Chapter 32

MILA

I makeViolet and Ruby promise it'll be drama free.

Yes, I'm looking directly at Ruby…

They just want to hear the story I have to tell them.

I debate how to approach this story. It's personal. It's slightly embarrassing.

Yet…

"I was pleasuring myself in the shower," I start.

"Now you have my attention," Ruby says. "I love masturbation. It's healthy. It's needed."

"Are you suggesting Gabriel doesn't hit the right spot?" Violet asks.

"Please. You just started having sex, what, two weeks ago? You're basically still a virgin."

"Ouch," I whisper.

"Wow, Ruby," Violet says.

Ruby shrugs her shoulders. She looks at me. "Go on. You were playing…"

"Yes. Now, before that, I went to a party."

"You went to a party?" Ruby asks.

"With Ward…"

"Oh," Ruby groans.

"Let her talk," Violet says.

"See, I did something before that too."

"How long is this story going to be?" Ruby asks. "You hit us with some fingering in the shower and now you're backtracking."

"It all ties together," I say. "This is messy. Really messy."

"Jax," Violet growls.

I nod.

"Oh, I'm interested again," Ruby says.

"After the movie thing… it was weird. I mean, I should not have been out alone. And not with Jax. I didn't plan on seeing him. He planned on seeing me. So I did the right thing and told him to stay away."

"You actually said that?" Ruby asks.

"Yes. It's the right thing to do, Ruby. I'm with someone. Okay? So I told Jax, face to face, he and I can never talk again. All these little games he keeps playing. They're over. Done. That's how I ended up at a party with Ward. I was trying to do something he wanted to do."

"But he won't go to a movie with you," Ruby says. "Sounds fair."

"Ruby," Violet says.

"Just listen to me," I say. "We're at the party. We're drinking. Ward is being flirty. I'm being a little naughty. It's all working out just fine. I end up in a pool."

"You got drunk and went swimming," Ruby says. "You're cooler by the second."

"Well," I say. "We end up back at my dorm and I start to take my clothes off…"

I pause.

"This is where it turns," Violet says.

"I can sense it," Ruby says. "Ward fell asleep."

I nod. "He fell asleep. And I decided to take a shower."

"Now we're at the fingering part," Ruby says.

"I was in the mood. Everything just felt right. So I started touching myself. And it felt so good."

"Mila, where is this going?" Violet asks. "Not that I mind it… but…"

"Okay," I say. "I got myself to the edge. Okay? The climax. Okay? I'm there."

"We get it," Ruby says. "You're coming…"

"Yes," I say. "And at the last second, I picture Jax."

"Oh, fuck," Violet says.

"Hell yes," Ruby says. "That's awesome."

"That's terrible! I feel horrible for that. I didn't mean for it to happen. It was just… him. I quickly opened my eyes and took my hand away… but my body was…"

"You were coming," Ruby says.

"I feel like the worst person in the world right now over this. I did not mean for that to happen."

"Oh, Mila," Violet says. "This is all messed up."

"I know!" I cry out. "That's why I'm here. I'm not happy about this. I'm not celebrating this."

"I am," Ruby says, throwing her right hand into the air. "That's the stuff that's secretly burning in the back of your head. And there's nothing wrong with it."

"I'm with someone," I say.

"He was asleep," Ruby says. "Passed out. Drunk. And you and I know that was not the first time either. He does it all the time."

"Back off, Ruby," Violet says. "Tone it down."

"I don't know why I'm telling you this," I say.

"Okay, what happened after the shower?" Violet asks.

"I helped Ward all the way into the bed. Then I crawled into bed and fell asleep. I woke up before Ward and left him a note that I was going to the gym."

Violet's phone starts to ring.

She points at both Ruby and me.

"You two… no fighting. Give me a second…"

Violet turns and walks away.

I look at Ruby.

She's staring me down. Hard.

"I know what you're thinking," I whisper.

"Then I don't need to say a thing."

"It doesn't make it right."

"It's not right to be unhappy," Ruby says.

"Who says I'm unhappy?" I snap at her.

"It's written all over your face!"

"My face? Please. Don't project your bitchy attitude onto me!"

"Will you two fucking quiet down?" Violet yells.

Ruby and I both turn our heads and Violet is standing there, hands at her side.

Her bottom lip quivering.

Her chin shaking.

"Violet?" I whisper.

"What happened?" Ruby asks. "Who called?"

Violet looks at her right hand, at her phone.

"That was Mac… he… he called…"

Violet lets out a shaky breath and reaches for Ruby and me.

"Mac's father died."