26. Kyle

26

KYLE

I had dinner with Clarissa on Saturday night. In her typical fashion, I had to meet her at the restaurant. I let her pick it, as usual. And as usual, I wondered if we were in an area close to where she lived or if she purposefully chose restaurants far from her home just to deflect and confuse me.

"You look lovely tonight," I said as she stepped into a restaurant.

It was another family friendly kind of place. It made sense. Why would she choose small, romantic places that would be good for a date when in the past five years, if she was eating out at a restaurant, it would be at a place that was good with kids?

"Thank you." It surprised me how she was still capable of blushing when I complimented her.

"You wanted to meet with me." I reminded her that this was her idea.

I honestly hoped that she was going to have the test results. I was anxious to set the uncertainty behind me. Even though there were times that I was convinced that Leo was my child, I didn't necessarily trust that gut feeling.

We followed the hostess to our table. Clarissa ordered a glass of wine. If she was drinking, that probably meant she was nervous.

"Is everything okay?" I asked after the waitress left with our order.

Clarissa played with her fingers and bit her lip. "I was thinking… I was wondering…" She started and stopped a few more times. "What do you think if I let Leo know that you're his father?"

I sat up a little straighter. My heart beat a little faster. "Did the test results finally come in?" I asked.

She shook her head. "They haven't come in yet. I don't know what's going on. I've reached out to the company, but they weren't able to provide me with any tracking information, so I haven't gotten anything yet."

"But you're willing to tell Leo I'm his father without that confirmation?" I asked.

She pinched her face, pursing her lips and drawing her eyebrows together in a grimace. "I'm not the one worried about the paternity test results. I know you're Leo's father."

I sat back and cleared my throat. "I don't know, Clarissa. Do you think it's really the best idea? I don't think it's a good idea, at least not until you've received the test results."

She continued looking down at her hands. "I thought we were getting along so much better."

"Our getting along has nothing to do with your setting Leo up for disappointment. What are you going to tell him if those test results come back and show that I'm not the father?"

She started to laugh.

I couldn't see what was so funny.

"I don't understand why you're being like this, Kyle. I know you're the father. Just because you need the proof doesn't change that."

"If you don't need the proof to tell him, then why have you waited so long?"

"Because he's five," she said with an intensity that I didn't expect. "You weren't around for him to know. He likes you, Kyle. It would be really great for him to also know that you are his father."

"I don't think I can do that right now, Clarissa. Not with everything that's going on with work."

"What is that supposed to mean?" she asked. "I thought your takeover from the Stone Group was going smoothly. Hasn't the ownership already transferred? James seems to have already shifted into his senior consultant phase."

"The transition is going well. I haven't taken over complete ownership just yet. I have clients with my international office that I feel are falling behind. I have clients that need my attention, and I can't focus on their needs if I'm being distracted by this situation with you and Leo."

"Are you saying we're a distraction now?"

I let out a long breath. She was upset. That wasn't my intention.

"No, you're not listening to me, Clarissa."

"I am definitely listening. However, I don't think you're aware of the words you're using."

"Maybe not. Maybe this was a mistake," I snapped.

She folded the napkin from her lap and set it on the table next to her full glass of wine.

"Mistake? Me? Dinner? Or finding out that you had a son and getting to know him?"

I couldn't answer her. It all felt like a mistake. Letting her back in my life had been a rookie move.

I should have known better, but there was just something about her. I would always be drawn to her no matter where we were. She was a flame, and I was a fucking helpless moth when it came to being attracted to her light.

"I see," she said.

I didn't know what she was responding to because I hadn't said anything. Maybe that was her problem. I wasn't talking.

"I think we're done here, Kyle. I will make sure to get you those test results as soon as they come in. Thank you for the wine. I think it's best if this evening ends now."

I stayed there, completely numb and unresponsive, as she walked away. How could she be so decisive?

I paid our waitress for our drinks and tipped her heavily for the inconvenience of taking over a table during dinner hours without actually ordering a meal.

At home, unable to relax, I decided to check in with the Hong Kong office. Was there anything interesting going on that might need my attention? Typically, this information would come to me through Alayna, but at the moment, I didn't see how getting her involved would be helpful.

I didn't expect anything to come from my email since Hong Kong was thirteen hours ahead of Chicago, and it was Sunday morning their time.

But I did get a response from Sullivan, who was the head of that office. That had me curious. I sent another quick message. Are you open to a video call? The video call that I assumed would only take a few moments lasted several hours. And by the end of it, I knew what I had to do next.

Monday morning, instead of going to the office, I contacted Alayna directly to have her coordinate my travel schedule, and then I followed up with James to make sure that he could continue working with the local clients while I needed to go do some serious hand holding of several clients in Hong Kong.

By that evening, I was on a flight from Chicago to Hong Kong. By the time the plane was over the Pacific, I was second-guessing my real motivation.

I had just left Clarissa and Leo behind again without saying anything. I had to accept that there might not be a way back from this. Clarissa was already having a hard time forgiving me for the first time I left her.

I lost a complete day to travel and didn't feel the necessity to hurry along to my hotel once I arrived in Hong Kong. I knew I should get some sleep because in the morning, I had to be in the local office as a functional presence to help belay the fears of a client for a smaller project. Instead, while still at the airport, I found a lounge with a bar. I needed a drink to take the edge off everything that I felt was coming at me.

"You look like you've had a very long flight," an older businessman said after I dropped my carry-on bag to the floor and let gravity pull me down onto a barstool.

I simply nodded with an affirmative grunt, not in the mood for conversation.

"I know that feeling too." He already had a drink in front of him and took a sip from it. "It's always so much harder when you feel like you've left a mess at home."

For a moment, I stared at him bleary eyed. Jet lag was catching up to me fast. "What is that supposed to mean?" I asked.

"Traveling like this for work, it always seems harder when it feels like I'm running away from a problem at home. Half of all meetings can be taken care of with a conference call, a video meeting, or an email anymore these days. I guess I'm just getting tired of sitting in an airplane only to realize that I could have spent the past fourteen hours fixing whatever it was my wife has been bitching at me about. And now I've gone and left her with the same problem, forcing her to either live with the issue until I get back or she has to find a way to take care of it on her own."

"Sounds like you have a situation on your hands," I said.

"I was willing to fly halfway around the world to solve some problem like a hero, but I left my wife stuck with something I should have already fixed. We run away so we can play hero for somebody else when the person we need to be a hero for the most is the one we just leave behind." He threw his drink back, draining it completely before getting up and leaving.

I stared after him. Did he have problems at home? Or did he somehow know that I had walked away from Clarissa yet again?