Chapter 37

37

ALAINA

I was at my apartment, finally enjoying a moment of quiet after running around all morning getting groceries for the week and doing laundry. I was just about to settle in with a book when I heard a knock on the door. I wasn't expecting anyone. I was surprised to find Cate standing there. She didn't look happy.

"Hey, Cate," I said, opening the door wider to let her in. "What brings you here?"

Cate stepped inside, looking around as if searching for something. "Are you seeing Roan?" she asked bluntly, catching me off guard.

I blinked, taken aback by the directness of her question. "It's nice to see you, too."

"Yeah, yeah. Are you sleeping with Roan?"

I was going to do my best to play it off. "No, we're just friends," I replied, trying to keep my voice steady.

Cate looked at me, guilt flickering in her eyes. "Is that because I told you not to trust him?"

I sighed, running a hand through my hair. "Cate, you're usually right about everything, so yeah, that's partially true. But it's not just that. I don't think Roan likes me in that way. We're just friends. Good friends. We like spending time with each other. Besides, the ethics are muddy with him being the parent of one of my students. And a single father. It could be confusing for his son."

Cate seemed to hesitate, as if she wanted to say more but wasn't sure how. I tilted my head, studying her. "Are you alright, Cate? You look like you've swallowed a bug."

She bit her lip, looking conflicted. "I might have been wrong for the first time in my life," she said softly.

"Wrong about what?" I asked, my curiosity piqued.

Cate turned to face me fully. "Maybe Roan isn't as bad as I thought. Maybe he could be a good guy." She shrugged. "I mean, maybe . Who knows?"

I rolled my eyes, exasperated. "Pick a lane, Cate. Is he a rich jerk who couldn't possibly like a commoner like me or is he worth giving a chance?"

Cate shook her head, her expression serious. "Roan might be a man worth taking a chance on."

I stared at her, trying to process her words. "What the hell? I mean, if you're going to meddle, at least push me in the right direction."

"I know what I've said." Cate sighed. "But I'm willing to consider I might be wrong."

I leaned back. "I don't know, Cate. It's complicated. There's Rafe to consider. And what if it doesn't work out? I think you might be right. I need to keep my distance. He's a good man, but I don't think he's right for me."

Cate looked sad. "You'll never know if you don't try."

I swallowed hard. "You really think so?"

"I do," Cate said, her voice gentle. "And I think you owe it to yourself to find out. I'm sorry I was so pushy before. It was out of love, but maybe that blinded me to something real sparking between you two."

She was confusing me. "I don't know."

"I have to go, but I just wanted to tell you to think about it. I think you should give him a chance."

We said goodbye, and I found myself pacing the apartment, my mind a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions. Could it really be that simple? Could I just say screw it and see where things might lead with Roan?

I was also pretty annoyed at my sister. She had been telling me all along to stay away from Roan and now she was suddenly changing her mind? What the hell was I going to do now?

Taking Beau for a walk was always the best way to clear my head. I looked at him all snuggled up in his bed.

"Beau, want to go for a walk?"

He opened his eyes and looked at me like he was debating whether or not he wanted to. Was I a terrible pet parent for needing him to take a walk because I was stressed out?

He got to his feet and I decided I was no longer a bad pet mom. I quickly put on his leash and grabbed my jacket.

As soon as we stepped outside, Beau was suddenly a young pup again, but he stuck right beside me as if he knew we were about to have one of our "talks."

"Okay, Beau, we need to discuss something important," I said, adjusting his leash and giving him a serious look. "Roan. You know the guy I got naked with. I know you saw. Thank you for not saying anything. You have impeccable manners."

Beau cocked his head to the side, and his ears perked up. What about him? I could almost hear him say, his big, soulful eyes locking onto mine.

"Well, Cate thinks I should give him a chance," I began, starting our usual route around the block. "She says he's a good guy and that I should take a leap of faith. But she is also the one that told me to stay away from him because he was bad. She called him a playboy."

Beau had that confused expression.

"What do you think?" I asked. "You've met him a couple of times. I know you like his son, Rafe."

Beau trotted alongside me, his tongue lolling out. Do you like him?

"Of course I do," I replied, glancing down at him. "He's sweet, kind, and wonderful with Rafe. And, well, he makes me feel special. He would be good for you as well. You would get to spend more time with a little boy. That's exciting, right?"

Beau let out an excited yelp, his tail wagging furiously. That sounded like a yes to me. "But what if it doesn't work out?" I asked, gripping the leash tighter. "You remember what happened last time, right? It was terrible!"

Beau whined, looking up at me with those understanding eyes. He'd been there through all my past heartbreaks. He knew the drill.

"I just don't want to feel like that again," I admitted, my voice shaking a bit. The last thing I needed was another broken heart. Beau nudged against my leg comfortingly, his supportive eyes telling me it was okay.

I frowned, remembering Cate's words. Was she right? Should I risk it all for a chance at happiness?

Beau gave me a knowing look. Sounds like you're already in love with him.

"Beau, that's a bit presumptuous," I said, though I couldn't help but smile. "But maybe you're right. I think I am falling for him. Correction, I think I already fell for him. What does that mean?"

Beau tilted his head, his eyes full of canine wisdom.

"That's what I thought," I mumbled, reaching down to give him a pat on the head. "It means I'm in trouble."

As if to comfort me, Beau leaned into my touch. He stared up at me with those wide eyes that seemed to understand far more than any dog should.

"Okay, if I do this," I started, my voice barely above a whisper. "I have to do it right. No more hiding or running away from what I feel. Roan deserves better than that."

We walked in comfortable silence for a while, the rhythmic sound of our footsteps and Beau's panting filling the air. It was a perfect fall day. I took a deep breath, trying to steady my thoughts.

"But what if it doesn't work out?" I asked. "What if I end up getting hurt? Or worse, what if Rafe gets hurt? I mean, you're like my son, but I don't think you'll be crushed if I get together with Roan and then break up with him. You're going to be okay."

Beau paused to sniff a particularly interesting leaf before looking up at me again. You can't live your life in fear, dear Alaina. Life flies by so quickly. Take the risk for once. Golden opportunities like this are few and far between. If this is your one chance at happiness, you can't let it slip by.

I sighed, reaching down to pat his head. "You're so wise. I know you're right. But it's so hard to let go of that fear."

We continued walking, passing by familiar buildings and shops. Beau stopped to investigate a tree.

"You know, I was bullied a lot when I was younger," I said, the memories flooding back. "I never felt like I fit in. I was the geeky girl who always had her nose in a book. I wasn't popular, and the boys never paid me any attention. Roan was the kind of guy I could only dream about getting to be with."

Beau gave me a sympathetic look. Their loss.

I laughed, feeling a little lighter. "Thanks, Beau. But those experiences shaped me. They made me cautious, careful. And now, with Roan, I feel like I'm stepping into uncharted territory."

Sometimes, the best things in life come from taking risks. You have to knock over a lot of trashcans to find a bone to gnaw on, but when you finally do, it's worth it.

"You're right again," I said, feeling a sense of resolve building inside me. "Maybe it's time I took a chance on something—or someone—wonderful."

We turned the corner, heading back toward my apartment. I felt excited and nervous at the prospect of opening my heart to Roan.

"What if he doesn't feel the same way?" I asked, voicing one of my biggest fears.

Beau's eyes twinkled mischievously. I was there the other night when you two went at it human style. Trust me, he feels the same.

"Okay, fine. Maybe he does," I said, feeling my cheeks warm. "But how do I even bring it up? How do I tell him how I feel without making things awkward?"

Beau tilted his head, his expression thoughtful. Be honest. Boys are bad with subtlety. Just tell him and he'll appreciate it.

I took a deep breath, nodding. "Honesty. I can do that. I just have to be brave. Eventually. I need to find the right moment. Maybe if he gives me some sign."

As we approached my apartment, my head felt clear. Talking things through with Beau had been helpful. I felt ready to face whatever came next, ready to take that leap of faith Cate had talked about.

"Thanks, Beau," I said, giving him a grateful smile as we walked down the steps to my door. "You're a great listener, you know that?"

Beau wagged his tail, his eyes sparkling. I think someone owes me a treat.

I unlocked the door stepped inside, the familiar comfort of our tiny little home wrapping around us. I unhooked Beau's leash and grabbed him a chewy treat he went crazy for.

"I'm going to tell him," I said aloud. "I'm going to tell Roan how I feel."

Beau barked in agreement, his tail wagging furiously. My little girl is growing up.

I laughed, feeling lighter than I had in days. "Alright, alright, now I'm just being weird. Let's get you some water."

As I filled Beau's water bowl, I felt ready to take this chance, to see where things might lead.

Beau lapped up his water, glancing up at me with those big, trusting eyes. You've got this, Alaina. Just be yourself.

I nodded, taking a deep breath. "I've got this. Thanks, Beau. You're the best."