23. Violet

23

Violet

“ H art, I’m taking the car!” I scream, grab the keys, and run out the door. He doesn’t have class today and didn’t mention any plans. I’ll just assume he shouldn’t need the car for anything. Liza meets me in the parking lot and hops in.

“Liza, thanks for coming with me. I have no clue what to wear, but I know I need to look hot.”

“No worries, girly! I’m super excited to do this together,” Liza says.

I love my new friend. Shopping for a dress to wear to the football banquet isn’t something that Hartley would be thrilled to do. Sure, he would do it to make me happy, but having Liza try on dresses with me will be so much more fun and exciting.

“I’ve never shopped for a fancy dress before. I didn’t go to the prom or any other school dances. I’m going to need your help, big time.”

“You’re going to be so easy to shop for. Look at your body. I wish I was that skinny, and your butt? Jesus. Ryan is going to die.” She gestures toward me in the cramped car.

“That’s the plan. He’s never seen me in anything this fancy. I want him to love it. Who are you going with?”

“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.” Her giddy demeanor drops and turns serious. Liza is rarely serious about anything.

“What’s wrong?” I ask.

“Locke and I were in a situationship last year, and he brought me as his date. The night ended in an argument, so we both went home with other people.” She shrugs.

“What’s the deal with Locke? He acts like he’s all about you but then does stupid stuff to make you jealous.”

“Locke and I are complicated. We’ve never officially dated, but we hook up off and on. Last year, I was gone for him and didn’t realize what we were at the time. Now I know that we’re nothing to each other.”

“What?! You’re a ten and deserve so much more than his games. He’s an idiot if he doesn’t realize what’s in front of him.”

“Thanks, bestie. I’m trying, but he’s hard to say no to. He’s hot and gets me when I’m weak. I rationalize my behavior by telling myself it’s for the plot.”

“If you’re not going to the banquet with Locke, who are you going with?” I ask with curiosity. Liza doesn’t boy-hop and throw herself at the team like some of the others do. They do all seem to really like her, though.

“Please don’t be mad.” She makes prayer hands and closes one eye.

“You’re making me nervous. Spit it out.”

“Hartley.” She quickly covers her face and peaks through her fingers.

“What?" I throw a quick glance her way before facing the road. "I love this." My right arm reaches over to squeeze hers. "How did he ask you? Please tell me he did something sweet.”

I mean, Ryan just laid it out there and asked me abruptly, but I expect Hartley to be a little extra. I gush over my two best friends going to the banquet together. For as long as I’ve known Hartley, he has never had a serious girlfriend, but I would ship these two one hundred and ten percent. He's been acting off lately, and I'm wondering if it has to do with Liza being around the apartment more.

“It’s not like that. Hartley and I have been acquaintances since freshman year, and he can’t stand the way Locke treats women. We've been hanging out more since he agreed to help me with my art portfolio. He told me he didn’t have a date and asked if I wanted to go with him. I agreed. For the plot and all.”

“I love this for the both of you and would never be mad. If Hartley screws your night up, I will hurt him.” I look at her with a fake threat in my eyes. We both laugh as we park at the mall. After walking through the mall to assess our options, we decide on a small boutique rather than a bigger department store.

We begin looking through racks of beautiful gowns. They are all different, but I’m drawn to the sparkly ones. Liza encourages me to try on more edgy and sexy dresses than I usually would. We thought it would be fun to pick out dresses for each other. Liza is up first. She comes out of the fitting room with a long satin dress. The deep plum color is mesmerizing and highlights her olive skin. Her blonde hair is the perfect contrast against the dark color. It has a deep v-cut down the front showcasing her filled-out chest. She’s stunning.

“I love it. This is the one,” I say with eager mini claps.

“What?" No way. This is the first dress. You never buy the first dress. Plus, this one is too grandma for me. I need something more dramatic,” she replies while admiring her figure in the mirror.

“Grandma? Hartley will have a heart attack when he sees you in this.” I know his jaw will hit the floor for her. They are going as friends, but he would have to be blind not to be attracted to her in this.

“My friend may love it, but I don’t.” She winks and saunters back into the fitting room.

“Fine. Let me see more options.”

This girl time is all I have ever wanted, and I’m soaking in every minute of this shopping trip. After five more no’s, she comes out in a breathtaking gold gown. This dress is stunning. Instead of a v-cut, there is a low scoop neck that gathers together. It fits her body like a glove and mermaids out at the bottom. It is studded from top to bottom with beaded jewels. When she moves to see every angle of herself in the mirror, the light catches the jewels. She looks like a Greek goddess.

“Liza, it’s gorgeous—” I can’t even finish my sentence. She better pick this dress.

“This is the one.” She admires herself in the mirror and squeals in excitement. Once Liza is changed, it’s my turn to try on the choices Liza picked for me. I start sorting them into a yes and no pile before I try any on. A light tapping hits the door. “Before you say no to any, you have to try them all on first.” She knows me too well.

The first few dresses are automatic yeses for Liza, but absolute no’s for me. I want to look sexy for Ryan, but I feel uncomfortable in low-cut dresses. I don’t have much of a chest, and dresses that accentuate my boobs bring more attention to that. I’ve never been confident in my figure. I’m usually the wallflower by my outgoing friend. I’ve been a staple by Hartley’s side, but it’s time for me to come into my own.

My final option is a black satin dress. When I put it on and turn to look in the mirror, I barely recognize the girl in front of me. It's a high neck that ties around the back. It makes me look much taller than I am. When I turn around to look at the back, I’m speechless. It is completely open from where it ties at the neck down to the band of my panties. This is a dress I never thought I would be in. I step into the main area to show Liza, really hoping she likes this one. Before I can make it completely out of the fitting room, Liza gasps and puts her hands over her mouth, doing a little tap with both feet.

“What do you think?” I ask with a plastered smile.

“I think you will have every pair of eyes on you. Vi. You look amazing. The back of this dress is hot. ” She spins me around and prods every inch of the material wrapped around me. We head to the cashier and buy the sparkly gold dress for her and the black dress for me. On the drive home, I anxiously anticipate the moment Ryan sees me in it.

Ryan

It’s banquet night, and I couldn’t be less excited. I have a lot on my mind. A fancy dinner and glorified prom is not priority number one. Thank god I have Violet to bring with me. I would never make it through the night without her calm presence.

The negative thoughts have been haunting my mind all week. I can’t stop thinking about my decisions. How they will impact my future career and Violet’s perception of me nauseates me to my core. I’m a college athlete that’s in his prime. The world is at my fingertips. When she finds out, I won’t be any better than a scumbag on the street. My mind has been at war, wanting desperately to be honest with her.

Some nights, I want to run to her, throw my guts up, and tell her everything that has been haunting me. Other nights, I stay up plotting how to keep this a secret so she won’t ever have to find out. I don’t ever ask people for help because they wouldn’t understand. Having people in my business and relying on them for help scares me.

Logan confirmed my first round of bets a few days ago. If I win, the payout will come through the night of our game after all the teams finish out. I still have some sort of moral compass and didn’t bet on my own game. I couldn’t handle facing the disappointment of my teammates, and it was too risky.

What about your girlfriend’s feelings?

I’m a screw-up. Before Violet, the goal was simple: make it to the league and pay off the medical bills. Even then, football wasn’t my dream. It was a means to an end to provide for my family. Now, I’m realizing that I want more out of my life than going through the motions. I want my relationship to last and come home to her in those flannel pajama shorts after a tough loss. I envision grabbing her by the waist while she's cooking in our kitchen and kissing the sensitive skin on her neck. I want to surprise her with candy and Icees after a long day of studying. I would do anything for her. Anything except confessing my secret.

You’re only going to cause her pain. Give it up now. Let her find someone that’s worth something.

I hate the voices in my head, but they’re telling the truth. I add nothing to Violet’s life. She’s a rule follower and has a clear path. She'll be disgusted with me if she finds out about my illegal sports betting. She’ll never want anything to do with me again, and the blood of our failed relationship will be on my hands.

My thoughts consume me the entire drive to her apartment. This may be the last night you have with her. Make it special. If this is one of my last happy memories with my girl, I want every detail tattooed on my brain. Committing how she smells to memory and snapping mental pictures of how her body responds to mine when I move closer to her. I want the touch of her smooth skin laced in my heart. I knock on the apartment door, and an already buzzed and unruly Hartley answers.

“Come in, dude. We started the party without you.” He slaps my back and brings me in for a bro hug. He’s wearing a navy blue suit with a shiny gold tie and sunglasses.

“The girls are tied up in Vi’s room, getting ready. Want a drink?” He offers me a beer, but I don’t want anything to cloud my thoughts tonight. The only thing I want to intoxicate me is Violet.

“Nah, man, I’m good. No drinking in public rule is still in effect.” He nods, and we sit on the couch while waiting for the girls to finish getting ready. We make small talk about our upcoming playoff game and game plan. Every time football comes up, bile rises in my throat, and I do my best to throw on a believable poker face. Thank god the sound of heels clicking down the hallway jolts me from this conversation. My beautiful girl turns the corner into a perfect view.

“Jesus.” I tip my head back and run my hands over my face. Violet is a ten in anything she wears, but this is insane. My feet move to meet her and instinctively grab her hips. My hands were made for her body.

“Do you like it?” she asks shyly. She has no idea that she’s killing me, and I’m debating ditching this stupid banquet altogether to spend my sweet time kissing her all night.

“You do things to me, Violet,” I groan into her ear. Those goosebumps that I love so much appear. My hands rise to the back of her dress. That’s when I found my girl’s bare skin exposed to me. Christ, I’m not going to make it through this event. My chin rests on her shoulder while I explore every inch of her exposed skin. “Baby,” I plead with the girl who controls my body’s every reaction.

She turns her head slightly to give me a kiss on the cheek. Her light pink lip gloss imprints on my cheek, and I don’t make the slightest move to wipe it off.

“I picked it out just for you.”

“If we don't get out of this apartment soon, you and I aren’t leaving.” I groan against her, lift her body slightly off the worn wood floor, and worship the sight in front of me. Her makeup is much heavier than usual, drawing attention to those piercing blue eyes. Once we come back to reality, we leave the hallway, meeting Hartley and Liza in the kitchen. Liza is sporting matching sunglasses with her date, and they are both taking tequila shots. Those two are perfect for each other.

“ Woo hoo! Let’s go, guys.” Liza throws her hands in the air and heads out the door, Hartley following behind her. I’ve never seen Hartley hang on a girl’s every move. Before Hartley walks out the door, he turns and stares at me.

“Take care of her.” Hartley glances to Violet as she twirls Liza around to admire her outfit.

He’se giving me his trust, and I’m on a straight path to screwing it all up.

Violet

This banquet is bougie. I’m not talking about college girl chic, this is a level of class I’ve never seen before. I’m not accustomed to fancy things, and taking it all in is a bit overwhelming. Each table is decked out with champagne glasses, faux diamonds, and sleek black placemats. The venue is huge, with enough room for a banquet-style buffet meal and dancing.

All of the Springs U players are here with dates. Seeing the girls with perfect hair, makeup, and stunning dresses makes my heart sink to my stomach. I allow myself a small moment of self-doubt. I don’t fill out this dress like some of the others. Liza assured me more than one hundred times before leaving the apartment that I looked hot, but it’s hard to believe it. My hair is pulled into a stylish bun with pieces cascading down both sides of my face. Self-doubt isn’t new to me, but I restrain it the best I can.

Ryan looks incredible in his dark gray suit, bold golden watch, and black dress shoes. His hair is combed to one side. He’s striking, like a male model straight out of a magazine. His tattoos peek out from under his suit, on full display.

Before we find our table, Ryan stops. His hand grazes my back, then carefully rubs across the back of my neck. He pauses for a moment and squeezes my neck tighter than usual. The feeling of his tattooed hand grabbing me sends a jolt of electricity and heat throughout my entire body. He’s my kryptonite. Ryan continues and guides us to our table as if he didn’t just send me into a flustered spiral. We are seated next to Hartley and Liza. They're both buzzed and on their way to being wasted before the night ends. Hartley parties hard, but I think he’s met his match with Liza.

Ryan leans over, kisses my cheek gently, and whispers, “It’s taking all of my self-control not to bring you to the bathroom and show you how much you affect me.” My face flushes with heat, and my belly stirs with butterflies. No one has ever spoken to me like this before, and I love the reaction it elicits from my body.

“What’s stopping you?” I ask with a sultry tone to my voice.

Before I can think about it, he grabs my hand and guides me to a private place. I love this man with my entire soul. Ryan guides us through the throngs of people on the dance floor into the single-stall restroom, not bothering to click the lock behind. He lifts me onto the counter with little effort and pushes my legs open to fit his large body in between. His calloused hands rub up and down my thigh, causing my head to tilt into his chest. Even with the silky fabric of my dress between us, I’m stunned by the heat traveling up my core.

“Ry, anyone can walk in,” I mutter, finding it hard to form a sentence.

“Good. Let them. They’ll see the hottest girl in the building with me. That way they'll know you're mine.”

Before I can process how unbelievably sexy that is, Ryan’s mouth crashes into mine with reckless abandon. He’s kissing me like he’s starved for a taste and can’t get enough. My hands travel to his hair and grip so tight I could rip it straight out.

It’s one of those kisses where time escapes you. I break from his embrace and lock eyes with him. “We should head back to the table before anyone starts looking for us.”

Ryan groans in protest and traces my jaw with his thumbs. “I don’t want to be around anyone else but you.”

“I know.” I push him back slightly. He groans in my ear and trails after me.

Hand in hand, we walk back out to our table. After our makeout session in the bathroom, Ryan and I try our best to return casually to our friends. Liza pats my lap and shoots me a knowing wink. I’ll save the intimate details for Liza and I’s post-banquet sleepover. There’s no way she’ll let me gloss over this one. The servers pass around plates of every type of food you could imagine. I love to eat, especially carbs, and this is heaven. Ryan takes two of every plate offered. His hands haven’t left the bare area of my exposed back since we’ve returned. Having his touch eases my mind.

Liza cups her hands over her mouth and whispers in my ear, “Check out the bar.” I catch Locke staring at Liza from across the room. He’s posted at the crowded bar with Savannah. Hartley catches us staring and glances that way. He instinctively wraps one arm around her shoulder–marking his territory.

Ryan chats with some of his teammates at our table. I never feel ignored when I’m with him because his thumb gently traces the skin of my arm, never losing contact. He leaves a path of fire with each touch. Concentrating on anything besides the man next to me is nearly impossible. While Ryan talks, I focus on the huge stage in front of our tables. An older man makes his way to the podium. He pats the microphone to make sure it’s turned on.

“Time for the boring part,” Ryan says.

“What is it?”

“Awards,” he clips, stretching his neck side to side and running his hands over his face. His hands shoot to his hair and run through, leaving him a little more disheveled than before.

The older man’s voice booms through the microphone, “Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Springs U Football annual banquet. It’s always nice to see my guys cleaned up for the night with their gorgeous dates.” The crowd giggles. He continues, “It’s been one heck of a season, and it’s not over yet. I want to take a moment to recognize all of the team’s hard work and dedication to the game. It won’t be long before some of them are playing on the big screen.”

Ryan coughs, gets up without warning and leaves the ballroom. I don’t know what to do. Should I follow him? Does he need space? I don’t want to act crazy, but something seemed to make him nervous when the man took the stage.

I listen to the coach drone on and on for another twenty minutes about his team and how well they’ve done this season. Ryan hasn’t returned to the table yet, so I decide to get up and find him. I walk into the empty foyer area. A few girls chat with champagne glasses, but I don’t spot Ryan. I check the restrooms, hallways, and bar, and still can’t find him. I walk outside in a last-ditch effort to locate him. That’s when I’m hit with the sight of him sitting on the ledge of an icy blue lit-up fountain, hunched over and defeated with his elbows positioned on his knees. I step back a few inches, giving him space, and watch for a moment before I approach him.

My boyfriend is strong, but not just physically. He never shows weakness, so when he does, he tries his best to make sure others don’t see it. A beautiful image of a broken soul sits in front of the running water . Ryan must hear my heels clicking loudly against the cobblestone path, but he doesn’t make an attempt to look my way. I take a seat next to my beautifully broken boy. His eyes don’t meet mine, but his large hand grabs my thigh to pull me in closer.

“What’s going on in that head of yours?” I rest my chin on his shoulder, unsure of his current mood.

“Nothing you need to worry yourself over."

“What made you leave the ballroom? You can trust me.” Seeing him as a shell of himself is ripping my heart out. It’s more frustrating to have no clue how to help him.

“Promise me,” he reaches over and threads out fingers together.

“Promise you what?”

“That you won’t leave.” He meets my eyes under the moonlit sky. The fountain crashes behind our backs, illuminating the courtyard in a blue haze.

“Then don’t give me a reason to.” I can’t promise him blind loyalty when he won’t trust me enough to let me into his head. When he doesn’t answer, I turn my body, completely facing him. Grabbing his face, I place my forehead against his. His breaths are ragged, and his arms shake against my thigh. Placing my hand over his chest allows me to feel his thumping heartbeat.

“I’m all in. I need you to be, too,” I whisper to the man who came into my life and wrecked everything I thought I knew about myself and what I wanted.

“You’re everything, Vi. There is no me without you anymore.”

“I’ll give you time, but I won’t wait forever.” I kiss his lips and lock my hand in his.

He nods his head in understanding, "I'd never put you through that." He twists a piece of my loose hair through his fingers. “Let’s go back in,” he stands up and guides us back to the banquet.

When we return, everyone is on the dance floor. We must have missed the awards portion of the night. I spot Hartley and Liza front and center. Liza is bent down so low, she is about to hit the floor. Hartley is behind her dancing. His attention is fixed on his date, and I can see something different in him. Something I haven't seen in his eyes before. Their sunglasses are back on–so ridiculous. Liza dances seductively back to Hartley’s height as he throws his arms around her neck and dips her low. The music has cranked up a notch, so I can’t hear what they’re saying, but Hartley has a smile painted on his face that I haven’t seen in quite some time.

I’ll pin that thought for another day.

The song changes from a fast-paced dance to a slow-moving melody. You Found Me by The Fray begins to play through the dimly lit venue.

Ryan extends his hand out to me. “Dance with me.”

“Ryan Shane? A dancer? Who would have known?” I place my hand in his and allow him to guide me to the dance floor.

“For you, I’ll be anything.” He looks straight through me with those piercing eyes. We settle in a spot by the edge of the crowd, attracting little attention. This boy knows me better than I know myself. He leans in for a forehead kiss and places his head against mine. The whole venue goes silent when my body touches his. It’s only the two of us in the room. I listen intently to the words of this song and can’t help but love this moment for us. I wish I could live in it forever with the boy who stole my heart without warning. He holds all of me in the palm of his hands, and if he ever drops my heart, I will be left as a shattered shell of the girl I was before.