Chapter 5

5

T he sound of Qamar moving around in his room jolted Siasia from her peaceful sleep. Like a bat out of hell, she jumped up with wide eyes and confused. “What time is it?” she asked, looking around for her phone.

“Six in the morning. I got practice but you can stay sleep until I get back,” Qamar casually tossed out, hoping she would stay.

Quick on her feet, she searched for anything that belonged to her. With her phone in her hands, she groaned when she tried to dial out. Her phone was off, and she didn’t know if she would have the funds to pay it.

“Um, WI-FI password or let me use your phone.” Her small hand waited in the air. To speed up the process, she tapped her foot on the warm floor.

Qamar’s eyes bounced in question but nothing came out his mouth. He only passed her the phone.

Siasia typed away on his phone which confused him more. She couldn’t have been dialing a number unless it was out of the country, which he hoped wasn’t the case. Maybe she was texting someone. He had no clue. All he knew was time was ticking and he had practice.

“Noodle.” Siasia’s chest relaxed when she placed the phone to her ear. “I know and I’m on my way. No, I won’t do it again. But why you ain’t ready for school?” A few seconds went by before Siasia gritted her teeth. “Okay. I’m on my way. Love you, Noodle.” Handing his phone back to him, she barely thanked him before she was gathering her things.

“You got a kid?” Qamar blurted. “Ain’t no issue if you do,” he hurried to add.

Siasia smiled coyly. “Might as well be mine but no… a little sister. I gotta go. Thank you for…” Her eyes veered to the bed before a wide smile split her face. “Thank you for last night.”

“Last night was just the beginning. Let me get your number.” Qamar tried to hand the phone back to her but she declined with a shake of her head.

“Ain’t no need for me to give you my number. It’ll be off in the morning because sometimes I have money to pay it and sometimes I don’t.” Siasia’s shoulders flinched an unashamed shrug. Saying her phone would be off felt better than admitting it was already off.

Going to his nightstand, he was ready to pay for her life. “How much is it?”

“I can’t take your money, Qamar. Plus, I’m not a charity case.”

“No, you’re a woman I’m fuckin’ on,” he shot back without care. He’d been taught by the men in his life to provide and although he was only a young adult still in college, he had funds. His people had set up properties and he even had writing credits on a few of his sister’s songs. Qamar was well off, and he hadn’t even made it to the pros. Then he would really be rolling in the dough.

Shifting her weight from one leg to the other she looked him upside his head. “Are you, though? Again, thank you for last night but I gotta go. Noodle ain’t never slept without me. Good luck at practice.” She rushed to walk out of the room, hoping he didn’t try to stop her.

“Siasia!” Qamar called after her while he stood in his room’s door and she dashed down the hall. “Next time, bring Noodle.”

“Ain’t no next time, baby.” She blew him one last kiss and jetted out the door like Cinderella leaving the ball.

That was what her night with Qamar felt like. Like a Black fairytale written by Shonda Rhimes herself. Her heart fluttered with visions of him between her legs and holding her all night. She couldn’t pinpoint if it was his bed or his arms that granted her the best sleep of her life. There was once a time when she thought sleeping in her mama’s bed was the best place to fall asleep. Now, she knew it was wherever Qamar was. Too bad she would never experience it again. He had a lot going on and so did she. Their worlds wouldn’t mesh well, and she would rather walk away now than to have to fight tooth and nail for a place in his life later.

The beautiful world she slept in last night disappeared the closer she got to her trailer park home. The entrance was run down with weeds covering the makeshift sign that needed to be replaced two decades ago. Cats ran through the streets rummaging through people’s trash that sat bare on the curbs or by their front doors. It was a mess, and the people were no better. They often allowed their yards to be overgrown and walked over the trash daily instead of picking it up. Maybe they didn’t care or maybe it was because they were tired from the twelve to sixteen hours shift they slaved over just to pay their bills. The residents were so overworked that the community they could’ve built didn’t exist. No one looked out for anyone and everyone pretty much minded their business. Sometimes the school-aged kids would form friendships and play with one another outside.

Every day she pulled up, she hated it more and more but it was home and what she could afford. At least that was what she told herself. With the money she made at the club and occasional doing something strange for some change, she probably could afford something better for her and Noodle if she put going to school completely out of her head.

Siasia wasn’t ready do give up on school just yet. She knew she could be a self-taught photographer but school would teach her more and create connections she could use in the future.

“Your phone cut off?” Cynthia asked as soon as Siasia pushed the rickety door open.

Kissing her teeth, she side eyed her mama. “When you called it what it say?”

“That I carried a smart mouth ass daughter for ten months just for her to treat me any kind of way.”

“Stop with the drama. Why you didn’t get Noodle up for school?” Siasia asked, grabbing a cup. She turned the faucet on, allowing it to run for a while before she dipped the cup under the stream to drink.

Cynthia’s strip lashes fluttered. “Um, ‘cause I’m used to you doing it. How was I supposed to know you wasn’t in the room? You ain’t never stayed out all night. What was that about?” Suspiciously, she eyed her pride and joy. “Got a little glow and shit to your skin too.”

Smacking her hand away, Siasia laughed. “Cynthia, please.”

“Cynthia? Oh, yea you smelling your funky self.” Cynthia pulled a cigarette and lighter from her bra.

“Sisi, I was worried about you.” Noodle came from the room with wild hair and her night clothes still clinging to her body. “I don’t like sleeping without you.” She buried her face into Siasia’s stomach. “Is that cologne?” She sniffed hard.

“Oh my God! Why are y’all like this and why you up but couldn’t get her ready for school?” Siasia cut her slanted eyes at her mother, who was equally as pretty. At least some of it lingered. With the way Stacy kept his fists on her body and in her face, some of it had faded. However, the foundation was still there telling a story about her being one of the prettiest girls from her small town in Alabama; a place Siasia hadn’t been to in over fifteen years.

She had no connection to her mother’s side of her family and even if she did, they couldn’t save her. Cynthia had instilled keeping their business in their home along ago. And no matter how much her mother pissed her off, she loved her with every fiber of her being.

Noodle fanned the cigarette smoke from her face. “Where you was anyway?” Her hands rested on her boney hips with squinted eyes.

“I’m grown, Noodle.” Siasia waved her off. “You, on the other hand, need to go take a shower because I know you didn’t do it last night and get ready for school.”

“Can we stop and get breakfast this morning?”

“Uh.” Siasia knew she needed to spend her money wisely since she wanted to purchase a new lens for her upcoming photoshoot but she was willing to make something shake for her baby sister. “Yea but we on a budget.”

“Okay!” Noodle jumped up and down before racing off to the one bathroom they all shared.

Slowly, Siasia turned to her mother. “Where Stacy at?”

“At the tracks like he always is.”

“With what money, Mama?”

“Oh, don’t start your shit, Si.”

“Why won’t you just leave him? I cannot understand what makes you stay. He’s gone all day, and it’s the perfect time for you to pack up Noodle and leave,” Siasia suggested, mapping out a full plan.

Cynthia stood from her seat. “And go where, Siasia?! Look at me, what man is gonna want me after I done let this man beat on me for the last damn near twenty years?”

“Fuck these niggas! You thinking about getting another man when your pic-a-nigga meter is clearly flawed. First my ain’t shit daddy and now Noodle’s ain’t shit daddy. Work on yourself.” Siasia shook her mother, trying to shake some sense into her.

Tears brimmed Cynthia’s eyes; she hated that her daughter looked at her like a failure. It was a shame that her daughter had turned into the mother. “I know I don’t make you proud but I do love you. And I know you don’t understand it now but one day you will. One day, you will love a man so much that you lose all your God given sense.”

Turning up her nose, Siasia shook her head. “If that’s all love is, I don’t want it.” She went to leave the small kitchen and living room area. “And I paid the rent as well as all the bills in here. You’re welcome.”

It only took a few steps before she was in the room she shared with Noodle. It was clean but slightly disorganized because the space was small and they had a lot of things without enough storage space. Siasia kept it as clean as she could, making sure to stay on Noodle about cleaning up her mess as well. ‘Yanking the closet door open, Siasia eyed Noodle’s clothes, thinking about what she was going to put her on for the day. The weather was still nippy and winter was still terrorizing Lynn Beach. Thankfully, her school made uniforms mandatory which helped when it came to buying school clothes. Another aspect of their life that had been put on her as if she wasn’t just a young child a few years ago. Siasia didn’t mind though. She was willing to do anything for Noodle.

After she had Noodle’s clothes laid out on the bed, she searched for something for herself. She planned on going up to Lynn Beach University to enroll for the next semester. She had just enough money to do that as well as get the new camera lens she needed. Her gas tank had been filled up the other night and would last her another week, which left her with enough to pay her phone bill but they needed groceries and she liked to have a little money to the side in case Stacy came back from a gambling binge broke. With the weight of the world on her shoulders, her mind drifted to the night before where she felt free for the first time ever.

“One song that describes how you feel,” Noodle’s voice pulled her from Far Far Away Land.

Only one song came to mind. Pulling her phone from her pocket, she knew she could play it since they had WI-FI that they got for free because Noodle was enrolled in school. Mya’s My First Night With You played, almost bringing tears to eyes. How was it that a complete stranger brought her so much peace? One night with Qamar made living worth it again. Siasia would be thankful for that one night with him but that was all it could be. Anything outside of that would only end in a disaster.

“Cried my first tears of joy with you.” Noodle’s neck elongated as she tried her best to sound like Mya. There was potential; she just needed more training.

“What you know ‘bout that, lil girl?” Siasia twirled Noodle in a circle. “This is old even for me, so I know it was before your time.”

“You played it before.” Noodle laughed, loving small moments with her favorite person in the whole world. “I’m going to buy you everything in the world when I become famous.”

“I know you are, Noodle.”

“But when you get rich first, can I live with you?”

“I’ll always take you with me, Noodle.”

“Even if my real mama tries to get me back?” Noodle had been mentioning her birth mother more and more lately and alarmed Siasia.

Wrapping her arms around her, Siasia tried to assure Noodle that she would go to jail or hell about her. It didn’t matter to Siasia that Noodle wasn’t biologically her sister. Noodle was hers in her heart—she felt her in her soul. She’d burn the world down to keep her with her. It was the only way she could assure her baby was safe. The ten-year age gap made Noodle more like her child than just her stepsister.

“I’ll never let you go. Now, get dressed if we’re going to stop for breakfast.” Siasia concealed her tears. Thoughts of someone separating her from Noodle made her heart stall and her body shake with fear.

Once Siasia dropped Noodle off at school, she was headed to the college to sign up for the next semester. She didn’t stop to get her phone turned on because it wasn’t important. To play it safe, she wasn’t going to stay gone from the house too long since while she was there, she could connect her phone to the internet and have access to make and receive calls. Noodle’s teacher knew how to get in touch with her by using the Apple ID instead of phone number if ever the phone was disconnected.

A smile danced on her face whenever she graced the campus. It felt good—like she was supposed to be there. It meant more to her that she was going against all the odds stacked against her and making a way for herself. Based on her background, she wasn’t supposed to make it out. That kept her determined to do just that. After parking her car, Siasia tightened the strings around her jacket, hoping to shield herself from the heavy wind that seemed to be blowing with a vengeance. With Lynn Beach being on the water, it made the air cooler than some realized.

Dressed down in a pair of boyfriend jeans that cuffed her ass perfectly, she felt simple but beautiful. When it came to dressing, she had it down pat. Money wasn’t an issue because she could hook pieces up from the thrift shop and make them look designer. Money had been tight her whole life, which meant she had to learn style early or risk getting teased. It all worked in her favor. Now, she was a confident and sexy brown skin beauty. The boys went wild for her and she used it all to her benefit. With her head on a swivel, she looked both ways before crossing the street to get to the finance office. Her body warmed as soon she stepped over the threshold. Inside the admissions office, she located the window for finance and made her way over.

“Hey, Ms. Aaliyah,” Siasia smiled at the finance officer whom she was familiar with, having shot her daughter’s first birthday picture.

Taken aback, Ms. Aaliyah leaned her body back playfully. “Hey, Siasia! How have you been, baby?”

“Good. You?”

“Better now that I see your pretty face. I need to set something up for my engagement photoshoot.” Sticking out her left hand, she wiggled her ring finger.

Siasia yanked her hand towards her. “Congratulations, Ms. Aaliyah. You know I am there. Just let me know what you need and when.”

“Thank you, girl. I’m thinking within the next month but I will reach out and set something up with you. What can I help you with though?” Ms. Aaliyah asked, typing in her computer login since it logged her out after being inactive for over fifteen minutes.

“I want to pay for the next semester,” she said with her chest out and pride in her voice. It always felt good when she walked in there to pay for school. It was easy for her to try to get student loans but that would put her behind when she graduated. The debt wasn’t worth it. It would only add to all the other expenses she had with school and outside of paying back a tuition.

Ms. Aaliyah’s eyes brightened with glee. “Okay, girl! I know that’s right.” She was equally as excited for Siasia. They had developed a liking for one another since Siasia had enrolled into the school. Ms. Aaliyah always did her best to find deals for Siasia when it came to books or anything else she would need for class. When students no longer needed stuff, they would turn it in to her and she’d make sure it got to other students in need. Siasia was always at the top of her list.

Once Siasia had wrapped up handling her business, she made her way out the door, groaning when she ran into Champ.

“Hey, girl.” Champ’s smile was just as fake as her ass.

Dryly, Siasia spoke back. “Hey.”

“Damn, I thought we were cool? You can’t stop and talk for a second?” Champ asked, seeing Siasia had no intentions of stopping to shoot the shit with her.

Sighing, she stared in her face. “What’s up, Champ?”

“Girl who pissed in your milk?”

“Bye, Champ.” Siasia’s jaw clenched.

She had no real issues with Champ but could tell a fake bitch from a mile away. Champ liked to pretend she was a girl’s girl but really she was a mean girl. Champ treated people based on what she felt she could gain from them. Since Siasia had no status, she didn’t treat her like the friend she liked to pretend she was when Ally was around.

“Damn girl, I’m just speaking.” She rolled her eyes. “Anyway, you just signed up for next semester?”

“Mhm,” Siasia responded with tight lips already over the back and forth.

“Okay, I see you getting your shit together.”

“The fuck that’s supposed to mean?” Siasia glared, ready to pop her in the mouth.

Champ knew the look all too well so she back peddled. “I ain’t mean no harm, SiSi.”

“My name is Siasia. Either say what you really want or move the fuck from round me. I ain’t in the mood.”

“I was just speaking since we are friends.”

“Ha!” Siasia laughed out loud at the audacity. “Never that. You are Ally’s friend, not mine. Bye, Champ.” She walked off, not giving her time to respond. It was best for the both of them.

Siasia’s mood was high and she’d hate to allow a nothing ass bitch change that.

She never understood girls like Champ. Champ came from a good home, had goals and dreams but wasn’t truly satisfied unless she was picking on the girls she thought were beneath them. She’d heard the slick things Champ had said about her, so it was beyond her as to why she’d want to fake friendship like she had her best interest at heart. Champ was a turtle—the poisonous kind. You thought they were cute watching them jump all over your yard not knowing they only were trying to get close enough just to poison you. Siasia wasn’t in the mood, so she trekked on to her car.

Next semester’s tuition had been paid in full, so Siasia’s mind was at ease. With the leftover money she could buy the lens she had been so desperate to purchase, so she headed to the used camera store near the school. After that, she stopped in the thrift shop on the block, before ending her morning grabbing groceries so Noodle had something to snack on when she got home from school.

Tired from running around all day, Siasia didn’t waste any time getting in bed to take a nap before Noodle’s bus dropped her off from school. Visions of Qamar’s arms wrapped around her, ushered her right to dreamland where she hoped he would meet her.