Chapter 4

4

“ T his is nice,” Siasia said in a casual tone, hoping to not sound too impressed.

The high-rise he resided in went beyond what she thought he lived in and her expectations were high. He casually drove around in a hundred-thousand-dollar car, so she knew his living arrangements had to be top tier. However, the home she’d just stepped foot in went beyond that. The building was techy and gave a Silicon Valley vibe. It was right on the coast of a private beach that she’d only seen in passing. She was in awe. The sound of his shoes coming off, alerted her to do the same.

“It don’t feel like home though.”

Facing him, her eyes swept his face. There was a curl of his lips yet the barely there smile didn’t reach his eyes. “Why?” Her head tilted.

Qamar’s socked feet padded to the kitchen. “You want something to drink?”

“What you got?” She followed behind him, making sure to take in the scene before her. His kitchen and living room were bigger than her whole trailer. It smelled like sweet wood—a scent her nose was loving.

“Shit, everything.”

She peeked around him to get a look into the refrigerator. “You wasn’t lying, huh?” she joked, seeing Qamar indeed had everything. “I’ll take a beer.”

“You don’t look like a beer drinker,” he assessed.

“What I look like then?”

“Too pretty to drink beer. You look like you would order a lemon drop or some other girly shit like that.”

“I ain’t never even had that, so I know I don’t look like the kind of girl that would order it. What is it, anyway?” Her tight eyes showed how eager she was to learn—how eager she was to fit into his world. But what she didn’t know was that Qamar had already noticed her eagerness and was silently rooting for her to find her place in his world. He handed her a beer with a gentle smile, hoping to make her feel more at ease.

“It’s just a fancy cocktail,” he said, referring to the lemon drop. “But if you like beer, then beer it is.”

Siasia took the beer, feeling a bit more comfortable. She appreciated his effort to make her feel welcomed, even if she still felt a bit out of place. “Thanks,” she said, taking a sip. “I guess I’ll have to try that lemon drop someday.”

“I’ll make sure I take you somewhere fancy so you can order all the lemon drops you want.” He sipped his own beer, keeping his eyes on her.

Siasia choked at his words, driving herself into a coughing fit. He rushed around the island to pat her on the back. Her coughs turned into embarrassed laughter and her hands covered her heated face.

“I can’t believe that just happened.”

Qamar chuckled with her while removing her hands from her face. “Don’t be shame.” He forced her to look at him.

“It’s hard not to.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re you and I’m me.”

Without permission, Qamar was in her face standing before her with his forehead pressed into hers. “I’m me and you’re you. We both just people put on this earth to figure shit out.”

“Like what?” Siasia stuttered at the same time her heart skipped a beat.

“I ain’t figured that part out yet. Come on.” Qamar’s fingers interlocked with hers as he damn near dragged her to another location in his house.

Like the star struck fool she felt she was, she didn’t ask any questions the further they got down the hall. One room they passed, she peeked in and noticed it was full of girly things: pink walls, Barbie dolls, and a little vanity. Her thoughts went to the warning Ally gave about him having kids. She didn’t care then and didn’t care now because time with him was temporary.

“You cool with being in here?” Qamar asked, pulling her from her own thoughts.

Her eyes swiveled around the room. It had to be his room. It smelled like him and some of his things were thrown around. There was also a scent of a woman but she wasn’t going to mention that.

Siasia took a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves. She walked over to the bed and sat down, feeling the plush comforter beneath her. "I like your room," she said softly, her eyes scanning the space. "It's cozy."

Qamar sat down next to her, their shoulders brushing. "Thanks. It's my sanctuary, I guess. A place to unwind."

She looked at him, her eyes searching his face while still thinking about what he said earlier. "Do you really think we’re just people trying to figure things out?"

He turned to face her; his expression serious. "Yeah, I do. Life’s complicated, and we all have our own battles. But it’s moments like this, with people who make us feel something, that make it worth it."

Siasia felt a warmth spread through her chest at his words. She reached out and took his hand, squeezing it gently. "I think I’m starting to get that."

Qamar smiled, a genuine smile that reached his eyes this time. "Good. Now, let’s just enjoy the moment."

They sat there in comfortable silence. The sounds of the ocean waves crashed in the distance. For the first time in a long time, Siasia felt like she was exactly where she was supposed to be. Feeling just as comfortable around her, Qamar got a little more comfortable by removing the sweater he had on. It was cold outside but toasty in his crib. Next, his jeans hit the floor leaving nothing but black boxer shorts.

Siasia gulped at the outline of his dick. To distract herself and not feel like a pervert, she pulled her hoodie over her head. Underneath she had on a plain white sports bra that looked beautiful against her brown skin. She opted to leave her sweatpants on but removed her socks. Slowly, she climbed into his bed that sat up high.

Qamar appeared again with a pair of ball shorts on. “I saw you looking.”

“Whatever.” She blushed, knowing she’d been caught. “I see you put that little shit up.”

“Little? Stop playing with me before I skip all the bases and have your ass on all fours taking some of the best dick you ever had… the best you’ll ever have,” he doubled down.

She pushed her hands through her long box braids. She’d installed them two days ago and was happy she did. Siasia learned how to do a lot of things herself because money had always been tight. Even now, she made enough money to spread it over the bills in the house, get gas for her car, and groceries for the house. Throughout the years she’d learned to do everything: hair, nails, toes, and lashes.

“You good?” Qamar asked, reaching into his nightstand to retrieve a cigar and some weed.

“Why you ask me that?” She watched his movement.

“You’re face scrunched up. I think you do that when something is wrong.”

“How you know?”

“You did it the other night when you got that call.” He used his long nails to cut the cigar down the middle.

“You are such a creep. What else you noticed?” Siasia crossed her legs, sitting in the middle of his bed.

Taking the crushed marijuana, he sprinkled it into the empty cigar. He sealed it with his spit and used his lips to keep it tight. “You’re like a kitten ready to explore your new surroundings. Be careful though. Curiosity killed the cat.” Fire illuminated his face in the dimly lit space like some kind of omen.

Siasia shivered.

His brown lips wrapped around the blunt, inhaling the smoke before letting it free. “You smoke?” he asked, passing it back to her.

“Yea,” she said, reaching for it and placing it at her lips. Like the pro she was, she mimicked him: sucking in the smoke before swallowing and letting it fill the air.

Like a proud father, he smiled. “Oh yea, my curious little kitty ain’t so innocent.”

“You thought I was?” She snorted before pointing at her chest. “Me? The same girl you saw being propositioned for sex?” Siasia passed the blunt back to him.

Qamar was taken aback by her bluntness. “Since we on that, you don’t do that anymore.”

“It’s the reason I’m here, Qamar.” Her neck jutted forward. “You paid me to be here.”

“Nah, I paid you to be done for that night. Now, I’m telling you to be done forever,” he said, blowing out smoke. “Just chill on that.”

“That’s not how this works. I’m not a pretty little woman. I ain’t looking to be saved.”

“That’s when you need the most saving.”

Qamar watched her gulp her words.

Feeling exposed, she crossed her arms, hoping to cover the parts of her he couldn’t visibly see but seemed to think he did. The way his eyes pierced her skin made her feel naked and judged. Siasia hated being under the scrutiny of others because no one knew her story. They didn’t know she was the oldest child but had somehow transformed into the mother to two grown people who should’ve been parenting her, not the other way around.

“I ain’t judging you though.”

“It fuckin’ feels like it. Why am I here?” Siasia swept her hand around the room. “What you want from me?”

“You here because you want to be here, and I apologize if I offended you. That ain’t what I’m trying to do.” The bed dipped from him pressing his hands into the mattress to lean down to her face. “Scoot over.”

His face was so close to hers, she wanted to kiss him. Instead of feeding into her own desires, she moved over, giving him space to rest his back on the extra tall headboard and stretch his long legs out on the bed.

“You go to Lynn Beach?”

“Sometimes.” Siasia shrugged. “When I can afford to, I sign up for a semester.”

He nodded with his hand caressing his beard that glistened and looked well groomed. “What’s your major?”

“Photography.” She smiled with pride. “I want to be a world renown photographer. Ain’t enough Black ones that know how to shoot Black skin. I want to change that, you know?” Her face lit up when she talked about her dreams.

“I know exactly what you mean. I might have to get you to shoot me.” He passed the weed back to her.

“I’m sure you have photographers beating down your doors… I’m sure you’ve been photographed by some of the best in the industry. Your family is fuckin’ famous.”

“Nah, I ain’t been shot by the best… you ain’t did it yet.”

She blushed, shying away from his intense gaze. Qamar was intimidating the way he made eye contact and spoke to you directly. Under his gaze you felt big and small.

“What’s your major?”

“Honestly, I don’t really have one. If I had shit my way, I would already be in the league but my people want me to graduate and shit,” he confessed.

“I wish my people wanted to see me graduate. That’s a beautiful thing.”

“It ain’t though. It’s like I can’t have my own identity.”

Her shoulders dropped with a sigh. “I’ll take that over having to save everyone.”

“I would rather have to save a muthafucka than to have all the pressure to be perfect.” His sigh matched hers.

They were different but the same in the way of feeling like the world was resting on their shoulders.

Qamar hated how people thought the money made his life perfect—sadness proof. That was the furthest from the truth. Beneath the glimmering surface of wealth and fame, he felt like a prisoner in a gilded cage, each bar forged from expectations and scrutiny. He loved the opportunities his famous family afforded him, yet the weight of their legacy pressed down on him like a heavy shroud, suffocating his spirit. Every misstep was magnified and scrutinized under the harsh glare of public opinion, turning minor mistakes into catastrophic events that left him gasping for air amidst the thick fog of shame and judgment.

At just twenty, all he craved was the simple freedom to live like a regular young adult, to make mistakes without the world watching and waiting to pounce. Yes, he was a father now, which came with its own set of responsibilities that anchored him to reality, but that didn’t extinguish the flickering flame of desire for a taste of that carefree life he once knew. Qamar longed for moments where he could let go, where laughter didn’t come with an asterisk of obligation, and where he could simply be himself—unfiltered and unashamed. The world outside beckoned with promises of adventure, and he yearned to break free, if only for a fleeting moment, to reclaim the essence of who he was before the world decided who he should be.

The mood had thickened. Siasia wanted to loosen it so she lightened the mood by asking, “If you could pick one song that reflected where you are or where you want to be what would it be?”

Without hesitating, Qamar grabbed his phone. After a few seconds, SiR’s West Coast, melodic voice crooned out of the speaker. “Baby, I’m just trying to let my hair down,” he sung as best he could. Music was in his DNA from his sister which meant older acts like SiR were in heavy rotation for him. His music pallet was diverse.

Siasia pulled her braids to the top of her head, creating a messy makeshift bun. She was floating and needed to lay back to stop her head from spinning. “What you know about that?” Her voice came out sluggish.

“You feeling good, huh,” Qamar stated without question. He could tell by the look in her eyes and the silly smile on her lips that didn’t want to leave.

Instead of responding, she only smiled with a slight nod of her head.

Adjusting his legs, he placed her head on his legs. He’d been wanting her to get closer since they stepped in his room. Her skin looked soft and he wanted to see if it was.

“Your turn. One song to describe who you are and how you feel.” He passed her his phone to find a song.

Siasia didn’t flinch when his rough hand glided down her exposed belly, causing it to drop like she was on a roller coaster. Sucking in the air from her stomach gave Qamar the perfect spot to slide his hand down her sweatpants.

The heat radiated from the warmth between her thighs. “Play the song, Siasia.”

Her hands shook and the thumping of her heart grew louder. Searching for the perfect song, she almost skipped over it when she felt his hand on her bare mound. Subtly, she spread her legs, granting him permission.

“Oo,” she whined when his middle finger made small slow circles over her growing clit.

Jhene Aiko’s Nobody played right as his finger dipped into her pussy, hitting the right spot on contact.

“This pussy warm and wet, just like I like it.” Qamar gave her direct eye contact.

“Been dealing with this venomous rage. Since I was under the age. I’ve been under the influence of pain. And I never needed nobody,” Siasia sung with her eyes closed.

Qamar heard her loud and clear but if he had it his way, she’d need him. He wanted to be needed and needed to be wanted. He was a complex soul. So much so, he felt no one really knew him. He had different faces that he put on around different people, hoping they’d never see the cracks in the masks he wore. He was only free with his daughter. Esmeray understood her daddy. She carried his secrets, protecting them at a young age.

“Come here.” He removed his hand.

Panting, she looked at him like he was crazy. She was right there on the edge of bliss and he had the nerve to stop. Her perfectly arched brows crinkled.

“Come here, girl.” Qamar laughed while guiding her to where he wanted her to be. Her hands reached to pull out his aching dick. “Nah. Just come here… you ain’t getting no dick tonight.”

“Why?” she whined. If he was going to rile her up but not put out the fire, what was the point? “I’m so horny.”

“I know,” he said in a hushed tone, turning her around so that her back was facing him while her leg hooked around his thigh like a backwards J.

Siasia chewed on her lip when his hand was back inside her soaking wet panties. “Yes,” she moaned when his long finger was back inside of her, stroking her insides like a skilled pianist.

With his free arm, he pulled her further into him. “I want to make you feel so good. Am I doing my job?”

She nodded.

“Mhm.” His teeth sunk into her neck. “Words, Siasia. That’s how this works. How will I take you to sexual bliss if I don’t learn your body? How will I learn your body if you ain’t talking to me?”

“Yes! Yes, it feels so good.”

Kissing the spot where his teeth left an imprint, he entered another finger, creating more juice. “This pussy ready for me to claim it—own it. You want to be mine?” He was full of lust and energized off Siasia feeling like home. She felt like Luna, feisty like Solar, and unloved like Stephanie.

Just when she was about to nod her head again, Qamar stopped her. “What I tell you ‘bout that?”

“Oh, fuck! Yes, Qamar, I want to be yours.” Her voice shook.

“I know, Mama. Show me what this pussy can do,” he directed.

His pace picked up, and she couldn’t take it. The moment was so intense Siasia started seeing stars. His fingers were Cha Cha sliding in and out of her mixed with his sexy ass voice and cocky demeanor; she was losing her mind. She was coming completely undone.

“Take these fuckin’ clothes off and get on all fours.” Another demand came from him but unlike the first one, she didn’t give him any push back. As quickly as she could, she pushed her pants and panties down before getting back on the bed on all fours. The arch in her back was perfect.

Qamar admired her blemish free brown skin. His eyes outlined her perfect apple shaped ass. His warm and pleasant hum of approval warmed her blood. Seconds felt like minutes. Her anticipation sped up her already racing heart and made her sensitive to his touch. Siasia damn near jumped out of her skin when his hands rubbed both of her ass cheeks.

Licking his lips, Qamar enjoyed the view of her fat pussy glistening from her own essence. His mouth watered the closer he got. Unable to contain himself, he spread her lower lips apart diving in, tongue first.

“Fuck!” Siasia screamed, shocked at him eating her pussy. That wasn’t on her bingo card for the year but she’d never complain about the pleasant surprise. Rocking her body, she fed him and made sure he scraped the plate.

Qamar swiped his thick tongue over her swollen bud before he sucked on it. To heighten her pleasure, he had two fingers back inside of her. Moving in and out, he pulled cream from her center.

“Yea, I’m retiring you, baby,” he mumbled.

“Okay.” She regretted the words as soon as she spoke them. “Qamar, you’re making me feel so good. My ears are hot.”

He snickered at her rambling.

“Oh God, I—I,” she continued with her incoherent babbling. Siasia didn’t know what she wanted to say nor could she understand the bliss his mouth and fingers brought her.

“Cum,” was his only request.

As if he owned her body, she came undone. The unraveling of her needed to be criminal with the way she was screaming. Her juices leaked out of her like runaway slaves escaping to freedom. When he didn’t stop until she was empty, her body fell flat. If she was a thumb sucker, she’d have it popped in her mouth like a baby ready to go to sleep.

“Stay right there,” Qamar demanded.

He went into his bathroom to get a warm towel to clean her up. His dick was begging to be inside of her, but he refrained. Siasia wasn’t ready for all that. His only goal that night was to make her feel good.

Siasia rolled over with her eyes closed and legs cocked in the air, giving him access to clean her like the sleepy baby she was. If she wanted to keep her eyes open, she couldn’t. Fully cleaned, she crawled under the covers and was sleep before she knew it.

Qamar snorted at the sight of her. Although he wasn’t as tired, he got in the bed behind her. Pulling her into him, he tucked his head between her and his pillow to get a little sleep since he had an early morning practice.