CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO

CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO

The confession hung heavily in the air between us with a tangible weight that felt like it could collapse the walls of the pool. I waited for a reaction, but Ash, well, he had absolutely none .

He stood there, one arm around me and one hand against my cheek. His lips were parted. Worry was still etched into the striking lines of his face. He was as still as a statue. I didn't think he even breathed.

My concerns began to grow. Maybe he hadn't heard me. Or perhaps he hadn't understood what I'd said. That seemed silly, but he still hadn't moved.

"I'm pregnant," I repeated. "You see, I've been nauseous on and off for the last several, well, weeks to be honest—that doesn't matter right now. That's why I came down here. I needed to try to wrap my head around it before I told you." My heart still pounded. "So, yeah, I'm totally pregnant."

Ash's eyes widened, and a jolt ran through him. His arms fell to his sides and he jerked back. I breathed in and held my breath. He went completely still again, except for his chest. It rose and fell rapidly, and as the seconds ticked by, it felt like we were teetering on the edge of a precipice, where one wrong move could send us plummeting into the abyss.

"Pregnant?" he rasped, his voice wavering with surprise and disbelief.

"Yes." I nodded, feeling stupid tears crowding my eyes.

He went silent again, and I really began to think I should've made him get out of the pool.

The flames from the dozens of sconces on the rough walls suddenly flickered wildly as a pulse of energy left him, stroking the eather inside me.

Or maybe I should've kept this to myself until I figured out how to tell him without practically shouting it in his face.

His skin hadn't thinned, though, and he hadn't frozen the pool, so I thought perhaps that was a good sign.

But he stared at me, and I didn't think he saw me. He was focused on some distant point, and I could only imagine he was exactly where I'd been when Aios confirmed what I already knew.

I wanted to give him time. Gods knew I'd needed it, but my heart felt like it might come out of my chest. Each beat echoed with fear because everything would change if he didn't want them. I tried to say quiet, but for once in my godsforsaken life, I couldn't stop myself.

"I know this is a surprise. I was shocked, too. And we haven't even discussed something like this. I don't even know if you want children, and even if you do, the timing is so, so unbelievably bad." I folded my arms around me and began to tremble. "I'm so sorry—"

Another jolt ran through Ash, and then he was suddenly right in front of me, sending currents rippling through the pool. He clasped my cheeks. "Fates, Sera, don't apologize."

"I feel like I should," I whispered.

"Fates, no. I just…I wasn't expecting that." A tremor ran through his hands. His face was pale, his features stark. "You're sure?"

"Y-Yes. Aios confirmed it. That's what I was doing when I left the throne room."

A wisp of eather swirled through his eyes. "When I felt your anxiety spike today. I'd been feeling it on and off all day, but I thought it was about the Primal meeting…" He briefly closed his eyes. "That's why."

"I got sick, and it wasn't the first time."

"Why didn't you mention you were feeling unwell?"

"I thought it was because of the Ascension, like leftover effects. Or from…from everything else."

He shook his head. "I don't understand."

"Which part?"

"You said you've been feeling unwell for weeks."

"Yes. I was actually nauseous while I was in Dalos ," I said, wrapping my hands around his wrists. "I just thought it was because of all of that. But—"

"That doesn't make sense, Sera," he said. "You are only recently not mortal. We would not have been able to conceive before then."

"Yeah, see, I thought that, too. But then I was like, how mortal was I really, with these embers in me since birth? And the first night we were together, I had your blood. Just a drop, but apparently, that one drop was super powerful." My fingers pressed into his hard skin. "But I also had your blood after that."

He opened his mouth but didn't speak.

My throat still felt dry and tight. "I started putting things together and realized I was late. Like really late. And with the nausea and everything…"

"How…how far along are we?" he asked, and my entire body shook. We. Not you. We . " Aios would've been able to see that."

"She…she did." My eyes stung even more now, but I wasn't sure if it was from relief or if I was about to have a breakdown. "She thinks I'm about three months along."

His lips parted again, and that uncomfortable silence fell once more.

I swallowed, unable to bear the quiet. "Earlier today, I remembered the dream I had in stasis—when I saw my nota . I'd been trying to remember it," I rushed on. "I didn't only see my nota . I saw two cubs on the bank of my lake. I don't know if it was a vision or something, but I didn't tell you when you checked on me before the meeting because I wasn't a hundred percent sure, and—"

"Two?" he croaked. "You saw two… cubs ?"

The flames danced erratically once more. "You sure you don't want to get out of the pool?"

"Two?" he repeated.

"Yeah. Sorry. I hadn't gotten to that part yet. I probably should've just broken the news all at once." I wet my lips, and Ash went completely still yet again. "But, yes. Two. Aios also confirmed that. And I know this is overwhelming and will likely sound a little insane, but I think—no, I know —I love them already. I don't know how. I've never wanted children or honestly even liked being around them—fuck, I didn't really think about it, but I'm not getting rid of them because they are ours. They're—" My voice cracked again. "They're mine."

Ash was silent again. He stared down at me, his eyes still wide.

I wished I knew what he felt—what was going through his head. "What are you thinking?" I asked, my voice sounding entirely too small. "Feeling?"

"What am I…?" He laughed hoarsely. "I'm shocked as fuck. I don't know what to think. I…" He trailed off, slowly shaking his head. "With everything that has happened, I didn't want children, didn't want to expose them to what I experienced. So, I never really thought about the idea beyond that."

My fingers began to ache from how tightly I gripped him.

Another tremor ran through him. "But I could've…I could've lost you." His voice cracked, and another wave of power rippled out from him, stirring the waters. "I could've lost them ."

Now, I went rigid. He sounded absolutely destroyed just thinking of the possibility.

Ash's eyes were glistening silver pools. "If I hadn't tried to Ascend you? Or if the Ascension hadn't worked…?" His hands shook as he slid one to the back of my head. "I would've lost everything and more."

I sucked in a thin breath, too afraid to even acknowledge what his words might signify.

"I'm going to be…" He blinked rapidly, and I didn't think the dampness on his cheeks was due to the pool water.

"Are…are you crying?" I whispered.

"I think so." His laugh was shaky, and gods, I didn't think anyone had ever seen Ash like this, wide-eyed and vulnerable. Wisps of eather whirled through his eyes. "I'm going to be a father?"

"Yes."

His eyes shut, and then my feet left the floor of the pool as he lifted me. My legs tangled in the wet gown, but I managed to wrap them around his waist. He held me so close I could feel his pounding heart.

I buried my face in the crook of his neck, breathing in his fresh scent. "Does this mean you're…happy about this?"

"Happy?" His hand ran up my back, tangling in my hair. "Fates, Sera, I…I don't think I've ever wanted something more."

What felt like a life-changing quake ran through me. "Really?"

"Yes. Really." Ash's hand closed around the nape of my neck. "How could I not?" His voice roughened. "When they will be a part of you. A part of us."

I opened my mouth, but whatever I'd been about to say came out as a ragged, muffled sound. Holding on to him with everything I had in me, I squeezed my eyes shut against the tide of emotion, but I still felt a few tears slip free.

" Liessa ." Ash tilted his head, pressing his cheek against the side of my head. "Don't cry. Please. It kills me when you do."

"I don't mean to cry, and gods, I think they are why I've been so damn emotional, too." I struggled to rein in my emotions. "I just wasn't sure how you would feel about it. If you were unhappy…" I couldn't bring myself to say it.

He leaned his head back. "How could I ever be unhappy? You're having my child—my children." His chest rose swiftly as if the knowledge had hit him again. "That is a dream I never allowed myself to have," he said, and I shuddered at his words. He pressed a kiss to my damp cheek. "You said you already love them?"

My heart skipped a beat, and I lifted my head. Our eyes met. "I do, and that…that scares me. And then I'm even more scared because I'm scared. That makes me sound bizarre, doesn't it?"

"No, liessa , it doesn't." He chased the tears with a swipe of his thumb. "I'm scared, too, Sera. Neither of us planned for this, and our lives are about to change in ways I cannot even begin to imagine. But I know we will love them just as fiercely as we love each other. And I also know we'll figure everything out," he said, catching another tear. "We've got this, liessa ."

Inhaling deeply, I nodded. "We do." Not just because we had to but because we wanted to, and I knew there was a world of difference between the two.

His forehead dropped to mine, and he tightened his arm around my waist. "Sera," he whispered, his lips brushing mine. He laughed, and it was a shaky but joyous sound. "We're going to be parents."

An unsteady laugh parted my lips as the new reality continued sinking in. Mates of the heart was a powerful thing, but this…this was different. The bond we now shared went far beyond just the two of us. We'd created two lives together. Not with eather or magic, but with just us—our love.

"Ash," I said, my voice barely audible above the soft sounds of the water. "I love you so much."

He pressed his lips to mine, the kiss slow and tender. It was like a balm to my soul, and I felt some of the panic and fear lifting, leaving urgent, feverish desire in its place. As the kiss took on a deeper, rougher, more urgent edge, I knew he was feeling every wild emotion I was.

"Make love to me." My fingers tangled in the wet strands of his hair. "Please."

"You never have to beg," he swore. "Ever."

Then his mouth covered mine again, and there was nothing slow about the way he kissed me. I felt the water churning around us, mirroring the ebb and flow of our rising passion. Our lips moved together, exploring and tasting until I was breathless with need.

Then, things became wonderfully chaotic.

His hands went to the clasps down the back of my gown, but he grew impatient before the first was undone. "I'm going to apologize ahead of time."

"Wha—?" I gasped as Ash gripped the back of the gown and tore the material straight down the middle. My eyes widened. "I really liked this gown."

"I'll have Erlina make you another," he promised, claiming my mouth once more.

The gown slipped down my hips and legs and then floated away in the water. I tugged at his shirt, hearing the soft cloth tear. He laughed roughly, ducking his head. His shirt joined the gown somewhere in the pool, his wet, cool hands slipping over my breasts. His tongue danced with mine, and I felt his hands slide to my hips. His fingers made their way under the band of the silky undergarments as mine slipped over his wet breeches. He shoved the scrap of lace down, helping me step free of it, continuing to kiss me.

His hands replaced mine, shoving his breeches down. He pulled me against him, and I gasped into his kiss as I felt him thick and hard against my belly.

"Ash," I moaned, his hand finding its way between my legs. His fingers traced delicate circles around my sensitive flesh, teasing and taunting me. My hips bucked against him instinctively, craving more of his touch. "I need you inside me." Heat surged between my thighs. "Now."

His answering groan sent a rush of hot pleasure through me. He lifted me, and I wrapped my legs around him once more. The arm at my waist shifted me until I felt the head of his cock at my entrance.

"I love you," he said, cradling the back of my head.

Ash thrust into me as he drew me down, filling me with one deep, startling thrust. My breath hitched at the feeling.

"Gods, liessa …" Ash panted, his eyes locked on mine. He began moving within me. "You feel perfect."

My nails dug into his shoulders, clinging to him as we picked up the pace. The water churned wildly around us, crashing against the sides of the pool. Waves of pleasure spun through my body, building and intensifying. Our moans and gasps echoed across the water, lost in the hum of the mills.

"This feels…it feels different." He groaned, and I tightened around him. "You. Us. Everything."

My mind raced, trying to process the myriad sensations—the pressure of Ash inside me, the water swirling around us, the sound of our mingled breathing and moans. It was overwhelming and intoxicating all at once.

"Hold on to me," he said against my lips.

"Always," I promised as he began walking us backward.

As we reached the steps, Ash lowered us so he was sitting and I was straddling him, my knees resting against the slick, smooth step. The change of position drew a ragged moan from me, and I let my forehead rest against his. Neither of us moved for several long moments. The water calmed, but our hearts didn't.

With one hand on my hip, Ash lifted me until only the tip of his cock remained inside me, and then he stilled.

I whimpered against his mouth, wiggling against him, but he held me in place. " Ash ."

He chuckled, the sound husky and rough. "Fuck me, liessa ."

The wicked demand ignited a fire. My blood burned, and my skin tingled. But his command did more. Gave more. He was freely handing over control.

And giving it to me.

Gods, I was so in love with him.

Muscles low in my stomach clenched. Our eyes locked. "Yes, my King."

His irises flashed silver when starlight filled them.

Pressing my hands against his chest, I slid down his length. The feel of him now was like a jolt of pure eather flooding my veins, making my heart race and my breathing shallow.

Our mouths came together once more, my body moving in a slow and sensuous dance. He held himself still, all but his hands. They roamed and explored, skating over the curves of my hips, the dip of my waist, and then the swells of my breasts as I rode him.

That deep, carnal sound came from him again. His hands slid to my bottom, his long fingers pressing into the flesh and squeezing. Every inch of my being ignited with pleasure, each stroke of his cock coaxing moans from my lips.

Moving up and down, I ran my hands over the muscles of his shoulders and traced my way down his chest, the coolness of his flesh under mine intensifying every ripple of sensation. I could feel power radiating off him as he restrained himself, and it caressed the same raw energy inside me, sending my desire soaring even higher.

His back bowed, and then his mouth replaced his fingers. I cried out when he sucked the hardened peak of my breast into his mouth. I gripped the back of his head, eyes closed and panting as I ground down on him, moving my hips in tight, almost frantic circles. I rocked against him, letting my head fall back and surrendering to the sensation—to the need. To him. Water whipped around us, splashing across the floor. I could feel myself tightening, rushing toward release, and in the back of my mind, it seemed almost impossible that the pleasure could feel this intense and stunning. What Ash had said moments ago had been correct. Everything did feel different. Every touch, every caress was heightened by the knowledge that our connection had grown deeper, somehow more profound. Maybe it was because our love for each other felt even more tangible now, taking shape inside me. Either way, the tension was like a rope being stretched too far.

"I could stay like this forever." Ash's parted lips touched mine. "Feeling myself deep inside you. Feeling you beginning to come. It's the perfect kind of peace."

With each word, each powerful thrust, the tension increased to new heights. "I love you."

Ash groaned, his arms encircling me as he pulled me down and against him, holding me tightly to his body. That rope broke, taking him with me. Waves of pleasure flooded me, and I cried out his name. I shook as the release continued spinning and pulsing through me, dragging me under its powerful embrace until I was limp in his arms, my cheek resting against his shoulder.

Ash's chest rose against mine in a ragged inhale. "Fates," he rasped.

My breath caught as I felt him jerk one last time inside me. "Same."

Silence fell between us, and he dragged his hand up under my hair in slow, soothing strokes. I couldn't help but think of all we'd had to overcome to get to this moment and the…the lives growing inside me. They felt like a testament to our love. A miracle.

Quite some time later, Ash and I lay in bed. I was on my back, my head resting on his chest. His head was propped up on the pillows, one hand in my hair and the other on my lower stomach. We were both naked, our bellies full of the dinner we'd shared, and our passions sated.

We'd made love again upon returning to the chamber, and then again after dinner. He'd offered his vein to me, and instinctually, I knew it was even more important for me to feed now. It wasn't just for me.

It was for the babes.

But…but what about him?

I sat up, facing him. Our eyes met. My heart began to race, but I wanted to do the same for him, even though my anxiety rose. I wanted to get over the fear. I needed to. "Ash, do you need—?"

"No. I fed from Rhain earlier." He guided my head back to his chest, and I fought to quell the rising disappointment. "I don't even know if I should be feeding from you now."

"Really?" The vadentia was quiet, and my stomach sank a little. "That could be a problem. If you can't take my blood, if nobody can, how will I Ascend others? That's the crux of our plan."

He was quiet for a moment. "We'll have to ask Kye."

I'd finally agreed to have the Healer come in the morning. Ash had wanted to summon him while we ate, but it was night, and nothing was going to change between now and tomorrow.

I thought about the whole process of exchanging blood— eather . "I Ascended Penellaphe , and it didn't cause any problems."

"We don't know that." His thumb moved in a slow circle under my navel. "It may explain why the last of the bruises haven't healed."

My chest clenched. Damn. That could explain it. I looked down at my stomach. The contrast of his golden-bronze hand against my paler skin was stark. "You know, I had bruises almost everywhere after fighting Kolis."

"I know," he growled.

Placing my hand over his, I tipped my head back to look up at him. "But I didn't have any on my stomach—on my lower stomach. It was almost like…"

"What?"

I lowered my gaze. "Like the essence was protecting that area—them." I let out a low laugh. "That sounds kind of ridiculous."

"I don't think it does," he said. "The essence is an extension of your will. Perhaps even on a subconscious level."

I nodded, falling quiet. He continued tracing circles over my belly, and I realized I had so many questions and thoughts.

"Do you want anything else to eat?" he asked.

I laughed and turned my head to the side. "If you have me eat anything else tonight, I think I'll burst."

He grinned at me. "We don't want that."

"No, it would be gross."

He chuckled, and for a little bit, a companionable silence descended between us as I watched his hand on my stomach. From the moment we'd lay down, his hand hadn't strayed far from that area, and that was…that was sweet .

Gods, we were going to have a babe. Two of them. My breath caught like it had every time that nugget of realization formed. What would Ezra—?

My heart twisted. I couldn't tell Ezra. Or my mother. Sorrow rose as I pressed my lips together. Ezra would've been happy—shocked but thrilled for me. My mother? I didn't know how she would've responded, but I would've liked to have the chance to learn.

I had to think of something else because I didn't think that kind of pain was good for the babes or me. Gods, a lot of things wouldn't be good.

It was quiet, but Ash knew my mind wasn't. "What are you thinking?"

I dragged my fangs over my lower lip. "Random stuff."

His thumb swept back and forth, just below my navel. "Like?"

"I was just wondering if shifting into my nota will affect them," I admitted. "I mean, I assume not since it hasn't yet, and instinct tells me no."

"But you're still worried?"

"Me? Never."

He laughed again, and gods, it was so rare to hear him laugh so deeply and freely. "Well, we're adding that to the list of things to ask Kye."

"It's going to be a long list," I murmured, thinking about tomorrow. I had no idea what would be involved when it came to that kind of checkup, and I wasn't even going to think about it because it would probably stress me out.

But the visit with Kye wasn't the only thing that had to happen tomorrow.

I'd told Veses I'd see her soon, and I would.

"Twins," Ash murmured, and I glanced up at him again. The hollows of his cheeks pinkened. Another laugh greeted me. "For some reason, it just hit me that we will have twins. I know. I should've figured that out hours ago."

I smiled. "Don't feel bad. I actually hadn't considered that either, to be honest. Twins do run in the family."

"I suppose." His finger trailed a circle around what I knew was a freckle. "My father and his brother were the first, but they weren't identical."

They had shockingly similar features, but they weren't exactly the same like Kyn and Attes . Their hair color was different, and Kolis's cheekbones were broader, but his mouth wasn't as full as Eythos's .

"I guess that means we could have something similar," I said, running my fingers back and forth over his forearm.

"Or they could be identical." He paused. "Or possibly a boy and a girl—fraternal twins." His hand stopped moving suddenly. "The first and second daughter…"

"The prophecy." I knew what he was thinking about. "I wondered the same thing myself, but I…don't think we're having daughters or even one of each."

His brows knitted. "Has your vadentia told you something?"

"No." I thought about the brief moment when I saw the two children who were the same but different in the smallest ways. Two mahogany-haired boys with rich, bronze skin. One with silver eyes and the other with golden-silver. "It's just a feeling."

He was quiet for a moment. "Either way, they will…they will want for nothing."

My lips curved up. "You're right."

He returned my smile. "I was thinking that, other than telling Nektas , we should probably keep the news of this quiet. This isn't information we want getting out."

"Yeah," I agreed. " Aios won't say anything until I tell her it's okay."

The quiet came again, and his fingers made those soothing circles and lines across my belly. Our children, be they sons or not, would want for nothing. Even though the idea of parenting still freaked me out, I would do everything in my power to be a good one. And I would do everything to become deserving of this… blessing .

Because it still seemed unfair that I got to have this. Like fate had messed up somehow, rewarding instead of punishing me.

"Ash," I said, my voice cracking under the weight of the emotions welling up inside me. "I'm so grateful for this, for us. For everything."

"Me, too, liessa ." His head dipped, and he kissed me. "Me, too."