Chapter 43

FORTY-THREE

Anders

I’m a fucking mess.

And now that the initial shock of the breakup has worn off, I’m pissed.

I was as kind and patient and loving as I could have been for Claudia, and she just dumps me because some guy at work is more interesting? Smarter than me maybe? I still believe there’s something else going on, and it’s frustrating as hell that she did it on the phone without even having a real conversation. It was almost an afterthought, which doesn’t sit well with me.

I haven’t been able to look at another woman, which sucks for me, and I’m definitely not playing as well as I should be. I can’t bring myself to give a shit about what happens during the games when everything in my personal life has gone to hell in a hand basket.

This breakup has impacted every aspect of my life, and deep down, I know I’m not going to get past it without some kind of closure.

An idea has been brewing all week and as I stare up at the ceiling, I know I’m going to do something rash.

Like get on a plane to Philadelphia.

On Thanksgiving.

And force her to have a heart-to-heart conversation with me.

I don’t know what I’ll do if I find her with a new boyfriend, but somehow, even after everything that’s happened, I don’t believe she brought some new guy home just a few weeks after breaking up with me. Of course, I also never thought she’d dump me like she did, so I could be wrong.

Nonetheless, I pack a bag and arrive in Philadelphia around two o’clock.

It’s a cold, dreary day that matches my mood, and I have the Uber drop me off at her parents’ house.

There are no cars in the driveway, and it looks quiet.

Not like a family celebrating a holiday.

I look around a bit nervously, wondering if I’ve made a mistake.

What if she decided to leave on her trip early so her parents went out to eat?

Or if she’s celebrating with her new boyfriend.

Fuck.

I just need to see her.

Talk to her.

Tell her how I feel.

And then, if she can look me in the eye and tell me she doesn’t love me, I’ll go.

Because my heart isn’t getting the message, which means I haven’t been able to move on.

I’ve just stepped on the front porch to knock when her parents pull into the driveway in the SUV that Claudia usually drives.

Crap.

I put my bag down and turn, waiting for them.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Jeff asks, getting out of the car. “Haven’t you done enough?”

“Jeff, don’t.” Laura hurries behind him.

“No.” He ignores her and comes to stand right in my face. “You and I had a man-to-man chat, and you promised me you weren’t going to hurt her. Is this your idea of not hurting her? Answer me, son.”

I frown a little.

How did I hurt her when she’d broken my heart?

“I’m a little confused,” I say finally. “Because she broke up with me.”

“Why?” he demands. “What did you say to make her end things?”

“I honestly don’t know,” I admit.

“Bullshit!” He looks pissed, and I’m not sure what’s going on.

“Look, I’m as confused as you are. That’s why I’m here. I wanted to talk to her, have her look me in the eye and tell me she doesn’t love me. Because I don’t know what happened. She told me she wanted to date other guys.”

“Don’t fucking lie to me!” He steps closer. “That’s not my daughter, especially not with the current situation, and we both know it.”

“Jeff.” Laura finally intervenes, putting a calming hand on her husband’s arm. “I don’t think…he knows.”

“What?” He turns to her in confusion. “What are you talking about? What doesn’t he know?”

“He doesn’t know about…the baby. She didn’t tell him.” Her voice is low but I hear them.

“What?” Now Jeff looks as confused as I feel.

Except I’m a lot more than confused now.

Did she just say there’s a baby ?

“What did you say?” I ask quietly.

Laura and Jeff are still arguing.

“…she told me just a little while ago.”

“Are you serious right now?”

My head is spinning.

“What are you talking about?!” I yell, interrupting them. “Will someone please tell me what the hell is going on?”

Jeff and Laura stare at me.

I stare back.

No one moves.

I’m pretty sure I’m about to be sick.

“Shit.” Jeff has his hands on his hips as he stares at me. “You really don’t know.”

“What don’t I know?!” I’m having trouble keeping my emotions in check because I’m fairly certain I know what I heard, but I need her to say it again.

“Claudia’s pregnant,” Laura says quietly. “But she’s in the hospital. We think she’s having a miscarriage.”

The bottom drops out of my world, and I sag against the door.

She’s pregnant.

How the fuck did this happen?

I have so many questions but right now I can’t think.

She’s pregnant and didn’t tell me.

She’s having my baby—I refuse to believe she cheated on me—and broke up with me?

I’m confused and scared and worried and mad.

“You look like you need to sit down for a minute,” Jeff says. “Come into the house.”

I want to protest but I’m propelled inside before I can say anything.

“We were at the hospital most of yesterday and all day today,” Laura says. “We came home to rest and get something to eat. Are you hungry?”

“No.” I shake my head as I sink into the nearest chair. “I don’t understand…why wouldn’t she tell me?”

“She didn’t tell us either,” Jeff grunts. “We didn’t find out until yesterday morning when Hana came running downstairs to tell us Claudia was bleeding and needed to go to the hospital.”

“Is she okay?”

“She’s got a few things going on. Dehydration and malnourishment are the two big ones.”

“And the baby?”

“We don’t know.” He meets my eyes. “They can’t find any reason for her to be bleeding, so there’s nothing they can do to stop it. If she’s miscarrying, her body is going to do what it needs to do. They admitted her because she was so weak and dehydrated. I guess she hasn’t been eating. But as of when we left the hospital, she was still pregnant.”

I pull a shaky breath in through my nose.

Guilt and remorse whip through me.

We had a conversation about kids, and I’d told her I didn’t want them yet, that I wasn’t ready.

But she said she wasn’t ready either.

I thought we were on the same page.

How could she do this knowing—I immediately stop that train of thought.

I don’t know much of anything right now, but I’m positive she didn’t do this on purpose. There’s no universe where she wanted to be pregnant at this stage of her career.

She must have been horrified.

Confused.

Terrified .

Dammit.

“You really didn’t know?” Jeff asks after a moment.

“No. She told me she’d met someone at work that made her realize she might want to do some dating before getting as serious as we were getting. I had no idea.”

He scratches his head in confusion. “If I’m honest, I’ve never really understood my daughter. She’s so damn bright, really independent, and pretty stubborn to boot. I can’t figure out why she would keep this from you.”

“I need to talk to her.”

“You do. But you can’t upset her. She’s in rough shape.”

“I won’t.”

“Being a dad is pretty great,” he says quietly. “I’m going to guess that this wasn’t in your five-year plan, but sometimes, the best things in life are the things that aren’t planned.”

I don’t know if that applies in this case, but right now I just need to see her. Make sure she’s okay.

Talk to her.

“I have to go,” I say after a moment.

He digs his keys out of his pocket. “Take the car. It’s all right.”

“Are you sure?” I ask in surprise.

He shrugs. “I figure you’re good for it. And the address is in the GPS.” He tells me the name of the hospital.

“Thank you.” I get to my feet and suddenly can’t get out of here fast enough.

“Room 1104,” he says as the door is closing behind me. “And don’t upset her!”

He doesn’t have to remind me of that because hurting her was never in my plans.

I drive to the hospital on autopilot.

I don’t know what I’m doing and when I get there, I turn the car off but don’t move.

I sit there drumming my fingers on the steering wheel, my thoughts a jumble of confusion. Everything about this sucks.

I’m at a loss because I don’t know what to say.

She’s pregnant—at least, I hope she still is—and didn’t tell me.

This hurts me almost as much as her breaking up with me.

For whatever reason, she didn’t trust me enough to tell me something of such monumental importance.

Somewhere along the way, I failed her.

And even if she really has met someone else, I’m not going to fail her or the child we created together.

But either way, I’m not walking away without telling her how I feel.

That has to come out because it needed to be said a long time ago.

It doesn’t matter that we’ve only been together five minutes in the grand scheme of things. I loved her almost the first moment I saw her, and I don’t give a flying fuck how ridiculous that sounds.

I’ll survive if she doesn’t return my feelings, but I can’t move on without telling her everything that’s in my heart.

We’ll handle co-parenting.

Because there’s no way I’m not going to be in the baby’s life.

I stare up at the heavens and curse a god I don’t pay a lot of attention to. I’m not an atheist, but I’m not religious either. Back when Martika was pregnant, I prayed for the whole situation to go away—and she miscarried.

This is different.

I’d give almost anything for Claudia not to miscarry.

And it feels like this is some kind of payback for not loving Martika.

Which is ridiculous.

“Fuck.” I get out of the car and stomp into the hospital.

I want to pick up flowers or something, but the gift shop is closed, so I take the elevator to the eleventh floor and follow the signs toward 1104.

The room is at the end of a long hallway and there’s a guy standing outside doing something on his phone. He looks up as I approach.

“I’m looking for Claudia Pomeroy,” I say to him.

“Oh, hi.” His smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “She’s sleeping right now. Can I help you with something?”

The way he says it feels incredibly intimate and a bad feeling slides through my gut.

“I need to see her,” I say. “Who are you?”

He holds out his hand. “Name’s Seth Crandall. We work together.”

My vision blurs for a minute.

Seth Crandall.

This is Seth Crandall?!

The same fuck-head who didn’t understand how to treat an innocent young woman the first time they got intimate?

He’s medium height with dark hair, dark eyes, and glasses. There’s nothing special about him.

Except he’s probably wicked smart like her.

Maybe that matters.

But all I can think about is the way he treated her.

How much that impacted her life.

And even though my own heart is breaking, I can’t not say something.

I’m simply not capable of walking away without letting him know someone will be watching.

A growl leaves my chest and before I can stop myself, I grab him by the shirt and slam him against the wall.

“Hey!” He flails a little, but I’ve got him pinned.

“You listen to me,” I hiss, glaring. “I don’t know what’s going on between you now, but I do know what went on in college. All I’m going to say is, if you hurt her again, you’ll answer to me!” I shove away from him and stalk back down the hall before he can respond.

Instead of the elevators, I take the stairs.

All eleven flights.

Because I need to keep moving.

She dumped me for that piece of shit who treated her so badly.

What the fuck?

How is that even possible?

I didn’t mean to put my hands on the guy, but I still want to punch his smug face.

Dammit.

I get outside and the shock of cold air that hits me calms me a little.

Fuck.

I lean against the wall and stare out at nothing.

She’s back with Seth Crandall.

I didn’t even know he was working with her.

Yet another thing she hid from me.

None of this makes any sense.

The woman I fell in love with isn’t duplicitous like that. She just isn’t. She might not love me, but she’s not a liar or a cheat. Something else is going on.

And I really need to know what it is.

I’m not the kind of guy who’ll beg a woman to love me, but I deserve the truth.

I came here to be honest with her, and as I stand here shivering in the light rain that’s started, I realize I have to finish what I started.

I love her.

She doesn’t have to love me back, but she has to know what’s in my heart. Especially if we’re going to co-parent that baby I honestly don’t want her to lose.

Whether we get back together or not, I have to go back up there and talk to her. Seth can stay or go. I don’t give a shit. But she’s going to hear me out.

I turn and walk back into the hospital.