Chapter 16

Sixteen

“ C herie…” the whisper of her name filled Cherie’s ears like a flood. It set all of her senses on fire. It was water and fire at the same time; all the elements that rage across the earth; all the elements that control human destiny.

Because that’s what this kiss felt like: like the most powerful forces on earth raging across the world, reshaping continents and landscapes, forming new lands; reshaping the landscape of her soul.

“Cherie… ma cherie …” His whispers came in between kisses, between moments of pure bliss, and they shivered through her. She had never really heard her name before, she realized. Not until Thomas had spoken it while he kissed her.

And she had never known herself, either. What her body was capable of feeling. Not just the physical sensations of being kissed, but the emotions that welled inside of her. This was pure bliss; pure joy; the end of thought and the beginning of pure, unadulterated, unobstructed happiness.

This was what it felt like to be a woman, alive in a body. And she wanted it to never, ever end.

“Thomas,” she whispered back, as his kisses left her lips and went to her neck. She wanted to taste his name, as well, to feel the way it felt to shiver through the air and through both of them.

He responded enthusiastically, kissing her even more deeply, and she suspected that the sound of his name made him feel the same way hers had made her feel.

“Thomas,” she murmured again, and he pulled away for a moment and looked down at her. His eyes were shining, and a radiant smile was playing over his lips. She had never seen him look so happy, she thought, in all the years she had known him.

“I have wanted this for so long,” he murmured, and the words once more set her on fire. She grabbed him—most unladylike, but she didn’t care—and pulled him back to her lips. For a long while, they stayed like that, lost in one another’s kisses.

Sometime later, they broke apart.

Cherie wasn’t sure how much time had passed. It could have been hours, maybe even weeks. Maybe they’d passed their tenth anniversary while lost in the kiss.

The kiss had had a strange effect on her: she felt weak and powerful at the same time. Her legs seemed as if they were about to give out underneath her from how heady, delicious, and surreal it had been to kiss her husband. At the same time, she had never felt so full of energy. Thomas’s kiss had given her a strength she’d never known she had.

Thomas drew back slightly. He smiled down at her—a soft, hazy smile—and caressed her cheek with his thumb.

“You are so beautiful,” he said, his eyes raking over her face. “It astonishes me.”

Cherie felt her eyes well with tears. “You really think so?”

“I know so. I have known since the first moment I saw you.”

She laughed. “I was a child then.”

“Yes, and I didn’t think of you romantically then. But I knew you would grow into a beautiful woman.”

“When did you start to see me romantically?” she asked.

Thomas tilted his head to one side, thinking. “When you were around fifteen. My father insisted that I move to India full-time to work on the family business. I’d only just returned to England, and I was devastated to have to go back. I came to see Aidan, but when I arrived at your family estate, he was out riding. The butler showed me to the parlor, and I was waiting there when the most beautiful young lady I’d ever seen walked in.”

Cherie’s eyes went wide. “I remember that day. I’d been out riding as well, but I’d come back early because my horse had lost a shoe.”

“And you were still wearing your riding clothes.”

“I came into the parlor not knowing you were there, and you gave me quite a fright.”

They both laughed at the memory. Cherie’s mind was full of the image: a younger Thomas, standing by the French windows that led out to the terrace, his hands behind his back, holding his hat, and a very serious look on his face.

“You looked so serious,” she said, touching his cheek lightly. “I wasn’t used to seeing you so serious.”

“A preview of times to come,” he said, chuckling.

“I do remember you looking at me strangely,” she said, screwing up her eyes as she tried to remember. “I thought that I had mud all over me, for you to look at me with such a shocked expression.”

Thomas threw his head back and laughed. “I believe that is what the poets refer to as a lightning bolt. ”

“A lightning bolt?”

“Of desire,” he said, and his cheeks heated.

He is blushing!

“And not just desire,” he amended quickly. “A lightning bolt realization that the person standing in front of you is the person you have been looking for all along. You had grown up, Cherie. I’d been in India for several years. The last time I’d seen you, you had been just a girl. And of course, I’d always been fond of you. You were my favorite person to spend time with. I used to tell your brother that he was lucky to have a sister like you. He used to tease me that I preferred spending time with you than with him.”

He laughed again, and she giggled as well. “I never knew that.”

“Yes, I think sometimes he was a bit jealous. I’d bring you gifts and spend time playing with you instead of shooting and riding with him. But you were still just a girl. And then suddenly, you were a woman.”

His finger slid up her cheek and touched a lock of her hair. The sensation sent another shiver down her spine. “And I saw you walk in, flushed from riding, happy, your eyes sparkling, and I almost didn’t recognize you. Because the little girl I had known was gone. And it hit me so suddenly and so powerfully: the realization that you were the woman of my dreams.”

Cherie felt as if her head was spinning. She had never felt so happy in all her life.

“I don’t know why it took me so long to realize I felt this way,” she whispered. “You were always my favorite person in the world. I looked forward to your visits so much. But I never thought of you romantically. Well, perhaps deep down, but I could never acknowledge it. To me, you were older, so smart and kind and handsome… not someone who would ever pay attention to a little girl like me!”

“I also felt certain that there were too many barriers!” He shook his head. “You were my best friend’s sister. You were still far too young to court. And I was going back to India. I didn’t know if I’d ever return to England full-time. And while your brother might eventually come around to the idea of me courting you, I knew he would never agree to the match if it meant you moving across the world.”

“And there was also your father,” she whispered.

“Yes,” Thomas said heavily. “There was also him. He had made me doubt myself so thoroughly that I was sure there was no way you would ever want me. I didn’t feel worthy of you. So, while I was miserable at the thought of parting with you and returning to India, I also thought that perhaps it was for the best: you could never want me, and I could never deserve you.”

“You do deserve me,” Cherie said, and she had never meant anything more. “You deserve happiness, Thomas. And I think we could be happy together.” His fingers tightened in her hair, and the look in his eyes intensified.

“I know we both made mistakes. You were cold and forceful about our marriage, and I was deeply opposed to it. I wanted a love match, and I was sure love could only blossom in a very specific way.” She shook her head with a rueful smile. “I was wrong.” She looked deep into his eyes and willed him, with everything she was, to say yes. “Can we try again?”