8. Violet

Violet

8

I'm going to be sick.

Again.

I've puked so many times tonight that there's nothing else to come up, but my body hasn't received that memo yet.

I wash my face in the tiny sink in the hospital restroom and dry off with some coarse paper towels. They make my skin look even more red and blotchy, but my mess of makeup is mostly gone now, save for the smear of black circling my eyes. No matter how many times I scrub at it, it won't go away.

Maddox's hoodie is now covering up my outfit, but Mom still managed to guess where I'd been tonight. Both her and Reginald think all three of us were at the party together.

Maddox isn't talking right now and I've not corrected them yet.

What am I supposed to say?

No, Mom, my stepbrothers came to pick me up because I was sad and wasted. Then I sucked them both off before running away and Max almost died saving my life.

I sob and grab onto the counter for support.

Fuck.

This is all my fault.

If something happens to Max…

I don't know if Maddox will even be able to manage by himself. He's so codependent on his twin. They're practically the same person, I can't picture one without the other.

The door swings open behind me and I look up to see my mom scowling at me.

"Are you done? I want to get home. There's no point in us being here and I can't have your father blaming me for raising you wrong!" She stands next to me and starts fixing her bleached blonde hair in the mirror.

When she catches me looking at her in the reflection her nose turns up.

She's never liked the way I look. I know it's her own insecurities though, she's been on fad diets and cleanses her whole life to stay thin. Not because she wants to, but because she thinks it's the only way she can keep a man.

I would have thought she'd bite her tongue tonight and not give me any grief about my appearance.

Seems like I've been wrong about a lot of things recently.

"We should stay to make sure Max and Maddox are okay," I snap at her, my arms folding over my chest.

How can she be so flippant right now?

Without sparing me another glance, she unzips her purse and reapplies her lipstick. She's dressed like she's been up for hours, even though it's not even sunrise yet. I'm sure she's actually been up all night with whoever her current side piece is.

"Maddox is a big boy, he'll be fine and the doctors said Max will still be in surgery for a few hours."

My stomach churns and I run to the stall again.

I hear my mom tapping her foot behind me as she grows impatient.

As I rinse my mouth out again, she looks at me without a trace of sympathy. "It's about time you took my advice, you'll lose weight fast throwing up like that."

I bite my tongue and push past her to go find Maddox out in the hospital corridor.

Reginald is at the other end, still talking to one of the cops from earlier. He's never been one for big displays of emotion, but right now his pain is etched all over his face.

I didn't think my guilt could get any worse.

Just like before I went to the restroom, Maddox is still pacing, his eyes distant and so unlike him. The whole time I've known Maddox, he's always been so full of life. Ready to cause chaos at any given moment. Now, he looks like a shell of himself.

"Maddox," I say softly, putting my hand on his arm.

He yanks it away and looks down at me with nothing but despair in his eyes. Both my heart and my stomach drop. "Maddox, I—"

"I can't feel him," he says, through gritted teeth, his eyes manic. "They won't let me see him. I need to know he's okay! I can always feel him, Vi, he's not there."

I hold my hand out again to touch him and help calm him down, but he backs away shaking his head.

"I should never have let you come between us," he says and my heart breaks again, the same way it did when the car hit Max.

"Maddox, please. We need to be here for each other, for Max when he gets out of surgery."

He shakes his head again, but this time he lets me touch him and I lead him to a nearby chair. Hanging his head in his hands, he grips his hair tight. I place my hands over his and ease them off gently, so he doesn't hurt himself.

"What do I do if I lose him? I don't know how to be a person without him." He sounds so small and broken, like he's a little kid.

"You're not going to lose him," I promise him, but we both know I can't be certain of that.

He looks up at me and his eyes start to soften. Slowly, they drift shut and his lips part like he's about to kiss me.

Then he starts to lean in.

My whole body throbs, with each pump of blood from my erratic heart.

This is really happening.

I've wanted this for so long. Wanted him.

But anyone could see us here.

My heart runs away with itself as it ignores my brain and I feel myself leaning in to meet him.

I need to feel him against my skin, taste him in my mouth. Ground myself with everything that is Maddox and therefore Max.

I don't hear the click of heels until it's too late.

My mom clears her throat as she stands next to us and I quickly pull away before our lips have even touched.

As I draw my hand back and pretend that nothing happened, I see the exact moment that I shatter the remaining pieces of trust between us. I'm helpless as Maddox retreats back into himself and his eyes go distant.

I didn't mean to pull away so quickly, or did I?

It's not like it's normal for two stepsiblings to start making out in public. Even if it was for something as innocent as needing to help heal each other.

Maddox doesn't stop staring at me. The hope that I gave him is gone. Now, it's replaced with disappointment and hate.

"Time to leave, Violet," my mom says.

I'm about to say ‘I'm staying here with Maddox,' but he gets there before me.

"Just leave," the words are a quiet snarl, meant only for my ears and I flinch at the bite of his tone.

"No, I want to stay."

"I don't want you here, so just go."

"Maddox…" I can feel myself about to cry again so rather than let him see me do just that, I follow behind my mom.

Hoping he's changed his mind, I give him one last look back over my shoulder, but his head is in his hands again and I can feel his pain from here.

He didn't mean it, he's just hurting and lashing out.

What he needs is for me to stay and help him through this. But I can't do that and still be a sister to him. Not after tonight.

Both Maddox and Max gave me a part of themselves.

Like some fucked up, taboo communion, I worshipped at their feet with my mouth wide open for their offerings.

Then I broke their trust and got us all stuck here in this limbo.

As soon as I get home I head straight for the stairs, but Mom stops me before I can make it past the first step.

"Whatever you were doing with those boys tonight stops now." Her tone is short and clipped, meant to put me down and keep me in my place, but I'm done with her. Done with constantly worrying about my every single move in this house.

"Don't think I haven't noticed. I'm your mother, I notice everything!"

As I turn around, I hold myself a little taller once I realize how much higher I am than her, standing up here. It gives me a sense of confidence I wish I found a long time ago. "You don't have a clue what you're talking about! You don't know the first thing about me. What I do with Maddox and Max is none of your business."

"It is when it might jeopardize the roof over our heads or the food in your belly." She pokes her finger into my soft stomach as she says the last word. I swat her hand away ignoring the insult.

"And what about what you've been doing behind your husband's back?" I quip back at her and her jaw drops for a brief moment before she quickly composes herself.

"I'm not doing anything."

"Where were you tonight?"

She purses her lips, giving me the silent truth, even if she doesn't mean to.

"Exactly. I've known you've been cheating for years now, but don't worry I won't say anything. I'm not going to ruin your meal ticket, you'll do that yourself!"

"Violet!" She calls after me as I head up the stairs, but I ignore her.

She doesn't follow me. I doubt she cares enough to waste any more breath on me. She certainly doesn't care enough to ask if I'm okay.

I'm sure she'll fake it when she's around Reginald. Put on the worried Mother mask, whilst she pretends to dote on her husband and stepsons so they don't kick her out.

There's a chance they might, especially since her daughter is the reason one of them is in the hospital in the first place.

Upstairs, I head straight to Max's room, closing the door softly behind me so I don't get caught.

On his bed, his luggage lays open, half packed. A painful reminder of my future.

As I move it down onto the floor, I notice a small, yellow, fuzzy arm poking out from a pile of shirts.

All the tears that I've barely managed to hold back the last few hours come pouring out, as I see the bear that I gave to Max after the first time I watched him play baseball.

It just disappeared after I gave it to him. I assumed he thought it was dumb and he tossed it out, but he's had it all this time.

Clutching it to my chest, I crawl into Max's bed. It still smells like him, still feels like he was just in it. I suppose it's only been a few hours since he was.

I've spent so many nights tucked up in here with both of my stepbrothers.

It started the first day we met after we got drunk on our parents wedding day and passed out in Maddox's bed. I thought they'd kick me out when we woke up the next morning, but we stayed in bed together until way past noon.

Those nights became more and more frequent, until we eventually spent every night we could like it. As soon as our parents were asleep, I'd sneak into one of their rooms or they'd come into mine.

The other twin seemed to always sense when I was with his brother because he would come in soon after.

We'd sleep far closer than any siblings should. Some mornings I'd wake up with their limbs wrapped around me or my head on one of their chests.

Then they just stopped.

Just like that I was shut out.

I wondered if I'd done something wrong, but things had been fine up until that point.

Then I worried they might have caught me touching myself in one of their beds and didn't want anything more to do with me.

It's sick, the thoughts I've had of them. My pussy, hot and wet just from sleeping next to them. Some nights my frustrations got so bad I'd quietly touch myself under the covers. I never got far though, I was too scared of being caught and ruining what we had.

Guess I shouldn't have worried about that since it's gone now anyway.

I'm not sure when I fall asleep, but the next thing I know the door's opening.

My eyes slowly blink open and Maddox freezes when he sees me in his brother's bed.

I can't tell what he's thinking, his face is cold, hard stone, void of emotion. I can only hope it's because I'm in here and not because there's bad news about Max.

Offering him a small smile, I sit up and pat the bed for him to come join me. When he doesn't move, I ask, "Is Max okay?"

"What are you doing in here?"

I frown as he avoids the question. My heart rate picking up as I imagine everything that could have gone wrong in the surgery.

Quickly, I get out of bed and rush over to Maddox, putting my hand on his chest. "Are you okay? Did something happen to Max? Did surgery not go—"

"Do you really not want us?" I look up at him, confused as he cuts me off.

"I—I don't think we should talk about that now. It's too complicated, lets just turn things back to how they were before and focus on—"

"Get out." My hands drop from his chest, as his cold words send a chill down my spine.

"What?"

"You heard me. Get the fuck out!" He roars and I stumble back.

He grabs me by the shoulders, but it's not to help steady me.

The Maddox that held me only hours ago and told me every filthy thing I've ever wanted to hear is gone.

I try to keep my footing as he spins me around, but he shoves me backwards out of the door and I land hard on my ass. Before I can even try to right myself, Maddox is slamming the door shut in my face.

Did I deserve that?

Maybe.

Needing to fix this mess, I reach for the door handle, but I've been locked out once again.

"Maddox? Let me in. Let me help you." I must sound pathetic, but I don't care.

When I don't get a reply, I trudge back to my own room and sit down on my bed.

Looking down I realize the bear is still clasped tightly in my hand from where I fell asleep holding it. Not able to look at its sickeningly happy little face any more, I toss it behind me. I check my phone incase Mom or Reginald have sent any updates on Max, but there's nothing.

I don't feel like I'll be able to get back to sleep even though I still feel exhausted, but maybe a shower will help wash the night away.

Every brush of my hand over my body as I wash brings back flashes of my two stepbrothers standing above me as I knelt at their feet and took their cocks in my mouth.

Was I dumb to have given in so easily to my desires?

Yes.

Was I dumb to say no to being theirs?

Definitely, yes.

The last thing either of them needs is the drama that will be sure to come if we had a relationship though. It's the right thing to do, to stay just as we are, whatever that actually is now.

Maddox will understand once he's had time to calm down and Max…if he's okay after all of this, I'm sure he'll be the one that will understand the most.