Chapter 31

31

“ A rabella is missing.” That was all he heard from Diana before Thalia tore around the corner.

It was the first time that he laid eyes on her since that night in the corridor where she walked away from him. He had spent the journey back to Crawford castle convincing himself that she and her sisters would be long gone by the time he returned and that he would never have to face the finality of her absence. But the moment he saw her, relief crashed through him like a wave, taking his breath away.

She was still here.

His heart constricted painfully, and then, as if someone had yanked a chain around it, his chest tightened with worry.

Thalia’s eyes, wide and frantic, told him everything he needed to know without her saying a word. She was terrified. The unsaid cry for help, the fear in her gaze — it all pierced through him in a way that was as familiar as breathing. He didn’t think. His feet moved before his mind had time to catch up.

“Where was she last seen?” His voice was low but urgent, the question directed at Thalia though Diana hovered nearby.

“I —” Thalia’s voice faltered, and she swallowed hard, her hand trembling as she raked it through her mused hair. “In her room — we were getting ready to leave. Caroline and Diana saw her earlier as well. It hasn’t been long.”

“We’ve looked everywhere,” Diana added.

Finn’s stomach turned. He stepped closer, his hand hovering near Thalia’s arm, but he stopped short of touching her. He didn’t know if she would want that now. “I will find her,” he said before turning away from her and barking orders to Cillian, who was right behind him.

“Have ye checked outside yet?” Finn asked, trying to keep his voice calm and level, even as his pulse thundered in his ears. “The gardens? The stables?”

“Yes, right Caroline?”

“Yes, I’ve looked everywhere.”

Could it be Herbert?

Finn clenched his jaw. Arabella wouldn’t have gone far, even if it was her cousin who was behind her disappearance. But with the staff returning and the clansmen arriving for the ceilidh games that weren’t called off, it wasn’t likely.

“We’ll find her,” he said firmly, breaking through his own spiraling thoughts. “I swear it, Thalia. I’ll find her.”

Her eyes met his, a flicker of hope warring with the fear. She nodded again, more resolutely this time, and without another word, they separated.

“What happened?” Conor asked as Finn walked back out of the castle.

“Arabella is missing.”

“Could it be… her cousin?” Cillian suggested exactly what he was thinking.

“I daenae ken, Cillian. We need to find her. Now. Arran and Rhys take horses and cover the perimeter. Conor and Kieran ride the roads out for half an hour; they can’t have gotten far. This just happened. Cillian you check the loch and the waterfall. I’ll check the grounds here. The girls are inside. If she’s in there, they’ll find her.”

His friends wordlessly took off toward their search areas. As they disappeared into the dark wood, Margot voice echoed out loudly from a window above them. “There!” she hollered out pointing toward the trees. “By the loch!”

Finn and Cillian turned to follow the direction, and in a flash, Finn saw Thalia racing toward her sister. He could see from where he stood her unbridled panic radiating from her every pore as she yelled, “Arabella!”

He took off after her, Cillian right behind him in case it turned into a fight. He heard hooves thundering in the distance behind him and knew that his brothers had turned their horses back toward the castle. If it was a fight, they would be there with him.

Please don’t be Herbert. Please let her be safe.

Arabella was crouched behind a large tree, her knees pulled up to her chest, and beside her was another figure — Euan, the young boy from the castle. The two young people were huddled together, their heads bent low as if they were sharing some great secret.

Thalia came to an abrupt stop, her breath ragged from running. “Arabella!” she called out, her voice sounded like it was a mixture of relief and tempered frustration. “What in the devil are you doing out here?”

Finn closed the distance between them, looking around to make sure the area was safe and that Herbert was nowhere in sight. Cillian waved him off, and so he turned back to face Thalia and her sister.

He watched as Arabella lifted her head, her eyes wide with guilt and a trace of fear. “I — I didn’t want to leave, Thalia. Please don’t make me!” She was crying — big, silent tears that rolled down her cheeks as she clung to Euan’s arm.

He watched as Thalia’s face softened though she still looked like she might collapse.

Christ, has she eaten? Slept?

“Oh Arabella,” she said and knelt beside her sister, brushing a hand over her hair. “Why did you run off like this? You scared me to death.”

Euan, who had been silent until now, stood up with a defiant look on his face. “Ye cannae take her away,” he declared, puffing out his chest. “We are going to marry when we grow up, so she cannae leave.”

Finn felt a chuckle escape his throat before he could stop it. The earnestness in the boy’s voice, the bold protection — it was absurd and yet so endearing. The sound caught Thalia’s attention, and she shot him a sharp look thought there was a flicker of amusement in her eyes too.

“Euan,” Thalia said, her voice stern but not unkind, “you are both far too young to be talking about marriage.”

Euan crossed his arms stubbornly, his small chin jutting out. “We love each other. And I’ll protect her.”

Another chuckle rumbled through Finn’s chest, and he caught Thalia’s glare again. This time, she didn’t scowl at him. Instead, her expression softened though he could see the conflict in her eyes. “It’s not funny, Finn.” she hissed, though.

But it was funny. It was everything Finn had needed in that moment to break the tension. The seriousness of the boy’s words, his protective stance — it was both endearing and absurd in the best ways.

“I’m sure ye will, lad,” Finn said, stepping forward and crouching down so he was eye-level with Euan. “But ye ken Arabella’s family needs her right now. Ye can still be friends, even if she leaves.”

Euan’s bottom lip quivered, but he nodded solemnly. “Aye, I ken. But I’ll miss her.”

Thalia rested a hand over her heart, as if it was clenching painfully at witnessing the sight of the boy’s sincerity, and she reached out her other hand on her sister’s arm. “We’ll not be far, darling. And you can always come visit. I promised that to you.”

Arabella sniffed, wiping at her eyes. “I’m sorry I ran away and scared you. I just don’t want to leave.”

“She’s not going!” Euan said defiantly.

“Aye, well,” Finn said, grinning despite himself, “seems ye have made your mind up, laddie.”

Euan looked up at Finn, nodding firmly. “I have. And Arabella wants to stay too. I’ll keep her safe.”

Thalia’s voice was quiet but firm when she finally spoke. “I know you don’t want to leave, and you don’t want her to leave, but it is for the best.”

Arabella shook her head, and Finn could see how hard this was for all of them. He wanted to say something, to help, but this wasn’t the place. This was her decision.

“Come on, lad,” Finn said, motioning to Euan.

The young boy hesitated but nodded, casting one last glance at Arabella before stepping away with Finn.

As they walked back toward the castle, Finn glanced down at the boy, who still fore a fierce expression despite everything. “Ye have a brave heart, Euan,” he said quietly. “But sometimes, things arenae as simple as we want them to be.”

Euan frowned up at him. “Why cannae she stay? Why cannae ye make them?”

Finn’s heart twisted at the boy’s innocent question. If only it were that simple. If only I could just make things work.

“She deserves more than I can give her,” Finn admitted after Euan had already run off ahead of him in anger.

He didn’t realize that Thalia and Arabella were close behind them when he reached the castle. Cillian was just behind him, and their friends were all inside. He turned in time to see the kindness in Thalia’s face disappear and turn into a set determination. Arabella clung to her skirts, her face streaked with tears.

Finn had a feeling of regret as he watched them. He stood by the doorway and let his chest tighten, knowing that this was the last time he would see them. See her.

I shouldnae have come back. I should have just let her leave in peace. Why did I let them get to me?

He watched Thalia, her eyes scanning the room as if looking for something — perhaps for him — and he knew he couldn’t walk away without saying goodbye.

She caught his gaze, her eyes finally locking onto his, and for a moment, time seemed to freeze. The weight of all that had been left unsaid between them hung heavily in the air.

Finn took a step forward, his throat tight as he forced the words out. “Goodbye, Thalia.”

He heard her breath hitch, and eyes widened in shock. “That’s it?” she asked, her voice trembling slightly.

Finn swallowed hard, his hands balling into fists at his sides. “Aye?” His voice was gruff. “That’s it.”

Thalia stared at him, her chest rising and falling with rapid breaths as if she were trying to hold back a storm of emotions. “Finn, I —”

But he didn’t wait for her to finish. He turned on his heel and started to walk away, his heart heavy with each step.

I cannae hear this. I cannae let this drag on.

“Finn Morrison!”

Her voice cut through the air like a blade, sharp and desperate.

He stopped, his back to her, his fists clenched so tightly his knuckles turned white.

“You can’t just walk away!” Thalia’s voice trembled with emotion as he heard her take a step closer to him.

Finn closed his eyes, willing himself to keep walking, but his feet wouldn’t move. The weight of her words held him in place, pinning him to the spot.

“I know you never wanted this,” Thalia continued, her voice breaking. “It was all just a bloody arrangement, yes? But I thought — I thought maybe…”

“Stop,” Finn growled, his voice low and strained.

But she didn’t stop.

I cannae hear this. Why is she dragging this on?

“I thought maybe you cared,” she whispered, her voice barely audible now. “That maybe you felt something… anything!”

Finn’s heart ached with every word, each one a blow he hadn’t been prepared for. He turned slowly, his eyes locking onto hers. The pain, the confusion, the hurt — it was all there, clear as day.

“I did care,” Finn said, his voice rough. “I do care.”

“Then why are you walking away?” Thalia demanded, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. “Why are you letting me go?”

Finn’s jaw tightened as he struggled to find the words, to explain the war raging inside him. “Because ye deserve more than I can give ye,” he said, his voice thick with emotion. “Ye deserve a choice.”

“I didn’t want a choice!” Thalia cried, her voice shaking. “I want you, Finn.”

Finn’s heart shattered at her words, the pain of it nearly unbearable. He wanted her as well — more than anything — but it felt selfish. She doesn’t know what she’s talking about. She doesn’t know any different. I willnae trap her in a life that wasnae hers to choose.

He shook his head, his voice barely a whisper. “I’m nae the man ye need, Thalia.”

Tears streamed down her face as she took another step closer, her hands trembling. “But you’re the one I want.”

Finn stared at her, his heart pounding in his chest, torn between the overwhelming desire to pull her into his arms and the crushing weight of knowing he couldn’t give her the life she deserved.

Before he could say another word, Thalia closed the distance between them, her lips crashing against his in a desperate, searing kiss. Finn’s resolve crumbled in an instant, his arms wrapping around her as he kissed her back with all the pent-up longing and love he had tried so hard to deny.

For a moment, everything else faded away. The pain, the uncertainty, the fear — it all melted into the background as they lost themselves in each other.

But the moment ended too soon.

Finn pulled away, his breath ragged, his heart aching. “I cannae do this to ye, Thalia,” he whispered, his voice hoarse. “I’m sorry.”

He turned and walked away, leaving her standing there, again.

He didn’t look back. He couldn’t.

Because if he did, he knew he’d never be able to let her leave.