Chapter Twenty-Six

Carving out time for each other was near impossible now that Anna’s social responsibilities grew leading up to the wedding. In the last four weeks since our arrival in Chicago, we’d managed to fuck in the car four times and once at the party. That was it.

We rarely had time to talk. I’d have never thought I’d miss talking to a woman, but I actually missed our conversation when we lay awake in Paris the most.

After another quickie in the car on the way to a floral shop for the wedding, Anna and I allowed ourselves a few minutes of each other’s company on the back seat.

“Do you have plans for the future?” Anna asked suddenly. I peered down her head where it rested against my chest.

“What kind of plans?” I’d given up making plans since things with Anna started, but even before then I’d preferred to live in the moment, which was wise considering my life choices.

Anna tilted her head to look at me. “Don’t you ever want to marry and have kids? You’re over thirty now.”

Was she being serious? I glared. “Maybe once you’re married. As long as I’m fucking you, it seems unwise to find a wife for myself. My life’s on hold for you.”

Anna pushed up into a sitting position, her face twisting. “As if a wife would stop you from fucking me.”

“If I have a wife, I’ll be faithful.”

Anna seemed surprised. “You’ve turned several women into cheaters.”

“I didn’t turn them into anything. They were looking for fun outside of their marriage and I offered them fun.”

Anna nodded but she still looked confused. “So you’re holding off with marriage because of me?”

Was she playing dumb on purpose? My entire life had been on hold these last three years. Everything had revolved around her, her future. I rolled on top of her again. “Every fucking thing I’ve done these last few years has been because of you Anna. You are the goddamn sun I’m circling.”

Anna’s eyes softened. “You can’t put your life on hold for me. I’ll marry Clifford. I can’t be yours. Maybe you should start looking for someone to marry.”

Was that really something she wanted? Me to find someone else? I settled between her legs and slowly eased into her. Her lips parted as she exhaled.

“You’re mine for the time being. That’s enough.”

It wasn’t, and that sad fact became more apparent every passing day. I wanted Anna.

It was my evening off and I decided to meet with Arturo, canceling a dinner with Dad and Frederica last minute. I knew they’d only try to question me on my affair with Anna. I didn’t want to hear their advice. I’d given up being reasonable when Anna was concerned.

Arturo was the man for being unreasonable and when I wanted to avoid getting asked questions about my emotions.

I rode my Camaro to Arturo’s place. I’d missed it while being in Paris and even now I rarely got the chance to drive it. When I pulled up in front of Arturo’s place, he was already outside in the abandoned alley.

I got out and joined him. “Hey, how are you?” I clapped his shoulders, which only got me a brief aghast look and no answer.

Arturo motioned at a stack of packages waiting beside the door. I picked up one, which was surprisingly heavy. I followed Arturo, who carried a smaller box, into the back of his loft—it was really just a warehouse that he’d picked as his housing, probably because out here in the industrial district nobody listened to odd occurrences. I put the package down on the kitchen counter, all stainless steel. I wasn’t sure if Arturo had ever used it for cooking. It reminded me of a morgue. “What did you order? Bricks?”

Arturo opened his package, revealing spiked dog collars and something that looked like a machine to put tags into cow ears. Mine held kettlebells. No wonder it was so heavy. “I don’t suppose you order this because you’re getting a dog, start working on a farm or install a home gym?”

Arturo looked up from the collar. “I have decided to switch it up a bit.”

“So you raided a pet shop?”

“Humans torture animals in so many ways. I think it’s fitting that I should use some of those devices to torture certain humans.”

An image of Cliffy with such a collar entered my mind. “Do you have beer?”

Arturo shrugged. “Check the fridge.”

I walked past him and opened the fridge. It was stocked with beer, hot dogs, mustard, and gherkins. I was always glad when it was only food and drinks I found in Arturo’s fridge. I grabbed a beer, opened it and took a deep swig.

“I’ve been entertaining thoughts of killing Cliffy.”

Arturo gave me a blank stare.

I smirked. That was Arturo. He blacked out things of no importance as soon as they’d passed his ears.

“Clifford Clark.”

That finally got his attention. He grabbed a beer for himself, then leaned against the counter across from me. “What’s the plan?”

I chuckled. Of course, Arturo was ready to jump into action. “I haven’t crossed the line to making detailed plans yet.”

“If you’ve come to me to talk about this, you obviously aren’t looking to be discouraged.”

He had a point. If I wanted someone to talk sense into me, Arturo was the wrong choice. He was too eager for blood.

“We could make it look like an accident.”

“Nobody will believe that. His family will blame the Outfit and Dante will go looking for possible suspects, and I have a feeling ultimately it’ll be linked to me.”

Not to mention that Anna would probably get suspicious. I doubted she’d be very happy with me if I killed Cliffy. She chose him. She wanted to go through with this wedding. Nobody really forced her. If she’d tell her parents she couldn’t go through with it, they wouldn’t force her. And if someone ever tried to force her, then I’d be the first to put a bullet in Clifford’s head to stop the wedding.

If Anna thought I wasn’t worth the risk, then I sure as fuck wouldn’t force her to pick me.

Santino watched me interact with Clifford like a lion on the prowl. His entire body was bursting with tension and in his eyes the desire to pulverize Clifford was unmistakable.

Clifford and I held hands and smiled into the cameras, playing the happy couple that we weren’t and would probably never be.

“A kiss for the camera?” a journalist called, and before I could react Clifford leaned down and kissed me. It was only a peck on the lips, definitely nothing indecent but longer than I would have liked, and it did things to Santino’s expression that would have alerted everyone of our relationship if anyone had paid attention.

I cleared my throat and smiled back at the camera. Guilt settled in my stomach. I felt as if I’d cheated on Santino, but he and I weren’t… we couldn’t be. Even if what we had now felt like a real thing, like more than just a fling, it didn’t stand a chance against what lay ahead of us. I’d marry Clifford, so if anything I should feel guilty toward him because what Santino and I did was definitely more than an innocent peck on the lips.

Clifford and I held hands the entire time. With only five months until our wedding, we needed to start acting as if we were in love. Neither of our families could use nasty rumors in the press.

Eventually, I pretended I needed to go to the bathroom, but in truth I went looking for Santino whom I found in the lobby, sitting on the stairs and staring down at his phone.

“Shouldn’t you be watching me?” I asked with a teasing smile as I headed toward him.

“Clifford’s bodyguards are there, not to mention your father. I prefer to stay here, away from the madness.”

I stopped beside him, leaning against the handrail.

“Are you mad?”

“Why would I be? Hmm?” he murmured in a deadly voice. “Because you and Cliffy are all lovey-dovey?”

“He took me by surprise. I wouldn’t have kissed him.”

“Why not? You’re engaged and the future dream couple of Chicago.”

“You knew all of this when we started sleeping together,” I said quietly. It was an argument we’d had so often in recent weeks. Things were becoming more strained every day. We fought constantly, and only ever didn’t argue when we had sex.

“Sleeping together. Is that all we’re doing? Because if you think it is, we might as well call it fucking.”

I blinked and my throat became tighter. I wasn’t sure what was happening between us. Though, that wasn’t true. Maybe it was bound to happen, maybe it needed to happen so our eventual goodbye wouldn’t hurt quite as much. “You know there’s more.” I sank down beside him on the step but left a bit of a distance between us in case someone caught us.

Santino grabbed my neck, stunning me. “I know. I know what I want. I know what I feel. And you?”

I swallowed. “I have to marry Clifford. It’s for the Outfit, you know that. Don’t make me doubt my choice.”

He nodded and released me. “Maybe this is about the Outfit, or maybe it’s about something else. If you’re not doubting your choice yet, it’s probably better if you don’t bother now.”

“What do you mean?”

The door to the party swung open and we scooted apart, but not before the person saw us. Luckily it was only Sofia. Her eyes widened with surprise. “I’m sorry for disturbing you.”

I pushed to my feet. “You’re not. Our conversation is over.” I strolled over to Sofia. I could see in her expression that she worried about me. I gave her a quick smile. “Are you heading to the restroom?”

“Uhhh,” she said, glancing at Santino, obviously still unsure what she saw. Santino and I hadn’t been overly intimate but I guess whatever had passed between us had given us away to Sofia. “Yeah. What about you?”

“I need to go to the restroom too.” We linked arms and headed for the guest bathroom where we both squeezed into the room. Sofia waited for me to close the door before she said, “Okay, how long has this been going on?”

I smiled apologetically, though I felt a bit like crying after my argument with Santino. “Since Paris.”

Sofia blew out her breath. “From the beginning.”

“Yeah.”

“Oh Anna. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It would have been too dangerous over the phone.”

“What about the times we met at parties?”

I shrugged, feeling awful. “I just… I didn’t want to tell you about something that didn’t really mean anything.”

Sofia gave me a look that made it clear she thought I was completely insane.

Steps sounded right in front of the door and we fell silent. This was a good reminder that this was the Clark’s house. We weren’t safe here, especially not with a topic as sensitive as this.

“Can we meet for brunch tomorrow?” I asked.

“Of course. Danilo will be busy with meeting anyway. But no more lies, all right?”

I hugged her. “I promise.”

Sofia came over the next morning. Danilo had a meeting with Dad in his office so we could drive to the restaurant together. I was glad that she would be in town for a few more days. I needed her support. I’d considered asking Luisa to join us but it would have been too overwhelming to brave both their questions at the same time. I’d meet with her another time to talk about Santino. She was busy with her wedding preparations anyway, so I didn’t want to burden her with my Santino problems.

Sofia and I went to brunch in my favorite place where they served the best Belgian waffles. Of course, Santino drove us there so the ride to the restaurant passed in silence, except for the occasional professional interaction between Santino and Sofia’s bodyguard who sat shotgun.

Santino was clever enough to give us some room and settled far from our table next to the entrance of the bistro.

I nipped at my black coffee and picked at my fruit salad. Next week I’d go wedding dress shopping, so I didn’t want to risk gaining weight. Not to mention that I rarely felt very hungry anymore. The stress with Santino and the upcoming wedding were taking their toll.

Sofia watched me over her waffles then slanted a quick look at Santino who sat at a table with her bodyguard across the room to give us privacy.

“Do you really think you can go through with the wedding?”

Every day I was a little less sure I could, but we were only five months away from the wedding. The location was booked, the invitations had been sent out, catering was booked, even the flowers, cake, and decorations. The only thing missing was my wedding dress, which I’d avoided shopping for so far.

Canceling the wedding now would cause a major backlash. The Clarks would be majorly offended and possibly take it out on the Outfit. Even if their options for revenge were limited, I didn’t want to cause my family or the Outfit any problems. Not to mention that Santino and I would have to admit to our relationship. Dad and Mom would be very displeased to say the very least.

Sofia sighed. “That’s too long a pause, Anna.”

“I have to. I can’t back out now. Clifford isn’t bad. He’s good-looking, intelligent, driven. Those are all good qualities I’ll appreciate in a marriage.”

“Maybe. Or maybe you’ll resent him because he cost you the love of your life.”

I rolled my eyes. “That’s a bit melodramatic. I never said I was in love with Santino. We slept together these last three years but we aren’t in a real relationship.” Then I shrugged. “Maybe Clifford will divorce me after a few years, then I’m free.”

“I doubt he’ll risk his career by having a divorce early on, and entering a marriage and hoping for a quick divorce is not a good option. And Santino will probably be married by then as well.”

The thought of Santino marrying someone cut me. Of course, I wanted him to be happy but losing him to another woman was incredibly painful. Still, I couldn’t keep holding him back. That wouldn’t be fair toward him.

Sofia sighed. “Think about it. Don’t rush into things because of a wrong understanding of duty. Your parents would understand.”

I raised an eyebrow. “You really think my parents would be understanding when I told them Santino and I have been getting it on for years behind their backs?”

Sofia let out a choked laugh. “They’ll probably be a bit angry, especially toward Santino.”

“I’m not sure I want to risk it all. Who says Santino and I would even be happy if we could be together? There’s no guarantee. It would be selfish of me to risk a huge scandal for the small chance that Santino and I are meant to be.”

Sofia shrugged, still not convinced. “Maybe then your feelings for him really aren’t strong enough and it’s for the best if you give him the chance to move on, so you too can move on with Clifford.”