Chapter 33

thirty-three

I’D GO TO JAIL FOR YOU

T he entire time they’re gone, I have to fight the urge to pace.

Zac continues to glare at me, but the heat of his anger has faded. He won’t forgive me until Tate has, and that’s okay. I won’t feel at ease until Tate has forgiven me too.

But right now, all I can really worry about is Emery. How much more can she handle before completely crashing and burning?

His car sounds in the driveway and I jump to my feet, making another round of commentary break out from the peanut gallery.

They spent the entire time Tate and Emery were gone, attempting to dissect all of my behavior over the last several months to determine when and how Emery and I started. It could be amusing, if I wasn’t frantic about how things were going with them.

I haven’t even gotten to really bask and appreciate Emery being my girlfriend.

The door opens and I’m already standing in front of it, nearly mowing down Em as she walks in. Her eyes are ringed red and look even more swollen than when she left. I glare at Tate only to find him in a similar state.

“Are you okay?” I wrap her in my arms, holding her close and she burrows closer. She doesn’t have to say the words for me to know she isn’t okay at all. I wish I could take all the pain away, but there’s nothing I can do for this type of hurt except be here.

Tate glares at me, but rubs his hand against Emery’s back as she begins to cry again and I know she isn’t upset because of him. They actually seem better than when they left.

He quickly explains what they talked about and yet another way Becca was sabotaging Emery, using her own brothers against her. Zac flushes with shame at being used. I can’t believe I never put the pieces together. Never questioned how Tate and Zac always knew about Emery’s dates except the ones Becca set her up on.

Megan curses when Tate finishes. “I should have punched her harder.”

James laughs, elbowing her. “Slow down there, tiger.”

“I’m with Megan,” Torryn agrees. “Wish I got my own hit in. Should have brought Betty.” Damn, Tor means business if she’s bringing up her bat from the bar she used to keep drunk and disorderly clients in order.

Isla shrugs. “I think I would feel better if I could hit her with my car.”

Emery pulls out of my arms and gives Isla a bewildered look. She’s not the only one either.

“What?” Isla defends. “You were all thinking it.”

Colby nods. “I was.”

It’s always the quiet ones.

Emery’s laughter starts small and choked and grows into full belly laughs. Unfortunately, it then devolves into more tears .

That’s enough for my girl. I pick her up, nod to the others, and carry Emery back to her room. Tate hardens his stare when I pass him, but doesn’t move to stop me. I ache to fix things with him, but this is more important. She needs rest more than anything right now and I have a feeling she needs to unload whatever is brewing in her head.

We lay in bed and I maneuver her until we face each other and I brush the hair out of her face. Lifting her chin, I make her look me in the eye. “What about that made you cry?”

Her lower lip trembles. “Becca was never really my friend.”

“She was a cunt.” A raging one actually. She can’t fuck off far enough now that I’ve seen her true colors. I’ve never wanted to hit a woman before, but fuck she makes me wish I could.

The corners of her lips barely twitch up in response, but I don’t get a real smile out of her.

“I went the last several years feeling like I was the problem and wondering why people didn’t like me. Why I couldn’t find my place in this new town. Becca was the only friend I really made on my own that was my friend and not from being around my brothers. And not only was it all a lie, she was behind every bad thing that happened to me since I got here.”

Her insecurity really starts to make a lot more sense with everything we know now. I’ve spent months wondering why she seems embarrassed to talk about her photography, or why she doubts people want to see her.

“It’s like her voice now lives in my head. Every time I get too excited and talk too much, I hear her telling me this is why people find me off putting. And now, it’s like this whole thing has given that voice more fuel. When I realized she was never really my friend at all it made me question myself. Made me question if all those people out there really like me. If you really like me. ”

I don’t want to belittle her anxiety by telling her how ridiculous it is. She’s had someone she loved and trusted tearing her down for years. No matter how strong or confident you are, shit like that is going to leave its marks.

I kiss both her cheeks, the salty tang of her tears hitting my tongue. “We’ll have to replace that voice in your head. Slowly but surely until she’s nothing but a piece of your past.” My lips land on her forehead. “When you start to doubt them, I’ll remind you of the room full of people you have who are willing to become felons for you. And when you doubt us, I’ll remind you of all the reasons I know you’re perfect for me and all the ways I was made for you. And you alone.”

“Promise?”

“Always, baby girl.”

She curls into my chest, but at least the tears seem to be done. I breathe deeply, letting myself fully relax for the first time since I got that text last night. It isn’t until she speaks again I realize she isn’t asleep.

“Tate said he has concerns about us.”

I want to sigh, want to curse his name. But it would be stranger if he didn’t.

“Did he say what those concerns were?” I run my fingers up and down her back, making her shiver as she shakes her head.

“Guess he wasn’t that concerned then.”

She laughs at my nonchalant answer, but I mean it. I know Tate Moore and if it was a huge red flag for him, he wouldn’t be able to help himself from having the conversation with her. Regardless of what else she’s going through. At the very least he wouldn’t have let me walk away with her in my arms and not even follow us.

“You think you guys are going to be okay?”

Isn’t that the million dollar question? His anger did not fade at all from his conversation with her and a hundred percent of it is directed at me. I prefer it that way, but it makes me uneasy about what comes next between me and him.

I can’t imagine not having him as my best friend.

“I think we will,” I reassure her, even as I have to convince myself it’s the truth. “He’s not here with us.” I point out. “He trusts me enough to take care of you. That’s enough for now.”

She nods against my chest, her hands slipping under my t-shirt to press against my skin. “You guys will be okay. I know it.”

I squeeze her in thanks, letting my eyes drift closed as silence falls over us once more. I’m nearly asleep when her whisper draws me out of my own thoughts.

“How am I supposed to go back to school tomorrow?”

Fuck. I hadn’t thought of that. Her dad still hasn’t made it home, but he was meeting with lawyers about getting emergency restraining orders against everyone who was involved.

We aren’t even sure of what charges are being brought against them and I don’t understand enough about how the law works to even know what the next steps are.

“Do you have to go? I’ll stay home with you.”

Has the school been made aware of all that all transpired? Are you supposed to report things like that? Can they be expelled for something that happened off campus?

Will Becca or her boyfriend even be charged when it was Jeremy who had the drugs and spiked the drink?

My head hurts just thinking about it.

It’s obvious Becca isn’t worried about consequences for herself when she showed up here without any fear of repercussions.

“You shouldn’t go tomorrow,” I say. There’s too much to try and figure out. Thank fuck Mr. Moore has good lawyers. They’ll know exactly what to do. “You need more rest. ”

She hesitates before asking, “What if I don’t ever want to go back?”

I’m not sure I can blame her. I don’t think I would want to either. Not after everything she’s been through.

“Then we figure it out together,” I promise.

Her head pops up, searching my expression for any sign of lies. “How are you so perfect?”

My chest warms. No one has ever called me perfect before. No one has ever looked at me the way Emery looks at me.

“I’m not perfect, baby girl. I’m just perfect for you because I was made for you.”

She smiles and her nose scrunches but in the way I know means she likes that.

“I like that.”

I chuckle, loving how I can read her now. “I love you, Emery Moore.” There’s a flash of surprise in her face and my girl really is a brat because I can see the way she’s about to ask me if it’s true. “You know I love you, baby girl.”

Her mouth closes and her eyes water. “I love you too, Xander.”

“That’s my girl,” I praise. There’s no room for doubt when it comes to us. She meets me halfway for a kiss that steals my breath away.

When she settles back in my arms I draw patterns into her skin. “If you’re mind doesn’t want to stop running, should I sing you some lullabies until you fall asleep?”

She snorts, shaking her head. “I love you, but I’ve heard you sing. No thank you.”

Rude.

“And I don’t want to sleep anymore,” she huffs with a laugh. I guess she has already napped today and it’s still the afternoon. Maybe I was getting carried away with the rest, but being around everyone seemed to only overstimulate her more .

“Do you want to watch a movie?” I ask, already pulling up one of her favorites. Her nod encourages me and when she sees what I chose she looks at me in surprise.

“How did you know this is my comfort movie?”

This girl. “I listened to you when you told me.”

She’ll get used to what it feels like to be truly loved by the people around her.

Tate flies past me on the ice, bumping my shoulder on purpose as he takes his place in the net. The asshole.

We still haven’t talked.

After Emery and I watched our movie and came out to eat, everyone except Megan and Colby were gone. Her dad still hadn’t returned and they wanted to be there in case she needed girl friends.

I won’t be the only one who helps Emery learn to accept the love she deserves. Both women are already lightyears beyond what type of friend Becca ever could have been.

They needed some girl time and I headed back home with a promise to call her before bed. She told me everything they talked about and it quickly became clear how they were able to give her a kind of peace I would never be able to offer. A true friendship to heal the scars a broken one left behind on her.

Her dad finally got home and assured her the restraining orders were all in place, but it was unclear what was going to happen with the school. Becca and Emery share a class and the school will have to adjust that even if they won’t expel her.

Emery isn’t sure she wants to go back and we spent a good portion of our conversation talking about what it could look like if she didn’t. We both started looking into it and found a couple options she could use to finish her credits and senior year online. It doesn’t seem outlandish.

All my focus has been on her though and it hasn’t left much time to repair what I broke with Tate. And he’s taking it on me on the ice.

Our entire practice he’s more aggressive with me. Calling me out for being distracted or slow.

I deserve it, but I’m nearly at my breaking point when he shoulder checks me again on his way off the ice. Coach shakes his head at our antics and turns his back on us, refusing to get involved in our problems. He may even already know what the problem is with the way this team gossips.

Everyone else clears the ice until it’s only the two of us left and he’s tossing pucks into the basket.

“Are we going to talk about this? Or would you prefer to take a couple more cheap shots?”

He shrugs. “The cheap shots are making me feel better.”

Of fucking course they are. “Just say what you need to say,” I demand.

He whirls around on his skates, pushing against my chest and making me slide back on the ice. “I trusted you,” he yells and at least we’re finally getting to hash it out. “I trusted you with my little sister and you lied to me. You hid things from me.”

I hold my ground, not allowing him to make me back down. “I chose her,” I explain. “All she does is doubt herself. Doubt if people want her, if they like her, if she’s enough. I hated not telling you, but she needed me to choose her. To put her first. That’s what I did.”

His frustration rips from his chest and I hate that I’m the cause of it. I never wanted to be in this position, but I wouldn’t change it. “You could have kept her confidence and pushed me to look a little closer at what she was feeling. How much she was struggling. You knew and you didn’t let me be there for her.”

It dawns on me what he’s really upset about. “You’re not mad we’re dating.”

“Of course not, you jackass. You’re the best guy I know. You’ll take care of her, help her find her confidence again and she’ll make you a better person. Softer with less jaded edges. It all makes sense now that I know. You’ve been nicer recently.”

“What?”

He shrugs. “You have been. Been more friendly. Making jokes and talking to people other than just me and Torryn or the two dipshits when you have to. Beau is nearly pissing himself thinking the three of us are best friends now.”

“Beau’s a jackass who thinks he’s closer to you than I am.”

Tate rolls his eyes and gives me a be for real look. His eyes look so much like Emery and she gives me that same look every time she can’t quite believe the words coming out of my mouth.

“That’s besides the point. You know Em was struggling and you didn’t come to me. You’re supposed to be my best friend and I hope you always choose her, but you should find a way to do that while still being my best friend.”

My whole body sags in regret. He’s right. I was so concerned about keeping things a secret, not giving away my feelings, I didn’t tell him things I would normally have told him. I knew I was fucking up, but I didn’t realize how badly I was.

“I’m sorry, Tate. should have been a better friend. I’m still figuring this out and it may be a weird adjustment period, but you’re still my best friend. Losing either one of you is inconceivable.”

He hums, picking up another puck and tossing it at me. “Remember that, or Beau really will take your place. ”

Asshole.

I toss the puck in the basket. “We good now?”

“Sure,” he shrugs, but a smile pulls at his lips.

I bump my shoulder against his, thinking about mine and Emery’s conversation. “Em said you had concerns about us?”

“Of course I do.”

Of course he does.

It’s my turn to give him an exasperated look and he shrugs. “She’s still in high school and you’re not. But it’s only a two year age gap, so as long as you aren’t using her age against her, it remains a concern and not a problem.”

Her age has only ever been a problem because of the difference in our schedules. She’s probably the more mature one of the two of us and as much as she’s grown in the last few months, so have I. For instance, Tate never got punched even though he was beginning to piss me off.

“Next?” I ask, waving off his first one.

He arches a brow. “Are you going to lose interest when the excitement of sneaking around is gone?”

“It wasn’t exciting,” I deadpan. “It was annoying and frustrating because I wanted to spend every second with her and it was impossible while keeping it hidden.”

His head tilts as he assesses the truth in those words. “I didn’t want to ask her and add more doubt in her mind."

“Please don’t. Becca did a fucking number on her and she doesn’t need any reason to doubt my love for her.”

He seems taken off guard. “Love?”

“You think I’d risk our friendship for anything less?”

He nods, patting me on the shoulder as we walk into the locker room. “Our friendship was never at risk. Only your face.”

I snort and all of a sudden applause breaks out where the guys are sitting by our lockers, clearly waiting for us to come off the ice. “You guys are so weird.” I point out and start stripping for a shower.

Beau throws his arms over both me and Tate. “It’s the three amigos, back together again.”

I shove him off of me as Tate gives me an I told you so look.

He backs off suddenly, his hand flying to his chest. “This is why Torryn kept kicking Tate out of the group chat?” he shouts, glaring at Baylor with a look of betrayal.

“I didn’t know!” he shouts back at him. “It’s Tor. I thought she was having fun poking at Tate.”

Tate crosses his arms in front of his chest. “You told Torryn and not me?”

“She figured it out for herself,” I defend. “To be honest, all the girls figured it out. Apparently, I wasn’t very good at hiding my feelings for her.”

James nods. “That checks out. You’re a bigger simp than Baylor.”

Those would be fighting words if I hadn’t already thought the same thing.

“At least I asked my girl to be my girlfriend,” Baylor argues.

“No, you didn’t,” Beau counters. “You threw out all our plans and shouted at her that she was your girlfriend.”

The bickering continues and I trade looks with Tate, motioning to the showers.

“I’m going to meet Emery after. Want to come?”

He nods at the same time as Zac and Wilder walk past us. “Oh you guys are good?” Wilder asks.

At Tate’s nod Zac releases a dramatic sigh of relief. “Thank god. I was getting tired of glaring at you. I don’t know how Tate does it all the time.”

Wilder nods his agreement. “Still gross to think about you kissing the little demon though. ”

Both of them make a look of disgust and I don’t even have the energy anymore.

“Don’t be too cocky,” Zac says with a smirk when I roll my eyes at the pair. “You still have to tell our dad.”

Oh, fuck.