Shes Gone （40）

Three days after his talk with Jake, Ryan had just returned to the apartment from the team's road trip to Charlotte, and he couldn't have been happier to be back home.

While there, the guys had all gone out after the game to one of the local spots, and a few of the Charlotte players were there. Hayes had gotten separated from Ryan for a bit, and when he'd finally reunited with him, he found him getting a little too cozy for his liking with one of the Charlotte defensemen out on the back patio. The other guy's arm was around Ryan, and while to any outsider, it looked like just two drunk guys chatting it up, Hayes knew better.

He approached them from behind, tapping Ryan aggressively on the shoulder. "Just thought you should know I'm headin' back to the hotel." He immediately turned to walk away, with Ryan calling after him.

"Wait, Hayes. I wanted to introduce you. This is Mike Kane. I played juniors with him. Mike, this is my boyfriend I was just telling you about." Hayes stopped and came back towards them, Ryan reaching his hand out and pulling him over to where they were sitting. "Come sit. We were literally just talking about you."

Mike scooted over, and Hayes sat down in between them, with Ryan mouthing, "It's OK."

"Nice to meet you, man. Baylor hasn't shut up about you for like, 20 minutes straight. I'm glad to see all our intuitions were spot on."

"Yeah, it turns out, everyone knew I was gay but me."

Hayes had taken a deep breath, grabbed Ryan's hand, and the three of them shot the shit for a bit until Ryan decided it was time for them to call it a night.

Riding in silence for the entire trip back to the hotel, Hayes finally broke it when they were both in the bathroom, having just finished brushing their teeth.

"Rook?" he asked, palms pressed against the countertop and staring at Ryan in the mirror.

"Yeah?"

"You ever hook up with him?

"Does it matter?"

"No," He paused, then asked, "Do I have to worry about you?"

Ryan set his toothbrush down, wrapped his arms around his chest from behind, and stared at his beautiful boyfriend in the mirror. "No. I love you. Tyler? I love you."

"Will you tell me if you, you know..."

"No. Because it won't happen."

"I wanna believe that."

"Is there any reason not to?"

Hayes snickered, making a face at Ryan in the mirror. "Have you met you?"

"Yes, I have. Just recently, as a matter of fact. And you know what? For the first time ever, I kinda like myself. I'm in therapy, I'm working through the issues I've struggled with my whole life, and I'm in love with an amazing guy." He kissed Hayes on the cheek and let go of him. "But I deserve your trust. And if you can't give it to me, then that's something you need to work on, not me."

He left the bathroom, and Hayes followed him. "I trust you, Rook."

"Good. Because you have absolutely no reason not to. Your past doesn't define you, and my past doesn't define me." Ryan grabbed his hands, which were trembling. "Our present and our future? Those are what define us. OK?"

Hayes nodded. "OK."

Ryan knew he'd never admit it to him, but Hayes was terrified.

And truth be told, so was Ryan. But he knew one thing: he was more terrified of a life without Hayes in it than anything else, and he wasn't going to fuck this up, too.

As he waited for Hayes to come up, having stopped at his apartment to drop his things off and grab some clothes, he went into his room and set his travel bag down next to his dresser. Glancing at the picture of him, Amara, and Hayes out of habit, he noticed there was an envelope propped against it with his name on it. Confused, he picked it up, opened it, and began reading.

Ryan,

There are no excuses for what I've done to you. I was reckless in my treatment of you, something you didn't deserve.

There is so much more I have to say to you in person, and someday, I will.

For now, I've paid the remainder of my portion of the lease, and I truly hope you can understand why I couldn't stay.

You did everything right, Ryan. I'm sorry I didn't.

Amara

On about the fifth read-through, he rushed over to her room, thinking maybe she was playing a cruel prank.

All her things were gone off the dressers.

Out of the bathroom.

Out of the closet.

Ryan stood there, lost in his own thoughts, and hadn't heard Hayes come into the apartment. "Rook, what are you doin' in here, man?"

He turned and handed the letter to him, watching his face sink as he read it. "What the..."

"She's gone, Hayes. She moved out."

"Fuck."

"Did you know about this?"

"Swear to God, Rook. I had no fuckin' idea."

Ryan shook his head. "She's gone."

"It was just a matter of time, man. Honestly? It's probably for the best."

???

"So, what is it you wanted to talk about?" Amara asked Jake, as the two went for a stroll along the marina after enjoying an entirely-too-expensive dinner.

Being mid-March now, the weather wasn't as excruciatingly cold as it had been the past few months, though it was still a bit windy. There was enough she loved about Bridgeport, but Connecticut weather, Amara had decided, could suck it.

The two of them had reconciled shortly after Jake's talk with Ryan, and after she'd moved out of the apartment and into an extended-stay hotel about 15 miles out of Bridgeport, though she'd waited for him to initiate it. She'd quit her bartending job at The Bull and decided to focus her attention on her freelance writing, but she still kept in touch with Dani at least once a week.

"You haven't spoken to them at all? Nothing?" Jake had asked her, right after learning that she'd moved out.

"No. I haven't spoken to either of them since I left. Tyler checks in every few days with a ‘You still alive?' text, to which I reply that I am, but aside from that? Nothing."

"When Ryan and I spoke, he had only amazing things to say, Amara. He cares about you."

"And I care about him too. So much, which is why I left."

"Just so you know, I'm fine with you staying friends with him, if that's something you feel you need to do. It's totally fine. It's still a little weird, but I'm fine with it."

"OK, Ross. I'm glad you're fine," she joked. "What I need to do is move on with my life and let him move on with his."

"You don't miss him?"

"I miss Ryan every damn day."

"Then why don't you talk to him?"

"Because," she'd told him. "There's too much I need to say to him that I'm not ready to say yet."

And two months later, it all remained unsaid.

Aside from the occasional text exchange with Tyler, Amara hadn't spoken to either of them at all. Tyler wasn't happy about it, but he understood.

T: Mar, I told you, I'll do whatever I have to do if it means you're happy, and I meant it. Do what you gotta do, OK?

T: When you're ready, I'll be here. I told you, I'm not going anywhere.

"Here, sit down," Jake told her, taking a seat on a bench along the walking path, which overlooked the bay. "It's breathtaking out here, isn't it?"

"It really is," she said, running her hands up and down her arms. "It's so damn cold and windy, it takes your breath away."

"Interesting segue. So, the reason I brought you here is because..." he paused. "My construction company is relocating. To...Florida." He reached over and grabbed her hand.

"And I'm guessing that means you're relocating, too?"

"Yes," he said slowly. "And I was thinking that maybe...you would like to...relocate with me."

She laughed, shaking her head. "We've known each other for like, four months, Jake."

"And? If I didn't bail after the ‘Never Have I Ever' debacle, I think we're good," he said with a wink. "Hey: I want you to come with me. There's nothing tying you here, Amara. This place served its purpose for you."

"I kinda like it here," she replied quietly.

"You'll like it in Florida, too. I promise. It's warm all year round, and where the company's moving is right on the Gulf Coast. Here," he said, pulling out his phone, typing for a bit, then handing it to her. "This is the house I'm buying."

She began scrolling through the pictures, mouth agape. It was an exquisite, elevated 1800-square-foot home directly on the water, complete with a dock and an enclosed swimming pool and hot tub combo. There was an elegant wooden gazebo that overlooked the Gulf with access to a private beach. He reached his finger over and started scrolling for her. "Hold on, this...where is it?" He stopped at a picture of an office. "I was thinking this could be your writing room."

"Wow. It's really something," she remarked, pretending she didn't see the $1.2 million listing price and $16,000 a year in property taxes.

"Come with me," he said, taking the phone from her, turning to face her, and grabbing both her hands. "I can make you happy."

"Happy," she repeated sarcastically. "What's that feel like?"

"It feels like you getting to live your life for you, Amara. Between your ex, then all the bullshit with Ryan, you've gotten so used to living for other people that you forgot that you deserve to live, too."

"I take care of people," she said sadly. "That's what I do."

"Then maybe it's time you let someone take care of you."

"I can take care of myself, Jake. Been doing it my whole life."

"I know you can. But just because you can doesn't mean you should have to. You don't have to decide right now. You can always come down later when you're ready."

"When are you leaving?"

He sighed. "Next week. The transfer is happening on Tuesday, and we're headed down right after."

"Wow. OK. That doesn't give me a whole..."

Her phone rang, and she checked the screen. "Yale New Haven Health? Who the hell?" She put up a finger as she took the call.

"Hello?...Yes, this is she...Uh huh...uh huh...Oh my God...Yeah, I'll be right there."

Horrified, she hung up and turned towards Jake.

"What's the matter?" he asked her, immediately taking notice of the tears streaming down her face.

"It's Ty."