Chapter 35

35

ALAINA

I hung up the phone but didn't move. This was a mistake. But why didn't it feel like a mistake? Why did it feel like it was right?

Before I could overthink it, I slipped on my shoes, grabbed my jacket, and bent down to give Beau a kiss. "I'll be back in a bit."

He barely moved. He got meds to help him sleep at night and would be out until morning. I made sure there was food and water in his bowl and left the apartment. I made the drive out to Roan's upscale neighborhood, trying to tell myself to turn around and go home. I didn't have the self-control to reject any advances he might make. In fact, I was hoping he would. I really wanted to kiss him. Hell, I wanted to do a lot more than that.

I arrived at Roan's house feeling a mix of anxiety and anticipation. Before I could even knock, the door swung open, revealing Roan in jeans and a white T-shirt that somehow made him look even more handsome.

"Hey," he greeted, his voice softer than usual.

"Hey," I replied, my nerves getting the best of me.

He stepped aside, allowing me to enter. The house was quiet. The silence felt loud in the vast space. I followed him through the hallway to a cozy den. It was dimly lit, with a comfortable couch and a few scattered toys that hinted at Rafe's presence.

"Rafe's asleep upstairs," Roan said as we settled on the couch. "Can I get you a drink?"

I smiled. "No thank you."

"Do you mind if I finish my drink?"

I shrugged. "Sure. You're not nervous to see me, are you?"

He smiled. "I feel much more at ease now that you're here. Thank you for coming over."

"Of course. Is everything okay?"

He nodded. "Yeah, this thing with Rafe. Well, it bothered me more than I thought it would. He's fine with it but I'm a mess."

"I understand," I said. "It really wasn't that bad. The shove was hard, but I don't think he was in any danger of getting hurt. It was just so uncalled for and mean. When Rafe hit the ground, I was right there."

"He told me," he said. "He told me you were there and scooped him up. That made him really happy. I'm so glad you were there. He needed that. I think that's why he's already forgotten about it. Because of you."

"I was happy to help, but I bet you also helped him process it," I said softly, my gaze dropping to my hands in my lap. "You're a good father. Rafe is lucky to have you."

Roan sighed, taking a sip of his drink. "I try. But it's impossible to know if it's enough."

"The fact that you worry about it means you're a good parent," I said quietly. "Do you think Kyle Klein sits up at night worrying if he's done enough?"

Roan snorted. "No way in hell. That man is a human shit stain."

I grinned and shook my head. "This might make me a horrible teacher to admit, but his kid sucks too. He's the worst."

Roan burst out laughing, although he quickly lowered his volume so Rafe didn't wake up. "Poor kid never had a chance with a father like that."

"But Rafe seems happy," I said. "And he's incredibly smart and kind-hearted. You're doing something right. He didn't hop up and try to go after the kid. He didn't cry. He just dusted himself off."

"You know, Rafe's old school was a nightmare," he began, his voice low and filled with sorrow. "He was bullied constantly, and it killed me to see him go through that. I felt so helpless, watching him get hurt and not being able to do anything about it."

"No, you did something about it," I said. "You moved your whole life to Chicago to get him in a nurturing environment."

He smiled. "Well, yes, I suppose that's true. Earlier, he told me this Sam kid was pissed at him because he beat him in a spelling bee."

I reached out, placing a comforting hand on his arm. The moment I touched him, I felt the familiar sizzle. "Sam misspelled the word decency ."

Roan chuckled and shook his head. "It was probably the first time he'd ever heard it. Little shit."

I giggled and buried my face in Roan's shoulder. "We're terrible. But seeing Rafe getting pushed around again must have been incredibly difficult."

His chest rose and fell as he sighed. "I just want him to have some stability. He can't have that if some piss poor speller is hassling him. Should I teach him to fight back? Would it be better if he knocked Sam on his butt?"

I pulled away from him before I got too comfortable. "Roan, Rafe doesn't need to get physical to stand up to bullies. He needs confidence. And you're giving him that by being there for him, by making sure he's in a better environment. He's already got stability because of you. There are always going to be bullies in life. I think he handled himself really well."

"I just want him to be able to face off against these bullies, to not be afraid."

"And he will," I assured him. "You're doing everything you can to support him, and that's what matters most. I know I sound like a girl, but these things do not need to be settled with fists and karate kicks."

"I was a late bloomer," he said.

"What?"

"I was a small kid," he explained. "I didn't get big or tall until I was about fifteen. I'm sure Rafe will hit his growth spurt around that same time. I hope. I know how much it sucks to be the small one in class. Kids can be cruel."

I nodded. "But they can also be amazingly resilient. Rafe is stronger than he looks."

Roan quietly mulled over my words as he took a small sip of his drink. His gaze focused on the glass in his hand before looking back at me. There was a silence between us then, but it wasn't uncomfortable. It was the kind of silence that conveyed understanding and common ground.

"You're right," he conceded, his voice barely above a whisper. "I just wish I could shield him from all of this stuff."

"Life?" I joked. "Good luck."

"I know, I sound crazy," he groaned.

"It sounds like you went through some stuff growing up but clearly it didn't hold you back."

"Just made me want to work harder," he replied.

"And I think it helped Rafe push harder as well," I said. "I bet you he's going to do even better at the next spelling bee."

"I hope he creams the kid." He laughed. "Thank you, Alaina. It means a lot to me that you're here, that you care."

"Of course, Roan," I replied softly. "I care about you and Rafe. You're both important to me."

"You've certainly made an impression on him."

"You know, Roan," I began, debating how much I wanted to tell him. "I understand what Rafe is going through. I was bullied a lot when I was younger, too. It wasn't just the girls. The boys picked on me, too. I wasn't popular. I was the geeky girl always reading books, the first one to raise her hand when the teacher asked a question. Kids would pretend to be my friend and ask me for the answers. I was dumb enough to give the answers. Sometimes, I inadvertently did their schoolwork. They would call me and pretend we were friends and ask me questions and I would give them the answers. I was so naive. So damn desperate to be one of the cool kids, I didn't see they were using me."

"I'm sorry," he said.

"I wish I would have had a parent at home that would have bolstered my self-confidence," I said with a sigh. "Maybe I would have handled it better. I was a sucker. I spent most of my school years being alone or relentlessly teased."

Roan's expression softened with empathy. "I'm sorry to hear that, Alaina."

I nodded, feeling a lump in my throat. "I never got asked to prom. I spent my teenage years feeling like I didn't belong."

"I would have taken you to prom in a heartbeat," he said.

I smiled, but I didn't believe him. Roan would have been the popular quarterback. The guy all the girls wanted to date.

"I've been on dates, had a boyfriend or two, but nothing ever felt right. My last boyfriend broke up with me because he thought I was boring. And he was right."

"That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard," he said. "Boring?"

"I was in engineering, Roan, and now I'm a teacher. I wear thrifted clothes and live on a tight budget. I'm not built like those models you probably dated in the past."

Roan squeezed my hand, his eyes searching mine. "Alaina, if I had known you back then, I would have asked you to prom. I promise you that."

I smiled at him. "You say that now, but back then, I doubt it."

Roan shook his head. "You don't know that. You're an incredible woman, Alaina. If those guys couldn't see that, it was their loss."

A tear slipped down my cheek. Roan gently wiped it away. "I'm not sure I'm cut out for this, Roan. After what happened with Kyle, I'm questioning everything."

"Is that how you think I see you?" he asked, his voice full of concern.

I shrugged, not trusting myself to speak. My insecurities weighed me down, and I wasn't sure how to voice them. Those were things I kept to myself. I didn't need to put a magnifying glass on the parts of me that made me feel unpretty.

Before we could delve deeper into the conversation, Rafe wandered into the den, rubbing his eyes. "Dad? Are you still up?"

Roan turned to Rafe, his expression instantly softening. "Hey, buddy. Yeah, I'm still up. Did we wake you?"

Rafe shook his head and then noticed me. "Ms. C! What are you doing here?"

For a moment, I panicked, wondering if Rafe would be upset to see me here with his dad. But instead, his face lit up with a smile. "Are you watching a movie?" he asked. "Is it Star Wars?"

"No, we're just talking," Roan answered.

"Okay, but can we watch a movie together?"

Roan looked at me, raising an eyebrow. I smiled back at him and nodded. "Sure, Rafe."

"But not Star Wars again," Roan said, grinning. "I'm begging you."

Rafe's face brightened with excitement. "How about The Lion King?"

"Done," his father said.

We all settled on the couch, Rafe snuggled between Roan and me. A sense of peace washed over me, a feeling of belonging that I hadn't felt in a long time.

By the time the movie ended, Rafe had fallen asleep between us. Roan carefully lifted him to carry him to bed.

"I should go," I whispered.

"Wait."

I nodded and waited for him to return, looking around the den. I loved that it looked like any other home, just with slightly nicer furniture. The couch was cloud soft, and the coffee table was made of heavy, fancy-looking wood I didn't know the name of.

"Mahogany," he said from behind me, noticing me eyeing it. "It's nice but a pain in the butt to move. Well, according to the movers."

"I like it."

"Thank you for hanging out with us," he said. "It means a lot to both of us."

I smiled back at him, feeling my heart swell. "I'm glad I could be here. I really should get going."

"Let's watch another movie." He shrugged.

"Roan, you have to be exhausted."

"I'm not," he said. "I don't think I would be able to sleep."

That tugged at my heart. "Okay, I'll stay for a bit."

I awoke the next morning to the sound of Rafe bursting into the room. I was completely disoriented.

"Dad's making pancakes!" he exclaimed.

I blinked, groggy, and reached for my phone to check the time. I didn't remember going to bed. How in the hell did I get into bed? I groaned, realizing Roan must have carried me to a guestroom.

"Beau!"

I quickly texted the young woman who walked Beau, begging her to go by my house to walk him. I was a terrible dog mom.

"Do you like chocolate chips?" Rafe asked.

"What?"

"In your pancakes," he said. "That's my favorite."

"Uh, sure." I nodded.

Within minutes, my dog walker replied with a photo of Beau licking peanut butter off a spoon. Everything was fine with him. Now I just had to figure out what was going on here.