Mera

MERA

"What happened to you?" Tessi asked, putting an arm around me and walking me out of the room, away from Kovas and Alkard.

I shook my head before looking over my shoulder at them. Kovas' back was still turned toward me, and Alkard's gaze lay on us intently. I was sure I had messed everything up.

I was safe. Out of that damn cell. Away from the slavers and the beatings.

Back with my friends.

But everything was wrong. Things were broken between me and Kovas, and even my friends felt different.

"Mera?" Amy asked, stopping in front of me and looking into my eyes. "What's wrong?"

I shook my head and rubbed my hands over my face. "We were locked in a jail cell. There was a Fanaith named Garlku…" I paused and looked at the ground, remembering how much I cringed when the disgusting beast held me. "He was trying to sleep with me. It got… complicated."

"But that doesn't explain this," Tessi said, tapping my shoulder.

Amy's mouth dropped as she looked over my shoulder at Kovas and Alkard speaking in the living room. "No."

I nodded, raising my eyebrows and pursing my lips. "Yup."

"You mated with Kovas?" Amy exclaimed, her mouth turning into a grin.

"You did what? " Tessi said with a wide smile. "Mera, that's so great!"

I scoffed. "We mated but… It's not a real claiming bite. And now I've messed everything up and it never will be. It was a stupid decision."

Amy and Tessi exchanged confused glances before looking back at me. "Mera," Amy began with a serious look. "There's no such thing as a stupid decision when it comes to mating. It's a natural process. It doesn't happen unless it's meant to be."

Finally something clicked in my head. Reaching out to her, I ran my fingers over the teal markings that ran down her cheek, turning to stare at Tessi.

"What happened?" I whispered, riveted by the purple marks on Tessi. On my friends, the sigils didn't shine as brightly as they did on Vinduthi males, but now that I paid attention, they were unmistakable.

A gentle smile spread over Tessi's face. "Alkard claimed me, and Amy is Razov's mate."

The serene radiance in her eyes only made me feel worse. I rubbed my face with my hands again before running them through my hair.

What sort of a terrible friend was I?

They were happy.

I should be happy for them.

"That's great. I'm glad. I just…" My hands fell by my sides in exasperation. "I think I fucked it all up with me and Kovas."

"How?" Tessi exclaimed. "He's clearly upset about something."

"Exactly, he doesn't even know how to communicate! I tried to talk to him about everything and get some type of assurance that the bite wasn't just to protect me against Garlku trying to sleep with me or that we would make it out of that chaos alive, but…"

We turned into a large room off the hallway, my feet sinking into the plush deep green carpet.

I perched on the edge of the massive bed with Amy and Tessi on either side, and tried not to think about sleeping in it.

I'd be alone, Kovas somewhere else, getting back to his regular life without me.

Amy grabbed my hands, pulling my attention back to the here and now. "You asked Kovas to bite you to save you from a Fanaith?"

"Amy, that's not the point," Tessi answered. "The bite isn't the problem. It's Kovas and communication."

"I just, I don't understand why he couldn't have just said that he felt the same. Or not. Either way! He's danced around the subject, circling around it like if he touches it, it's going to burn him alive. It's insane!"

Tessi snickered.

"What could possibly be funny about this?" I asked, trying my best not to fully snap at her reaction.

"Mera," Tessi said, trying to contain her laughter and failing. She cleared her throat and took a breath before looking at me seriously. "He's a Vinduthi. They're not really trained for heart to heart conversations. Especially not a Vinduthi like Kovas."

My heart sank.

"What do you mean like Kovas?"

Amy rolled her eyes. "Really, Mera? How much time have you spent with the guy?"

"Don't talk about him like that!" I threw my arms out to the side. "He might be a little rough, but he's a good man."

"I'm not arguing, but there's something more. He's a killing machine," Tessi responded with a grin. "A soldier. He knows how to take orders and execute them. You really think a Vinduthi like that would have time to sit down and discuss his feelings with anyone?"

I shook my head, as guilt and shame seeped into my skin and overtook me. They were right. I hadn't thought about him like that.

All I knew was how I felt, but I never stopped to deeply consider his side of the situation.

My shoulders slumped as I put my arms over my knees, and Tessi and Amy leaned to comfort me.

"Well, shit." I looked up to the ceiling and felt a lump form in my chest. "Now I've really messed everything up."

"Mera." Tessi put her hand on my shoulder. "You didn't mess anything up."

"You've been through a lot," Amy stated as she stood up and offered me a hand. "You need rest. Everything seems ten times worse when you're exhausted."

She was right again.

"There are clean clothes in the dresser," Tessi stated as she gave me another hug, rubbing her hands over my back as I clutched onto her. I tried not to cry, but it was almost impossible.

My emotions couldn't handle anything else happening. I had already endured too much.

"Thank you," I said as Amy joined our hug. "Thank you both so much."

"We're just glad you're safe," Amy stated as they both pulled apart from the hug, wiping tears from their faces simultaneously.

"We're a bunch of saps," Tessi chuckled.

I laughed with her before sighing and looking around the room. "Don't worry about Kovas," Amy stated, shaking her head. "Everything will be okay."

I nodded before they left, and before I knew it, I was alone. The room was quiet, and for a moment, my muscles tensed like I was listening for threats outside the door.

It was strange adjusting to a safe space after being through so much danger the past few days. The adrenaline from the journey and highs and lows with Kovas had faded, and now all that was left was exhaustion.

I walked around to the bed, running my fingers over the soft sheets before I heard a knock on the door. They must have forgotten something.

Turning the doorknob, I lifted my head to see Kovas standing before me. My gut twinged, and my chest vibrated with panic as I gulped and crossed my arms.

"What do you…"

Kovas cut me off by abruptly stepping toward me and taking me in his arms. I stood frozen for a moment while I wondered what he was doing. It was an unexpected warmth, but before I resisted, I sank into him. It was impossible not to. We had been through too much together.

My arms wrapped around him as he strengthened his grip on me. My eyes welled, and I cried into his chest, taking in the smell of him. His hands smoothed over my back and provided that same sense of safety I craved so badly while we were on the run.

"Now you are experiencing affection," he said quietly while stroking my hair.

I couldn't help but laugh before pulling away from his hug, looking into his eyes while wiping my tears. He wasn't joking. He said it honestly like he didn't know how else to make it clear he was trying to let me know he wanted to give me more attention.

I slapped him on the chest playfully, and he looked at me with a confused stare. "Why'd you do that?"

"Oh!" I rolled my eyes and chuckled. "You're not good at picking up on sarcasm or social signals, are you?"

He shook his head and sighed, hanging his head. "No. I never have been."

"The slap was playful," I said while bending down to meet his gaze. "I'm not mad."

"You're not?" he asked innocently, like he was almost scared of my answer.

I shook my head. "No. Not anymore. Tessi told me about the differences between Vinduthis and humans, especially with you."

He cocked his head and put his hands on my waist. "How so?"

My arms wrapped around his neck. "You're a soldier," I replied with a sigh. "You've probably never been taught how to talk about your feelings while being educated on battle strategies and takedown moves."

He chuckled. "No, there was never a class for that."

"Exactly." My grin faded as I gulped. "And I haven't been fair to you either."

He tightened his grip on me and looked into my eyes intensely. "What are you talking about?" he asked like he was shocked. "You didn't do anything wrong, Mera. I should have said more, something, anything."

"But I should have, too." I sighed. "I've always been the caretaker. Voicing my needs isn't something that comes naturally to me."

His hand cupped the side of my face, and he grinned slightly. "Well, what do you need?"

I shook my head, my eyes welling with tears, before looking away from him and trying to break from his grasp. He didn't let me. He kept his hands on me and pulled me in closer to him.

When his finger lifted my chin so my eyes could meet his, he wiped my tears away and looked at me deeply.

"What do you want, Mera?"

I shook my head, terrified of the words leaving my mouth. "I just want you."

He smiled and pulled me into another embrace. After listening to his heartbeat for a moment, and basking in the protective stance he held me in, he opened his mouth, and I heard breath leave before he closed it.

I pulled back, looking at him curiously. "What were you going to say?"

He exhaled, rolling his eyes. "Neither of us are good at this."

"No," I chuckled. "We're terrible at it, actually."

"I don't want to be." His tone was firm as he put both of his hands on either side of my face. "I wanted to claim you as my mate." He gulped and paused for a moment, looking at the wall before turning back to me. "But you claimed my heart. You took every part of me and made it yours. There's no one else I would ever want by my side." My heart leaped at his words, surprised he opened up so much. "Mera, I love you."

The tears streamed down my face while I sniffled and nodded. "I love you, too, Kovas. I love you so much."

He took me in his arms and squeezed me tightly. I wanted him to hold me more. I wanted to be pressed against him, our bodies intertwining. He quickly pulled back from the embrace and looked at me with the biggest smile I had ever seen on him.

"Come to my chambers," he whispered while looking at my lips. "Please."

"You don't even have to ask," I responded, leaning up and kissing him while he pulled me into him.