4. Chapter 4

It was Sunday, two days since Blaze and I kissed. My mind kept bouncing all over the place, thinking about the potential of it while fighting it. Ideas popped in and out of my head, from what I could do to his body for pleasure to what I could do to his body to fucking hurt him and make him pay for that little game.

I tried to eat breakfast and drink some coffee, but my taste buds hadn’t improved. I ate as much as possible, so I didn’t starve and tossed the rest out.

I spent most Sundays skating with my friends, and it was an awesome way to burn off this energy. It was my only full day from work each week. I shouldn’t complain. I hadn’t felt this alive in a long time. Though I couldn’t catch up with sleep, still tossing and turning each time, I managed to snag about four hours last night.

All my friends swung by at my place to grab me as we made our way to Old Town Mall. The day wasn’t too cold, but the rain came down like a fine mist. The weather didn’t stop us from skating over there, but as soon as we got to the place, I was chilled to the bone, even through my jacket and hoodie.

The old, gutted store was crowded today with skaters, and it was loud from various radios blasting music. We all sat in a circle, smoked, shared a flask of whiskey, and chatted.

Alpha finally showed up, which was a rare treat since he worked so hard on his bar and had little time.

We all adored Alpha. He was tough, yet kind and open. In all our years, we’d never seen him with anyone serious. My crew and I often worried and talked about him being lonely. Maybe he’d have a fling here or there, but no one seemed to grab at him, and he seemed fine with that, not that he talked about his feelings much. Usually, he talked about his past and what he’d gone through. Like us, he had a rough childhood.

I hadn’t dated anyone in a long time, either. Working two jobs and hanging out with my friends didn’t leave me a lot of time. Like Alpha, I fucked around sometimes, but I hadn’t found anyone who interested me enough for more, not that I was looking all that hard. I’d always been independent and good on my own.

Stone, Cueball, and Blaze showed up about thirty minutes later. Stix stood at Stone’s arrival, and the two sucked each other’s faces off. Stone was tall, but not as tall as me, but broader. He had the same dark brown hair that I did, keeping his cropped really short, but it was growing out.

When they sat down, Stix sat in Stone’s lap.

Meanwhile, Pippin and Nacho gave each other constant lovey-dovey eyes. Interesting. Did they finally admit their feelings for each other? We all saw the two best friends were in love, but they were fucking idiots for hiding it from each other. If any of us were soulmates, it’d be Pippin and Nacho.

My attention was suddenly yanked toward a presence I instantly recognized. Blaze. I eyed him as that ever-familiar anger surged inside me, but now there was something new there, too. My memories went right to that kiss from the night before last, the way his small, hard body pressed against mine, his legs wrapped tightly around my hips… his hard cock digging into my stomach, making mine swell.

I stared at Blaze while he refused to look at me. His black hair really contrasted against his skin, which looked silky and pale, other than the flushed cheeks. The only bits of tattoo that showed through his black sweater were on his throat, black ink creeping up. I hoped he never tatted his face.

Where the fuck had that come from? Why’d I give a fuck what he did to his face or not?

His black eyes looked everywhere but at me. I wasn’t sure how that made me feel other than I didn’t like it for some reason.

I angrily grabbed a cig from my bag and sat behind my friends, not wanting Blaze to see how much he had affected me. My friends were oblivious, chatting, drinking, and smoking, while I was as silent as Blaze, pinging my eyes back and forth at him.

The longer he ignored me, the more pissed I got.

Fuck him. He could pretend we didn’t kiss at all. Whatever. Why did I even care, anyway?

“Why are you so fucking quiet?” Cueball asked Blaze, snagging my attention on the big bald guy who looked older than his years. How old was Cueball, anyway? Maybe he was a lot older.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Blaze huffed. “I’m talkin’.”

“No, you’re off. Something’s going on with you. I’ve noticed your mood all day.”

“So! What’s it to you? I’m not allowed to be in a ‘ mood ?’”

My eyes bugged out of my head when Cueball grabbed a fistful of Blaze’s hair. “Your face is fucking red. Why?”

That was why Blaze’s face was red. I thought it was from the cold, but no. Was he thinking about our kiss? Was he as pissed as I was?

Blaze scowled and shoved Cueball away. “Fuck off!”

Cueball shrugged, then looked over at me with all-knowing eyes. Then his brow rose without showing much else on his face. “You… holy shit, you and Ajax? Did you two…? ”

That got everyone’s attention, suddenly noticing us as they stared back and forth between Blaze and me. My stomach flipped and turned to acid. God, how did Cueball see that? He was like some fucking psychic or something.

Jazz snorted a laugh. “Fuck me. I was joking when I said you two should bang. I didn’t mean it literally,” she said before falling back into a fit of giggles.

My face burned as brightly as Blaze’s.

“As if! We didn’t fuck! I fucking hate you all!” he yelled and stood before he stormed off outside.

“Asshole,” I muttered under my breath, grabbing my board and walking out in the other direction away from Blaze. Fuck him.

Why did I even care? It was only a stupid kiss to piss me off, and it worked.

Because you reacted to him , my brain insisted.

I pulled the hoodie over my head and lit another smoke as I got sprayed by the rain pelting off the overhang. I paced, unsure of what to do or if I should even fucking care. Why did his reaction gut me so much? I shouldn’t give a shit at all, and it only made me hate him that much more. He was such a fucking coward.

I heard movement behind me and turned to find Pippin, lighting up a smoke. I should’ve skated home, needing to be alone. “What do you want?”

“I just wanted to check on you and see if you want to talk.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t.”

“Okay.”

He leaned against the building with cracked windows and the brick covered in graffiti.

“Just go,” I said.

“Nah, I’m good.”

I rolled my eyes. If he wanted to talk, he could kiss off. I loved my friends, but I wasn’t prone to talking about myself. Besides, there was no way I’d get pissed at Pippin and Nacho, who were the sweetest out of all of us. Even so, they could be protective, too. They’d fight if they had to.

I paced back and forth, unable to stop moving. Why was I so antsy and agitated? How did Blaze make me feel this way all the fucking time?

“Blaze kissed me,” I blurted .

All my words came tumbling out and honest, explaining that I was confused, but I didn’t hate it either. That didn’t change my feelings for Blaze.

“Do you… like him?” Pippin asked carefully.

No. I hated him. But was that the truth? Maybe I was just fucking touch-starved. It had been a while since I had a guy underneath me.

I sighed. “I don’t know… I was really into it, but fuck, I want to punch the fuckhead sometimes… all the time. Or just lift him over my shoulder and toss him into the harbor. But… Shit, I’d never been kissed like that before, Pip. It was so… hungry . God, I still feel him tingling on my lips.”

Pippin gave me some advice, suggesting I talk to Blaze and see where it led us. I told him I would, but fuck that. Blaze wouldn’t listen, anyway. No, I needed to put that shit out of my head. Nothing would come of it.

After our chat, I went back inside with Pippin instead of heading home. Blaze was nowhere to be found, thank fuck.

Suddenly, all my problems were long forgotten when I watched Pippin walk straight up to Nacho, cup his face, and pull him into a deep kiss.

When they came up for air, Nacho looked dazed and so in love before Pippin told him he loved him.

We all cheered for them, finally admitting their feelings for each other. It was about fucking time.

They’d been foster brothers first, then lived on the streets for two years, and were best friends. No one was better matched than those two.

I didn’t want to give Blaze any more free rent in my brain, and I loathed how my feelings toward him had shifted just enough to where I didn’t want to physically harm him. Okay, maybe I still did a little, but I struggled to shove that kiss aside. I chalked it up to being starved for a man. How long had it been since I fucked someone? I couldn’t even remember, so it must’ve been a while.

As I lay there in bed, still unable to sleep, I gave up trying. I glanced at the clock, which read eleven thirty-five. I needed to be up at nine in the morning to work at the hardware store, but my body refused to give in to sleep .

I got out of bed and tossed on a pair of jeans, a T-shirt, and a hoodie. Patting my ass, I checked to make sure I had my wallet before sliding into my shoes, grabbing my keys, and heading out the door.

The best way to get Blaze out of my head was to put someone else in it. It was time to hunt down a guy for the night. Once I got my release, I would go back to hating him and forget that fucking kiss.

There was a gay bar not too far from me, so I walked several blocks. Inside, I was blasted with heat, stale beer, and 90s music, which was making a revival lately. Faith No More’s ‘ Midlife Crisis ’ blasted over the speakers and in my ears as I sat down at the bar.

“I’ll take whatever special you have on draft,” I said to the bartender when he asked me what I wanted.

Once I had my beer in hand, I spun on my stool to check out who was available. It was Sunday night, so the crowd was small.

I saw one guy with curly, dark brown hair similar to Nacho’s, but he kept his cropped into a fade, and he was as short as Blaze.

Fucking Blaze. He needed to get the hell out of my brain pronto.

The dude looked promising. I had this pent-up lust I needed to get out. My libido was off the charts recently, and my hand was getting annoying.

I walked over to him, who leaned against the wall, smirking with his bubble-gum-pink lips. He wore a red hoodie, cropped short, exposing lean but strong abs, and paired with skinny jeans.

He stood straight and looked up at me as I approached, licking those plump lips. The guy sure was pretty, but he looked like I could break him in half.

My preference for men had always been bigger dudes because I liked to be rough in bed, and I wanted someone who could take it.

I ran my hand over the back of his head, feeling his soft curls. He melted into my touch as he rested a hand on my chest. The bar was too dark for me to see the color of his wide eyes staring up at me, but they were light, like green or blue.

“Hello, handsome,” he said.

He felt all wrong. There was no lust or desire there until Blaze’s face flashed into the periphery of my mind .

Godfuckingdammit .

“Sorry,” I sighed, letting him go before dropping my unfinished beer on the counter and heading home.

When I walked inside my studio apartment, I stripped myself of all my clothes, opened my blinds, and leaned on the window as I stroked myself. My place was dark so that no one could see in, but I pretended they could. I’d always wanted to be watched, but I never had the guts to do it.

I spit on my hand and ran the wetness across my length. I didn’t waste time, going at it fast and hard, desperately trying not to think about or see Blaze. But as I got lost in the burning pressure with the need to come building, my mind drifted to that hungry fucking kiss. It had hurt, too, but it turned me the hell on as it did him. I remembered how hard he’d been, pressed up against me.

If anyone could take a pounding from me, it would be him, despite his size.

Soon, my body froze, and I spilled in my hand and on the laminate floor.

I panted for a minute before cleaning up the cum and myself, then I took some Advil PM and climbed back into bed, still naked.

After tossing and turning for another hour, I finally fell into a fitful sleep.