24. Chapter 24

I stretched in the bed and reached for Ajax, but where he’d been sleeping was cold. I hadn’t even noticed he got out of bed, but it wasn’t the first that it’d happened. He was like a stealth ninja at night.

My eyes opened to the dim light of the early morning. Or it was just cloudy.

I sat up and rubbed my eyes before looking around the apartment. “Ajax?”

Where was he? Where’d he go?

I tossed on my jeans and T-shirt and went in search of him. My instinct told me he headed up to the rooftop because he liked it there. I grabbed my cigarettes and lighter and headed upstairs, leaving his door unlocked since I didn’t have a key.

When I stepped out into the cool morning, chills swept across my body, but it would warm up later. The city was buzzing to life with traffic, honking horns, and a siren in the distance. The city only slept during the late hours at night.

I found Ajax wearing only underwear, sitting on the concrete barrier, smoking, staring out at the city. My stomach twisted in fear, seeing his legs dangling off the edge. One wrong move would have him falling to his death.

My instincts told me to get him away from there, especially with all that talk last night about nobody caring about him.

“Ajax?” I kept my voice light and calm, not knowing what the fuck was going on, but warning bells were screaming at me to get him away from the ledge.

He said nothing as he took a drag from his smoke.

I swallowed the dry lump in my throat as I tentatively reached out for him, but I was too afraid to touch him, unsure of how he would react.

“What’s going on, Precious?” I asked gently.

“It would be so easy just to lean forward, and that would be it. Splat ! I’d be instant roadkill.”

My entire body clenched in fear. “Is… is that what you want?”

He took another drag, staring below and shrugging. “I don’t know. I don’t feel like I belong here. There’s this part of me that feels so disjointed. I’m an alien in a land that’s familiar, yet I don’t recognize it. It’s weird, man. Besides, would anyone miss me? I mean, in the grand scheme of things, would my friends really care? Sure, they’d be upset at first, but eventually, they would move on.”

“ I would fucking miss you.”

He looked at me with red-rimmed eyes, but said nothing to that.

“Ajax, please tell me you’re not wanting to do that. Please tell me this is just you talking shit, for fuck’s sake.”

His shoulders sagged, and he shook his head. “Nah, it’s just a thought. I’m too much of a pussy to do it, anyway.”

My stomach lurched when he suddenly stood, but I instantly calmed down when he jumped back onto the roof.

As soon as he was safe, I smacked his bare chest in a sudden rage. “Don’t you ever fucking do that again! You’re scaring the shit out of me!”

Then I lunged at him and wrapped my arms around him, holding him tight. Ajax’s arms held me back, and he rested his head on mine. “Sorry, baby. I… I think I need help. My mind… I don’t feel like myself. Like it’s my body, but not my brain, if that makes any sense.”

I nodded into his chest, my eyes burning in fear and frustration. “I’ll make sure you get it.”

When we got back to his apartment, Ajax went back to bed and dozed off. I made myself some coffee, grabbed my mug and phone, and headed out into the hallway to call the smartest person I knew.

“Yo,” Cueball said when he answered the phone.

“Hey, Cue… I, ah, need some help… desperately.”

“What’s going on?”

“I think… Ajax may be suicidal or something. He’s so fucking off, and I’m really scared right now.”

“Don’t leave him. I’m coming right over. Text me his address.”

“Thanks. Text me when you get here. I don’t want to talk in front of him.”

When we hung up, I shot him a message with Ajax’s address, filled with instant relief that someone smarter than me was coming to help.

As I waited, I made Ajax eggs and toast for breakfast. He needed more groceries, but I was afraid to leave him alone for too long, not that I had tons of fucking money buy much.

I pulled his covers away after I plated his food. “Come on, Precious. Try to eat something.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“Just try… for me.”

He sighed, climbed out of bed, and sat at the table, picking at his food.

“Eat at least a couple of bites.”

He put some scrambled eggs on his fork and took a bite, chewing slowly.

Suddenly, my phone pinged with a text.

Cueball: I’m here .

I kissed Ajax’s head. “I’ll be back in about fifteen minutes, okay?”

“Okay.”

“You’ll be all right?”

He gave me an irritated look. “Yes,” he said in a clipped tone.

“Just… eat. Please. ”

I stepped out into the hall and ran down the stairs. Once outside, I found Cueball leaning against the building, scrolling through his phone and smoking.

“Thanks for coming.”

He eyed me with those intelligent amber eyes. “Start from the beginning.”

“Something’s really off with Ajax. You know how he is… all bouncy and pretty happy when he’s not being a dick. But remember the other day when he came by the apartment wanting to fuck? He was, like, wired, drunk, and had crashed his bike? We fucked around, but afterward, I couldn’t get him to sleep, so I gave him an Ambien . He wouldn’t calm the fuck down.”

“Hold up… you gave him a fucking Ambien after he’d been drinking?”

“Just one. He wouldn’t calm down!”

Cueball pinched his nose and sighed. “Jesus fucking Christ, Blaze.”

“He’s fine! Will you let me finish the story or not?”

“Don’t ever fucking do that again.”

“Fine! I’m sorry! Whatever. Anyway , the next day, I stopped by his apartment, and the place was spotless. I mean, like, obsessively so. And it looked like he spent tons of money buying shit for his house. I mean, he bought throw pillows, for fuck’s sake. Ajax isn’t a throw pillow kind of guy. Then I found him in his bathroom, smashing the tiles with plans to remodel it. I know apartments don’t let you do that shit. But god, he was so hyped up and bouncy, with non-stop talking. He told me… he loved me.”

Cueball contemplated for a minute, nodding thoughtfully. “Then what happened?” he asked, as if my world hadn’t turned upside down when Ajax said those words to me.

I paced and ran a hand through my wrecked morning hair. “Well… ah… now don’t get all pissy and lecture-y on me.”

“Blaze…”

“Promise!”

He pinned me with a hard stare before he gave me a quick nod.

“So, I, ah, thought I’d help him burn off his energy. Instead of trashing his bathroom more and having the neighbors call the cops on him, I took him to my mom’s house.” I paced some more, finally addressing the stupidity of all my fucking decisions. “It was my birthday, and I was so tired of… look, it doesn’t matter. I took Ajax over there, where we trashed the cars. I was angry, he was hopped up, so…”

Cueball rubbed his forehead as if I perpetually gave him a headache, which I probably did. “I said I wouldn’t lecture, but Jesus, Blaze.” He sighed and looked at me again. “Then what happened?”

“Well, after that, I’d been trying to call him for days, and he hadn’t shown up for work. I finally went over to his place to find that he hadn’t showered or anything for who knows how long. The place was trashed, he was still in bed, and he smelled really bad. He’s like all down in the dumps and shit, claiming no one cares about him.”

Cueball rubbed his bald head again and stood straight, more alert. “This is bad. Has Ajax said anything about suicidal thoughts?”

I nodded. “He’s given hints of it. I found him this morning sitting on the rooftop on the edge of the building, talking about how easy it would be just to fall. But he said he wouldn’t do it. I’m scared, Cue.”

It was the first time I’d ever seen Cueball lose his composure. Even when he was pissed at me, he kept his emotions under control. Now, he looked… afraid, even if it was subtle, constantly rubbing his bald head back and forth.

“And you should be. Okay, we need to call Alpha. He should be getting involved in this. We all should. Ajax is going to need all of us.”

My stomach clenched, fearing the worst.

“Go on up and hang with Ajax. I’ll grab Alpha and meet you upstairs in a bit.”

“Okay, and… thanks for this, Cue.”

He gripped my shoulder fondly. “I knew there was a good soul in there somewhere. You did some fucking up, but your heart’s in the right place, and you did the right thing by calling me.”

“Do you… know what’s wrong with Ajax?”

“It sounds like he could have Bipolar Disorder, but I’m… no doctor.”

I’d heard of it, but really knew nothing about it.

“Go up and keep an eye on him,” Cueball ordered. “We won’t be long.”

“Is… he going to be okay?”

“Not gonna lie, but it’s hard to say. It depends on how bad his depression is. Regardless, he needs to go to the hospital. ”

I was suddenly alert with a racing heart. He needed to go to the hospital? Had I failed Ajax that much? “Oh, god. Should I call 9-1-1?”

Cueball raised his hand. “He’ll be fine. Keep a close eye on him until Alpha gets here. He’ll be more likely to go if he’s got someone he trusts with him.”

“He trusts me!”

“He trusts Alpha more. Alpha’s still youngish, but he’s like a father figure to him and his friends. Go!”

“Thanks.”

I rushed back to Ajax’s apartment and found him back in bed with the covers over his head. His plate was still covered in eggs and toast, but he’d eaten a little bit.

“Hey, Precious,” I said when I crawled into bed with him. “Do you want to watch TV?”

He shook his head.

I leaned against the wall, and he curled into me. I ran my fingers through his hair until he fell asleep again. As he dozed, I scrolled through my socials and waited for help to arrive.

An hour later, there was pounding on the door. I eased out of bed, careful not to disturb Ajax, but the noise woke him up.

I opened the door to Alpha, who stormed into the apartment straight to Ajax, with Cueball close behind.

Alpha sat on the edge of the bed. “What’s going on, Ajax?”

Ajax just shrugged.

“Do you need help?”

He nodded with watering eyes.

Alpha pulled him into a hug. “Are you having… bad thoughts?”

Ajax nodded again.

“Okay, let’s get you dressed. I’m taking you to the ER.”

Ajax suddenly sat up, more alert. “Wait, what? Why?”

“You need immediate help.”

I wrapped my arms around myself, feeling cold as my heart raced again. I tried to push away those fears of losing someone else in my life just when I finally found someone to care about.

Ajax tried to back away. “But… ”

Alpha held Ajax’s hand. “It’s going to be okay. It’s scary not just for you, but for all of us. Please know that you’re not alone, and you never will be. Understood? We’ll go with you, and we’ll be there every step of the way. Will you trust me when I tell you that you’ll feel better if you go?”

Ajax nodded again, but the fear was still etched on his face as the tears spilled. He got out of bed willingly and put on some sweats and a T-shirt.

I grabbed his hoodie and handed it to him, which he took and tossed it on.

“Will you come with me?” he asked me.

I nodded. “I’m not leaving you for a second.”

Ajax looked back at Alpha. “I… I can’t afford a hospital and shit. All my money’s gone.”

“You let me worry about that. If they need to help you beyond today, the state will cover most of it, okay? Don’t worry about money.”

“But… I ruined my apartment.”

Alpha looked at me questioningly.

“He… tried to renovate his bathroom,” I explained.

“Okay, we’ll deal with that, too, but later.”

Ajax got his shoes on and grabbed his keys and wallet. We all headed downstairs and piled into Alpha’s parked car.

Ajax sat in the middle of the backseat, and I sat next to him, holding his hand and playing with his fingers as he rested his head on my shoulder.

“I’m scared,” he whispered.

I kissed his head. “Me, too. But I’m here for you.”

I wasn’t sure what the emergency room could do for him, but I trusted Alpha and Cueball to know what the hell they were doing.

“Don’t leave me,” he said.

“Never.”