Chapter Twenty-Five

After our time together in the car, I arrived at lunch with Luisa fifteen minutes late. I promised myself that the fling in the car was a one-time thing, a last goodbye.

It became clear very quickly that Santino and I couldn’t stay away from each other. Our connection was like a magnetic pull neither of us could resist. Why else had he agreed to stay my bodyguard?

Only a day later, we found ourselves in the back seat of the car again. We were both breathless and my sweaty skin was sticking to the leather but I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face.

I was pressed up to Santino’s side, relishing in the feel of his warmth and his unique scent. It was a scent I associated with safety.

“What now?” Santino asked.

“We keep doing what we did in Paris.”

“In Paris we didn’t have dozens of watchful eyes on our back. We could be together relatively unperturbed. Everything we do in Chicago is a risk. We won’t be able to be close in public and even meeting in secret will be difficult. We can’t fuck in your room. And we can’t keep fucking in the car on public parking lots.”

I pushed up with a teasing smile, wanting to disperse the heaviness of our conversation. I didn’t want to give room for the worries that had been bugging me ever since our return to Paris had come closer and had now manifested since we were back in Chicago. “Why not? The risk will make it extra hot. I like the naughtiness of the car, and doing it in my room will be even naughtier.”

Santino’s eyes cut into me with their intensity. He raked his hands through my hair. “This will add another layer to our betrayal.”

“Does it really matter?” I whispered. Mom and Dad would be disappointed either way if they ever found out, which they wouldn’t. “Let’s be each other’s secret for however long we can.”

“I never minded being someone’s dirty secret, but I really wish I wasn’t yours.”

“It’s all we can have.”

My hands were sweaty when I entered the Clark mansion with Mom, Dad, and Leonas. Dolora celebrated her fiftieth birthday and of course, we were all invited. It was the first time I’d see Clifford again, which made me feel unreasonably anxious, especially because Dad had chosen to take Santino with us and not Enzo.

Clifford and his mother greeted us while his dad was busy talking to a couple of senators. Dolora hugged me briefly, which felt awkward, especially when her gaze cut to Santino right after. Did she think he’d give her a special birthday present?

He wouldn’t.

Right?

Were we still exclusive? Or had our kind-of-break-up in Paris changed things?

The mere thought that Santino might touch another woman made me see red. Clifford stepped up in front of me, forcing my attention toward him. A brief moment of awkwardness followed, which Clifford cut short by leaning down and kissing my cheek. It was a brief peck, nothing that screamed couple, but it still made me feel guilty because Santino had to watch it.

From the corner of my eye, I saw him walk across the room to take up position there, his eyes expression stone, but his eyes burned with jealousy.

“How are things?” Clifford asked with a polite smile. He seemed less boyish than I remembered, calmer and more confident, and not just because he was dressed in a posh suit.

“Good,” I said, accepting his extended elbow. He led me toward the buffet.

“Will he cause trouble?”

He didn’t have to elaborate, it was plainly clear whom he meant. I allowed myself the briefest glance toward Santino who was scanning the room in a professional manner.

“No, why would he?”

“Will any of the girls you dated in the last few years cause any trouble?”

“Hardly.”

“See,” I said with a firm smile. “Everything is good.”

I would have never thought I’d wish to be back in Paris. I’d missed Chicago, and I was glad to be back in my city, but being here meant I could no longer be with Anna. Now we had to sneak behind everyone’s back to catch a moment of privacy.

I’d always enjoyed the thrill of being caught. I’d gotten off on how dirty the sex felt when it was forbidden. But for some messed-up reason, I didn’t want sex with Anna to feel dirty and forbidden. I wanted people to know that she was mine and that I fucked her.

Of course, what I wanted and what I did were two very different things, and so I stood off to the side at a party in the Clark’s mansion and watched Anna. Luckily, she and Clifford weren’t attached to the hip. Seeing them together always made me feel murderous. Anna was busy talking to Clifford’s sisters while he was talking to another politician’s daughter.

“Santino,” a familiar voice said and Dolora appeared by my side. “I’m heading out into the gardens for a little stroll. Why don’t you catch some fresh air as well?”

I didn’t look her way. “I’m fine where I am. You need to find someone else to catch fresh air with. I’m no longer on the market.”

“You have someone?”

“Yes.”

The word left my lips without hesitation. Even though I knew I couldn’t keep Anna in the long run, I had her now and I didn’t want anyone else. For however long, I’d have her, I’d be faithful.

“Good for her,” she said with a shrug then sauntered off.

I caught Anna’s gaze from across the room. Of course, she’d watched me talking to Dolora. It gave me satisfaction to know that she was jealous.

She gave me a quick smile before she returned her focus to her conversation. I dragged my eyes away and noticed Clifford leaving the room. The girl he’d been talking to was gone too.

Twenty minutes later, the girl returned and a couple of minutes later Clifford followed. I headed his way when I noticed his fly was still open and a hint of makeup stained his white shirt. “How about you head to the restroom and clean up before anyone notices anything?” I growled. He glanced down at his shirt and gave me a tight smile before he left.

Anna appeared at my side with a too-bright smile. I hated those fake smiles she put on whenever she was around Clifford’s family. Of course, she’d noticed how Clifford had left with that girl. I didn’t like how he disrespected her openly, which didn’t even make sense, considering Anna was getting it on with me as well.

Anna motioned at the French door. “I need some fresh air.”

I nodded and followed her outside. When she turned to me, I knew she had other things in mind than clearing her head. She took a step closer and gave me a coy smile. “How about we get naughty in the pool house?”

“Is this to pay Clifford back or because you’re horny?”

“Does it matter?”

It did. The thought that Anna felt the kind of jealousy over Clifford that I felt for her made feel like shit. Damn it. When I didn’t say anything, she whispered, “I’m horny, okay? We haven’t had time for each other in almost a week.”

I gave her a smirk, though I was still mulling over her reasons for wanting to fuck now. “Then lead the way.”

Anna grinned before she strolled along a paved path farther from the patio. I followed her like a good bodyguard. She knew exactly where to go. Of course, I remembered the pool house too. Dolora had led me here as well.

Anna pushed down the door handle but the pool house was closed. I took out my knife and wedged it into the lock until the door popped open. Anna’s smile became downright naughty. She held out her hand and after a brief scan of our surroundings, I took it and let her lead me inside.

The place was still mostly how I remembered it. Anna didn’t hesitate and purposefully dragged me into the bedroom.

“Really? Cliffy’s bedroom?” I muttered. Anna shrugged. “He isn’t really living here anymore. I miss sharing a bed with you. This looks comfy.”

“Haven’t you tested it with Cliffy?”

I wasn’t sure why I said that when I knew Anna hadn’t been with him. I couldn’t put my jealousy aside.

“Don’t ruin the mood. We don’t know how long we have. Maybe Clifford or Dolora will need the place for their activities soon.”

I grabbed her by the hips. “I hate the thought of you using me to get back at Clifford, but I want you too much to let it stop me.”

Anna pushed up on her tiptoes and kissed me firmly, but I was still pissed. I pulled away with a harsh smile.

“Be a good girl and get on your knees.”

Anna lowered herself down onto her knees slowly, never taking her eyes off me. Did she even realize how crazy she drove me with that expression?

Anna unzipped my pants. I shoved my hand into her hair, pushing her toward my waiting cock. She parted her lip and took me into her mouth, her eyes locked on mine and that teasing smile still twisting her lips. I stared down at her, feeling a strong sense of possessiveness I couldn’t banish. Anna was mine, was meant to be mine. I gritted my teeth against a moan, my fingers tightening in Anna’s hair. She trailed her tongue around my tip before she took me deep into her mouth.

I groaned, my fingers twitching. I needed more, more of Anna. I grabbed her shoulders and pulled her to her feet.

I kissed her harshly, still angry, but refused to focus on it now. I reached under Anna’s skirt and pushed her panties down, then pushed her down on her back before I climbed on top of her and thrust into her in one hard thrust.

Anna arched up with a moan then bit her lip, stifling the sound. “We need to be quiet, right?” She laughed.

I reached between us, finding her clit and pinched, wanting to draw out another moan.

Anna gave me an indignant look, pressing her lips tightly together. “Do you want us to get caught?”

I thrust harder into her, deeper, my fingers working faster on her. If someone found us, Dante would punish me severely. But it would be worth it.

Anna nicked the skin over my bicep in warning.

I clashed our mouths together, swallowing her next moan.

I wouldn’t ruin Anna’s rumor like that, not for my own selfish needs. If I wanted to stop the wedding, I’d have to figure out another way.

After sex, we righted our clothes.

Anna reapplied her lipstick. Lipstick that she’d rubbed all over my cock.

“Will you make sure Cliffy knows what happened?”

Anna threw me a confused look over her shoulder. Then her brows drew together. “Why would I?”

I didn’t say anything, only closed my belt and made sure my gun holder was in place. I didn’t want to return to this farce of a party and stand back while Anna schmoozed the Clarks, particularly Clifford.

Anna picked up on it of course and came toward me. She wrapped her arms around my middle. We hadn’t hugged like that since Paris. I pressed a kiss against her lips, not caring if I smeared her lipstick again.

“Why are you angry?” she whispered between kisses. “You always knew I was promised to Clifford. Nothing has changed. You know we can only be together in secret. As my bodyguard, you’ll have to see me interact with Clifford. That won’t change.”

It would probably only get worse.

“I’m pissed because in the past it’s always been me who could separate sex and emotions. I was the one who had to tell the women that it could only ever be fun and that I didn’t return their feelings. It’s a new experience being on the other side for once, and not a very pleasant one.”

I’d just admitted that I couldn’t do what needed to be done, stuff my feelings into the darkest corner of my heart and lock them.

Anna swallowed. “Santino, you’re not the only one having trouble separating sex and emotions, okay? But we both know we have to fight whatever we think we’re feeling.” Anna looked away.

“I know that. But the longer we do this, the harder it gets. Maybe we should have followed the plan and stopped fucking once we returned to Chicago.”

It was hardly more than that at this point. We couldn’t go on dates anymore. We had to meet in dark corners with flimsy excuses. What had felt like something more, like… fuck… like dating in Paris now felt like a shady affair.

Anna closed her eyes. “I don’t want to stop what we have, I already miss what we had and can’t have in Chicago.”

I leaned down and buried my nose in her hair. “Six more months, then you’ll be Clifford’s.”

“But I’m not his yet, not now. I’m yours.”

“Mine,” I echoed. “But only for a little while.”

“Isn’t it better than never having what we had and still have?”

I wasn’t sure.