Kovas

KOVAS

I didn't sleep that night. Even after Mera's tears stopped, and her breathing evened out, I could not still my thoughts.

Was it true I could not give her what she wanted, what she needed?

If that was the case, what right did I have to try to keep her?

None. I would return her to her friends, ensuring her safety. But that was all.

The hours stretched by until she stirred, stretching under the covers, the thin bedding doing nothing to disguise her lush curves.

Quickly, I turned away.

"The shower works," I said, my voice thick in my throat. "I will call in for a status update while you change."

She didn't answer, just took her clothes from the bag and left the bedroom, her shoulders slumped, her head down.

Had she slept poorly as well? Had my own faults disturbed her so much?

It was clear. I was making the right decision.

Now, thankfully, I had something else to focus on.

"Is it safe to come back?" I asked as soon as the communicator connected.

"Good morning to you, too," Alkard growled. "And yes. Do you need a pickup?"

"If possible, I'd appreciate it." I looked at the closed bathroom door. "Tessi's friend is tired. She hasn't had it easy."

"Should I send medical supplies with the transport?" Alkard's voice had turned soft, the way it seemed to every time something came up that concerned his mate.

Could I do that?

"Physically, I believe she is unharmed. But she will need rest and to know she is safe."

"I have no doubt Tessie and Amy will take care of that." The sound of tapping and murmured voices came from the other end of the connection. "I'll have a flitter to this comms location in half an hour. Try not to go anywhere."

The line went dead just as Mera reentered the room, her long strawberry blonde hair loose around her shoulders.

I blinked at the sight of the frilly pink dress, trying not to stare too hard at the bite mark on her shoulder.

"I know, it's not exactly flattering." Her lips lifted into a half-smile as she pushed her hair back behind her ears. "But it's clean and that's what counts, right?"

"You would look beautiful no matter what you wore," I said, then bit my tongue.

I shouldn't say such things. Not anymore.

"Alkard is sending a flitter for us soon. I should get ready as well."

In the shower booth, I set the vibrations as high as possible, letting the waves wash through me as they shook the particles of filth from my skin.

Half an hour. Then we'd be on our way back to the Fallen Star and she'd be with her friends.

And I'd ask Alkard to send me on a mission far away, something that would take long enough that maybe I could forget those lips, her taste.

It might take a few years.

We were quiet in the flitter, the preprogrammed cab taking us swiftly through the crowded streets, further and further away from the events of the last few days.

"Are you excited to get back to the Fallen Star?" Mera asked, filling in the tense silence that filled the air.

"It will be nice to see familiar faces again."

"Yeah," she said, a smile to her words. "I'd love to see my friends again. Back in the prison, I never thought I'd be able to see them again. And that was… rough."

"Conii's forces are cowards. I'm not surprised she depends on those types to do her dirty work," I remarked, clenching one of my fists at the memories of her treatment at their hands. "They're weaklings, but they can be quite strong in numbers."

"I thought you were going to die when they dumped you in my cell," Mera said softly, scratching the back of her neck. "...I'm glad you didn't."

She stared out the window at the lights of the station as they passed below us.

What was I supposed to say?

She wasn't shy in battle or in standing up to Garlku.

Why would she be so shy talking with me?

Having unclear objectives drove me crazy.

In the past, I'd never bothered trying to read between the lines. If people wanted something, they should say so, clearly.

But everything was different now. I wanted to know what was going on in her mind.

The flitter took us to the top floor of the Fallen Star, landing onto the pad with no more than a gentle bump.

While Alkard himself lived alone with Tessi in his mansion in the stations in Greenbelt, the rest of us were content to keep our quarters here, close to our center of operations.

The top three floors of the Fallen Star were converted into a high security compound. It was more than enough room, and besides, I was so often away on missions the idea of a separate home hadn't occurred to me.

I paused as I waited for Mera to enter the lift.

Would she like to stay here? Tessi was here often, and Amy had moved in with Razov.

Even if Mera didn't stay in my quarters, there would be plenty of space. And I'd be able to see her, watch her, protect her.

Yes, I would ask Alkard to make it happen.

I looked up to find Mera watching me, a confused expression on her face.

Before I could say anything, the lift door opened and she walked out.

Shaking my head with a heavy feeling in my gut, I followed her out to the main living area.

The room always seemed overly full to me. Walls draped with starry tapestries, soft lighting at the edges of the ceiling highlighting the plush red chairs gathered into little groups.

Carved wooden tables displayed trinkets, moments of the Fangs battles, our wars and travels, and against one wall a gleaming bar stood at the ready, its counter turning into a spur that jutted out to make a small kitchen.

And in the middle, Alkard waited for us, his practiced gaze sweeping over me, no doubt cataloging every one of my remaining injuries.

"Nice to see you're not dead. I'm pretty used to having you around. Good job."

I blinked, surprised at his show of sentiment, but Alkard had already turned his attention to Mera.

"I regret that it took so long to find you. Please know that you are safe now."

Mera stepped closer, pressing into my side.

Was she looking to me for protection from Alkard?

Without meaning to move, my arm stole around her shoulders, fingers rubbing small circles to try to relieve her worries.

"He is not a threat to you," I said softly, ignoring Alkard's frown.

Mera only looked at me and my chest swelled slightly.

"If you say so," she said, obviously still not convinced.

From out of the room, I heard two women talking as they approached.

"I don't know," Tessi said, her face turned to Amy. "He just said it was going to be a surprise."

Amy was the one looking into the room. She grabbed Tessi's hand, and they both stumbled to a stop at the sight of their friend.

Mera's hands flew to her mouth, and she ran across the room towards them.

"Mera! We were so worried!" Tessi exclaimed, meeting her halfway and wrapping her up in a massive hug.

"You have no idea," Amy echoed.

"You guys, you're here. You're really here." Mera's voice choked as she buried her head in their necks and began to cry.

My gaze was fixated on them. I wanted to comfort Mera, too.

But I stayed still, like a good soldier.

My eyes shifted back to Alkard, who watched me just as closely.

Clearing my throat, I stepped toward him, averting my gaze from Mera, but my ears were still wide open to their conversation.

"Tessi, how are you?" Mera asked, sounding like she calmed down from her crying.

"I'm fine, I'm fine. Amy, do you want to grab Mera some water?"

"Yes, absolutely."

"Actually, ladies," Alkard chimed from in front of me. "Why don't you take her to one of the guest rooms. I know you have a lot to catch up on, and you may as well be as comfortable as possible."

"Good idea," Tessi agreed while rubbing Mera's back.

Mera shot me a look, and I saw a sad glint in her eyes, making my heart sink to my gut.

My feet almost carried me to her. The feeling of taking her in my arms and having her embrace me back was all I wanted, but Alkard cleared his throat and interrupted my thoughts as the women's voices faded down the hallway.

"So what happened?"

His voice was curt, to the point. Now that Mera was safe, it was time to get back to business.

"I fell for a trap." I hated to admit it, but it all came down to that day, that one mistake.

Alkard took a step back. For the first time since I'd joined up with him, he looked shocked.

"How? Why?"

With a sigh, I waved away his questions. That, at least, I'd rather he didn't know.

"Conii's men took me, threw me into a cell. Mera saved me."

He sat, taking a drink from a nearby table. "That slip of a thing? She doesn't look like much of a fighter."

"Don't misjudge her," I growled.

Alkard only smiled. "I'll do my best. What else do I need to know?"

I tossed him the percomm we'd taken from Garlku's quarters. "Conii seems to want that back. It belonged to Garlku."

Alkard raised an eyebrow. "The Fanaith leader?"

"He was."

The quiet stretched between us. "Anything else I should know?"

I thought back over the events of the last few days. Alkard wouldn't care about every corpse that had stacked up behind us.

That was the nature of the job.

"Oh. Tamlit was still around."

"Nonsense," Alkard snapped. "I killed him when he attacked Tessi."

Pulling a bundle of fabric from the now empty bag, I unwrapped the ear I'd severed from the Ewani corpse. "Have it tested. Either way, he's dead now."

"You've been busy indeed," Alkard said, twirling the ear in his hand. "A very successful mission. I don't exactly expect you to be dancing with joy, but you feel a little remote, even for you."

He was right. I'd done well for the family. Completed my assignment.

So why did it feel like everything had gone wrong?

"It's been a long few weeks."

"I'm aware, Kovas." He leaned forward and clasped my hands, staring me down. "You've endured a lot." His eyes shifted to where Mera, Amy, and Tessi exited the room. "And so has she. I'll have extra pillows sent to your quarters."

"No," I sighed. "That won't be necessary."

She was going to leave, forgetting everything that we had been through, and move on with her life, and I would be stuck with the memory of her forever.

It already felt aching, like a lingering feeling of loss shot through my veins.

"What happened between you two?"

"Hmm?" I raised my head and looked at Alkard, who looked over me suspiciously.

"You and Mera. What happened?"

I shrugged. "I told you."

"No." Alkard cut me off quickly and firmly. " Between you and her."

"What?" I scoffed, shaking my head.

"Kovas. I'm not stupid."

The last thing I wanted to do was open up to another being after being shot down and avoided by Mera.

But…

He was my leader.

More importantly, he had a human mate of his own.

"Fine." I squeezed the back of my neck and sighed. "I have developed a bond with her. But I know it is inappropriate, and I request a new assignment as soon as possible. "

Alkard stared at me before bursting into laughter.

"Kovas, you're an incredible warrior and quick on your feet. And yet you're incredibly stupid."

Stupid?

"That girl is in love with you, and you're in love with her."

"What?" I asked, bucking back at the statement. "You don't even know her."

"I might not know her, but Kovas, you have to admit I'm the more emotionally aware one of the two of us."

As much as I hated to admit it, he was right.

Still, it was too much to accept. "She can't be."

"Oh no?" Alkard grinned. "Then tell me how you feel about her."

"What?"

"You heard me."

"Ugh!" I threw my arms out to the sides and looked at the ground. "She's the most amazing, brave, intelligent woman I've ever known. I don't care that she's human and I'm a Vinduthi. There's nothing I wouldn't do for her." I paused, remembering how angry she got at the inn.

"But now I've fucked it all up. It's all a mess, and she's done with me, and I'm stuck loving her!"

A lump formed in my throat at my last sentence. My eyes raised to Alkard, who grinned at me knowingly before leaning forward more.

"Maybe that's something you should tell her."

"And what? Get shut out again? You're insane."

"Kovas." He stood from his chair. "It's clear you are made for each other, you know that! You can't expect her to automatically know what you mean by action alone, and if she's feeling insecure, you need to comfort her, give her more affection."

"How do I do that? Open up like that?"

"Well," Alkard shrugged, "either you figure it out and do it or lose her. So how far are you willing to go to keep her? You said you would do anything."

It was true. I would do anything for her.

But could I do this?