CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

Standing on the balcony outside the chamber connected to our bedchambers, I felt Ash's return from the Pillars as I watched a draken with violet-tinged scales and two curled horns fly over the courtyard. Based on Reaver's description, I assumed it was Hymeria , one of the five female draken . She landed on the Rise beside Ehthawn , and the larger draken brushed his head over hers like I'd seen Reaver once do with Jadis. I pushed the damp hair from my face and then turned, grateful that Ash hadn't come back when I'd been vomiting up Veses ' too-sweet, flowery blood.

I walked into the antechamber as the main doors opened, stopping at the side of the oval table. An aura of power flooded the space, and the room seemed to shudder in the heartbeats before Ash entered.

Thin wisps of shadowy eather swirled around his leather-encased legs as he stalked forward, his chin down. Strands of thick hair brushed the hard line of his jaw.

"I'm okay," I was quick to assure him.

Ash said nothing, just stepped onto the dais. He crossed the distance between us, clasping my cheeks and tilting my head back. "That is not true."

"It is—"

His flesh began to thin. "There are red marks on your left cheek that weren't there before."

I jolted, not having noticed that when I washed my face earlier. It had to be from when Veses ' eather had skimmed my face. "They don't hurt."

"I'm relieved to hear that."

Tiny bumps broke out all over my skin in response to the chill. "You sure about that?"

"Yes." Eather lit up the veins in his jaw.

I folded my hands over his forearms. "I'm completely fine."

"There is blood in your hair, Sera."

"Shit," I muttered. "I thought I got it all out." Shadows appeared beneath his skin, and I hastily added, "It's not my blood. It's Veses '."

Ash's eyes flashed pure silver as the shadows deepened and moved faster. "So, that was the cause of what you felt?"

"What exactly did you feel?"

"Anger," he growled as the room's temperature dropped even more. "I tasted hot, acidic anger."

My stomach churned. "That doesn't sound pleasant."

"What was she doing here?"

"She wanted to see you." Little misty puffs punctuated my words. I slid my hands to his chest, hoping to ease his anger. "Obviously, I didn't take too kindly to that, but…" I glanced at the wall beside us and did a double-take. A fine layer of glittering ice spread across the sleek shadowstone . "Is that frost ?" My gaze shifted back to Ash. Little of his bronze flesh was visible now. I grabbed his dark gray tunic. "I'm completely okay. I promise. Veses , on the other hand… Not so much."

His eather -drenched eyes searched mine. "Honestly?"

"Yes." I rose on tiptoe and kissed his icy lips. "There is no need to worry."

A shudder went through him. "I feared it was…"

My heart cracked. "You had to know it wasn't Kolis."

"It wasn't him I was thinking of."

I started to ask who, but then I knew. Kyn. Veses ' taunt slithered through my thoughts. "You don't need to worry about him either. I don't want you to worry at all."

Ash's arms went around me, and he lifted me clear off my feet, holding me tightly to him. "I will never not worry about you, liessa ."

Looping my arms around his shoulders, I buried my face in his neck. His hand cradled the back of my head as he turned, leaning against the iced-over wall. He slid down until his ass was on the floor, and I was facing him, my knees pressed against the wall.

"Tell me what happened."

"Do you promise not to freeze us if I do?"

His fingers curled into my hair, loosening the braid. "I'll do my best."

I kissed the space above his pulse. "I was with Jadis and Reaver when I felt a Primal arrive. I knew it wasn't you or Attes , and I wanted to see who it was."

"You knew it wasn't Attes ?" Surprise filled his tone.

"Mm-hmm," I murmured against his throat.

"Your Primal senses are really kicking in. Soon, you'll be able to tell which Primal it is before they arrive."

My brows knitted. "Really? How?"

"I'll explain, but you need to tell me what happened first."

I was half-tempted to give my intuition time to answer for me, but the room was only beginning to warm. It would have to wait. "I went out onto the Rise, and Rhain was there. Veses didn't seem to know you weren't here—like she couldn't sense your presence."

"You were likely blocking her. She would have to be closer to tell if I was here or not," he answered, confirming my theory. "It can happen when the true Primal of Death is near, too. You and Kolis would be the only ones unaffected by it." His palm smoothed up my back. "What led to the blood in your hair?"

I cringed a little against his neck. "When I heard her say she wanted to see you, I sort of…you know, had one of those knee-jerk reactions."

A rough chuckle shook both of us. "I am not surprised to hear that."

"You probably also won't be surprised to hear that Veses was being a bitch," I said and then told him what'd happened.

Well, I told him everything except her taunts about how Rhain had been freed, despite Rhain's advice. It wasn't like I didn't understand what he had been trying to tell me, but what would Ash do with that knowledge? Other than be enraged. "She was running her mouth, and I kind of lost it. I broke her nose."

Another short laugh rumbled from Ash. "I assume with your fist?"

"More like my knee." I rubbed my nose along the still-cold skin of his neck.

"Nice technique."

"And I threw her down onto the road," I continued. "By her hair."

Ash fell silent.

"Then I kicked her, and I think I grabbed her by the hair again."

He was still quiet, but I detected faint tremors along his shoulders and chest. He was…laughing.

I plopped my forehead on his shoulder. "And then—"

"There's more?" he cut in.

"There is," I muttered. "I broke her wrist."

"Okay."

I closed my eyes. "And I also bit her."

The hand on my back stilled.

My hands fell to my thighs. I didn't think he was angry since my knees were damp from where the frost had melted away. Or at least he wasn't as angry as before. "That's probably how I got her blood in my hair. I wasn't exactly…precise when I did it. I kind of tore her throat open. Her blood tastes gross, by the way."

Silence.

I squeezed my already closed eyes shut tighter. "Anyway, I then spit the blood in her face."

Another beat of silence passed.

"Is that all?"

"Yeah?" Unease swirled.

Ash's hand swept back down my back. "You aren't confident in that answer." As his hand moved back up, it curled around my braid. He gently tugged my face out of his shoulder, and his eyes met mine. Only faint streaks of eather were visible. "What are you not telling me?"

I slumped a little. "I wanted to kill her."

His brows shot up. "That's what you were holding back?"

"I mean, I would've killed her if Nektas hadn't shown up—even after Rhain tried to talk sense into me, reminding me that I didn't want war." I shook my head. "And I really would have, Ash. I was that"—I held up my thumb and pointer finger, spacing them less than an inch apart—"close."

"But you didn't."

"Only because Nektas was there. So, I'm not sure that counts."

"It does." His other hand ran along my jaw. "I wouldn't have blamed you if you had."

My mouth dropped open.

"I held back with Kyn, but it seems you've forgotten that I killed a Primal in anger. And I don't regret doing it," he continued. "I can tell you right now that Nektas wouldn't have been able to stay my hand. Not when Hanan was standing between you and me." He ran his thumb across my lower lip. "But he was able to reach you. So don't feel too bad about it."

I let what he said sink in. Ash hadn't walked that line between vengeance and justice as well as I believed. And that made me feel a little better about what had almost happened, as messed up as that was.

So, I let go of the guilt and shifted my focus to what had preyed upon my mind as I stood out on the balcony. "As much as I hate to admit this, I think Veses was telling the truth about coming here to get you to talk me into taking Kolis's deal."

He tucked a shorter strand of my hair back behind an ear. "What makes you think that?"

I fixed the collar of his tunic. "Like I said before, she…cares about you—in her own twisted, messed-up way." I quickly moved past that point before I slipped into a rage spiral. "She said I would regret not taking the deal."

His jaw flexed. "Did she say this before or after you handed her ass to her?"

My lips twitched as I glanced down at my hands. "After I…" I frowned, staring at my nails. I had thought I'd gotten all the blood out from under them, but a tiny speck of dark red remained. It wasn't that which caused my spine to straighten, though. "My nails grew."

He looked down at my hands. "They look normal to me."

"I know, but they lengthened and sharpened." My eyes widened as I remembered what had happened when Aydun first showed. What had Nektas said then? Something about the…claws coming out. "Today wasn't the first time that happened. I wonder if that means I'll be able to shift sooner than you could."

Lifting my left hand, he kissed the center of my palm. "Wouldn't that make you special?"

"More special than you. Yes."

He chuckled. "That's okay. My fangs are still substantially more impressive than yours."

I grinned, thoroughly enjoying his teasing because, gods, I really hadn't realized how badly I'd missed the side of him I'd seen in the mortal realm. When he was just Ash, able to shed the weight of responsibility and forget the cause of the blood drops inked into his flesh for a little while. But that was who he was. He was once more that Ash.

A wide, likely half-crazed-looking smile spread across my lips, and I didn't care about how I looked because this was us. Who we had been when we were strangers, then friends, enemies, and now…lovers. This was simply who we were when we were together. And if he was reading my emotions now, he would taste nothing but the sweetest, chocolate-dipped strawberries.

Nothing but love.

Veses ' warning followed me as the day progressed. It was hard not to think about it, even as Ash and I spent the better part of the day in the courtyard training alongside the guards.

The tension in my muscles that accompanied each swing of the sword and even the impact of the blades meeting felt so damn good. I broke a sweat but didn't tire as I had before I Ascended. Not even after switching off with Bele, who managed to knock me on my ass. It had taken hours for me to tap out. Never in my life had I trained for that long.

Holland, wherever he was, would be proud.

We'd spent the evening with the Shadowlands gods, discussing battle strategy in case things went south and a full-scale war broke out. Where we would attack first, if we would. The best way to lay siege to Dalos . It wasn't an easy conversation to have without knowing who our allies or enemies were.

I hated the fucking eirini .

With each passing day, it was getting harder not to think like Bele. To call for a meeting and reject Kolis's offer.

But that wouldn't be wise. It'd be reckless and a slew of other bad things. As much as I loathed the eirini , it gave us time to prepare the tomb beneath Oak Ambler.

It gave us time.

Gods, I should be asleep instead of staring at the ceiling.

At least I wasn't staring at Ash like a creeper.

My mind wouldn't shut down, alternating between, well…everything. Would Kolis wait out the eirini ? How would he respond once I summoned the Primals ? What about the prophecy? Then there was the confusing storm of conflicting emotions that had reared its head once more this evening when I fed from Ash, and he'd declined my offer. I'd felt relief and disappointment at the same time. Then shame. That still scalded each breath I took.

And if I wasn't thinking about all of that, it was what Attes had confirmed about Sotoria when I saw him last and how desperate she must have been to ask such a thing of Eythos .

And how hard it had to be for Eythos to carry out her request.

It also made me think about how close I had come to the very same thing but for vastly different reasons—and by my own hand. Had Sotoria's soul been aware of what I had done when I took too much of the sleeping aid? I didn't think so, and I was grateful for that.

I didn't want to dwell on Sotoria . It made me so godsdamn sad. And thinking about Sotoria —what was expected of her—made me angry. Obviously, we needed her to be reborn if we hoped to kill Kolis. None of the Primals were powerful enough to do it—at least not now. Maybe one day. But even if we succeeded in entombing Kolis, there would always be a risk to Sotoria .

I eventually shifted my thoughts to the reason behind spending the day training with mortal weapons. Not only was it important to keep those reflexes honed, but fighting with the essence against another Primal could spell disaster for the mortal realm. Still, there would be times when using the Primal essence was inevitable—when violence fueled the will behind it.

But there had been an impact when I'd used the eather against Kolis, and I worried about how that had played out in the mortal realm. What would the repercussions of anything that happened from here on out be?

I worried about my family.

And something else also occupied the back of my mind as I watched the silvery glow of starlight ripple across the ceiling. It was a feeling that I was supposed to remember something.

Something really important.

I searched my thoughts. They raced and came together like run-on sentences. I ended up back on the prophecy. Frustrated, I blew out an aggravated breath.

" Liessa ," Ash murmured, his sleep-roughened voice startling me. "Why are you not asleep?"

My lips pursed. "I am sleeping."

His chuckle was low and throaty. "Want to try answering that again?"

I crossed my arms over the soft, knit blanket. "I'm just thinking."

"About?"

"Everything."

"I'm not sure it's possible to think about everything."

"My brain would like to disagree with that assumption." I tilted my head to the side. In the darkness, I could see that his eyes were closed. "And how did you know I was awake?"

"I just did."

My brows rose. "Care to elaborate?"

"I can't explain it better than that." He brushed several strands of hair back from his face. "I just knew you were awake, so I woke up."

"That's…different."

"Is it?" The bed shifted as Ash rolled onto his side to face me. "Want to tell me what one of those things you were thinking about was?"

I started to tell him but stopped. "It's not important enough to keep you awake."

"Now I'm the one who gets to disagree." Ash's arm came around my waist. "If it's important enough to keep you awake, it's important enough for me to know."

Gods.

That statement wasn't just sweet. It was perfect.

" Liessa ?"

Drawing in a shallow breath, I plucked out what felt most important at the moment. It likely wasn't, but it mattered to me. "If we cannot prevent a full-scale war, what kind of damage could we be looking at?"

"A lot of energy is created when Primals fight, which builds up in the area," he answered instead of asking why I had been thinking of that in the middle of the night. "It disperses, spreading throughout the realms. Just using the eather in the mortal realm can have an impact, depending on how much is expended." His cold hand moved over the blanket and across my hand in smooth, slow circles. " Iliseeum is heavily warded and has been since the time of the Ancients. Those wards are tied to the Primal of each Court. As long as the Primal remains standing, the Courts are mostly protected, but the area where the Primals fight will sustain damage."

"Like in Dalos ," I said, remembering how both fights had cracked walls and leveled trees. "And the mortal realm?" I knew the answer. I knew the answers to all of these questions. "It can manifest in several ways."

"The release of energy, if big enough, can create tsunamis, earthquakes, and violent storms," he said. "The severity depends on how intense the fight is. If a Primal falls without another being able to rise? You're looking at all of those things but amplified."

"Gods." The muscles in my neck tightened. "Where would the impact hit? Across all the kingdoms?"

His hand stilled briefly. "Your foresight didn't tell you what would happen?"

"No," I whispered. There was nothing but silence then. My throat dried. "I don't know why. It has nothing to do with me or the Fates unless…"

Ash was silent for a moment. "Unless it does."

I closed my eyes. "Meaning it will happen."

"We don't know that." Ash's hand began to move again. "Remember what Holland said about threads. There is more than one way things can play out."

I knew that, but the fact that it was even a possibility horrified me. As did the knowledge that every decision, action, reaction, and inaction, no matter how small, could drastically change things.

"Nothing is set in stone, liessa ." His lips brushed my temple. "We are proof of that. Don't forget."

"I won't, but there is still a chance. And I want to warn Ezra. Because even if we prevent a war…" I didn't need to finish. Ash knew there would be a fight, no matter what. " Lasania is a coastal kingdom."

"You're the true Primal of Life." Ash's leg curled under the blankets. The short, rough hairs of his leg tickled mine. "If you wish to warn the mortal realm, you can."

"I know, but I want your advice," I told him. "Being in a position to make these kinds of decisions is new to me. And even if it wasn't, I wouldn't—I don't—want to be the only one deciding. Especially since my desire comes from a purely emotional place. Plus, even though warning them feels right, what if it causes unnecessary panic?"

"I think that is a risk, but you have to weigh that against what you already know. There will be disruption to the mortals' lives," he said. "I think it's fine to warn them."

Relieved that he thought so, some of the tightness eased from my muscles. "When do you want to do it?"

"When do you want to do it?" he countered.

"Tomorrow?"

Laughing under his breath, he pressed a kiss to my cheek. "Then do it."

Excitement filled me, and it kind of felt wrong to feel that, considering what message I had to share. But I would get to see Ezra and maybe even my mother.

"But," Ash added, and my anticipation wilted, "we both cannot go. With everything that is happening, one of us needs to remain here. And that should be me."

I pressed my lips together. "That makes sense, especially considering what happened the last time we returned from the mortal realm."

Ash stiffened against me. "That's not going to happen again."

I wanted to believe that, but the mere fact that we both couldn't leave said differently.

"I don't want you to go anywhere without me. And yeah, I know how that sounds, and I don't care." Ash relaxed a little against me. "I'm going to be…"

I knew how it would be for him while I was gone. He'd be sick with worry, as would I.

And the fact that he didn't want me to go without him didn't bother me. It didn't come across as overbearing or overprotective because I knew he had a real reason to be concerned, but I also knew he wouldn't prevent me from going.

"I know you can take care of yourself, but I want Nektas to go with you." He paused. "And I will ask Attes to be here while you're in the mortal realm, just in case."

Just in case things went sideways, which was always possible. "Okay."

"That shouldn't be a problem unless it becomes a problem. Meaning Nektas will do anything and everything to protect you, including taking on his true form."

My brows lifted as I imagined everyone's reaction to seeing a draken . Or tried to. It would be pure chaos. A tiny, evil part of me wanted to see that.

I shook my head at myself. "I understand. I won't be gone long. I promise."

"I know." His lips touched the corner of mine, and they felt colder than they had earlier. "Anything else on your mind?"

"No," I lied.

"Then you're going to sleep?"

I nodded.

His lips found mine for a quick kiss. "Good night, liessa ."

"Good night," I murmured.

Ash settled beside me, the slow, comforting circles of his hand slowing and then stopping altogether after a few moments. I concentrated on where our skin met. His leg felt colder, didn't it? So did where his chest met my shoulder.

My heart kicked around in my chest. He'd given me so much blood since I'd awakened. My throat dried as anxiety rose, but I pushed past it. He needed to feed, and I needed to provide for him. "Ash."

"If you're saying my name, you can't be sleeping."

"I haven't fallen asleep yet."

"No shit," he replied dryly.

I rolled my eyes. "I'm not a guy. I can't close my eyes and fall asleep in five seconds."

"Have you thought about trying?"

"You'll be shocked to learn I have, but that's not what I'm thinking about."

"So shocked," he drawled.

I took a deep breath and exhaled loudly.

Ash ignored it.

I stared at the ceiling once more. Several minutes passed. "Ash?"

"Close your eyes."

My lips turned down at the corners.

"And go to sleep."

My eyes narrowed. "It's important."

"No, it's not."

I turned my head toward his. "You just said that whatever was important enough to keep me awake was important enough to keep you awake."

"What you're thinking about now is not important."

My frown deepened. "And how do you know what I'm thinking?"

"I'm all-knowing." Ash snuggled in closer, working a cold thigh between mine. "It's a new ability."

"Uh-huh," I muttered, then my eyes widened. "Wait. You'd better be joking."

"I'm all-knowing when it comes to you," he amended with a chuckle.

"You're not funny," I grumbled.

"And you're not sleeping." His arm tightened around me. "You need your rest, liessa , and I'm prepared to ensure you get your sleep."

I huffed out a short laugh. "And exactly how are you going to do that?"

"Quite easily."

"Whatever." I sighed obnoxiously. A few moments ticked by. "You know, I'm thinking about you—" I squeaked as Ash rolled atop me. My wide eyes locked with his. Bright streaks of starlight swirled wildly in them. "What are you doing?"

"What I said I'd do," he answered. "I'm going to ensure you get your much-needed rest."

"How?" I tried to move my arms, but his chest trapped them against me. "By squishing me to sleep?"

"No." His lips coasted over mine. "I'm going to fuck you so hard that the only thing you can do afterward is sleep."

My mouth dropped open, but he captured whatever I was about to say with a stroke of his tongue, and then he did as he warned.

Ash fucked me hard, face-to-face, and then flipped me onto my belly, driving into me until I was limp and sated. And he was successful.

Within five seconds of closing my eyes, I fell right to sleep.