Chapter 19

Annie and I stayed up late that night, talking and reminiscing, even taking moments to try to picture the future. It was like an ache to know how little dance would be a part of mine now. My doctor had cleared me to dance long enough to help Leo with his audition next month, but I knew the second the school staff knew I was pregnant, Ms. Teiger wouldn’t dare let me keep performing. Practice or otherwise.

And if I had to sit out of those, it would only be days at best before the student body figured out something was up. So, I’d somehow gotten Mom to agree to keep it under wraps until after Thanksgiving break. We only had a couple of days this week before the break, anyway. But as much as I was going to miss being on the dance team, I hated letting Leo down even more. I’d been putting it off, saying I was sick this past week, but he deserved to know the truth. He’d have to replace me and get a new partner for the spring. Maybe for longer.

Everything in me rebelled at the idea, but I had no choice. I’d made my bed, and now I had to lie in it. I had to think about my daughter. Try not to think of how terrified I was, of the change and the unknown. How so much of my life now had to be about her. How I hoped Tucker still felt the same way.

We still hadn’t talked. Later that night, he’d called to let me know that his family was flying up to Dallas for the weekend to visit his mom’s family. A last-minute trip since his grandparents apparently decided to go on a cruise for the holidays when they’d normally visit.

We’d been texting, but it had all been surface level. It was days later, and nothing had been solved. Here’s to hoping it’s because we’d both rather do it in person.

“Where’s Tucker?” Emma asked when she joined us at our table that Monday for lunch.

“Dallas,” I replied. “He’ll be getting back later today before the game.” Jet frowned, looking confused. “What?”

He opened his mouth and then closed it, Annie, Emma, and I all giving him funny looks.

“What is it, babe?”

“He, uh, texted me earlier. They got back a couple of hours ago. He’s just not coming to school today. He didn’t tell you?”

It was like a stab to the chest, and my voice went flat. “No.” I guess we’re still fighting after all. Or whatever it was we were doing. It wasn’t normal. I poked at my food, no longer feeling hungry.

Annie toed my shin under the table, and I felt her quiet urge telling me I needed to eat. I forced another bite, the texture like sandpaper.

“I’m sorry,” Emma offered. “I didn’t mean to make things awkward.”

“Don’t worry about it, Ems.” Annie gave her a reassuring smile. “Just our own outside drama.”

She nodded, but I could see the sting of rejection that she was out of the loop.

“Tucker and I sort of got into a fight Friday before he left, and I thought we were kind of on the same page of making up,” I offered. “But please don’t tell anyone.” The last thing I needed was it getting around school that Tucker and I might be having issues. We were going to have enough drama and rumors coming up soon without that.

“Of course I won’t.” Emma gave me a sympathetic smile. “I hope y’all work it out soon. Y’all are so amazing together.”

She looked wistful, and I thought to ask, “How are things going with Liam?”

“Oh.” She waved a dismissive hand. “That was just for homecoming. He’s great and all, but I’m happy being single for now. There’s someone else kind of on my radar, but I know I’m not on theirs.”

“Who?” Annie and I perked up.

Emma scrunched her features, clearly debating before shaking her head. “I’d rather just leave it. It’s really better if it doesn’t pan out.”

Okay, well that’s a little weird. But if she didn’t want to talk, I understood.

I peeked at my phone as my friends fell into another conversation, hoping Tucker had sent a text and I’d just missed it, but no. There was nothing.

I was tired of the awkwardness.

Me: I hear you’re back home.

I didn’t hear anything back until sixth period.

Tucker: Crazy busy weekend. Took the day to rest.

Me: You didn’t need to rest before telling Jet.

Tucker: He texted first.

Me: And how long did it take for you to get back to him? Probably not hours. You could’ve texted me.

I knew I was coming across bitchy, but I was hurt, and I was tired of this stupid fight. Scared of what it meant that it had drawn out this long. My heart clenched.

Tucker: Don’t be like this, Izzy.

Me: Like what?

It was like I couldn’t turn it off.

Tucker: Needy.

Tucker: Controlling.

I sucked in a breath when I saw both texts coming in. One each a second after the other. And I dropped my phone into my bag, now trying not to cry.

I was officially the worst boyfriend ever. I knew I was being a jerk, but it just kept flying out of my fingertips like vomit. When Izzy went silent after my last texts, I tossed my phone aside with a sigh of relief even as my stomach twisted in torment.

I didn’t know how to talk to her right now. About any of it. And pushing off the conversation seemed easier in some ways than having her press me for the truth.

I just hated hurting her.

And right now, that was going to happen either way.

I’d snapped at her after our appointment on Friday, bitterness I didn’t even know I’d been suppressing bubbling up after hearing everything from the doctor. And yeah, it was partly my fault for not remembering protection our first night together, but if Izzy had just paid attention with her medication, if she’d just let me get her the plan B, just in case if nothing else, then we probably wouldn’t be in this mess right now.

But you are.

Fuck, I know.I scraped my hands over my face and fell back against my bed, the headboard creaking with the jolt of pressure. My conscience was being a real dick about everything. Izzy didn’t even know the real reason I was still holding back from her. I’d honestly gotten over the plan B thing days ago. Like I said...that night had been partly my fault, too.

No, my holding back was so much more than that.

And I was terrified to tell her why.

Maybe I don’t really need to tell her. Maybe, if I just wait a while, it’ll be fine.

I could only hope.

Needing a distraction from my own thoughts, I pushed myself up and grabbed my headphones and some dumbbells before straddling my weight bench. If I couldn’t fix it yet, then I could at least make myself try to forget.

Yeah…forgetting was apparently bullshit. I’d been in my head about everything all damn day, and even basketball wasn’t the distraction I was needing it to be.

“Dribble it, pass it, we want a basket,” the cheerleaders chanted as I dribbled the ball down the court at that night’s game. I looked for an opening, spotting Mateo, his head way above the nearby players, and I passed him the ball. With only a pivot, he took the shot, the ball making nothing but net.

The crowd went wild.

I didn’t even care. All I wanted to do right now was turn and look at Izzy in the stands. See if she felt as badly as I did. If this fight of ours was eating her up as much as it was me. But I couldn’t. One look her way and I’d be dragging us both off this court to fix it.

And then I’d be benched.

My future in basketball might be a longshot now, but I wasn’t ready to jeopardize what was left of it.

I needed to salvage what of my life, of both of ours, that I could.

When halftime hit, I headed into the locker rooms, and the second I’d sat down to break and drink some water, Coach Larson clapped a hand on my shoulder.

“What’s going on Pierce? You’re out there playing, but your head’s not in the game.”

I shrugged. “I made some good passes, and three of our baskets were mine.”

“When you’ve usually made nearly three times as much by now. Come into my office.” He gripped my shoulder, showing support and not anger, and I sighed, getting up to follow.

I took a seat in the black metal chair while he sat on the edge of his desk, his feet sticking out and his arms across his chest. “I’ve been working with you for four years now, Tucker, and I’ve never seen you look this stressed out. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you have a bad game. Not since your first few as a freshman when you got too cocky and made some stupid plays. What is going on?”

Nothing you want to hear.I took a deep breath, my jaw clenching as I tried to figure out what to say. Things were going to come out soon, but was I ready for Coach to know? And now? Like this, in the middle of a game? Fuck it; if it’ll help. Nothing else had.

“I uh…” I stumbled over how to start. “You’re gonna be pissed.”

“Well, unless you got your girlfriend knocked up or plan to quit the team, I think it’ll be okay.”

I ducked my head.

“Shit.” Coach scraped a hand over his jaw. “Which one is it?”

“My girlfriend,” I managed to grate out. “She wants to keep it. We’re keeping it,” I quickly amended. “But I’m terrified, and I’m all up in my head.”

“Which is why it’s not in the game.” Coach blew out a deep breath and then looked to the side of the room, clearly processing. “Wow. Okay. Talk about throwing my night for a loop.”

“Tell me about it,” I grumbled, and we both managed a grin.

Coach leveled me with a serious look. “I know you. And we both know you have all the talent in the world in your little pinky and then some. You’re going places. If you still want to. We’ll make that happen. But we can dive more into that later. For now, I need you to do your best to set those thoughts and worries aside and get your head back in this. It’s not over. Setbacks are part of life. It’s how you deal with them that counts. Now, pull it together, and we can talk more after the game.”

“Yes, sir.” I sat up straighter at the command in his tone and followed him back out to join the rest of my team. Coach was right. I had to pull it together. Not just with this but with everything.

There was a shift in Tucker after halftime. He stood taller, ran faster. Took charge of the ball instead of looking like he was ready to get rid of it. He was back to leading his team.

But what didn’t change was that he still wouldn’t look at me. Not once. And it was beginning to feel like the message was clear.

I quickly got up, slipping past the other dancers on my row, and mouthed that I was going to the bathroom to Ms. Teiger before running down the side of the court to the doors. I could feel several pairs of eyes on me, but I tried to ignore them. Even if I wanted to hope that one of them was Tucker, it wasn’t until I was leaving that he’d have cared.

Rushing into the bathroom, I went to lean on one of the porcelain sinks, drawing in several slow and deep breaths before looking at myself in the mirror. On the surface, my eyes looked flat, void of emotion, but if you looked deep enough, you could see the torture I was feeling on the inside. Because I was almost certain now that Tucker was done.

He just didn’t know how to end it.

Get it together. It feels like that, but what if it’s not? Some stupid part of me still wanted to hope. It wasn’t like I hadn’t had to call Tucker out on his bullshit before to get him back on track. To be real. Like we’d always been with each other. And it looked like we might be at that point again.

I sighed, inhaling long and deep, and then used the restroom before heading back out to the gym. I was just washing my hands when the door pushed open, and Larissa walked in.

“Oh.” She tried to look surprised, but it was evident it was fake. “I’m sorry, Izzy. Are you okay?”

I looked at my own reflection. I didn’t look peppy or anything, but I didn’t look bad. I looked back at her in the mirror. “I’m good.” I grabbed a paper towel, giving her a funny look.

“Okay.” She smiled. “Just checking. I wasn’t sure if you heard the news.”

“News?”

“Zane asked me out. We’re going to a party together after the game.”

“Oh.” My brow raised in surprise. “Well, that’s good. Have fun.” I started to pass her to leave when she grabbed my arm.

“Wait. You don’t care?”

“Why would I? I dumped Zane months ago. It’s over. In fact, it’s a relief that he’s going out with someone else. I couldn’t think of anyone better.” I flashed her a smile and pulled my arm from her grip, leaving her confused in the middle of the bathroom.

It was a relief to hear that Zane was going out with someone else, but the longer I thought about it, the more nervous it made me. He hadn’t picked just anyone, and I was a little nervous to know what he might be playing at.

Forcing it from my mind, I tried to watch the game, but it was hard, my paranoia about Tucker kicking in full force when he walked right past me after the game, disappearing back into the locker rooms without another word.

I schooled my features, doing everything I could not to let myself cry.

“Hey! Tuckman!” Noah called out after the game when Mateo and I came out of the locker rooms. He was standing around with the rest of the guys, and I was pleased as ever-loving fuck to see that Jet was leveling me with a look.

“Hey, man. Guys.” I gave them all fist bumps as I walked up.

“Awesome game.” Corey grinned up at me. “I still can’t believe how balls out you are on that court. The rest of them better make way. And you had some awesome shots, too,” he added, turning to Mateo.

“Yeah, I got skill.” Mateo acted like he was dusting off his shoulder, and I gave a mental eye roll. He could be so over the top.

“So, bro, we were talking about grabbing a bite over at Bob’s Diner. Just us guys. You game?” Kyle cut in.

I hesitated, but Jet answered.

“How about we meet up with y’all there? Gotta go check in with the girlfriends. Make sure they have a ride home.”

“Oh, you think their whips will reach all the way over here?” Kyle laughed.

“Fuck off.” Jet shook his head.

“Alright, see y’all later.” Noah smirked with the rest of the guys as they headed toward the parking lot.

“Thanks, man. I wanna go out, but I really need to talk to Izzy first.” I clapped him on the shoulder. “She’s still here?”

“Yeah.”

“Shit. What?” I said at his tone, at the look he was still giving me.

“Nothing. You know what.”

I winced. “I take it she told you?”

“That you still won’t talk to her? Yeah, man. I know you’re trying to work through stuff in your head, but icing her out for three days?” He shook his head. “That’s not right.”

Fuck. When he puts it that way…

“Where is she?”

“Outside with Annie. I asked them to wait. Y’all need to talk.”

“I know. I know.” I gripped the back of my neck. “Shit. I fucked up pretty good this time, huh?”

“Ya think?”

Jet shook his head in disgust. “I know the relationship thing is new to you…but take it from someone who’s been in one for almost five years. You can’t shut her out. You’re messing with her head, man, and while I get that you’re trying to process a lot, that’s our best friend in there that’s trying not to cry.” I winced as Jet started to walk off. “Now, fix it. And meet me at my car when you’re done.”

The clunk of the metal door being thrown open echoed in the mostly empty gym, and I followed. Because Jet was right. I had to suck it up. Izzy deserved better.

A cool, late November breeze blew over me as I stepped outside, and I found Izzy waiting for me against the wall of the gym. I went to her, and she looked up, the soft wind that was blowing making the wisps of hair around her face brush gently against her skin. Her soft features were highlighted by the parking lot lights, so much beauty in her solemn stance. I watched her timid movements, the way her shoulders slumped and her fingers fidgeted on the strap of her dance team bag. The way her gaze couldn’t quite meet mine. There was so much sadness in her eyes.

My heart ached as I watched her. It suddenly didn’t matter what my own fears and doubts were. Nothing I was feeling should have ever led to me making her feel this way.

My arms opened, and she looked up, surprised. I gave her a gentle smile, stepping forward to wrap my arms around her in a tender embrace. She sank into me, her arms going around my back, and we held each other there for several long minutes before I gently lifted her chin, tilting her head so that I could look into her eyes. Finding tear tracks running down her cheeks.

My heart clenched.

“Please don’t break up with me,” she whispered.

I shook my head, feeling like an even bigger ass that she’d think for even a minute that was what I wanted.

“Never,” I reassured her.

“You’re sure? You wouldn’t even look at me tonight during the game.”

“Because I knew if I did that, I’d be walking out of there with you to fix things. I love you, Izzy. I know I was an ass. I’m sorry I hurt you.”

I felt her sigh, her whole body sagging in relief.

“I love you. I’m sorry, too,” she murmured back.

“You don’t have anything to be sorry about.”

“I think we both know I do, but you’re right, not like you do after the last few days. Don’t you ever shut me out like that again, do you hear me, Tucker Pierce?” She whacked my chest. “We can’t do that anymore. Not with our situation.”

“I know.” I pulled her close again, and Izzy buried her face in my chest. I relished the feel of her small body in my arms. The way she tucked so perfectly against me.

Suddenly she sighed. “Would it be an inappropriate time to say I’m hungry?”

I laughed. “Considering everything…no, princess. It wouldn’t.” I stepped back from the hug, keeping Izzy’s hand in mine. “I’d say let me take you somewhere, but Jet and I were planning on going out to Bob’s with the guys. Do you mind riding home with Annie in my truck? Y’all rode with Jet earlier, right?”

Her face fell, the joy I’d started to see again disappearing, and she nodded. “Yeah, we did. And sure. Go have your guy time.”

“Are you sure? You seem kind of upset about it. I can cancel if you want.”

Her face scrunched in disgust. “No. I hate it when girls want to dictate what their boyfriends can and can’t do. I’m just tired. And hungry. I’m being ridiculous, anyway. I made plans earlier, too, so Annie will have to take your truck. Food does sound really good, though. Will you grab me something?” She pulled out a ten, and I tucked the money back in her bag.

“You don’t have to pay me. I’ll get you something.”

“Thanks.” She smiled. “Will you wait by your truck with me for a few minutes while I wait for my ride?”

I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and led us out. “So, these plans…going on a secret date?”

“What?” She looked up at me, seeing my smirk.

“Or I know. It’s a shoe shopping brigade with Emma. Annie’d rather be dead than go shopping.”

She shook her head, grinning. “You and this game.”

“That you love.” I flashed her a smile. “Now, if you’re going out with Emma, may I recommend a stop by Victoria’s Secret? Add to that lace collection of yours?”

She blushed as we reached my truck. “Sure. Yeah. That’s where I’m going. But it’s with L–”

The rest of what she said drowned out as I caught a glimpse of who was walking past a few cars away, Larissa under his arm. As if sensing I was watching, Zane turned and gave me an ugly sneer as Larissa slid her hand along his chest. She pulled him down into a kiss, but instead of pulling her in, Zane’s gaze shifted to Izzy, giving her a wink.

I scowled, a look of warning and irritation searing through my glare. Anger pulsed through my body because what the fuck? What was he playing at now?

I felt Izzy’s fingers slip under my shirt to press against my abs, her soft touch trying to calm me and bring me back down, but I was pissed. This guy had no limits. Fucking winking at my girl like it was a game while he kissed someone else, someone who’d been treating Izzy like dirt.

I shifted, hiding Izzy’s body with mine, and she leaned back against my Chevy, tugging the front of my shirt to pull me down to meet her lips.

My brow lifted in surprise, but it didn’t take long for me to respond, swooping her up in a heated kiss. My tension melted away, and I took a step closer, pressing my hand against the cab of my truck, lowering my head to deepen the kiss. Izzy shook with the intensity, her hands tangled in my shirt against my chest. Like she was dragging me down, needing me closer.

Just like I needed her.

Grabbing below her thighs, I lifted her, and her legs wrapped around my waist as I pressed her gently against my truck.

“Izzy?” someone interrupted, shattering the moment.

Blushing, Izzy peeled herself from me as I slowly set her back down. “Hey, Leo!” she cried. My brow furrowed as I gave her a curious look, but she just smiled, reaching up to cup my cheek. “I have to tell him,” she explained.

“Wow, it is you.” Leo smiled as he walked up. “Hey, Tucker. Not gonna lie, you look even bigger in the dark. I swear I mean no harm.” He waved his arms, and I smirked.

“Hey.” I reached out, greeting him with a fist bump before Leo shoved his fists in the pockets of his joggers.

“You don’t mind if I steal your girlfriend for a bit, do you? She texted me earlier that she had something important to tell me.”

Izzy placed a hand on my chest, tiptoeing to press a quick kiss beneath my jaw, and I ducked slightly to meet her. “I’ll be fine, whiskey. Go meet the guys, and we’ll talk later.”

I nodded, realizing she needed to talk to Leo sometime or other. But now? At night? Right after we’d just gotten over a fight? She had a relationship with this guy that I barely knew anything about past dance, that I had nothing to do with. That was hard to process for some reason right now, especially after I’d met him and knew he was a decent guy.

“Hey, I brought you one of those chicken wraps from the sandwich shop,” Leo said as they left for his car.

“Oh, my God. I love you,” Izzy gushed as I watched her walk away. “I’m so starved.”

“Love the getup. Think we could use it in our next routine?” Leo teased, giving a head jerk to her sequined dance uniform.

“Shut up.” She laughed.

“Hey, man.” Jet walked up as they fell out of earshot. “Thought we’d come check on y’all. Where’s Izzy?”

“Is that Leo?” Annie asked in surprise.

I shrugged. “I guess she texted him. Said she needed to tell him.”

“Good.” Annie stuck out her hand. “Keys.”