Chapter 5

CHAPTER FIVE

Letting Pandora into the conversation was a risky move. However, she wanted to get out of my body as much as me. Maybe, in this instance, she'd be helpful… A Goddess could hope, anyhow.

The fact that I was about to open an imaginary metal door to let an evil Demon have free reign of my mind was the beginning of a really bad sitcom or, more likely, an embarrassingly crappy B horror movie that had gone straight to video. The reality that it wasn't make-believe boggled my brain. I'd had some iffy jobs in the past, but this one beat all of them.

Pushing away my desire to run far from this mess, I took a deep calming breath. I really wanted to indulge in one of my brother's pot gummies to take the edge off the hysteria that was bubbling close to the surface, but was unsure if it would affect Pandora. It was bad enough dealing with a sober Pandora. I was positive I couldn't stomach a high one.

Closing my eyes, I visualized opening the door.

"BITCH," she screamed. "I will not be shut out. I will destroy you!"

Yep, definitely a crappy B Horror movie. So much for the Stinky Whore being a team player. My eye roll was enormous. I knew full well who she was and what she could do, but she wasn't exactly herself at the moment. "Listen to me," I said with icy indifference coating each word.

My voice surprised me. The tone was pitched low and kind of scary. It was the voice I used when I'd played a cop with a vendetta on a six-episode arc of the hit show, Phoenix Police Academy, a few years ago. The lead actor had been a sweetheart with a bad BO issue. Playing his love interest had gotten tricky. My contract wasn't renewed for more episodes when the dailies revealed I'd covertly pinched my nose shut every time he was close. Trying to cover it with my notebook or any prop I could get my hands on, including a coffee cup, a bald mannequin head and a cell phone, hadn't worked out. However, the cop I'd played had been a hard-ass of the highest order who'd singlehandedly taken down a posse of gun-toting mimes who'd been hired by the cowpoke mafia to terrorize a small backwater town.

I was about to go method.

They couldn't hear Pandora, but they could definitely hear me. Candy Vargo's brows raised, and Tim took notes.

"You are not in charge. I am. If you want to be released, then I'd highly suggest you swallow the bile in your foul mouth and participate in a reasonably polite manner."

"Or?" Pandora demanded.

Lying wasn't my norm, but I was about to spew out a whopper. Didn't matter. I was playing Lieutenant Dede Desiree Duke from Phoenix Police Academy . Whoever had named the character should have been fired. Whatever. Hell, being the Goddess of the Darkness felt like fiction to me—as if I was playing a role. The tools in my arsenal were many, but I only knew how to use a few. One thing I did know how to do was act… and I was damned good at it. "Or, I'll simply close the metal door and leave you to rot for the rest of eternity. If I can't hear your nasty voice, I'll eventually forget that I'm your condo. You know… out of sight, out of mind."

"You wouldn't," she hissed. The woman sounded like she wanted to rip my head off with her bare hands. The feeling was entirely mutual.

"You wanna try me?" I shot back as everyone in the room stared at me in horror.

Well, not everyone. Abaddon winked. My guy had my back. The Demon knew exactly what I was doing. A thought occurred to me—an unnecessary and irrelevant thought. Abaddon and I hadn't had sex yet, and as long as Pandora was in my body, sex would be completely off the table. Damn it! If I died before we did the deed, I was going to be pissed. The man was hotter than asphalt in August. It was unorthodox to have the main goal of the mission be that I lived long enough to bang the man who made me breathless and my heart pound erratically. He was the only person I wanted inside of me. Regardless, nobody else needed to know my intentions except me. Having goals was important—even if they were orgasmic ones.

"You're not in charge," Pandora hissed. "I will not accept that."

"Dude," I snapped. "You don't even have a freaking body at the moment. You are in no position to negotiate. I've locked you out once, and I can do it again. This time I'll throw the key into the abyss. In other words, it's my way or the highway."

"I don't understand that jargon," she ground out.

"And I don't care. You get the gist of it," I told her. "Make your choice now. I won't ask twice."

The silence was palpable. The Immortals leaned forward. I held my breath. If the Stinky Whore called my bluff, I would be stuck with her. For eternity.

What the hell was I thinking? That was one shitty improv. Screw Lieutenant DeDe Desiree Duke. What the hell did a fictional cop know about evil Demon Goddesses? Nothing. DeDe Desiree Duke took down idiots who didn't speak and pretended to be trapped in imaginary fucking glass boxes. Note to self: People who are not good at improv should not improv. That would be me.

"Fine," she eventually snarled, ending my spiraling panic. "But when I get out, you shall pay dearly."

"At least you'll be out," I said flatly.

I glanced over at Lilith. She had wanted Pandora to join us. Pandora had joined. She gave me a thumbs up. I gave her a weak one back.

"Tell Cecily what you know of the Higher Power," my mother said.

"FUCK YOU, Lilith," Pandora shouted.

"Umm…" I didn't feel like repeating that one to my mom. "Strike one, Pandora. You have two more and the door closes."

"I hate you," she muttered.

"Back at ya," I replied. "Answer my mother."

She groaned. "Be more specific with the question."

I could do that. "How do I get to the Higher Power?" And by I , I meant we . I wasn't sure how she felt about It after the whole box thing, so I left that part out.

"In a dream state, you imbecile." I could literally feel her eyes rolling. "You have to be asleep, passed out or knocked out. In fact, I'd suggest that you hit yourself in the head with a two-by-four. Hard."

I ignored her suggestion to maim myself and spoke to the group. "She says, to get to the Higher Power, I have to be in a dream state."

"Interesting," Tim said. "Makes sense."

"It does," Lilith agreed, shaking her head in wonder. "I'd never thought of it like that."

"Because you're stupid, Lilith," Pandora shouted.

I decided to keep that one to myself as well.

"Sounds random," I told them. "I mean, is it like the freaking Wizard of Oz where I need to get caught in a tornado or Alice in Wonderland and fall through a hole?"

"Careful there, girlie," Candy Vargo warned, looking nervous which was rare for her. "Words got too much power in our world. My experience with the Higher Power looked like it did because I watch too many fuckin' horror movies along with kids' shows."

That was sobering. An important thought occurred to me. "Who here has actually been in the presence of the Higher Power? Raise your hands, please."

It was a question that should have been asked already. As expected, Candy Vargo and Lilith raised their hands. Gideon was the only other Immortal in the room to raise his hand.

"My hand is raised, asshole," Pandora announced.

"I figured that, Stinky Whore," I replied.

Pandora growled. If she wanted to play the insulting name game, I would win. Thankfully, my guests realized I was speaking to Pandora. I'd feel terrible if anyone here thought I'd just called them a stinky whore.

"Welp, I kind of know how to get there in a roundabout and ambiguous way. Moving on," I said, doing my best to stay positive. "Pandora, what does the Higher Power look like… to you?"

"True beauty," she replied.

"More specific," I insisted.

"I don't know what you mean," she snapped.

"Try."

"Hell, I don't know, the last time was in nineteen ninety nine… maybe Brad Pitt in the fishing movie. Or Warren Beatty in that football movie. Or Dolly Parton when she was in the movie with the crappy boss they offed. Or Clark Gable in the movie where they burned down some little town. Or even that girl from the TV show who had no job but had an excellent haircut and an expensive apartment in New York."

My confusion was obvious. What kind of psycho-babble did she just spew?

"Sue me," Pandora said. "The Darkness can get boring. I went through a phase in the late nineties after Netflix started their mail-to-home DVD service."

"What did she say?" Charlie asked. He had been quiet for most of the conversation, but it was clear the man didn't miss a beat.

"True beauty," I repeated. "Apparently, it's a combo of Brad Pitt, Warren Beatty, Dolly Parton, Clark Gable and I think the last one was Jennifer Anniston."

"Jesus," Candy muttered. "That's a lot tamer than my version."

"Word," I replied. "Lilith, tell me your version, please."

Her lovely brow wrinkled in thought. "Nirvana," she replied. "Wildly colored flowers, vines and trees—nature at its' explosive finest. Absolute peace and tranquility."

"What the fuck?" Candy griped. "Not what I saw."

I ignored Candy and focused on my mom. "That's what the Higher Power looks like to you?" I questioned.

She shook her head. "I can't say I've seen the Higher Power in any kind of form with my eyes. For me, it's the place where the Higher Power resides. My communication was through nature. No words were necessary."

And the information kept getting more bewildering.

"Gideon," I said, feeling a little desperate at this point. "What about you?"

"More like what Candy Vargo experienced."

"You saw Pee-wee Herman?" Candy demanded.

"No," he said, flatly. "It was full of devastation and death. Very dark, rigged with land mines and not a place I'd like to revisit."

"Awesome." This wasn't helpful. Or, maybe it was. It seemed like each person saw what they internalized. Pandora's version was suspect, but she could've been lying. Although, why she would lie was beyond me. She and I had the same goal of getting her out of me.

"Seems to me, it's the state of mind the person is in as to what they see," Charlie observed as Heather nodded her agreement.

"I concur," she said. "Cecily, as random as this advice might seem, stay positive. Don't let your mind go to any dark depths."

If everyone was being truthful, it meant that Lilith was partial to beauty, Candy Vargo and Gideon were obsessed with death, and Pandora was a superfan of movies and TV.

And me?

I had no clue what I would see. However, I hoped to find out. Soon.

"Let's get it over with," Pandora snapped. "I'm getting bored. It's never good when I get bored."

"So you said," I told her. "Hold that thought."

A tingly feeling of unease washed over me. The truth that I had little to no helpful information was terrifying. I worked much better off of a script. My agitation made me feel itchy. Pacing the room, I tried to pinpoint the root of why I felt so off.

The problem was, there wasn't just one reason… There were tons.

The more I asked, the less I knew. Counting on everyone else for answers was counterproductive. Lilith had said the Higher Power was explainable, but the reality of It was up for interpretation. My experience was going to be different from my mother's, Gideon's, Candy's and Pandora's. It was time for me to be the boss. No one could save me from any of this but me.

First off, though, I had to get there. Luckily, I had an idea. It wasn't stellar, but it was a start. I needed to get into a dream state to reach my goal, and I wasn't the least bit tired. I was far too wound up to go to sleep without a little help. Whacking myself into unconsciousness was out of the question. Being a Demon Goddess, I wasn't sure maiming myself would even work. I'd been electrocuted and had part of my leg blown off by one of Pandora's minions. I didn't pass out. It was unlikely that a two-by-four would do much damage.

Nope. If I wanted to meet this Higher Power, I was going to have to do it my way. Letting go of all my racing thoughts was key. I hadn't always had the best luck with that. There had only been a handful of times I'd managed to get out of my head.

"Cher, do you still have the bag of gummies you pilfered from my brother?"

"Yeppers," she replied, pulling them out of her bag. "You want them?"

"I do." I took the bag and examined it. Score! It was filled with the Devil's Lettuce candy. There had to be forty gummies in the bag. From what I could recall, the light orange ones were the energizing strain, and the bright green ones were the put-you-to-bed kind.

Charlie squinted at me with concern. "You're going to get stoned?"

I squinted right back at him. Standing up to the Immortal felt like pulling the tail of a tiger, but if I was going to the Higher Power, I would not fear the backlash of the Enforcer for my methods. He might be a bazillion years old and had insane power that was suffocating, but I was the freaking Bitch Goddess Cecily, and I was going to own it.

"Buzzed," I corrected him. "Not wasted. Fastest way I can think of to get to a dream state."

To my surprise, he gave me a nod of respect. I had to admit, his approval felt fantastic.

"Jesus Hyrum Christ! I like it," Cher announced, digging into her bag. "Wanna chase the gummy with a wine cooler?"

"Nope," I told her. "But, thanks."

"I think it could work," Lilith said. "Or you could meditate. That's what seemed to help me."

"Nah," Candy Vargo chimed in. "Badass is too keyed up for meditation."

"Agreed." I also sucked at meditation. The LA scene was big on meditation. I'd tried multiple times, but just ended up making grocery lists in my head.

"The Bitch Goddess Cecily knows what will work for her," Abaddon said in a tone that dared anyone to talk back. "We will respect and support her choices."

"Thank you, Abaddon." His confidence in me was solid. I wished mine was the same.

"We're ALL going to DIE," Pandora screeched.

"Zip it," I hissed. The last thing I needed right now was a shitty peanut gallery named Pandora. "Or the door closes."

It was a bizarre sensation, but I would swear I felt the nasty Demon fight to contain herself.

"As you wish," she rasped. "But locking me up will be unwise. You will need me."

I seriously hoped not, but she was probably correct.

"Is it possible to take anyone with me?" I asked, hoping someone might know.

"Pretty fuckin' sure that's gonna be up to you, Badass," Candy Vargo said, handing me a box of toothpicks.

"Am I allowed to speak?" Pandora demanded in a shrill tone.

"Yes. Speak."

"I've never heard of bringing anyone along to the Higher Power. However, if you're such a wimpy-assed pussy that you need backup, I'd suggest whomever you want along for the ride stays physically connected to you in your dream state."

I didn't think she was screwing with me. Her advice was logical. Granted, it was weird, but all of this was weird. "Pandora says if I want to try to bring anyone with me, they should touch me when I'm in a dream state," I relayed to the group.

"Fascinating," Tim said, jotting it all down. "Did she say anything else?"

"Yes. She called me a wimpy-assed pussy."

"Call her a cow-bitch," Candy Vargo suggested.

"FUCK YOU, CANDY VARGO," Pandora bellowed.

I winced at the sheer volume in my brain. "She heard you."

Candy just laughed. My ears were still ringing. A sense of urgency consumed me. The party needed to start, but there were a few more details to take care of. Glancing down at what I wore, I shook my head. It was still in the costume from the show. That would not do.

"Cher," I said to my agent and friend. "I need to look ready to kick ass. Could you help me out with that?"

She grinned. "I would be delighted, favorite client of mine." She rubbed her little hands together with glee. "Are we going for formal badass or informal?"

"Informal," I confirmed. "And make it modern badass. No side boob, and I'd like the outfit to go with combat boots."

Daisy clapped her hands. "I like your style, Bitch Goddess Cecily."

I grinned. "Thank you."

Cher raised her hands above her head then wiggled her fingers. A cool rush of air danced through the room. It tickled my nose and made me sneeze. In the blink of an eye, I was now sporting all-black—comfortable cargo pants, a fitted long-sleeved t-shirt and killer combat boots.

"Love it," I told her, doing a deep knee bend. "There's good stretch in the material."

"Can't kick ass if you can't move," she explained.

I nodded my agreement. "Next. Is it possible to die in a dream state?"

"Excellent question," the Grim Reaper said. "And the answer is no. You can be killed but you won't die. Although, that means anything you kill in the dream state isn't dead either. Keep that in mind. If you kill an enemy there, you will have to end your enemy multiple times."

That didn't sound good. "Am I going to have to kill shit there? Will there be things on the Higher Power's plane that want me dead?" I asked. That would suck. I'd had a bounty on my head for a while. It had just been removed. It would be awful to have to keep looking over my shoulder while trying to get Pandora out of me.

Being Immortal was turning out to be way worse than a menopausal midlife crisis.

"Up to you," Candy Vargo explained. "It's your fuckin' dream state, Badass."

I'd keep that in mind. "Got it. Another question, how do I get back from the dream state?"

"You're not as much of an imbecile as I'd originally thought," Pandora said.

"Thank you." A compliment was a compliment, even if it came from your mortal enemy who had taken up residence in your body.

"Click your heels three times," Candy suggested.

Heather zapped her. Candy zapped her back. Daisy got between them and gave them a look I didn't ever want to see aimed my way.

"Do not make me have to put either of you in time out," she said, eyeing them steadily. "You will not enjoy it."

"Sorry," Heather said, pulling Candy back to her feet. "Knee jerk reaction to Candy being an idiot."

The Keeper of Fate chuckled. "Might be an idiot, but that's how I got back."

"Seriously?" I asked. "Like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz ?"

Candy nodded.

"Mom? Gideon? What about you guys?"

"For me, it wasn't conscious," Lilith admitted. "My body came back to this plane when the time was right."

Gideon pressed the bridge of his nose and sighed. "I certainly hope this doesn't apply to you, Bitch Goddess Cecily, but I came back once I'd slayed the monster."

"Fuck," I muttered. I hoped that wasn't my ticket home.

Abaddon walked to my side and put his arm around me. The heat of his body and his proximity calmed my racing mind. More than anything, I wanted him with me. I hoped physical contact worked to bring him along on my trip, but I had a feeling I was on my own.

"One more thing, shit-stain," Pandora said. "One can't die in the dream state, but one can get trapped there. Do not fucking do that. I will be furious."

"Is that true?" I demanded.

"Is what true?" Lilith asked.

"Pandora said that while I can't die in the dream state, I could get stuck there."

Lilith nodded slowly. "I've always understood that to be true. It's the reason I've only gone to the plane of the Higher Power a few times in my millions of years."

"Well, slap my Brazilian butt and call me Betty," Cher shouted, pulling a gallon box of wine out of her bag and taking a swig from the spout. "That doesn't work for me. We have a damned TV show to do." She took another gulp. "And as far as I can tell, correct me if I'm wrong, but you haven't done the nasty with Abaddon yet. You gotta bang the hot guy, Cecily!"

I was positive my face was blood red if the heat I felt in my neck and face were any indication. Abaddon let his head fall back onto his broad shoulders and stared at the ceiling.

Everyone else in the room was either smiling or doing their best to hide their amusement. They were failing.

"Cher has a fuckin point. Pun absolutely intended," Candy added with a wide grin. "Y'all would make some mighty cute Demon babies."

"Let's stop right there," I said in my outdoor voice before I got any more unneeded input on the situation. "My… sex life is no one's business. And neither is Abaddon's."

"What she said," Abaddon muttered. He was as flustered as I was.

Little did anyone know my goal was to live long enough to bang him. For a hot sec, I considered sharing the fact. I didn't. My face was scarlet enough. I shook off my embarrassment and got back to business.

"Is there a time limit? A tangible one of how long I can stay without getting trapped there?" I asked, knowing it was a long shot to get an answer.

The Grim Reaper spoke up. "Not as far as I'm aware. However, get out as quickly as you can. Time runs differently on different planes."

Again, the more I learned, the less I knew. I hadn't even gotten there yet and was desperate to get back home. Not the best way to start, but it was what it was.

"Be the badass, Badass," Candy Vargo reminded me. "You've got this."

"From your mouth to… umm… whoever's ears." Resolved, I took out a sleepy-time green gummy and popped it into my mouth. Walking over to the couch, I gave instructions. "Abaddon, Cher, Candy, Tim, Gideon, Charlie and Daisy please touch me while I'm out. Mom, do not touch me. You're human now. I refuse to risk it."

Lilith didn't look pleased, but nodded. "As you wish, my child."

"Call in Fifi," I told Cher. "I want her touching me too."

My self-proclaimed succubus bodyguard was insane and overprotective. She was a gun-toting, grenade-carrying nutjob, but I trusted her with my life. If I could have backup, I wanted her there.

"On it," Cher said, pulling out her cellphone.

The gummy relaxed me immediately. My eyes were heavy, and the couch was comfortable. Abaddon tucked a pillow underneath my head and softly kissed me.

"Come back to me," he whispered. "We have some unfinished business."

I grinned as I struggled to stay awake. "It's my number one goal."

I let the gummy work and fell into a deep and peaceful sleep.

The dream state arrived. What was ahead was anyone's guess.