Chapter 38

38

ROAN

T hanksgiving break had finally arrived, and with Rafe out of school and the nanny visiting family out of state, I decided to take the week off work to spend more time with my son. I worked in the morning when he was asleep or watching TV and at night after he had gone to bed. Part of me was beginning to think this might be an option for long term. Granted, I wouldn't want to do it when he was actually in school.

But this summer, it might be an option. I didn't want to leave him with a nanny all summer. I could hang out with him. We had been spending a lot of our time in the park Rafe loved, the one with the big playground and the open field where we played soccer.

Alaina had been on my mind constantly. We hadn't talked in a while, which was probably for the best. Despite giving in to temptation, we were trying to be just friends. But hooking up that one time hadn't dampened the fires of lust inside me. I found myself thinking about that night endlessly, replaying every detail in my mind. It was getting harder to sleep.

"Dad, can we go to the park and play soccer?" Rafe's voice pulled me out of my thoughts.

"It might be difficult with the snow on the ground, buddy. It's pretty cold out there." I glanced out the window at the white-covered world.

"Please, Dad? Just for a little bit? And then we can go to the museum?" Rafe's eyes were wide with pleading.

I sighed, unable to resist his enthusiasm. "Alright, alright. We'll go to the park for a little bit. But you have to dress warmly, okay?"

Rafe's face lit up with a big grin. "Okay! Thanks, Dad!"

We bundled up in our warmest clothes—jeans, boots, heavy coats, gloves, and hats—and made our way to the park. The snow crunched under our boots. The air was crisp and cold, but surprisingly not as cold as I thought it was going to be.

At the park, Rafe immediately ran to the open field, kicking the soccer ball ahead of him. I followed behind him, happy to see the snow was mostly just a dusting.

"Pass it to me, Dad!" Rafe called, bringing me back to the present by kicking the ball my way.

I kicked the ball back to him. He caught it neatly with the inside of his foot, deftly maneuvering it around before sending it sailing back in my direction. I couldn't help the proud grin that spread across my face as I watched him, amazed at how quickly he was growing up.

We played for what felt like hours, our laughter echoing off the nearby trees. There weren't a lot of people in the park. Most people weren't interested in trying to fight the weather.

We only stopped when Rafe's cheeks were flushed with cold and his breath came out in little white puffs against the winter air. "Okay, buddy. That's enough for now," I said, offering a hand to help him up.

"Aw, but Dad."

"No buts," I cut him off gently. "We can go to the museum. Somewhere warm."

Rafe didn't seem to mind the cold or the slippery conditions. He was having the time of his life.

"Are we going to see Ms. C?" he asked.

"What? Why?"

"Can we make her pancakes?"

I laughed. "I think she's probably enjoying her time off."

Rafe looked up at me with wide eyes. "Why don't you call her, Dad? Maybe she can come over for Thanksgiving."

I hesitated. The idea of calling Alaina, of inviting her into our home for Thanksgiving, was both thrilling and terrifying. "I don't know, Rafe. She might have plans with her family."

"Can we at least try?" Rafe's voice was hopeful.

"I think we need to let her have her space," I said gently.

Rafe frowned, disappointment clouding his face. "But we miss her, don't we?"

His words hit a little too close to home. I did miss Alaina. Much more than I should.

"Yeah, buddy. We do. But this is her vacation. She is probably with her sister or maybe she's traveling. That's what teachers do when they are on break."

His shoulders sagged. "Fine. Can I play more? Just for a little bit."

I smiled. "Fine. Ten minutes, but if you get frozen to the swing or the monkey bars, I'm leaving you there."

He giggled as he ran toward the playground area. He thought I was joking. I followed after him, thinking I might need to move out of town and get a house with a big yard so we could put in one of these big climbing things.

I watched him dart around the empty playground, his cheeks red from the cold. A sense of peace washed over me, and for a brief moment, all worries were erased from my mind. It was just me and Rafe and our little piece of happiness amidst the chaos of life.

After a while, he got bored but he was still not ready to go home. Rafe and I walked along the paths that were mostly cleared, enjoying the crisp air and the satisfying crunch of snow beneath our boots. Rafe ran ahead, dodging and weaving unseen things. I followed behind him.

"Dad, look!" he called out, pointing to a trio in the distance.

I squinted and recognized Alaina, her sister, Cate, and her dog, Beau.

Shit .

Was fate fucking with me? This park wasn't exactly in my neighborhood, but it had the best playground. I honestly didn't think I would have to worry about running into Alaina.

Or did I? We had run into her once before. Had I been hoping for this to happen? Was this some weird subconscious thing that brought me here?

No, it was Rafe. Cut and dry, it was Rafe. He loved this particular park. It had a big playground and a soccer field.

I wasn't thrilled to see Cate, but Rafe didn't give me a choice as he sprinted toward them.

"Ms. Callaway! Beau!" Rafe yelled, waving enthusiastically.

Alaina's face lit up with a smile when she saw him. Cate stood beside her, looking slightly uncomfortable.

"Hi, Rafe!" Alaina greeted him warmly.

I slowly walked up behind him. "Hello, Alaina, Cate," I said, nodding at her sister.

"Roan," Cate replied curtly, her eyes darting between Alaina and me.

"How are you doing, Alaina?" I asked, trying to focus on her.

"I'm good, busy with getting ready for the trip and next semester and everything. How about you?"

"Same here, work's been hectic," I said.

What I really wanted to say was that I missed her, but with Cate watching us like a hawk, I kept it to myself. She looked just as uncomfortable as I felt. I would have walked away, but Rafe was on his knees showering her dog with attention. I felt trapped.

"Rafe, this is my big sister, Cate," Alaina said with a smile.

"Hi, Cate," Rafe said.

"Hello, Rafe." Cate nodded.

"Ms. C, do you and Beau want to come over for dinner?"

It was like he dropped a bomb in the middle of the already awkward conversation. No one moved. No one said anything. I felt like the world stopped spinning at exactly that moment.

I opened my mouth to protest, but before I could say anything, Cate jumped in. "What about me, Rafe? Why am I not invited?"

What the fuck?

Rafe looked at her, his brow furrowed in thought. "You can come if you like robots, like Ms. C."

Cate blinked, clearly taken aback. "Robots?"

Rafe nodded solemnly. "Yeah, robots. Do you like robots?"

Cate hesitated, unsure how to respond to a child's scrutiny. "Not particularly," she admitted.

Rafe turned to me with an expectant look. I sighed, feeling the need to smooth things over. "If Rafe allows it, we'll host dinner tonight. Cate, you're welcome to join us. We'll put the robots away."

Cate rolled her eyes, but Alaina gave her a reassuring smile. "It's fine, Cate. It'll be fun. You don't have to build a robot."

Rafe seemed satisfied with this arrangement. "Can Uncle Jake come too?" he asked.

"Sure," I said, feeling a headache forming from the logistical nightmare that dinner was becoming. I wasn't prepared to cook dinner for anyone beyond my own kid. He wasn't exactly a food expert. He wasn't going to know if I didn't add enough salt or if something was bland.

Cate's phone rang. "Excuse me," she said and stepped away to take the call.

"Can I walk Beau?" Rafe asked.

"Sure." Alaina smiled.

Suddenly, I was alone with Alaina.

I reached out and took her hand, gently pulling her off the trail for a moment of privacy. "I'm sorry I haven't reached out in a while," I said, my voice low. "I've been busy with work. I assumed you would be busy as well."

She squeezed my hand lightly. "It's okay, Roan. I've been busy too."

What I wanted to say was that I missed her, that I hated not seeing her every day. There was so much I wanted to say, but the words felt stuck in my throat. Instead, I just looked at her, hoping she could read the unspoken thoughts in my eyes.

Rafe came back with Beau, oblivious to the charged moment. "Dad, Beau and I had a race! He won."

Alaina smiled at Rafe. "He's a fast dog. He's good during the day. At night, he gets a little tired and stiff."

Rafe was already leading him away once again.

"If you don't want us to come to dinner, I understand," she said softly. "Trust me, I'm used to kids blurting out things parents may not actually want them to say."

"No, it's fine," I said. "I won't deny it was a shock, but it's fine. I'm not a cook and my chef is on vacation. Please, temper your expectations."

She laughed, a soft, sweet sound that eased the tension in my chest. "I think we'll survive."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," I said with a dry chuckle.

"Anytime," she replied. "Can I bring anything?"

"No, no," I said. "I'm going to make Rafe do all the cooking. This was his idea."

She laughed. "You are not going to do that."

"I might." I laughed.

Cate finished her call and came back to us. "Sorry about that. Shall we go now?"

"Rafe, say goodbye to Beau," Roan said. "We need to get going so we can start dinner."

Rafe pouted but obeyed. He hugged Beau and Alaina before running over to me. Alaina gave me one last smile before she turned to leave, Cate following behind her.

Rafe tugged at my hand, bringing me back to the present. "Dad, we need to go grocery shopping if we're having guests for dinner. And I want to help cook!"

"Alright, buddy," I said, ruffling his hair. "Let's get going."

We made our way to the grocery store, Rafe chattering excitedly about the dinner plans. I half-listened, my mind still on Alaina. The aisles were crowded with holiday shoppers. It took longer than usual to find everything we needed. Rafe was using my phone to Google recipes. I hoped no one expected anything great. I was an amateur and Rafe was an absolute newbie. I hoped everyone had steel bellies.

As we made our way up and down the aisles, Rafe stopped. "Dad, can we make those cookies Ms. C likes?"

"What cookies would those be?" I asked.

"Chocolate chip," he said. "She brings them to school sometimes."

"Sure thing, Rafe," I said. "That seems easy enough. Or we could just buy them from the bakery."

He looked at me like I suggested we feed them dog shit.

"Alright, alright," I said. "Look up a recipe for cookies."

Rafe found one. We loaded up our cart with all kinds of ingredients, not to mention a multi-pack of cookie sheets because, apparently, we needed more than one.

The trip took longer than necessary, but when we finally reached the checkout, Rafe was practically beaming with pride. I let him place all the items on the conveyor belt, chuckling as he carefully organized each ingredient according to the order in which they would be used in the recipes.

The people behind us were not thrilled, but the cashier smiled at our antics. "Big dinner tonight?" she asked.

Rafe nodded enthusiastically. "We're having guests!"

Once we were home, we set to work in the kitchen. Rafe was surprisingly helpful, carefully measuring ingredients and stirring with concentration. It was a messy, chaotic process, but his enthusiasm was infectious. We started with the cookies first.

"Dad, do you think Ms. C will like dinner?"

"I hope so, buddy," I said, glancing at the clock.