t know what to do about the part of her heart that still longed for him, even after everything. Her mind wandered back to the moments they had shared — the way his hand lingered on hers, the way he looked at her, the way his voice had caught when he spoke her name. It had all felt so real, so genuine.

Finn doesnae lie. Nylah’s voice echoed in her mind, recalling her defense of him when he said that he loved her.

“I could marry anyone. It doesn’t have to be him,” she told the empty room.

She didn’t sleep at all. Her thoughts were violently racing all night, but she had to be strong for her sisters.

The castle was quiet as they prepared to leave, their belongings packed and ready by the door. Thalia checked on each of her sisters one last time, making sure they were ready.

But when she went to find Arabella, her heart stopped.

Her youngest sister was gone.

Panic surged through her when the door opened, and she found Caroline throwing all of the linen around the room, hissing for her sister.

“Arabella! This is no time to hide, we must leave! Thalia will —” but she cut herself off at the sight of her eldest sister.

Without addressing Caroline, Thalia turned and ran over to Diana’s room. Throwing the door open, Diana stood quickly, meeting her sister’s eyes. “What? I’m coming! What is it?”

“Arabella is gone.”

“Gone?”

“She’s gone, Diana! Gone! Gone! Gone!”

With each staccato admission, Diana flinched, and her panic grew to match her sister’s. Her voice tight with worry. “I just saw her and Caroline.”

“Caroline has overturned their whole room; it’s a nightmare. Where is she? Where could she be?”

They both tore through the hallways, screaming for Arabella frantically. Just as Thalia’s fear reached a fever pitch, the castle doors burst open.