Chapter 36

36

ROAN

I was in the kitchen making breakfast when I heard Alaina's soft footsteps coming down the stairs. My heart skipped a beat as she appeared in the doorway, looking slightly embarrassed and disheveled. Her hair was tousled, and she wore the same clothes from the previous night.

I had taken her to bed but I didn't undress her.

"I should go," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. She avoided my eyes, clearly feeling out of place.

"Sit down and enjoy breakfast with us," I insisted, motioning to the table. "Grab some coffee."

Rafe was busy setting the table, humming to himself, clearly happy to have Alaina's company.

"Really, I should?—"

"Please, Alaina, we'd love for you to stay. I make a mean pancake."

"I picked out your seat, Ms. C," Rafe said, pointing to a chair at the table. "And I poured you some orange juice!"

Alaina smiled, her hesitation melting away at Rafe's enthusiasm. "Thank you," she said. "In that case, coffee sounds great."

"Okay." He nodded. "Do you want sugar?"

She smiled at him. "I think I would like that."

"Okay," Rafe said, clearly happy to be a helper.

He climbed onto a stool and grabbed the sugar dish and carried it back to the table.

Alaina flashed me a shy smile, taking the seat he had chosen for her. Rafe hovered near her, like he was afraid she might get up and run out the door. Once again, I felt a twinge of guilt. He should get these moments with his mom. Any mom.

She was too good, too sweet, too perfect, and it was killing me. I watched her interact with Rafe, the way she made him laugh, the way she listened to him with genuine interest. It made me wonder why it was so hard for me to just take this leap of faith and tell her how I really felt about her. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. The fear of heartbreak, of opening myself up only to be hurt again, held me back.

"Alright, I hope you're hungry," I said, carrying the platter of chocolate-chip pancakes to the table.

"I'm starving," she replied, her eyes lighting up at the sight of the pancakes.

Rafe clapped his hands in delight. "See, I told you Dad's pancakes are the best. I like mine with lots of whipped cream."

"I bet you do." She laughed.

Rafe loaded his pancakes with whipped cream and handed the can to Alaina. She was a little more reserved with her application.

"Let's see if they live up to the hype." She picked up her fork and took a bite. Her eyes widened. "Wow, these are amazing."

I couldn't help but feel a burst of pride at her praise. "Glad you like them."

As Alaina and Rafe tucked into their breakfast, I sat back and watched them, my heart full. There was something about their easy interaction that made me yearn for more moments like these.

Rafe looked up at me, his mouth smeared with syrup and chocolate. "Dad, can we do this again tomorrow?"

Alaina looked at me, her eyes wide.

"We'll see, buddy," I said, looking away from Alaina's gaze.

Rafe chattered away about pretty much everything under the sun while we ate. I felt a strange sense of contentment. I knew there was nothing about this that was real or long-lasting, but for right now, it felt right.

Later, as we cleaned up the kitchen together, Alaina's laughter filled the room. I found myself agreeing with my son. I wished she could be here every day, brightening up the mornings.

"I need to go," she finally said during a moment of silence. Her voice was soft, regretful. I was reluctant to let her leave.

She looked at me, and for a moment it felt like time stopped. I wanted to say something, anything that would convince her to stay longer. Instead, I simply nodded and told Rafe to say goodbye.

"Bye, Ms. C!" he shouted happily as he ran up to hug her. She hugged him back before standing up and looking at me.

"Thank you for breakfast," she said. "It was good. Really good."

After getting Rafe cleaned up and dressed, I took him to his friend's house for a day of fun. I loved that he seemed to have found a good friend. Yes, he had a bully at school he was dealing with, but he also had at least two good friends and that seemed like a win. It was more than he had at the other school.

As I drove away, I couldn't shake the image of Alaina's smile from my mind. It haunted me, making me question why I was so scared to take a chance on her. I couldn't remember the last time Rafe and I had both smiled so much. It felt like a dream.

And I loved it.

I decided to go to the grocery store to clear my head. I usually did a delivery order, but I had nothing else to do. And I didn't want to sit around thinking about Alaina.

As I wandered through the aisles, picking up random items, I saw a familiar face. I recognized her from the club and finally put a face to the name. She was Alaina's sister, the person who kept telling Alaina I was a playboy jerk.

She glared at me and quickly went down an aisle. I let it go, but the more I got to thinking about it, the more pissed I got. She was telling Alaina to stay away from me, but she didn't even know me. It was insulting and I was not the kind of guy that took an insult lying down.

Our eyes met in the freezer aisle once again. Taking a deep breath, I approached her.

"Cate, can we talk?"

She folded her arms, clearly not in the mood for a friendly chat. "What do you want, Roan?"

"You're Alaina's sister."

"No shit," she muttered.

"You keep telling Alaina I'm a playboy asshole but you don't even know me."

"I know enough," she replied.

"You've heard rumors. You don't know me."

She rolled her eyes. "I know enough, and I don't like what I know."

"I care about Alaina," I said, getting straight to the point. "We're friends, and I would never hurt her."

Cate scoffed. "Friends? Is that what you call it?"

"Look," I continued, trying to keep my cool. "I know you have your reasons for not liking me. You're mixing business with personal. But passing on your marketing pitch wasn't my decision. If that's why you're trying to get in Alaina's head, that's pretty messed up. Like I told her, I don't have my finger in every single element of my business. I would think you would understand that. Get over it."

Her eyes flashed with anger. "It's not about the pitch, Roan. It's about Alaina. She's all I have now. I've seen her get dragged through the mud by guys who didn't deserve her. She's too good for this world. She's too good for billionaire playboys that don't mind taking advantage of a naive young woman who sees the good in people. All she ever wanted was to be in love and have a family. She gave up on that after her last breakup. She was so unhappy that she left her job in her dream industry and came here, finally finding a place that makes her smile. And you better not get in the way of that."

I could see the genuine concern in her eyes. It hit me hard. Cate wasn't trying to ruin things out of spite. She was trying to protect her sister. I actually liked that. I liked that someone was looking out for Alaina because she was a little naive. Not in a bad way, but in an innocent way that made her loveable.

"I wouldn't dream of hurting Alaina," I said softly. "I know I don't deserve her. That's why I'm staying her friend and not pursuing what I really want. I'm not the asshole you think I am."

Cate looked shocked by my admission, but I couldn't stand there any longer. I turned and walked away before she could say anything else. She made me feel like an asshole, like I was going to somehow use or hurt her.

When I got home, the house felt emptier without Rafe's laughter echoing through the halls. I carried the groceries into the house and put them away. Then I filled up the candy dishes in what was going to be the game room, and refilled the fruit basket on the kitchen island.

I found myself meandering around the house, looking at it with fresh eyes. I knew a woman's touch would make the place a little prettier—homier. Alaina's tiny little apartment was bright and cheery and just had that woman's touch. What would our house look like with a woman living in it?

Later that night, after picking Rafe up and tucking him into bed, I lay beside him for a while. He pointed out each planet on the ceiling, his little voice full of excitement and wonder.

"Dad, did you know that Jupiter has the most moons of any planet in the solar system?" he asked, his eyes wide with curiosity.

"I did know that," I replied, smiling at him. "You're a smart kid, Rafe."

"I know," he said, his voice dropping to a whisper. "Dad, why do kids like Sam pick on me?"

I sighed, feeling a lump in my throat. "Because sometimes, people don't know how to deal with their own feelings, so they take it out on others. But you're strong, Rafe. And you don't ever need to change who you are to make others happy. I love how smart you are. I love that you are a really good kid. You're not mean. Don't ever be mean. No matter what another kid does, I hope you will have the courage to be kind. If it's not you that's being picked on, I want you to stick up for the kid that is being picked on."

"Ms. C always tells us we should be kind," he said.

"She's a good teacher," I said, my heart aching. "And a good friend."

"I wish she could be my mom," Rafe mumbled as he drifted off to sleep.

His words hit me like a punch to the gut. I lay there, staring at the glow-in-the-dark stars, wondering why it was so hard for me to just tell Alaina how I felt. I wanted to open up to her, to let her into my heart, but the fear of going through another heartbreak made me question my motives in even being friends with her.