75. Anna

75

Anna

The Fanged Smile was still standing. It had survived the pack's hatred of me. Would it survive Maeve and the darkness? I unlocked the door and let myself in. It was clean and pristine. So unlike how The Fanged Smile should be. I longed for it to be filled with people again. To be pouring drinks and joking with the customers.

Not that I had many memories of joking with customers, but not everyone who came through here knew who I was. Someone told them soon enough, but for a few minutes I could pretend that I had a real job. A real place in a pack.

I didn't need to feel that now. I had a place. I was Jax's mate. His equal. "His partner in everything," I muttered sardonically to myself. Rolling my eyes, I climbed the steps to my old apartment.

The last time that I was here, Jax had held me in his arms and told me that I would always be safe. There were monitors up to make sure that no one could sneak up on me. This was supposed to be my safe place. Even from him.

It wasn't a safe place for me now. Maeve could tear it down with the snap of her witch's fingers. But it was a place where I knew Jax wouldn't be.

Of course, anywhere that I was going to be was certainly a place that Jax was not.

"You've gone about this all wrong," I told myself. "He's scared, and he's not used to showing that. Now he has two people to be scared about."

I put my hand on my belly. I was scared too. Scared of everything. Scared of losing my baby. Scared of being a mother. Scared of my supposed destiny.

And now I was terrified for my wolf.

Everything seemed to press down on me, and I stumbled against the wall and slid to the floor.

"If you scream, your mate will come running."

At that, I did scream, but it was only Evalina. She stared down at me with a confused look. "Are you harmed?"

"Not yet, but it's coming. Or so I hear." Not liking the way she looked down at me, I pushed myself up to my feet. "Are you here to convince me to amputate my wolf?"

"What?" Her eyes widened. "Who is talking about doing that?"

"It's one of many ideas. I hope," I muttered. "All right, what are you doing here?"

Clearing her throat, Evalina clasped her hands in front of her stomach and began to rock back and forth on her heels. "This is where Jax put you after he first rescued you?"

"Yes."

"And he's gifted it to you. Is that a romantic gesture?"

At the memory, I smiled. "Yeah. When Parker was alive, it was my safe space. I just didn't appreciate it until he wasn't there. When Jax offered it to me, he was offering a safe space when I wasn't feeling safe."

"Did you come here today to feel safe?"

"I…this is not what you came here for," I said suddenly. She was still acting squirrelly. "What did you need, Crone?"

She shuddered at the term, and I knew I'd said it cruelly, but I didn't take it back.

"It occurred to me that I haven't talked to you about your mother. I'm sure you have questions."

In shock, I stared at her. "Really? Of course I have fucking questions, but you've brushed it off every time I've tried to ask. What's changed now?" Fear seized me. "Oh my God, you think I'm going to die soon, don't you? That doesn't surprise me. Everyone does."

"Yes, everyone does. I was rather thinking about my own impending death."

"Jax isn't going to kill you. That's not how we do things. Is that why you came down here? For some kind of death bed confession?"

"That is what it sounds like, doesn't it? I've made mistakes, Anna. So many starting with Katherine. Ask me your questions, Anna. I firmly believe that you can survive this, and I want Katherine's legacy to pass to someone. She was your mother."

Blowing out my breath, I put a hand on my belly. "She did what she thought was best for me."

"To save you. Oh, Anna, I know that you spent the majority of your life thinking that you were unlovable. I hope that you can see how many people love you and have loved you. How amazing you are."

"Yeah. Not one person has tried to kill me in a territory full of people who wanted to kill me six months ago, and it would be the easiest solution. How did you feel when you had to raise Katherine?"

Evalina chuckled. "You're asking me how it feels to mother. It has its ups and downs. Of course, Katherine didn't see me as her mother." Slowly, she sank onto my bed and sighed. "You would think raising a pre-teen at the top of a mountain completely secured by magic would stop her from getting into trouble, but she managed to sneak out at least once a month. She was an impressive witch and the reason for all my grey hair."

"Is that how she met my father?"

"No. We were touring the packs, seeking out the pack witches. It was the last year that we did it."

I frowned. "Because of my mother?"

Evalina shot me a look, and I felt a little more comfortable with our cozy little chat. At least she was her old self deep down. "I did not isolate myself on the mountain simply because Katherine fell in love," she said coldly. "It was another of many mistakes. The more I used my magic away from my den, the more I realized I was connected to the darkness. In truth, I thought I would be the origin of it. I thought isolating myself would help."

"You and Jax could start a club. He's doing the same thing towards me," I muttered as I pulled out my phone and stared at it. "We had a conversation about being partners, being equal, and now London and Elonso are on their way, and Jax hasn't even bothered to inform me."

"He's scared for you, and it's clouding his judgment." Evalina took a deep breath, knocked her head back, and let her eyes grow white. I held my breath. Could she see my relationship with Jax? Its future?

"I feel his fear," she whispered. "Oh, there is a darkness growing in his soul. A coldness spreading thought him. The fear is wrapped around his heart."

"Being a father? He has to know that he would be a wonderful father. Why would he be afraid of that?"

"It is the child. That is the source of his terror." Evalina shook her head, and her eyes returned to normal. "I'm sorry, Anna. I can't see the details. There's too much chaos swirling inside of him."

I shouldn't be letting a witch look into Jax like that anyway. It was far too invasive. What I really needed was for him to talk to me, but I had absolutely no idea how to make that happen.

"You're not here to talk about my mate. You're here to talk about my family, and I would like to listen." Sitting on the chair, I faced her. "Get comfortable because you're right. I do have questions."