Chapter 44

FORTY-FOUR

Claudia

I’ve been dozing on and off all day, but I’m still exhausted.

The doctors talked a lot, but the end result is that no one knows whether or not I’m going to lose the baby. Sometimes pregnant women bleed. Sometimes it’s indicative of a miscarriage, sometimes it’s not.

My bleeding was excessive, but every time they check me, I’m still pregnant.

Then I got a lecture about not eating.

The fact that I’m dehydrated.

It’s not entirely my fault.

I’ve been nauseated and haven’t been able to keep much down the last two weeks, but a nurse still found it necessary to tell me what I’m supposed to be eating, how the baby is depending on me, and a bunch of other nonsense. I know all of that. If I could eat something without wanting to heave, I would.

Then there was the whole thing with my parents.

Having to explain that I’m pregnant.

That Anders and I had broken up.

So much drama.

And all I want to do is sleep.

Luckily, they’ve given me something for the nausea, an IV full of nutrients, and something to help me rest.

I wake up starving for the first time in almost a month, and still pregnant.

My parents were with me until I fell asleep, but Hana stayed the night in the chair next to me. She really is a good friend, and I feel terrible about lying to her. But she’s here now and promises she won’t go anywhere until we figure things out. No matter what happens.

Since my parents left to rest and get something to eat, I send Hana in search of food too. I’m not on a restricted diet, and I want to eat while they’re giving me the anti-nausea meds, so she planned to take a walk and then order something from Uber Eats.

My attention is drawn to something going on in the hallway. There’s a thump and some gruff voices. I can’t understand what they’re saying but there’s agitation in their tones, and then it’s quiet.

“Hana?” I call out but no one answers.

That’s weird.

I’m just about to turn on the TV when Seth comes walking into my hospital room.

Jesus fucking Christ.

This guy really can’t take a hint.

And frankly, I’m too hungry, scared, and tired to deal with him.

“What the hell do you want, Seth?”

He frowns. “I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“I already told you—we’re not friends. You don’t need to worry about me.”

“We work together… and Randy was really worried about you. I told him I’d keep an eye on you and?—”

“Why on earth would you do that?” I ask, scowling. “If Randy wants to know how I am, he can call or text. I don’t need you speaking for me. In fact, I don’t want you here.”

“Why are you acting like this?” he demands. “I mean, yeah, we broke up, but we weren’t even twenty years old. What’s the big deal? Lots of people date, break up, and then stay friends.”

I stare at him.

Is he really that obtuse?

Does he not remember the hateful things he said to me? How hurtful it was when he blamed me for our terrible sexual experience? How unsympathetic he was when I was bleeding and crying in pain?

Well, I might be dehydrated and potentially having a miscarriage, but I am definitely not the same shy, inexperienced girl I’d been in college.

And the last person in the world I want around me right now is him.

“Look, we obviously remember things very differently,” I say, “but I want nothing to do with you outside of work. I can be professional, but beyond that, I’m not interested in friendship. I have friends.”

He scowls. “Yeah, some bad ones. Like that jerk who attacked me in the hallway. Are those the kinds of people you call friends?”

“What are you talking about?” I ask.

“The tall, blond guy…he threw me against the wall and told me he was going to hurt me for talking to you or some shit. I mean, are those the kind of?—”

“That’s not what I said.” To my complete shock, Anders walks into the room. “I told you not to hurt her again . And I meant every word. If you hurt her, I will find you.”

“Anders.” I stare at him.

And to my complete horror, I burst out crying.

“Dude. Look what you did .” Seth scowls like Anders is the problem. “I’m calling security.”

“Stop!” I hiss through my tears. “Jesus, can you just leave without causing me anymore grief?”

“I’m sorry.” Anders turns to go.

“No. God dammit.” I throw up a hand and wiggle myself into a sitting position. “Seth—I need you to leave. You have no business being here. Please don’t make a scene. I don’t have any fight left in me. And Anders… please stay.”

There’s a moment of awkward silence before Anders looks at Seth.

“You heard the lady.”

“Fuck this and fuck you.” Seth stomps out of the room and I breathe a sigh of relief.

“You okay, sweetheart?” Anders comes closer to the bed and my stomach starts doing funny things.

And they’re not things that might make me vomit.

“I don’t know,” I whisper. “I just…what are you doing here? Did Hana call you?”

“No.” He stands next to me, his eyes searching my face. “I came to talk to you in person. I needed to hear you tell me to my face that you don’t love me. I couldn’t move on until… I got some kind of closure. Then your dad got in my face.” He reaches out and ever so gently strokes his fingers across my cheek. “Why didn’t you tell me about the baby?”

Tears squeeze out of my eyes. “It was my fault.” I sniffle, trying to gain my composure but failing miserably. “I didn’t want…” The tears start coming faster. “…Martika…trap you…”

I don’t know what I’m saying, but I can’t seem to form full sentences, and the tears are pouring out faster than I can catch my breath or collect my thoughts.

“Shh. Hey. Stop that.” He lowers the rail on the side of the bed and sits beside me, pulling me into his arms. “Don’t cry. It’s okay. Shh.” He strokes my hair, my back, my arms, all while holding me against his strong, warm chest.

It feels so good for him to be holding me.

I’ve missed it so much.

“Anders…our baby…” Another torrent of emotion hits me, and I feel him shudder slightly, as if he understands what I’m feeling.

“I know. Shh.”

He holds me for a long time, letting me sob against his chest.

Finally, when his shirt is soaked and I can’t breathe through my nose anymore, the tears start to abate.

“Can you get me a tissue, please?” I ask softly.

“Of course.” He turns and grabs a few out of the box on the counter.

I blow my nose and dab at my eyes.

I must look awful.

“You okay now?” he asks, sitting beside me again.

“No.” I shake my head. “I don’t want to lose it.” My lower lip trembles. “I’m scared to have it, but I don’t want to lose it.”

“I know. Me either.”

“You don’t?” I meet his gaze guiltily. “Because this is my fault.”

“What’s your fault?”

“The pregnancy…I was so excited to put the condoms on…my stupid nails…” I hang my head. “I’m sorry. I swear, I didn’t do this on purpose.”

“Oh, baby. Is that what this is about? You thought I would believe you did it on purpose?”

“It didn’t matter if you believed it or not—I couldn’t do what she did.”

“What who did? Martika? You’re comparing this to what happened with Martika?” He shakes his head. “Claudia. You and me…this is a totally different thing. I love you. I never loved her.”

“You…love me?” I stare, a little mesmerized hearing those words coming out of his mouth.

“Well, yeah. Why do you think I’m here even though you broke my heart and told me you’d found someone else?”

I flush. “You know there was never… I just said that…”

“I know. At least, I know now.” He shakes his head and reaches for one of my hands. “Why didn’t you just talk to me? I mean, were you going to hide my kid from me?”

“No. I was going to…I don’t know. I guess I thought I’d wait until after it was born, do a DNA test, and give you options.”

“Options?” He blinks. “A DNA test?”

“You know… the option to share custody, or just send money, or…” My voice falters because I know the last option is actually not an option at all. Anders would never give up his rights to be his child’s father. Under any circumstances.

“Or what?” He has a strange look on his face. “Please tell me you didn’t really think I would give up my rights?”

“I didn’t…think you would. But I was planning to offer the option because I didn’t know?—”

“Didn’t know what?” His voice rises as he stands up, hands on his hips. “Do you think so little of me? Do you really think I would walk away from my baby? Our baby?”

I swallow.

He’s probably furious.

Not only did I get pregnant, now I’ve insulted his integrity, and I don’t know how to fix it.

Before I can stop myself, tears start to fall again.