25. Clarissa

25

CLARISSA

M aybe I should have let Kyle meet Leo sooner. After all, everything seemed to have changed after that one morning at the museum. Even though I sent the paternity test in, I felt like maybe Kyle was going to come around and say he didn't need the test results to believe that he was Leo's father.

After all, couldn't Kyle simply look at our little boy and see that he was a mini copy of himself? I know I saw it every time I looked into Leo's blue eyes. I had all the proof I needed.

I still wouldn't let Kyle know where I lived, even though he was taking us out to the country.

"Come on, Clarissa. I have to pick you up."

"No, you don't. Leo and I will grab an Uber, and we can leave from your place."

"It would be easier on everybody if I just came to you," he argued back.

We were still arguing almost every day, but the reasons were less important. I don't know if I would even call our exchanges arguing. It was more like we were bickering like an old married couple. Maybe we were past the flirting stage of our relationship and into something deeper where differences were a matter of course. We accepted them, discussed, and continued moving forward.

"Just tell me where you live. I won't judge. It'd be easier if I just picked you up at your apartment."

I wasn't going to let him know just how close he had come that day. I didn't want him to know, not yet.

Kyle rolled his eyes at my refusal, but I was going to hold that one small bit of privacy as close as I could.

"How about, instead, you bring our bags to work in the morning? And then we can pick Leo up from school after work on Friday?" he suggested.

"We can't do that. Leo would be too tired and too cranky. We all will be too tired and cranky after a week at school and work. I would have to carry everything into work with me, and everyone would know that we were going away for the weekend together."

He grunted. "At least let me pick you up on Saturday morning."

I shook my head. "Saturday morning, Leo and I will be at your place bright and early with our bags all packed and ready to go. Think of it as saving you from having to drive through city traffic to come get us."

Kyle grunted in acquiescence. I knew he didn't like the plan, but it's what was going to happen. All Friday night, Leo was bouncing off the walls. He was so excited and ready to go. Maybe I should have let Kyle pick us up, but I had to be honest with myself. I didn't know how I was going to handle being alone with him with Leo in tow.

I didn't know what a family vacation with the three of us was going to be like. Was Kyle going to expect me to sleep with him? Would I even be able to, knowing that our son was in the next room over?

It was just as well that I had insisted we show up at Kyle's place on Saturday morning. He wasn't even ready to leave. At least he was dressed.

The drive out of the city didn't take long, and we didn't go too far north into Wisconsin before he navigated to a quaint little lake house.

Once out of the car, Leo immediately ran for the shoreline.

"It's too cold to get into the water," I shouted out after him.

Fortunately, he seemed to understand that we weren't here to go swimming. He picked up a rock and threw it into the lake. He seemed to think that was great fun. While Kyle and I unpacked the car, Leo walked up and down the water's edge tossing stones into the water as if he was returning them to where they belonged.

Without much of a plan other than to find one of these mysterious corn mazes, we didn't do too much more than drive around the countryside, looking at a lot of cows and stopping to eat when we found a place for lunch.

"I'm beginning to wonder," I announced as we sat in a booth at the small diner waiting for our lunch, "if these corn mazes actually exist."

So far, we hadn't stumbled across one as we randomly drove around, getting lost in the countryside.

"There has to be one around here somewhere," Kyle said.

"You folks not from around here, are you?" our waitress asked when she set down our drinks.

I smiled and shook my head. "We're up from the city."

"I want to see a corn maze," Leo announced.

Kyle gestured across the table at him. "What he said. You don't happen to know of any around here?"

"Oh, there are plenty of those around. What you want to do is find an apple orchard or one of those farmers' markets. Most of them might already have shut down their mazes for the winter, but I bet if you jumped on one of your smartphones, you could find something. I'll be right back with your food."

"Thank you," I said as I pulled out my phone and began trying to find something close.

I laughed. "Well, this says the world's largest corn maze is actually back the way we came from."

I showed Kyle the map on my phone.

"There's gotta be something closer by." I scrolled through and found another location. "The trick is going to be finding a place that still realizes it's fall and isn't trying to get ready for Christmas."

"Christmas is months away," Kyle said.

I shook my head. "It's a lot closer than you think."

We made note of a couple of places that looked like they would be within driving distance from where we were. By the end of the day, I still didn't believe corn mazes existed outside of movies. But we did end up at a petting farm where Leo had the time of his life running around and petting baby cows, llamas, and goats.

Leo was exhausted by the time we got back to our cabin by the lake. He was almost too tired to take a bath before he got in his pajamas. There were tears, and not just from the overly exhausted little boy.

"Why don't you just let him go to bed?" Kyle asked at some point in the middle of the wrestling match between Leo and me.

"Because he smells like a goat," I pointed out. "I try not to let my little boy go to bed smelling like a goat. Once Leo was in bed, and after I read him a bedtime story, I made my way back out to the small living room where Kyle was.

"Would you like some wine?"

"Is that the best idea?" I asked.

"We could skip the wine and we could go to bed." Kyle stepped in close and ran his hand along the side of my hip.

My heart began hammering in my chest. It was hard to catch my breath. My nerves did that tap dance routine they always did when Kyle got close to me. I glanced over my shoulder toward Leo's room.

"I don't know if I can," I said, uncertain whether I could be with Kyle while he still wouldn't admit that Leo was his son. I wasn't going to have proof on the paternity test at least for another week.

Kyle noticed my hesitation and stepped away from me, leaving me alone and cold.

"Don't worry, Clarissa. I'll sleep on the couch tonight."

The way Kyle joked with me on our drive back into the city the following day gave me hope that he wasn't too angry over our sleeping arrangement.

I wanted us to be a family. I knew we couldn't be together until I knew that Kyle trusted me. And as much fun as I had with him and Leo over the weekend searching the Wisconsin countryside for a corn maze, he still hadn't said anything to me acknowledging or accepting that he was Leo's father. Maybe I needed to take the first step? Maybe I needed to show Kyle that I trusted him by admitting to Leo that Kyle just wasn't one of Mommy's friends, but he was actually Leo's father.

The thought nagged at me for days. I didn't get a chance to speak with Kyle alone at the office like I wanted to. So, even while we both sat in the conference room, reviewing final floor plans for the upstairs remodel at work, I sent him a text message.

Can we meet on Saturday?

Kyle glanced at his phone and then lifted his eyes, meeting mine from across the room. He gave me a slight nod.

My phone buzzed in my hands.

What's wrong with after work tonight?

Picking up Leo from daycare, I responded.

We could all go to dinner , Kyle texted back.

I want grownup talk without little ears.

Won't little ears be with us on Saturday? he asked.

I'll get Marci to babysit .

Can you stay out late? Kyle texted.

I bit my lip and tried to suppress my natural inclination to blush. I'll have to ask, but I'm sure Marci would be offended if I didn't.

Sounds like a date.

As always, when it came to dealing with Kyle, my nerves were a complete mess. I really hoped to have the paternity results by then. I wanted us to get past this whole proof thing so we could be together.