9. Violet

Violet

9

"You're not going to see him before you leave?" I stiffen as Maddox's harsh voice comes from directly behind me.

He's so close all it would take is one tiny step back and I'd be pressed against his chest.

I've missed him and Max so much these last few days.

After Reginald spoke to my college admissions office, they agreed I could delay my start by a few days, but I'm out of time now.

Rather than spending those few extra days at Max's bedside, I've been hiding in my room.

Mom's kept me updated on Max's condition. He's still in the hospital, but he's awake and recovering. According to her, he's lost some use of his right arm and with it his scholarship since he's not coming home for a while.

His entire life was baseball, he practiced constantly, did more than enough to earn his future in the game and that's all wiped away like it was nothing. Because of me.

I'm sure he doesn't even want to see me after what I've done to him.

Anyway, he has everything he needs here, he doesn't need me.

"How is he?" I swallow as I turn to face Maddox. He looks like he's not slept at all. There's a thick layer of stubble on his jaw that I've never seen before, he's always kept himself clean shaven, they both have.

I wonder what Max looks like now and if he's being looked after well enough in the hospital.

I reach my hand out to run my fingers over the roughness on Maddox's cheek, but he bats it away. "Go and ask him your fucking self." He spits the words at me, like they're venom in his mouth, then starts walking away from me. I grab my last piece of luggage, hauling it behind me as I rush downstairs after him.

"I'm so—"

"Don't, Vi." When he comes to a stop in front of me, I notice his right arm twitches and he grabs it at the elbow. "Please, just don't," his voice cracks and he looks so broken. All I want to do is help him, but I don't know how to stop him from pushing me away.

If I didn't run off after the party, I wouldn't have hurt the two people most important to me. I've really fucked everything up, for all of us.

I want to say I'm sorry, but he doesn't want to hear it. "I was thinking I could stop by and try to say goodbye to him on the way to the station."

Maddox looks at me with, well I'm honestly not sure. He seems to have every emotion passing over his face in just a matter of seconds. "No. You're not doing that to him. He's just lost everything, he's barely fucking conscious. The last thing he needs is you messing with his head."

Messing with his head? "I wouldn't do that."

"You either go and fully commit to him, give him what he needs to get through this or you leave and don't ever come back. I don't care if you don't want me, but you're not giving Max any false hope that someday you might want him. So choose now."

That's not a choice I can make and he knows that. I can't just drop my entire future and turn my back on college, but can I really lose them for good?

"You know what happened that night can never be a thing. It's…" I swallow before saying the next word, "wrong."

Maddox doesn't say anything. Doesn't even look at me again as he stares straight past me.

"I really am sorry," I finally say and I move past him, heading outside to where Reginald is waiting by the car.

"That everything?" He asks and I nod. He takes the case from me and puts it in the trunk with the other one. He's only driving me to the train station where I'll make the rest of the way to my new college by myself so he can be here for his sons.

I'm not sure where Mom is right now. I thought she'd at least be here to say goodbye to me.

"You want to see Max before you leave? He might not be awake, but I'm sure he'd love to know you were there.'"

Looking back over my shoulder, I see Maddox watching me from the front door, his arms folded over his chest.

"No, I don't think that's a good idea."

Nothing feels right anymore.

Reginald's brow creases and he looks pained by my rejection of his son. That awful knot in my stomach gets worse.

"Maddox is just hurting right now, Violet. Give him some time, but please don't let his anger stop you from seeing Max."

I shake my head, "I don't think Max would want to see me right now anyway."

Reginald doesn't push me any further. For the few years I've known him, it's always been like that. He's never tried to be a dad to me, but he's been a comforting presence none the less.

Before I get in the car, I grab something from my backpack and go to Maddox. "Please give this to him," I say, holding out the small bear. His lip curls as he looks at it, his jaw clenching so tight I hear his teeth clack together.

"Why?"

"Because I want him to have it so he knows—"

"Why does it matter so much to you what everyone else thinks?"

"Maddox, you know why it's impossible for us—"

"Impossible for you. Not us. You." The last word comes out with so much force it's like I'm being pushed back by it, cast out of the world I'd once been a part of.

Holding the bear out again, I say, "Please, just give this to Max and tell him that if he wants to see me once he's feeling up to it, then I'll be there."

"As a sister."

I swallow before saying the right thing even though it feels so wrong on my tongue. "Yes." What Max needs now is stability. This fairytale idea Maddox has in his head of there being an us isn't going to work, no matter how much I wish it would.

Maddox stares at it for a few long and dragged out seconds before coldly saying, "No."

"Maddox, please, just give it to him, tell him I'm sorry." I'm desperate now, practically begging him. What more is it going to take to get him to hear me? I'll get on my knees and plead if that's what it takes.

His laugh knocks me back as it suddenly bursts from his chest. "Just fucking go, Violet. Leave Max alone. Go live your perfect fucking life by yourself just like you've always wanted."

"I—" I can't get any words out.

How can he possibly think that what I've always wanted is to be alone?

All I've wanted, since the day they let me into their lives was to be theirs, but I'm too much of a coward to admit that.

"I know you don't mean that. You're hurting, we all are…"

Maddox turns on his heel and storms back inside, his hands clenched into solid fists at his side ready to cause some damage.

The door slams in my face, before I have a chance to decide whether to chase after him or not.

Wringing my hands tightly around the bear, I trudge back to the car with tears burning my eyes. Reginald doesn't say anything as I climb into the back seat. He would have overheard everything, but I can't bring myself to look up, to see if there's pity or disgust on his face.

As we drive away, everything becomes clearer in my head.

I wasn't sure what I meant to them before, but now I know.

They hate me.