Chapter 34

thirty-four

A NEW CHAPTER

S adness lines my dad’s face and I’m fairly sure there are more wrinkles there than there were only a couple short weeks ago.

“How sure are you about this, Em?”

I can’t blame him. He’s been fighting so hard for me to be comfortable and be able to go back to school, but the administration has no grounds for expelling either Becca or Cam. He never wanted me to feel backed into a corner. But even without them there any longer, I wouldn’t want to go back.

“There’s nothing left for me at that school, Daddy,” I remind him gently. “The one real friend I had turned out to be a raging psychopath. But she kept me from getting close to anyone else there.”

He crosses his arms in front of his chest, not ready to throw in the towel yet. “What about Megan?”

“I can be friends with her outside of school. She might even go to Westbrook.”

“You’ve been saying all year how you want a normal senior year.”

He’s got me there. “Things change. It’s not possible for me to have a normal high school experience. Becca ruined that for me and maybe that was her goal all along, but I’ve got something better out of it.”

He scoffs, rolling his eyes. “Yeah, yeah. You and Xander are adorable.”

It’s impossible not to smile when he acknowledges that. Xander was terrified to tell him but my dad’s intuition must be as good as Torryn’s because he very calmly told him that he was glad Xander finally had the balls to confess to me. Xander will never be allowed to play poker.

“He’s not prom or graduation though,” my dad continues. “He’s not your photo being used in the last school newspaper of your high school career. He isn’t the end of the year club party you get to have for the last time.”

“With a bunch of people who don’t really know me, who believe lies about me, and Megan. I love her, but she doesn’t make up for the thousands of pitying and questioning stares I get when I walk down those hallways. I’ve never felt more isolated or out of place, Dad.”

He put his head in his hands and it’s hard for him to accept what I’m telling him. I’ve tried a total of three times to make it through classes in the last two weeks and I can’t do it. “What about a new school?”

I can’t help but laugh. “I’m okay moving on, Daddy. I didn’t mean only Xander when I said I got something better. I’ve got half the hockey team texting me nearly every day to see if they need to beat anyone up for me. Colby, Megan, Tor, and Isla are showing me what true friendship feels like.”

I get up from my seat and walk around, wrapping my arms around his waist. “I thought having a normal high school experience was what I was missing,” I explain. “I thought that was why I always felt out of place and felt like people didn’t like me. I’m slowly accepting none of that was my fault. That there’s nothing wrong with me. And I didn’t get that from pretty dresses or wearing a cap and gown. I got it from having real friends who don’t secretly hate me.”

He kisses the top of my head, hugging me tightly. He’s taken to doing that a lot. As if he needs to reassure himself I’m still here. That he didn’t lose me. “I feel like I failed you, Em.”

His confession breaks my heart because I feel like I failed myself in a lot of ways too. But Torryn recommended a therapist and seeing her has really been helping me put a lot of things into perspective. It’s helping me process quicker than I think I would have done on my own. It’s also given me useful tools to break out of the negative downward spirals my thoughts sometimes turn into.

“You raised me to be strong enough to face this adversity and find the silver lining,” I say and I really mean it. If my parents hadn’t raised me the way they had, if my brothers didn’t love me the way they do, everything Becca did could have taken me to a much lower and scarier place. “You raised me to not be afraid to admit I was wrong and change the path I’m walking even if it’s scary. Even if it’s extra work. Even if it means not getting things I once thought I wanted.”

Tears fill his eyes and his voice is gruff with emotion. “I see so much of your mother in you, Em. She would be so proud of the woman you’re growing into and I could not be more proud of you.”

“I love you, Daddy,” I whisper through my own tears.

He takes several deep breaths. “Alright, kiddo. Get me the paperwork and we will file it with the school tomorrow and get you transferred to the independent study program.”

I squeeze his arm. “Thank you, Daddy.”

Megan lays sprawled across my bed, her dark hair spilling over the side. “I can’t believe you aren’t coming back,” she whines.

“Yes, you can.” She rolls over onto her stomach groaning.

“Fine. You’re right. But I really think it’s not as bad as you thought it was.”

Megan has been working to convince me that there are more people in the school on my side than I think. But it isn’t hard to agree that drugging your best friend is wrong. Anyone on Becca’s side has a few screws loose like she does.

It isn’t about sides though or even that I think the whole school is against me or anything of the sort. I simply don’t see the point in attempting to build connections with the people who have largely ignored me for years because they all of a sudden pity me.

High school is ending for all of us in just a few short months. I don’t want these years to be the best of my life. I have so many memories to make, so much life still to live and none of that needs to happen in the building where my best friend manipulated me into someone I hardly recognize anymore.

Not every day is easy. Some days it’s hard to separate myself, but each day gets a little easier. A little bit clearer now that I’m free of her claws in my psyche. Some days I miss her, and it’s hard to admit to anyone because of how much damage she did.

My therapist tells me it’s normal, that it’s part of the manipulation. The way she love bombed me and made me feel wanted and worthy while isolating me from anyone who could give me real validation. I hope one day, I don’t miss her at all because each time the thought sneaks in, the pain comes roaring back to the forefront of my mind.

I’ve cried. A lot .

No one has gotten tired of me yet. It’s only brought me closer to Megan and Colby and the others.

“There’s no reason for me to go back,” I remind her. “Everyone heads off in different directions soon anyway.”

“I hate when you’re logical,” she whines. “I’m the reason to go back.”

My lips twitch as she pouts. Megan has always seemed larger than life, cooler than anyone I know. She’s so sure of herself, willing to bet on herself. She doesn’t seem to ever give any thought to what others think about her. But she has this rather cute side when she’s comfortable with someone.

“A. No you don’t. B. You’re here almost every day anyway.”

“Until your boyfriend steals you from me,” she grumbles and I laugh. She’s been extra pouty today and I haven’t been able to put my finger on why.

“You’re coming with us today,” I remind her. She’s supposed to be getting ready currently, but she’s been too lazy and only scrolling mindlessly on her phone. I can’t blame her. It’s been a long week and it’s only Wednesday. But we decided a celebratory dinner was in order because not only am I officially unenrolled from school as of this morning, but Jeremy, Becca, and Cam all took plea deals.

Her phone has been blowing up all day with people who think she knows the inside scoop and want more details.

Jeremy is the only one facing any jail time, three years with the potential of parole in eighteen months. But Cam ended up being expelled after all when text messages were turned into the school that the police subpoenaed in their investigation.

It turns my stomach to think about the way they spoke about me. The plans they had for that night if they had been able to pull it off. Him and Becca only got community service and some fines though. They got off easy because while they knew, and assisted, everything from beginning to end was handled by Jeremy.

Cam and Becca did break up though. I’m not sure which part of it really caused it, but she feels no remorse for what could have happened to me. She was more mad that her boyfriend ever had his eyes on me in the first place.

My dad was pissed they couldn’t be charged with more and have any harsher consequences, but I’m just happy it was over and done with. I don’t want to have to continue answering the endless questions and giving statements. The thought of having to testify made me feel physically ill.

So today we celebrate it all being over.

I can finally put it all behind me and move on with the good parts of my life.

Megan scrolls on her phone before turning it to me and showing me three different dress options. “Which one do you like the most?”

All three are floor-length and pretty for different reasons. The first one is a light pink dress with ruffled tulle on the bottom and a sheer corset top that has lace flower details over the bodice and up the straps. The second is a gorgeous and sparkly light blue a-line cut with delicate beaded straps that hang just off the shoulders. The bodice is tight fitting and covered in sequins and beading to look like small flowers and gradually fades into the sparkles of the skirt. And the last is a silver and white tight fitting dress that reminds me of a very sexy disco ball in the best way possible. It has long sleeves and everything about it seems to elongate the model.

“The last one, but in a different color would be prettier on you.” All three are gorgeous but the first two don’t feel like Megan’s vibe at all. The last one is the only one that even comes close .

She nods, taking my words seriously as she continues studying her phone. “What if I wanted something softer?”

I turn from doing my makeup to meet her eyes, bewildered by the idea she would ever change something about herself.

She shrugs. “Sometimes I want to try new things. So which one?”

I can’t really picture her in either of the other options but I guess if I had to pick. “The blue one I think would be my pick. It’s softer but still elegant and I really like the sparkles and the little sleeve details.”

Megan nods along with my words. “We are on the exact same page.”

I finish my makeup and hear Xander’s truck pulling up our driveway. “Is it for prom?”

She nods, finally climbing out of my bed to change. “Yeah, I don’t wanna do the whole dress shopping thing alone and if you’re not coming, online all day. I’ll order a few and see what I like.”

“Less stressful,” I agree. I thought I would feel sad to hear about her dress shopping, but I can’t say I am. There’s a pang of disappointment that things couldn’t be different. But I still want to hear all about her plans and dresses and date.

She pulls on her outfit for the night and it’s more casual than what she normally wears but still looks really cute. Just as she’s grabbing her jacket, Xander knocks on my door.

“Ready?”

She nods and I open the door to find Xander looking as handsome as ever in dark jeans and a dark gray henley. “Hi.”

“Hi, brat,” he replies, leaning forward to steal a kiss.

A gagging sound comes from behind him and Xander deepens the kiss to spite them. They really do ask for it.

“Okay, okay, okay,” Megan says bumping past where we’re blocking the door. “I’m not getting trapped in here for the rest of the night.”

Xander laughs and it soothes some of my rough edges. I always feel a little more at peace with him at my side. Ever since telling everyone about us, it’s been so much easier to see each other. And it will only be even more so now that all my schoolwork will be independent.

“You look gorgeous.” Xander has not held back in showering me with compliments the last few weeks. Every time, it never fails to make me blush. I wonder if I’ll ever get used to him looking at me that way, or if it will always feel as if my world slows down every time our eyes meet.

“You guys are giving me cavities,” Megan teases, a knowing smirk twisting her lips as Zac and Wilder continue to gag.

At least we know we will never be bored.

“Hurry up, or we’re leaving without you,” Tate calls.

I roll my eyes and Xander smirks, raising a brow and whispering. “We can celebrate here alone?”

I smack his chest before calling back. “You can’t leave without the person you’re celebrating.”

The two of them right back to their usual selves. Maybe even closer than before ever since they showed up at my house together. It made me question why I ever felt the need to hide things with him. But every piece was a part of our journey to get where we ended up and I wouldn’t change.

We’ve both learned a lot. About each other. About ourselves.

We’ve grown and changed and deepened friendships.

We found our sun in each other and learned how to bloom flowers even in the shadows because we’re doing it together.