Never Have I Ever （38）

"Is this ever not gonna be weird?" Jonesy asked, walking by where Hayes and Ryan sat on the floor and mussing up Ryan's hair before taking a seat on the floor next to them.

Hayes's back was pressed against the wall, legs spread and knees bent, with Ryan seated between them. His arms were wrapped around Ryan's chest, with Ryan holding onto his forearms.

It was around 11:00 p.m., and only a handful of guys who were too drunk to drive remained: Jonesy, and Dalesy and Kasic, who were both sprawled out and taking up the entire sectional.

"Aww, do the big bad gay boys make you uncomfortable?" Hayes joked, reaching up to Ryan's face, twisting it to meet his, and shoving his tongue into Ryan's mouth. They kissed for a bit, then Hayes pulled away. "How about that? That better?"

"It's all good, man. It's just weird seeing your teammates hangin' all over each other, that's all," Jonesy said. "Especially when they were just bangin' the same chick like, a week ago."

"Uh uh," Hayes said, clearing his throat and making the slashing motion across his neck as Amara stumbled into the living room, having been in her bedroom with Jake for about the last hour or so.

"You guys are still hanging?" she asked, slightly slurring her words and sitting down near Hayes and Ryan. "Can you feel your arms yet, stud?" she asked Ryan, shoving him lightly.

"Yup." He waved them around. "You done fucking him? Pretty sure the whole sixth floor heard you two going at it."

"Jealous?" she said, to which Ryan rolled his eyes.

From the couch, Dalesy announced, "We were just about to play ‘Never Have I Ever.' You old heads wanna get in on it?"

"Nope. No, we weren't," Hayes cut in. "We were not about to do that."

"Aww, why not?" Jake came in, having refilled both his and Amara's wine glasses and handing one to her before having a seat on the floor.

"Bro, you know you look just like Tyler Seguin?" Kasic chimed in.

"No. Who's that?" Jake asked, confused.

The guys groaned in disbelief.

"Plays for Dallas. He's only like, the hottest man that's ever played hockey and possibly lived," Ryan replied, leaning his head back onto Hayes's shoulder and looking at him. "No offense."

"He's actually not even that hot in person," Hayes added.

"You're a terrible liar."

Jake shrugged. "So, I guess that's a good thing?"

"Uh, yeah," Dalesy added. "You got those rock-hard abs like him, too?"

"Nah, I'm too old and I like carbs too much. Used to, though."

"Yeah, but look at your fuckin' arms, man. What do you bench?"

"Eh, I can put up 350, no problem. I can deadlift almost 500, though."

"Shit. Amara's out here dating the fuckin' Terminator," Kasic joked. "Quite an upgrade from this asshole." He pointed to Ryan.

"Uh uh," Hayes warned, giving him the death glare. "Nope."

"Upgrade?" Jake asked, turning toward Amara, who sipped her wine and made bug eyes at Kasic.

"Just...because they're always together, you know because they're roommates. That's all."

Jonesy changed the subject. "So, who's going first? Everyone got a drink?"

Amara started to get up. "Maybe we should just head back to my room," she began, but Jake held onto her arm and gently kept her in place.

"Nah, we can hang with these little boys. Besides, maybe we'll learn something new about each other."

"Yeah, why don't you stay and play, Mar?" Ryan suggested coldly. "I'm sure it'll get real interesting."

"Mar?" Hayes warned. "You don't have to play if you don't wanna."

"No, it's...fine. Fuck it, I can handle it," she said, taking a huge gulp of her wine. "Let's go then. I'll go first. Never have I ever hooked up with one of my teammates, current or past." She watched all five Bridgeport boys take a drink. "Mmhmm." She turned to Jake. "It turns out all hockey boys are a little gay."

"Apparently," he said.

"OK. My turn," Jonesy started. "Never have I ever hooked up with more than one person sitting in this room right now." He looked at Amara, who looked at Ryan and Hayes.

Ryan went to lift his beer, but Hayes pushed his hand down. Neither he nor Amara drank.

"Mmhmm," Jonesy grunted.

"My turn," said Kasic. "Never have I ever sucked Baylor's dick."

Hayes took a sip.

Amara didn't.

"We sure that's everyone?" Kasic asked. "No one else's gotten down on that sausage?"

"I'll go next. Never have I ever," Dalesy began, "made out with Hayes in the middle of the dance floor in a crowded club."

Everyone looked at Amara. She didn't drink.

Jake leaned into her ear. "Why do I feel like these are very pointed questions?"

"My turn," Ryan said, staring at Amara and sitting up and away from Hayes. "Never have I ever broken someone's heart."

Everyone except Ryan drank.

"I go again since everyone drank but me."

"Those aren't the rules," Amara protested.

"I make the rules," Ryan spat, continuing. "Never have I ever lied to someone about how I felt about them, making them think they were special when they were really just a selfish distraction from my fucked-up past."

Everyone except Ryan drank again.

"Guess I'll just keep going."

"Rook? That's enough." Hayes pulled him back toward him, but he pushed him off.

"Nope, we're just getting started."

"Nah, fuck it. It's my turn," Amara cut in. "Never have I ever treated someone like absolute shit simply because they didn't feel the same way I did about them and I was too goddamn immature to handle it."

"Aaaand, here we go," Hayes mumbled.

Ryan nodded, chugging. "OK. Never have I ever lied to someone I was dating about my real relationship with my roommate and his boyfriend because I'm so goddamn desperate to move on from it that I just don't give a fuck who I hurt in the process!"

Amara snickered, throwing back her entire glass of wine and chucking the empty glass against the wall, shattering it. "Fuck off, Baylor!" she yelled, popping up from the floor and storming off toward the front door.

The room went silent, as the front door slammed. Ryan got up to go after her, but Jake strong-armed him. "Leave her, man. I got her."

"The fuck you do, bro!" Ryan snapped, pushing his arm away, as they both got up off the floor and headed towards the door, with Hayes scrambling right behind them.

"Fuckin' ay!" Hayes bitched, flipping off the other three guys in the living room on his way out. "Great idea, you fuckin' twatwaffles. Really. Top fuckin' notch."

The four of them exited the apartment, leaving Dalesy, Kasic, and Jonesy alone.

No one said anything for a while until Dalesy sliced through the silence with, "Never have I ever blasted a fart while getting head."

"I think the game's done, man," Jonesy replied, as he watched Kasic slowly raise his beer and take a sip. "Oh, you filthy bitch."

???

"Hey!" Ryan called, jogging after her down the hallway. "Hey!"

She didn't turn around.

Hayes and Jake followed them as they headed towards the elevator. "You wanna be with her, man? You better get used to this shit."

She pressed the button for the elevator, as Ryan came up behind her. "And where do you think you're gonna go right now?"

"Someplace where you're not!" she spat back. The door opened, and she tried to get in, but Ryan reached out and grabbed her arm, pulling her back. "Don't fucking touch me, Ryan Baylor!"

Jake made a move like he was going to step in, but Hayes held him back lightly. "Relax. She can handle herself." Hayes pointed to the ground and took a seat so he could keep an eye on their argument, beckoning Jake to do the same. "This? Is what Rook and Mar do."

"Why the hell's it so contentious between them?"

Hayes snickered. "I wouldn't even know where to start. I will say this though: a huge part of the problem? They're the same exact fuckin' person. One just has a dick. Frick and fuckin' frack, those two."

She let the door close without getting on, and Ryan let go of her. "I asked you to please not fuck this up for me, Ryan."

"You fucked this up for you, Amara. Not me!" he yelled. "You ever gonna start taking responsibility for anything that happens in your fucking life, or you just gonna live forever as a victim?"

"Rook, it's late and we're in the hallway. Keep it down," Hayes warned.

"Oh, you've got some fucking nerve, kid! Those questions? What the hell was all that?"

"Why won't you just be honest with him?" Ryan asked, motioning towards Jake. "He seems like a good enough guy, probably too good for you..."

"Oh, really? Well, everyone knows Tyler is entirely too good for you!"

Hayes shrugged, leaning over to Jake. "Can't fuckin' argue there."

They bickered back and forth while Jake and Hayes watched rapt, like it was an episode of The Real Housewives of Bridgeport. "What is it I need to know here, man?" Jake finally asked Hayes.

"Listen, whatever you need to know? Needs to come from her. Rook's immature as fuck, but he's got a point. You two need to have a talk."

They turned their attention back to Ryan and Amara, who were both using their hands like a couple of Italian grandmothers as they argued.

"I don't understand why you had to start your shit, Baylor. You're with Ty now, and I'm with Jake. Why is that not enough for you?"

"Because I'm still fucking in love with you!" he yelled, dropping to his knees and burying his face in his hands. "And I don't wanna be anymore," he whimpered, looking up at her.

"Ryan, I'm not in love with you. I never was, and I never will be. I love you, you're one of my best friends. But I'm not in love with you."

"I know that. That's why it hurts so fucking bad."

"You? Have to get over me, Ry. It's not fair to Ty. You have to."

Jake looked over at Hayes, surprised, expecting him to react. "Um, wow. And this is fine with you?"

"Listen, man. It's not a secret. I know he's stuck on her. He has been since the day he met her. I was for a long time, too. But what am I gonna do, get mad at him for feelin' what he feels? I don't love it, but I love him."

Jake shook his head and exhaled. "You're a much better man than I am. So you and her? You had a thing, too?"

"Like I said, man," Ty said, checking his phone. "Talk to her. You need to talk to her."

"This is all..." He stood up, shaking his head again. "This is too much. I think I'm gonna take off."

The doomed duo was now both on the floor across from each other, seated directly in front of the elevator doors. Jake approached them cautiously, but neither of them even took notice of him.

"Do not lie to me: did you stop your therapy, Ry?"

He nodded slowly, avoiding eye contact.

"Why would you do that? It was helping. You were doing so well."

"I thought I was better," he said softly. "And I thought I was strong enough to do it on my own. I wanna be strong enough to do this on my own."

"Ryan, it can take years to get to the point where you're ‘better.' It doesn't mean you're not strong. You're one of the strongest people I know. But you don't stop just because you think you're better. You need to see it through to the end."

"Hey, sorry to interrupt...whatever this is, but I'm gonna head out. I'll Uber home and come back for my car tomorrow. This is just...clearly, there's a lot going on here, and I'm in the way, so..."

Amara jumped up and tried to put her arms around him. "Listen, we should probably…" He pushed her away lightly. "So, that's it?"

"I don't know, Amara. All I know is that this? There's some weird shit going on here, and I don't really know if I wanna be a part of it." He pressed the button on the elevator and waited, as Ryan got up off the floor and backed away, giving them their space.

"So, that's it?" she repeated, tears welling up, as the door opened and he stepped on.

"Maybe we can talk about this later. Or maybe not. I just...right now, I need to go."

She watched the door close and stood there staring at it for a moment.

"Amara?" Ryan asked, but she turned away without a word and headed back down the hallway to the apartment, with Hayes following behind her.

Ryan caught up with him and attempted to grab his hand, but he pulled away and just kept walking. "Hayes? I'm sorry..."

Turning around, he shrugged his shoulders. "This is...just a giant fuckin' mess." Ryan leaned forward and Hayes immediately put his arms out, pulling him in for a hug.

"I'm sorry," Ryan whispered. "I really like you. I'm just...I'm not over her, man."

Hayes broke the hug. "You like me? Aww, isn't that cute?" he said disappointedly.

"Hayes, that's not…I meant…"

"You meant what? You have no problem telling her you love her. Do you love me? Because I love you, Ryan. A fuckin' lot, actually."

"I think so."

"You think so?" He nodded. "Well, listen, I'm goin' home. This night needs to end. Do me a favor: let me know when you know for sure so I don't waste any more of my precious fuckin' time with you."

"Hayes, you're not wasting your time with me. Don't ever think that."

He changed course and started walking back towards the elevator, then flipped around to face Ryan. "You wanna continue this shit? Then a few things have to happen, Rook. For one, get your fuckin' ass back to therapy. Clearly, you need it. Two, you have to get over her. I don't know how many times you need to hear it from me, from her, but it is not gonna happen with you two. You know I love Mar to death, but I refuse to live in anyone's shadow, man. As much as I've always wanted it to be the three of us? It's not gonna. You have to let her go, for you, for me, and for her. And three?" He pressed the elevator button and it opened. He stepped in and turned to face Ryan. "You're gonna fix this shit with her and Jake."

The door started to close, but Ryan blocked it with his arm. "He needed to hear the truth."

"That wasn't your decision to make, Rook. That was hers, and you stole that from her. I don't agree with her hidin' it, and you might not either, but it wasn't your call. You're gonna fix it. I don't know how but figure it the fuck out."

Ryan moved his arm and watched the elevator door close.

"Happy fucking birthday to me," he mumbled, trudging back towards the apartment.