Chapter 6

6

Q amar jogged onto the field as the late afternoon sun cast long shadows across the green expanse. The sound of cleats crunching against the grass and the rhythmic thud of soccer balls being kicked filled the air. He adjusted his headband, pushing his locs out of his face, ready to dive into the intense practice session ahead.

Coach Daniels blew his whistle, signaling the start of the drills. Qamar joined his teammates in a series of sprints, his powerful legs propelling him forward with each stride. As sweat began to bead on his forehead, he felt the familiar rush of adrenaline that always accompanied practice. On the field is another place he was able to just be. Yes, the expectations were high but soccer came easy to him. He could do it with his eyes closed.

As a kid, after Luna’s money from her deceased father dropped, they had Qamar in every sport imaginable. After one spring league of playing soccer, he knew it was his calling. His sister, Solar, made sure he excelled by helping him learn the rules and the game. In middle and high school, he played football, basketball, and soccer but when it came time for him to choose, soccer was his lover. It was unique and the one thing his big brother, Lunar, told him was stand out and be unique so they can’t overlook you. That was a lesson that would stick with him forever.

"Qamar, over here!" Drake shouted. He was a forward while Qamar was the central midfielder.

Qamar kicked the ball with precision, watching as Drake deftly maneuvered around the defenders. The two had an unspoken understanding on the field, a seamless connection that made them a formidable duo on and off the field. During a brief water break, Qamar took a moment to scan the sidelines. He spotted a few thirsty girls waving and cheering him on. The sight never excited him. However, he did wish Siasia would’ve been over there. Thoughts of her had been heavy on his mind, and he couldn’t wait to get next to her again. Her presence brought him peace and when he was constantly in his own head, he needed the reprieve.

With renewed energy, Qamar returned to the field, determined to give his best. The team moved into a scrimmage, and Qamar found himself in possession of the ball. He dribbled past one defender, then another; his movements swift and calculated. As he approached the goal, he took a deep breath and launched the ball with a powerful kick.

The ball sailed through the air, curving gracefully before landing in the back of the net. A triumphant cheer erupted from his teammates, and Qamar couldn't help but grin. He jogged back to his position, exchanging daps with Drake.

“Locker room!” Coach Daniels blew his whistle, ending the two-hour long practice.

As practice came to an end, Qamar felt a sense of accomplishment wash over him. He knew that every drop of sweat and every ounce of effort brought him closer to his dreams. He only wished that his family let him do his own thing without having to be under their watchful eye while breaking a generational curse that no longer existed.

“Aye, your night must’ve been good?” Drake asked as they made their way back into the locker room. “Out there playing better than ever.”

“Nigga, watch out.” Qamar dodged the dap Drake tried to give him. “I’m always that nigga on that field. Fuck out of here.”

“But was your night good?”

Sneakily, Qamar smiled. “How old are you, twelve?”

“Shit, if it means being in your business then hell yea.” Drake jerked his head forward like duh .

Qamar didn’t feed into him, instead he went to remove his practice uniform so that he could hit the showers and make his way to class. He hated when they had practice on a day he had an early morning class.

With his eyes closed, Qamar laid across his couch with thoughts of Siasia. He wanted to call her to see how her day had been, see if she’d been thinking about him as much as he’d been thinking about her.

Jarring him from thoughts of Siasia, his phone vibrated against his chest. It was a facetime call from one of his favorite people in the world. “French,” he answered with a big smile in the phone.

“Baby boy, what you on?” French inquired. From his background, Qamar could tell he was in one of his many shops.

French had a hard childhood, like the rest of them but overcame it all and was now a proud owner of The Jig Auto Shop. The name was symbolic to him. Born in and raised in The Jig, in Sapphire City was worn like a badge of honor especially when you found a way out. Qamar was also from The Jig. It was where he met French. French was one of Lunar’s best friends along with Javen, who was now married to Lunar’s fraternal twin sister, Luna.

Lunar, French, and Javen taught Qamar so much at a young age and when Lunar was tragically killed, French and Javen continued to be in his life. He loved them both but had a special bond with French. French was his brother but also the only father figure he’d ever had. French was also in a relationship with Qamar’s other big sister, Solar.

“Shit, tired as hell. What you on?” Qamar covered his mouth as he yawned.

“Uncle Qamar,” French and Solar’s oldest daughter, Aku, popped into the screen. She was never too far from her daddy.

“Hey, pretty girl. What you doing at the shop?”

“I’m working, duh.”

French laughed. “Get your non-working ass back,” he teased his baby girl before showering her with kisses. It didn’t matter to him that Aku was now ten and he had two other kids, she would always be his baby. “You looking like you lost your best friend.”

“Man, watch out. I’m just chillin’. Had practice and class earlier now I’m just in the crib with my feet kicked up. Which shop you at?”

“I’m in Sapphire City. Where your BM?” French asked about Janay. “She bout ready to drop that baby, huh?”

“She went back to her mama’s house.”

“Why you ain’t there with her?” French’s face scrunched, showing his disappointment in his first son.

Running his hand down his face, Qamar sighed. “I got practice and class and shit. I can’t just leave for the next few weeks. She knew that when she decided to keep the baby.”

“You sound like a little fuckin’ boy. You knew what would happen when you ran up in her raw.”

“I keep telling y’all I used a rubber.” Qamar was getting frustrated. He knew he fucked up when he made Esmeray but after that, he fully understood the consequences of not protecting himself. Since then, he’d never hit a girl without protection and he damn sure didn’t run up in Janay without one until she was already pregnant.

French blew his breath in dread as if he didn’t like what he was about to say. “This me and you, baby boy. You know you can keep shit real with me always… do you think the baby yours?”

The rate of his heart picked up because the thought had been on his mind since she first told him she was carrying his second baby. Qamar liked Janay but he had never loved her. If he was being honest, his care for her grew when she told him she was pregnant. Over the last eight months, he’d learned to respect her and had some love for her.

“Nah, not really but is it weird that I still want to take care of the baby? Like, I feel she mine in my heart but my mind know it’s a strong possibility that she ain’t,” Qamar confessed while he stared at the ceiling.

French’s voice held a smile. “I raised you right, baby boy. You a real ass nigga, and I swear I’m so proud of you. I would say still get the test just so your mind never has to wonder and do with that information as you want. Janay better not be on no crazy baby mama shit with you ‘cause you too real of a nigga for that.”

“Man, she already be on my head about other girls like we in a relationship.”

“That’s ‘cause you good to her. Women don’t understand that just because a nigga ain’t no dog ass nigga don’t always mean he’s in love with you… niggas just be raised right, and I swear I raised you to be perfect,” French bragged.

Perfect? The word made Qamar’s body freeze. He hated the word and hated even more how it was used when it came to him. In the eyes of his super successful family, he could do no wrong. He was the chosen one but Qamar didn’t feel like he was living up to the standard. They forgave him for Esmeray and didn’t bat an eye when he told them about Janay being pregnant.

French’s head angled. He tried to decipher the look on Qamar’s face. When his mind drew a blank, he asked, “What that face for?”

“Nothing,” Qamar mumbled like he did when he was younger.

“Yea, okay. I ain’t bout to beg you to get the shit off your chest. When Es coming down?” French changed the subject. “Solar had her bossy ass over here the other day.”

Thoughts of his baby girl being loved on by everyone in the family pulled him from the sour mood he’d almost gotten caught in. “That’s my heart, French.”

“Trust, we know. You all she talks about with her talking ass. ‘ I’m gonna put this up for my daddy. You know that’s my daddy favorite color? ’” he mocked his niece while snaking his neck like her.

“She gone make sure I’m straight. Malaysia be hot as hell about that.”

“Malaysia is a good mama.”

“Dope ass baby mama too. She don’t give me any issues and takes great care of our baby.”

“Don’t expect Janay to be like that. Women are all different, and I can tell she ain’t with that kumbaya shit.” French laughed at his own joke.

“Man, don’t I know it. You been good, though?” Qamar sat up. His body ached with every move he made. It didn’t matter how much he got used to working out, his body always ached afterwards.

“Yea, I’m good. I got my kids.” He looked away to see if Aku was close before he continued. “Your sister ready to get married.”

“You ain’t?” Qamar’s youthful face became serious. “You been with Solar for years, you ain’t think she was gonna want to carry your last name?”

The way the conversation went, threw Qamar for a loop. As far as he knew his sister Solar and French were madly in love with each other. They’d all grown up in The Jig together. The two of them were coparents before they even had sex. When Solar was just sixteen, she had a rebellious streak of doing any and everything that made her feel grown. Mommy issues were a real thing and the driving force of a lot of her rebellion. So much so that she found herself pregnant by a grown man. He was locked up shortly after and instead of revealing her truth to the family, she kept his identity to herself.

Solar and French were close. Their love had bloomed from childhood but he never took it there with her even though he was only two years her senior. To return the favor of how she’d poured into him as friends, he stepped up to help her with her daughter, Aku. He signed the birth certificate and claimed her as his own. He thought Solar had given him the identity of Aku’s biological father but later found out, she lied. By that time, he was madly in love with Solar and had declared it for the world to hear. Aku’s real father didn’t matter because French was all she would need. Now, they were three kids in without completing their union.

French had reservations. Sometimes, he didn’t feel like he was good enough to marry Solar. Solar had always been the girl of his dreams and with his own childhood trauma being unresolved, he questioned his manhood and whether or not she deserved someone like him.

“I think I need to sit on that lady couch,” French playfully expressed. His joke contained his truth. “I love the fuck out of Solar, you know that.”

“Which is why I ain’t understanding why you ain’t giving my sister your last name. You got some else going on?” Qamar didn’t play when it came to his sisters. He loved French like a big brother… more like a father but when it came to the women in his life he would always choose them.

“Chill the fuck out, baby boy. I’m going to marry her but I need to unpack some of this shit I’ve been holding onto for all my life. I’m a man at the end of the day but how can I expect you to stand on business when I ain’t leading by example? I have a son too. My junior needs me whole. I ain’t whole yet, Qamar.” Tears pooled in his eyes but he wiped them away just as quick as they came. “I can’t let another nigga snatch up the best thing that ever happened to me. I’m damn sure gone put a ring on my baby’s finger.”

Qamar showed his understanding by nodding his head lightly. French was a complex soul that often got overlooked because of his witty and comical personality. Qamar and Solar were the only ones who saw through the fa?ade. They loved him in spite of.

“French?”

Sniffling, French looked into the phone locking eyes with his first love. Qamar had his heart the moment he was old enough to walk. “Yea, baby boy?”

“I love you the most,” he recited his words from childhood when he was only eight years old. It was true then and true now.

“Alright, nigga, you getting too soft. I love you too, Qamar. Don’t let this world swallow you. Keep your head above water like Lunar taught us.”

Qamar couldn’t agree more before he hung up the phone. Lunar was still a sore spot for him. He often felt like he was cheated out of the experience everyone else got when it came to their dreamer. Lunar was the reason for it all. He’d taught them about believing in themselves and they passed it down to Qamar —with higher expectations that often swallowed him whole. Instead of finding himself in a bad place, he decided to reach out to someone who could take his mind off his shortcomings.

He didn’t have her number but saved the iCloud email she called the other morning. Clicking on the contact, he stared into the phone, waiting for her face to pop up on the screen. Seconds felt like excoriating hours. Still, he wasn’t going to hang up until the three beeps sounded.

“What?” Siasia’s groggy voice sounded before her face popped into the screen.

“That’s how you sound when you wake up from a nap? I guess I can get used to that shit,” Qamar’s deep voice teased her.

In shock, her eyes widened, unsure if she was dreaming or if it was real. “Qamar?”

“Yea, it’s me, Mama.” He licked his lips, infatuated with her fresh face and slanted eyes. Her lips seemed to be swollen which gave him thoughts of her wrapping them around his throbbing dick. “What you on?”

“Um, just waking up… ain’t that clear?” Siasia rolled her eyes, pretending to be annoyed. “And why you called my little sister iPad?”

“If you would’ve gave me your number, I could call your phone.”

“I told you it would be off. It’s off, Qamar.”

“Don’t say my name like that, Mama.”

Squeezing her thighs together, Siasia tried to calm the beating of her pussy but thoughts of his finger taking her to bliss replayed in her mind. Her lips parted slightly, desperate to be on his; eager to taste his midafternoon lips. He had to taste good.

“Come fuck with me,” he suggested, praying he didn’t have to beg. Qamar was willing to beg.

“Um, I planned on chillin’ with my sister today. You know since I stayed out all night.”

“Shit, Noodle can come too. Send me the addy.” He was quick on his feet, showing her he was willing to do anything to be close to her.

Against her will, a smile displayed on her face. “You sure?” That was her last ditch effort to keep him from her house or lack thereof. In her twenty years on the earth, she’d never had a man pull up to the trailer park. “I can just meet you somewhere when she gets off the bus.”

“Nah, I want to drive you around and shit.” He scratched the sides of his head. “What time her bus usually come? I can be there right when it does.”

“3:50.”

“Cool. Send me the addy now, Mama.”

Rolling her eyes, Siasia sent the address while they were still on the phone. “You got it?”

Feeling his phone vibrate, he smiled. “Yea, I got you. Put that shit on for me, too.”

“Nigga please. You gonna get whatever I throw on.”

“Whatever it is, I know you gone be the prettiest girl. Let me throw something on too. I’ll be there soon.”

They stared at each other a little long with hearts in their eyes. Even through the phone, their connection was felt.

“Um, okay, I’ll see you later.” Siasia blinked with an innocence that only Qamar could see.

“Aye?” he called out, grabbing her attention back to the camera. “Just wanted to say, you already the prettiest woman, I know.”

“You are so full of shit.” She howled in laughter.

Qamar’s brown eyes sparkled. “I’m dead ass. Let me let you go before you change your mind… well, you can’t change it ‘cause I’m pulling up regardless.”

“Will I regret giving you my address?”

“Probably.” He shrugged, telling nothing but the truth.

It was her turn to reveal something before they ended the facetime. “I ain’t never gave a nigga my address.”

“Good. Only real niggas like me deserve that shit. See you later, Mama.”

“Bye,” Siasia whispered as the call ended.