76. Jax

76

Jax

The overwhelming urge to scream wrapped around me, and I had to shield myself from it. Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes and gritted my teeth. Anna. I could feel her pain sliding through me, and all I wanted to do was race to her and hold her.

Gripping the edge of the desk, I grunted until I could shut her out. I couldn't go to her. I would see her tonight and make sure she made the appointment with Saul, but until then, there was someone who needed me more.

Nobody had heard from Finn since he tried to run. Before London and Elonso got here, I needed to know that he could keep it together. My attention was already split in different ways, and damn it, Finn needed me.

My whole pack needed me.

Anna needed me.

With a roar, I slammed my fist on the desk. It cracked and buckled under my violence. Then I felt the blatant touch of magic reach out to me. "Whoever you are," I growled. "Now is not the time to fuck with me. I'm in the mood to break a witch." The magic retreated, and I felt a twinge of regret course through me. I was looking forward to a good fight.

There was nothing I could do about my desk, so I left my office and headed to Finn's home. When he'd first arrived at the pack, he bunked with all the new recruits until the initial challenges were over. It wasn't long until he'd proven himself. He could have challenged Jenson for second and won. He could have challenged me for alpha, and honestly, I'm not sure who would have come out on top.

But he hadn't. He wanted to learn. He wanted to help. He'd risked his life to help me and Anna, and he'd bonded with her. It wasn't a romantic bond. It was a friendship. Bonded through a traumatic childhood and a past they hadn't even realized they'd shared.

Anna was right. He was on the brink of self-destruction. I needed to reel him back and let him see that while he was losing a lot now, he risked losing much more if he lost control.

He hadn't lived in the barracks for a while. Now he had a small cabin, at his request, close to the security center, although he spent most of his time sleeping in one of the many guest rooms. He hadn't been there last night, and I doubted that he was there now.

He'd been taken off the security roster, but one call to the security office, and I knew where to find him. He was patrolling the borders. All of them. Solo.

I headed in the opposite direction to join him, and he didn't even slow down as I fell into step with him. "Alpha."

"Finn."

"I'm going for a walk. Nothing you can do to stop me."

"I'm your alpha. There is plenty I can do to stop you," I reminded him. "But for now, I'm just walking with you. Did you get some sleep last night?"

His bruises from our fight had faded. No doubt he'd shifted immediately to heal. I couldn't smell any dried blood on him, but he could clearly smell it on me. "You're still injured."

"When I ask you a question, you will answer." I pushed a little power through his bond. He was losing control. I could give that to him.

Immediately, he dropped his head. "A couple of hours," he answered.

That was better than nothing. "Have you eaten?"

"No."

"Then food. Let's go to the dining hall."

"No," Finn said and closed his eyes. It was good that openly defying me was difficult for him. "I don't want to be around too many people right now. There's food in my kitchen. Am…it was stocked the other day."

So, Amelia was still caring for him, but he apparently didn't want to say her name. "Then we'll go to your place, and you'll eat."

Pressing his lips together, he looked like he might refuse, but he nodded and turned. Silently, I followed his even jog all the way back to his cabin.

I sat at the small bar in his kitchen and observed him as he made us some sandwiches. He carried himself with plenty of tension and deliberation. Like he had to force himself to think through every single step. Finally, he put a plate in front of me. "I'm fine."

"I didn't ask."

"But you're thinking it. Is Finn going to crack? I got some sleep. I'm eating. I know I'm not on the duty roster, but the patrolling helps me think through things."

I knew how that felt. "We have people you could talk to."

"I'll patrol."

I couldn't argue with that, so I bit into my sandwich and continued watching him. He drained a whole glass of water and started to eat. After that first bite, he inhaled his food and went back to make another sandwich.

That was good. That he had his appetite was good.

"London and Elonso will be here tomorrow by sunset, assuming they survive the rogues. Elonso has been courted by Maeve. He's rejected her, and now his whole pack is a target. He wants in on the fight, and I suspect he might have some more information for us."

"And London?"

"London is my ally. My friend. Not to mention that Lunessa is in this fight."

Finn snorted. "Will he ever admit that she's his mate?"

"I don't know. It seems there are plenty who are avoiding admitting that their wolves have chosen."

His eyes flitted up with mine, and he frowned. "You're not one to talk. You imprisoned your mate for nearly three years."

"Imprisoned is a harsh word. I did what I needed to do to keep her safe."

"And what are you doing to her now?"

"Excuse me?"

"Just a new way to imprison her," Finn said darkly.

He was trying to get a rise out of me, and for a moment, I let him. "My relationship with Anna is none of your business. You have no idea the danger that she is facing, and I will do anything to protect her."

"By chaining her up here?"

"The only chains I'll put around her are for an entirely different use." Taking a moment, I calmed myself. He was deflecting, and I was letting him. "Anna is not a prisoner. She won't even stay in the damn house when I ask her. None of that is the point. You're losing control, Finn. I can see it in how you handle yourself. You know that you're slipping, and you're thinking through every moment to keep it together."

Balling his hand in his fist, he lightly knocked it on the table. "I'm fine."

"No, you're not. You have a powerful wolf. Have you thought of what might happen if you let him take over? Maybe it's a good feeling. Hide away from what you've done. Find some peace."

Finn growled. "I'm not hiding."

"No. You want to fight. I get that feeling, but it will only get you killed faster. Get Anna killed faster. Or do you not care who gets hurt when you get your revenge?"

"She's my friend, and she's far more powerful than you give her credit for. She's in this fight whether you want her to be or not."

"Like your sister?"

Finn's eyes flashed, and I saw the wolf before he snarled and launched himself over the counter at me. I was ready for the attack, and used his body weight against him as I redirected him and threw him into the kitchen table. It splintered under his weight and crashed to the floor. He groaned, and I knew the fight had left him. "That one burst of anger gives you a false sense of security. That justice is on your side, but that's the problem with rage. There's no time to plan, and the fight is over before you even know it. You followed me to rescue Anna from Emerson. You reminded me what was at stake and what could happen if I let my emotions rule me. Take your own words to heart and follow me now. I will do whatever it takes to save Anna. I will take down Maeve."

Finn just knocked his head back and closed his eyes. I took a step toward him and felt a slice of pain score threw me. Stopping short, it was all I could do not to show my pain. The bond was new but dim. Far away. I knew exactly what it was. The death of one of my wolves.

Maeve finally took her daughter's blood. Lucy was dead.