Chapter 34

34

ROAN

I walked into the office and was practically bowled over when Jake ran up to me. "What happened?" he asked. "Is Rafe okay?"

"Rafe's fine," I said, running a hand through my hair. "He had a little run-in with a classmate, but he's alright. It's nothing to worry about."

"Bully?" he asked.

I nodded. "One of those kids. The kind that has a chip on his shoulder and needs to feel big by pushing others around."

"Damn," Jake said, his eyebrows knitting together in concern. "But Rafe is taking it okay?"

"He got knocked down and a little scraped up," I said simply. "But he didn't seem bothered by it. He's stronger than I give him credit for."

Jake seemed relieved, his shoulders loosening noticeably. "Good," he said. "Glad to hear it."

"Yeah," I muttered, not really present in the moment anymore.

Jake studied me curiously, tilting his head to one side as if he was trying to read my mind. "Oh shit," he said.

"What?"

"You saw Alaina!" He wasn't asking, he was stating it. Jake had that uncanny ability to figure out what was going on in my head even before I did. It was annoying, yet incredibly useful in countless situations.

"I did," I admitted, not seeing the point in trying to deny it.

"And?" Jake prodded, practically vibrating with curiosity.

"And it was confusing." I could still smell her. Seeing her had stirred up so many feelings.

Jake crossed his arms over his chest as he leaned against the doorframe of my office, a knowing smirk spreading across his face. "You like her."

I glanced at him sharply. "No shit." I stopped, sighed, then tried again. "She's Rafe's teacher. She helped him today."

"Yeah, she did," Jake agreed readily. "And that just made you like her more. You're seeing her in the mommy role."

I rolled my eyes at him. "That is not what I'm seeing."

"You're seeing her as the next Mrs. Lockhart." He grinned. "I better be your best man, bro."

"Did we not just have this conversation an hour ago?" I sighed. "Do we really need to get into it again. I don't see her as anything more than the woman who is teaching my son."

"You're a terrible liar." He laughed. "Did you thank her?" He waggled his eyebrows, clearly implying something else.

"Of course, I thanked her. She handled the whole situation perfectly." I chose to avoid his implication.

Jake's smug smile didn't falter. "So, what are you going to do about it?"

I glared at him. "What am I going to do about what ?"

"The fact that you like her."

"I'm not going to do anything, Jake!" I snapped, frustration bubbling up inside me.

He scoffed at me, shaking his head. "You can lie to yourself all you want but you're not fooling anyone else."

Ignoring him, I moved to sit behind my desk and began sorting through the stack of papers that had been accumulating throughout the day.

"You can't just ignore this, Roan." Jake's voice had taken on a serious note.

"Yes, I can."

"No, you can't!" he insisted. "You'll just keep pining over her and making yourself miserable. And if you keep this up, you might even let her slip away."

"I know," I replied honestly. "I just can't get my head around things. Maybe because she's Rafe's teacher. Or maybe because I'm afraid of what could happen if things go wrong."

"That's life, Roan." Jake shrugged. "Shit happens. You can't hold back because you think something might happen. That would really, really suck. If you don't go for her, someone else will. Then what? Are you going to sit there and tell me you would be okay with her moving on with another man while you sit back and twiddle your thumbs?"

"Obviously not, but I can't expect her to stay single forever," I replied. "I can't claim her. I can't stop her from being happy. So, this is what it has to be."

"That's about the dumbest shit I've ever heard," he said with a shake of his head. "You'll regret it."

"I probably will. Now, I have a call to make."

"Fine, but don't come crying to me when you lose her for good."

"Wouldn't dream of it," I said as he walked out the door.

Jake's words echoed in my mind even after he had gone. I sat there for a while, staring at the paperwork scattered on my desk, but I wasn't really seeing it. Jake was right. I knew he was right. Somehow, he often was.

It was easier to bury my feelings, to hold them at arm's length and pretend they didn't exist. But Alaina was different from any other woman I had known, and pretending these feelings didn't exist was getting harder every day.

I remembered her face when she saw me walk into the office. Her eyes filled with a mix of surprise and apprehension, and something else. A flicker of anticipation, maybe? It was hard to interpret, but the sight had made my heart race. Seeing her twisted me in knots. Knowing I couldn't just walk right up and kiss her kind of pissed me off. I supposed in some ways, I felt like I had already staked my claim. My phone rang. I cleared my throat and steered my thoughts toward business.

Rafe showed up at the office, strolling in by himself. David walked him to the elevator in the lobby and then Rafe was allowed to find his way to my office. It was a compromise. I was still not ready to have him dropped off at the door and let loose in the building. I didn't want to helicopter parent him, but the reality was there were bad people in this world.

I noticed the band-aids on each of his hands. I wasn't sure they were doing much good, but I didn't say anything. I wanted to talk to him, but not just yet. I wanted to make sure he had my full attention and I wasn't pulled away by the ringing phone or someone interrupting me.

"I've got one more call," I told him. "Do you have your snack or do you want me to ask Carly to get you something?"

"I've got my snack," he said.

I nodded and watched him get cozy on the sofa, pulling out his puzzle book and settling in. I couldn't help but smile. He was acting like nothing happened. He was resilient. I was glad things hadn't been worse. Skinned knees and hands were nothing to worry about. He was good.

"Do you want to go out for dinner tonight?" I asked him as I packed up.

"Okay."

We went to his favorite restaurant for dinner that evening. I was hoping he would be relaxed enough to open up about what had happened at school. We sat in a booth, the air filled with the comforting scent of pizza and garlic knots.

"Hey, buddy, can we talk about what happened at school today?"

Rafe sighed, his shoulders slumping. "I guess."

I leaned forward, resting my arms on the table. "You know you can tell me anything, right?"

He nodded slowly but remained silent.

I tried a different approach. "Was there a reason why Sam was picking on you?"

Rafe hesitated. "I beat him in the spelling bee."

I frowned, finding that to be a shitty reason to beat a kid up. "Rafe, you're a smart kid. I don't ever want you to feel like you have to hide that or not do your best because of someone else."

He shrugged, his eyes downcast. "I know, Dad. He was mad because he's older than me and I beat him. I wasn't trying to be mean. Him and his friend were really mad at me."

I nodded sympathetically. "It's important to always do your best. Don't let anyone make you feel bad for being smart, okay?"

Rafe nodded, a small smile tugging at his lips. "Okay."

"How are your hands?"

He looked at his palms. "Fine. It only hurt for a minute."

"What about your knee?"

"Not too bad." He shrugged. "Ms. Callaway was there when Sam pushed me. She scooped me up and stayed with me when I went to the nurse. She didn't leave me until she knew I was okay."

My heart swelled with gratitude and warmth. "That was really nice of her, wasn't it?"

Rafe nodded, a small smile spreading across his face. "Yeah. I wish she was my mom instead of just my teacher."

His words hit me hard, like a punch to the gut. I swallowed the lump in my throat, trying to keep my voice steady. "Ms. C is a great person. She cares a lot about you, Rafe. She's a really good teacher."

It was hard to hear him talk like that. It made me feel so guilty that he didn't have a mom. I wished there was a way I could have given him a better mother to start with. He needed one. He deserved one.

We finished our dinner and headed home. I tucked Rafe into bed that night, sitting beside him as he pointed out the glowing planets on his ceiling. The solar system stickers were arranged according to the map Rafe studied so often. I listened intently as he recounted facts about each planet. He was like a walking encyclopedia when it came to space, his voice filled with wonder and excitement. He was a really smart kid and I didn't think it was possible to be any prouder of him.

"You know so much about space, buddy," I said softly.

Rafe grinned up at me. "I like learning about it. I want to go to space when I get older. Ms. Callaway says going to space will probably be like going to Europe when I'm a grownup."

I laughed. "She's probably right."

I tucked him in and went downstairs to pour myself a drink. Why did things have to be so complicated between us? We liked each other. That much was clear. But I had built a wall around my heart, afraid to let anyone in, especially someone who could potentially hurt Rafe and me again. The idea of opening up to Alaina, of letting her into my heart, scared me more than I wanted to admit.

Should I listen to my head or my heart? My head told me to keep things simple, to protect Rafe and myself from any more pain. But my heart yearned for something more, something that I had been denying myself for too long. I wanted to have a woman to talk with after I put Rafe to bed. Someone to share life with in general.

Just then, my phone rang, breaking the silence. It was Alaina. I answered quickly, finding it weird she called just when I had been thinking about her. Then again, I thought about her all the time.

"Hey, Alaina," I said, trying to keep my voice steady.

"Hey, Roan," she replied softly. "I was just checking in. Is Rafe doing okay?"

I smiled despite myself. "Yeah, he's doing better. Thanks for asking. He said his hands don't hurt."

There was a brief pause before she spoke again. "And how about you, Roan? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I said quietly. "Actually, would you like to come over?"

There was a moment of silence on the other end of the line. It was bold and we both knew it was a bad idea. I held my breath, waiting for her answer.

"Sure," she finally said with a touch of uncertainty. "I'll be there in a bit."

I hung up the phone, feeling a mix of nerves and excitement. What was I doing? Was this the right choice? I paced back and forth in the living room, my mind racing with questions. But deep down, I knew that I wanted Alaina here with me, that I wanted to see where this could go, despite the risks.