77. Anna

77

Anna

It was strange thinking of my mother has a warm and cuddly young witch falling in love with a dashing young wolf. I'd seen the evidence of them being loving parents in my mind, but both of them had grown so twisted. Katherine, in the magic she'd used to hide away my magic, and Dirk, in killing his mate.

The more I spoke to Evalina, the more I wondered if I'd been the reason they'd twisted. Maybe there really was nothing I could do. Maybe I corrupted everyone who tried to love me.

Was Jax on his way to feeling the darkness inside of me? Is that why he was pulling away?

I left The Fanged Smile and started the long walk back. I could have called someone to pick me up, but it wasn't like there was anyone waiting for me. Jax would find some reason to not sleep with me.

He hadn't even texted me all day. Even when I felt Lucy's death. I'd vomited immediately after. Evalina had assumed it was morning sickness, and when I told her Lucy was dead, she'd paled and left immediately.

Now I was stumbling home thinking of all the ways that I'd failed. Lucy. Finn. Was I going to do the same with my child? In twenty-five years, would they be walking along a lonely dirt path and thinking about all the ways I'd failed them?

"Hello, Ternary."

Turned out my path wasn't so lonely after all. I waited for the wolf to come out of the shadows, and I raised my eyebrows. There was an alpha in the territory and still Jax hadn't texted me. We were going to have strong words when I got a hold of him.

"Hello, Elonso. I'm fairly certain you weren't supposed to arrive until tomorrow. You're looking a little bloody."

"Had to kill a few wolves to get here. It was a little messy. Your mate will not be pleased that I did not go straight to the house, but I thought I might enjoy a little run first. As a human. Jax apparently has rules about me running around as a wolf on my own. I don't suppose you want to run with me?"

"Really, Elonso? You're channeling Emerson. Regretting not killing me when you had the chance?"

Elonso chuckled. "I think the idea that I had even had a chance is a delusion. I probably couldn't even kill you right now even if it would save the mountain."

"Want to give it a try anyway? I'll make sure no one kills you."

"I owe you for freeing my pack. Until there is no other choice, I am here to defeat Maeve without your death." He paused. "And I would like to see Cindy, if she would allow it."

Cindy. She'd been assimilating to the pack. I hadn't seen her as much, but as far as I could tell, she hadn't been planning on returning. She and Janelle were actually becoming friends. "I will ask her." Had Jax even informed her that Elonso was coming? "I'm on my way back to the house. Care to escort me?"

He fell into step next to me. "Given the target painted on your back, I'm surprised Jax lets you walk around alone."

"Jax isn't the boss of me," I grumbled. Elonso shot me a strange look, and I shrugged. "Besides, I'm safe here. It's a little bit of a strange concept given everything that's happened here, but I really am safe from my own pack. How was it following Emerson's footsteps?"

"I don't," he growled. "Emerson was a monster, and I've severed the head of any wolf who followed him. Still, it's hard to garner trust from a pack so betrayed. I need Maeve dead. Only then will I have their trust."

Those words were not meant to make me feel safe. Elonso would do anything to keep his pack safe, and he'd said it himself. When there was no other choice, he would kill me.

London would feel the same. He wouldn't want to do it, but if it was the mountain or me, there was no other choice. I couldn't even blame them for it.

Stopping suddenly, he sniffed the air and frowned. "You're pregnant."

"Ah-hah! But you didn't know before me! That makes two of you! Well, three if you count Lunessa."

"What are you talking about?"

I waved my hand. "Nothing. It's not important. Yes, I'm pregnant, so if Maeve could wait until after I've given birth to kidnap me and sacrifice me to her spell, I'd appreciate it."

"I doubt she knows." He frowned. "I found a secret vault in Emerson's bedchambers before I stripped it of everything. Journals that made my skin crawl. He suspected that you wouldn't survive the spell, so he never planned on giving you to her. He had a panic bunker built in secret that he planned on keeping you in. When Jax claimed you as a mate, Emerson was furious. He openly defied Maeve, and she told him about the prophecies. The one that said no one would touch you before the sacrifice."

"I was supposed to be a virgin? No wonder my father didn't let anyone have sex with me. I don't suppose I'm ruined now since I'm clearly not a virgin anymore."

He started walking again. "I don't think the land cares if you've fucked anyone, but I find it interesting that the prophecy would have gotten something wrong, or at least it was relayed to Maeve wrong. There's hope in that."

"One little detail? As you said, I doubt the land cares if I'm a virgin or not, but maybe."

"So, what's the plan?"

We broke through the woods, and I stared up at the house. "I guess we'll find out together when London gets here tomorrow."

Jax was furious that Elonso had come early and hadn't gone straight to the house, but it gave him an excuse to avoid me for a couple of hours. I ate dinner alone, shocking, but he did return before midnight. I was sitting cross-legged in the bed, rereading the journals that London had given me. I didn't know if it would help, but maybe learning something about my ancestors would help me learn how to be a ternary.

Surprised by his early arrival, I stared at him. He started to undress. "Did you feel Lucy?"

"I did. And I wanted to call you to see how you were doing, but you hadn't texted me all day, certainly not to tell me that alphas were coming, so I figured you were busy."

With a sigh, he sat on the bed. "I'm sorry, Anna. I should have called you. I'm floundering, and I'm hurting you. I don't know how to fix it."

"You could talk to me? I know how you're feeling about this baby, now. I could die before it's even born, and I have thought of that. I think about it every day. I want to give this baby everything. I want to survive this."

"Anna…"

"I don't want to be looking over journals about my ancestors and worried who is going to kidnap me. I want to be reading books about parenting. I have no idea how to be a mother. I need to start learning stuff now, and we definitely need to start ordering baby supplies. I know that there's a donation center for new babies, but there are six other females pregnant in the pack. Supplies might run thin."

I was still running my mouth when he wrapped me in his arms and kissed the top of my head. "I spent time with Finn today. I was with him when I felt Lucy's death. I had to tell him."

Oh, shit. Closing my eyes, I rested my head against his chest and reveled in his warmth. "I'm sorry. How did he react?"

"Coldly."

"He's shielding himself," I sighed. "And so are you. I've been running my mouth, but what I really want is for you to talk to me. Like you used to."

"We will," he whispered. "We will, when it's safe."

"When it's safe?" Staring up at him, I scowled. "And do you have any idea when that will be? Tomorrow? Next week? Four years? There's no timeline here, Jax. I need to focus on what's happening right now."

"Good. You focus on the baby, and I will focus on everything else."

The moment was over. Pulling away, I turned my back on him. "I'm scared too, Jax, but I thought we were doing this together. I thought we were going to do everything together."

"You're too close to this, Anna. One day, you'll forgive me. I hope. And at least you'll be alive to forgive me."

"Forgive you?" What the hell? We were talking about being at odds with each other. It was an annoying fight, but we'd move past it. I didn't need to forgive him for it. "What will you need forgiveness for?"

"Saving you."