15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Xavier

I 'd thought passing out and dreaming about Marshall was shitty. Waking up to a tall, slender woman pressing her filthy red mouth to Axel's was its own kind of personal Hell. I went through an entire spectrum of emotions.

Rage—it wasn't hot, though. It was a shard of ice that struck somewhere in the center of my chest and threatened to freeze me from the inside out. It was so vicious and sudden that it stole my breath away and nearly made me collapse back against the bed where I was lying.

Chasing behind that was something ugly, something darker. It was the feeling that made it easy for me to kill, the violence that spoke to the exact reason I'd enjoyed my job so much when I'd been alive before.

And maybe I hadn't been in a situation where that particular memory had come to the surface, but seeing the way her arms shot up and her nails tangled into his hair when he tried to push her away, I was feeling it now.

It was a good thing I was an equal opportunist killer, because I had no qualms getting up and grabbing the knife Axel kept stashed in his bedside stand from its hiding place.

It was even easier for me because I recognized her .

She was older, obviously, and her hair was a shade faker than the color I remembered. But it was still long waves of chestnut brown.

Alieen.

Fucking Alieen, who wasn't even half as good a killer as I was. She only knew Axel because he had to clean her scenes so frequently. She was a sloppy fucking mess. And… she was kissing him like she had every right in the world to his lips.

She was kissing him like she'd done it before, like she'd done it recently .

Oh, fuck that.

I didn't think twice before putting the knife against her throat. My lips pressed to her ear, but my eyes were focused on Axel's face. His expression was an odd mixture of frustration and relief, and I glared at him over her shoulder.

"Alieen? Really ?"

"You were dead . And I—"

"Who the fuck are you?" she interrupted. "If you haven't noticed, we're a little busy here, so—"

"Oh, fuck off, you goddamn rancid amateur." I drew the knife across her throat before she had a chance to say anything else, and watched Axel stare at me in shock as blood sprayed over his chest, his shoulders, the wall.

His pretty pristine floors.

Alieen spasmed in my arms for a second, her nails trying to scramble against my skin like she could take back the gash that was bleeding her life all over my man. And fuck, but she didn't even deserve that.

Finally, she fell limp in my arms, and I dropped her unceremoniously to the ground.

"Uh, Xavier…" Axel glanced between the body on the floor and what I was sure was my very irritated expression. "I could have just asked her to leave."

At least he didn't seem mad about it, which told me that whatever was going on, his look of frustration was probably because of how she was throwing herself at him. It wasn't like he'd been kissing her back—he'd been trying to push her away.

Still.

"Did you fuck her?"

The question flew from my lips before I could help myself, but he didn't hesitate to answer.

"Yeah. A few years ago. I haven't seen her since, so I'm not sure why she suddenly showed up for round two."

I mulled over what he was saying for a second, then threw his knife—it landed with a loud thunk in her stomach. He didn't even bother to glance down.

"Were you with a lot of people while I was gone, Axel?" Why was I asking him this question? It wasn't exactly fair. He had no way of knowing I was hanging around, just waiting to be reborn—that technically, there was a version of me out in the world being all nerdy and getting a lab degree.

"I wasn't with anyone, Xavier. I haven't been with someone since I was with you." He stepped over the dead woman on his floor like she wasn't there, and when he cupped my face, I felt the warm, sticky sensation of her blood on my cheek. "I've fucked people, but I've never let anyone have me. You're the only one."

I stared at him for a second, searched his face and the sincerity in his bright blue eyes. He'd never been able to lie to me, never been able to hide from me.

And he wasn't hiding now.

There was a small part of me that thought about being angry—thought about pointing to the woman who'd obviously been intimately familiar with him on the ground. That petty part of me wanted to turn and walk out the door just so he'd come crawling after me.

But that part died somewhere between the way his breath hitched in his chest and his arms sliding around me.

Death put things into a weirdly clear perspective. I didn't have time to waste on that childish bullshit. I just had here, now.

And if I wanted to make myself feel better, I knew a way to do it.

"Shower. Now."

My voice came out a fraction lower, more serious. The demand came from somewhere deep in my chest, and Axel's entire body jerked like I'd stuck him with a live wire as soon as I spoke.

But he was turning before I had to tell him twice, leaving the woman on his carpet to go cold as he stepped past her and headed into the bathroom without looking back.

Killing Alieen should have settled the icy feeling in my chest, but it hadn't. If I wanted it to go away, I needed fire.

Axel's fire.

Our fire.

I needed to make him burn.

I needed to know that no matter how much time had passed between the two of us, I could set us both ablaze. I wanted to rise from the ashes like a phoenix.

If some small part of me knew this wasn't just about Alieen, that it was about those dreams of Marshall, and Axel's pale face when I woke, I wasn't going to say it aloud.

I followed him into the bathroom and leaned against the doorframe as he stripped. Watching him pull the clothing from his body with hands that shook was more satisfying than I wanted to admit—the shirt hadn't protected him from my little temper tantrum, though. There was blood splattered on his jawline, along his neck. It dusted against his chest in little bursts that had soaked through the fabric and left swirling patterns that made shapes like clouds.

"Go on. Get in." My voice was still hard when he turned to look at me, nude and vulnerable and so fucking pretty covered in the evidence of what I'd done for him—what I'd done because he was mine, and the thought of anyone touching him made me want to tear the world apart. It didn't matter what had happened while I was gone. I couldn't blame him for finding comfort then.

But I would burn anyone who even looked at him now.

I waited until he turned the water on and the room started to steam before unzipping my pants. I was slow and meticulous, and my eyes flicked up and down his frame. "Start washing yourself Axel, but keep your eyes on me. Do a good job, hm?"

He was still shivering, even though the steam was making my skin feel sticky with sweat.

He looked so good, and he was so damn responsive to something as simple as my voice. Even now. This was another level of us that I'd missed, that I'd craved. Blood splatter and obedience.

I took a few minutes to enjoy watching him run a washcloth along his body, sending the crimson I'd painted him with washing down the drain in rivulets of pink. When he'd scrubbed the last of it from his neck, I pulled my shirt over my head, and he froze.

I knew instantly that he wasn't admiring my nude body—his eyes were fixated on my chest.

No, his eyes were staring at the red splotches of my birthmarks with a growing sense of agony that I didn't want to see.

Not here.

Not now.

I didn't want to remember.

"Axel?"

"That's where you…" his voice trailed off, and the pain spiking across his features was so palpable it nearly tore me apart. I knew seeing me shirtless would probably always make him think about that moment. That was the last thing I wanted him to think of right now.

I stepped beneath the water and cupped his face, bringing his gaze up to meet mine.

"It doesn't matter. I'm here now."

"But I—"

"No," I cut him off. "Think about me… about the way I'm here with you now. The way I'm going to take you apart." I wasn't sure if my words got his attention, or if it was my hand snaking around his waist to slide along the globes of his ass. I trailed my fingers between his cheeks and teased at his hole, putting the slightest bit of pressure against it until he shuddered and his eyes slid shut again.

That was better.

No fucking birthmarks.

No death—no being apart. No time or space where he'd had to find comfort without me.

It was just us. It was always going to be just us.

One hand went flat against his chest, and I pushed him back against the heating tile of the shower wall.

"Do you know what I'm going to do to you, Axel?" I kept my voice soft and husky while I continued to play, drifting my finger up and down, teasing at his entrance with just enough pressure that I could feel his body tense, begging for more. "I'm going to make sure that you're nice and clean, then I'm going to take you back to your room. You're going to lie still for me when we're there…" I had to lift up on my tiptoes to whisper in his ear, but it was worth it to feel him shudder when I nipped at his earlobe.

"Mmfn." Fuck, I loved the way he seemed to dissolve whenever I talked dirty to him, the way coherency seemed to leave his body.

"You're going to be good for me while I fuck you with my tongue," I licked the shell of his ear. "With my fingers…" I pressed against his ass again and he groaned. "While I fuck you open until you're begging for it, begging for me. I want to make you cry, Axel. I want to kiss the tears from your lashes and make you come on my cock so you know exactly who you belong to, do you understand?"

"Yes," he answered instantly, and his hands spasmed on the wall. He was already being so fucking good—he wasn't touching me without asking.

"Good. Now…" I stepped back and took the washcloth, running it across my body in thorough, quick movements. Since I'd just killed someone, I needed to make sure we were both clean before we did anything else. It was still a treat to watch him watching me as I soaped up and rinsed off. When I flung the cloth at him, he jerked like he was coming out of a daze.

"Xavier?"

"I want you to get yourself nice and spotless, Sunshine. Do that for me so I can get you dirty all over again."

"Fuck," he whispered in response, and I decided that was good enough. I left the bathroom, draping the towel over my shoulder as I went to his bedroom.

An idea sparked, and I couldn't stop myself from going back to his bedside table—I was running on a hunch that he still kept a few things exactly where they used to be.

In the bottom drawer, my fingers met with the feel of something smooth, silky, and solid. I grabbed the black dildo and the full bottle of lube beside it with a smile—Axel really hadn't changed.

I threw them onto the bed and turned to wait.

He was in the shower for another few minutes, and it was a miracle I didn't go back in there and drop to my knees in front of him so I could lick the water from his skin.

But that wasn't what I wanted, it wasn't what I needed. I wanted him to fly apart for me. I wanted to make him whimper and cry.

I wanted…

"Xavier?" His voice came soft from the doorway. He stood nude and waiting for me, and I turned to him with a small purr of approval before I crooked my finger at him.

"Come lay down and let me see you."

He came without question, and my entire body burned watching him settle himself against the pillows. Water still glistened in his beard, clinging to the hair peppering across his chest.

He looked so perfect . Too tempting for me to resist—I leaned forward and skimmed my fingers beneath his thigh, drawing one of his legs up and reveling at the sight of him.

"Fuck, you look so good. Do you know that? You always have. That's why I'm the only one allowed to touch you, do you understand?"

He nodded, and when I slapped his thigh, he rolled over without me having to ask. It left his ass in the air for me, perfect and on display.

With something so fucking tempting laid out and waiting for me, how could I do anything but feast?

I used my knees to shift his legs wider and grabbed his hips to draw him up. It left him open and vulnerable, and my fingers were greedy when I pulled his cheeks apart.

For a second, I just stared—I let the heat of my breath tickle against his hole until I could almost feel his skin flushing beneath my touch.

I waited.

And waited… until…

"Xavier, please?"

"So pretty when you beg," I murmured, and swiped my tongue against his ass in an unhurried line that drew a groan from his chest. I knew if I let myself, I could get lost here. If I let myself, I'd spend the entire night devouring him and bringing him to the edge over and over again with nothing more than my tongue and my demands.

As it was, every second I spent touching him was pushing me toward the edge. Axel may not have understood it, but he'd always had the power in this dynamic. I might have been the one telling him what to do, but he was the one who could drive me mad with just the taste of him.

I licked across his hole again in a slow stripe that made him moan, then let go of his hip—he kept the position without me having to ask, and it left me free to use both hands. It left him open, waiting—it gave me perfect access to run my tongue around his rim once, twice, before I stiffened the muscle and thrust it forward, the slickness of my saliva giving me glide to press lightly into that ring of muscle.

"Oh, fuck. Yes, please," he moaned. Vocal. Fuck, Axel was so goddamn vocal. I growled against him and flattened my tongue, letting saliva pool in my mouth to spill out against his ass—I wanted to devour him, to turn him inside out and wrap him up so I could keep him for me and me alone.

I wanted him chained to this bed forever so I could have him just like this.

Always.

Instead, I used the slickness and licked into him again, feeling his ass resist for a moment before giving slightly around my tongue, letting me taste the heat of him.

He shivered, twisting the sheets beneath us in his fists—but fuck if he wasn't so goddamn good, and fuck if he didn't stay still for me while I tongue fucked him until my jaw was aching and his entire body was one trembling mess.

When I pulled back, his ass was dripping. Slick and wet and already worked open. It wasn't enough, though. I ran my fingers through the mess I'd left behind, then dropped my hand forward and grabbed his cock.

One stroke from root to tip showed me he was already leaking precum, already so hard it felt like he might explode if I breathed on him.

"Not yet, Axel." I murmured when his hips twitched. "We're just getting started."

My fingers squeezed around the base of his shaft in a gentle tease as I sat back on my heels. He stayed like that, kneeling with his ass in the air for me, but his shoulders were shaking—the sight of that tattoo spread across his skin was so fucking gorgeous. The night sky in a swirl, those words. Slicked in sweat and water. I took my time staring while I popped the cap on his lube, loud enough that I knew he could hear it.

He tensed, and his ass clenched, and I had to remind myself again that I was taking this slow—that I had to give him time to come down from the edge before I kept going. It was harder than it should have been, because I wanted him so much.

"Please," he said it again. That magic word. "Please, touch me. Xavier, I—"

I uncapped the lube and slicked my fingers with it. My tongue had already done most of the work getting him loose, and the tight heat of him around my digits as I slid them inside him made my cock throb between my legs. He moaned and buried his face against the pillows, and I couldn't stop myself from leaning forward to skate my lips along his spine.

"Go ahead, Axel. Fuck yourself on my hand. Show me how much you want me."

He didn't hesitate—he rolled his hips back and thrust so hard it nearly made my wrist ache. It took me a second, but I managed to adjust, and the low groan that tore from his chest when he rocked back and I pegged his prostate was music to my ears.

I let him fuck himself like that until he was panting, until I could see the tremble in his thighs that started gentle and had turned into near spasms with the way he was trying to hold himself back.

He thrust back one more time, and I grabbed his hip, stilling him and twisting my hand inside to press against his prostate again. I crooked my fingers once, twice… and pulled back right before he spilled over the edge.

My eyes focused on the sight in front of me, and I forced myself not to moan—he was open for me, open from the way he'd fucked my hand. The little gape of his hole was a temptation that I couldn't ignore. I'd planned on drawing this out more, but I honestly didn't know if I had the strength.

"Roll over."

"Mmf… hm?" He was almost incoherent from how on edge he was, and I loved to hear it. Drunk on need and want and on the edge of pleasure, floating somewhere on the precipice of completely flying apart and losing himself.

I slapped his ass once. Hard enough to leave a handprint and draw an actual cry from his throat.

"Roll. Over."

It took him a second, but he did—a hiss tore from him when his body dropped and his cock dragged against the sheets, but he managed to flip onto his back.

He was a leaking mess, thick and long and so tempting. I could have taken him into my mouth, and one hard suck would have painted my tongue with the salty bitterness of him. Instead, I picked up the dildo and held it between us.

He stared at it for a moment before he started to spread his legs, and I groaned—fuck, it was hard for me to concentrate, to keep this up… but I still straddled his thighs and crawled up his body.

"Open up."

Axel's eyes widened, but his mouth dropped open obediently, and I had to admit the sight of the black toy disappearing between lips he'd bitten until they were red and raw was almost too much.

Almost.

I worked the toy against his tongue, in and out of his mouth like I was the one fucking him, and I arched a brow.

"How much do you wish this was my cock instead, hm?" I worked the black silicone until over half of it had disappeared between his lips and watched him gag around it—the little sounds catching at the back of his throat were intoxicating, and the sight of his eyes watering nearly undid me. When his brows drew together, I finally pulled back so he could catch his breath. The toy was shiny and slick with saliva, and I didn't hesitate to draw it down the length of his chest, leaving a trail of wetness in its wake. When I ghosted it over his cock, he whimpered again—and when I lifted one of his legs and thrust it into his worked hole, his back came off the bed.

"Axel, I asked you a question." I pushed the dildo into him slowly—once, twice, methodical and demanding. As deep as it could go, and angled so it dragged across his prostate again as I pulled it out. "How much do you wish this was me fucking you right now?"

"I—" He looked at me, eyes wild and wide, his face flushed. When I thrust it into him again, his hands shot out, nails biting into my forearms as his muscles trembled. It gave me perfect guidelines on how to twist the dildo again—I pegged that spot over and over until he was panting, until I could see wetness forming behind his lashes… and then I twisted it deep and left it there.

Pressure, but not enough.

"Axel…" I leaned in, running my clean fingers along his spit-slicked lips and dipping them in his mouth for just a second to stroke his tongue. He sucked them like he couldn't help it, and even that seemed to make him spasm. My other hand pressing the dildo deeper inside him certainly did. "Tell me how much you wish it was me so deep inside you."

"Please," he said on a broken cry. "Xavier, please. You. You… Fuck, always you. Only you. Please ."

He looked up at me and he was completely wrecked—I didn't know how he was holding back, except that he wanted to do what I said, wanted to be good .

"That's right." I pulled the toy out and dropped it to the side. " Only me."

I barely had the willpower to sit back long enough to slick my cock with more lube before thrusting into him—as much as I might have wanted to tease him again, I didn't know if I had it in me. He was fucked open and so warm inside, but still clenching around me in desperation. When I stroked his cheek, it was wet with tears.

No—Axel could probably take it. He would let me edge him all night. I was the one that couldn't hold back anymore.

"Come for me, Axel. Come on my cock and show me how much it's always been me."

I thrust into him hard and ground my torso along his length at the same time—he exploded instantly. The cry that tore from his chest was hoarse and wild, and the feel of him clenching around me as his cum slicked between us was sin . I hadn't just been working him up playing with him—I was burning.

I was on fire.

And I needed to fuck straight through him before we both turned to ash.

" Mine ." I growled the word and shifted, lifting his leg so I could fuck into him like a man possessed. It almost felt good that he was so much bigger than me—that even though he could have easily rolled me over and taken what he wanted, I'd brought him to this, to a trembling, aching mess that was caught in waves of climax that painted pleasure across his features until that was all I could see.

His pupils blown.

His lips parted.

Tears on his cheeks.

Beautiful.

I couldn't control myself anymore—Axel's orgasm had calmed, but I wasn't finished. I angled his hips so my cock nailed into his prostate and fucked him harder. It made his mouth go wide, his spent cock twitch.

It made him finally break his careful self-restraint to reach out for me. To hold onto me. To anchor us together as I fucked him hard and fast until he was gasping again, until he was a gorgeous mixture of trying to move with me and trying to pull away. Until he was so strung out and overstimulated that the tears were back, and he collapsed against the sheets.

"Xavier… I need it, please."

It.

"You need me ." I gasped the words out. His ass clenched around my cock so hard I nearly saw stars, nearly lost what I wanted. I thrust one more time and pulled out while I was still coming.

It was easy to crawl up his body—easy to press my hard cock against his half-soft length and roll my hips through the rest of my orgasm.

He cried out against my mouth when I kissed him, and I drank the sound down like ambrosia as my pleasure blinded me.

When I collapsed against his chest, he was shivering and shaking—I stayed there long enough to listen to his heart rate return to normal, stroking my fingers along his sides.

"Mmm, you're so good for me, Sunshine. And you're mine, right?" I sat up, though my body wanted to stay curled against his, and pulled his head into my lap.

He looked up at me with fucked out eyes. "Just yours."

Axel leaned into my touch as I gently started to thread my fingers through his hair, murmuring praises and memorizing the way his blissed out face was so soft as he came down from the high.

Fuck… No wonder I'd come back from wherever I'd been—no force in Heaven or Hell could ever keep me away from him.

I stepped over Alieen's body again as Axel started to get dressed after our second shower, and headed for the living room. He froze in place like he was afraid I was still going to walk out after what we'd just done, and I threw him a smirk over my shoulder.

"Calm down. I'm just going to see if she parked in your driveway or had someone drop her off here. I may not know much about hiding a murder, but I'm pretty sure having the victim's car in plain sight is a no-no."

The relief that washed over his body was palpable, and it made something in my chest feel warm. He really was worried, even though I'd thought I'd made it pretty clear in the shower that I wasn't going to leave over something as ridiculous as him filling a need while he thought I was dead.

"Right. I'll get some gloves and start working on the mess you made." He shook his head at me slowly and glanced at the blood that had pooled in the hall. "Honestly, Xavier, if you were a client, I'd put you on my blacklist. This is going to take hours to clean properly."

"Maybe she shouldn't have touched something that didn't belong to her," I called back in a sing-song voice as I turned to the front door and pulled it open. "Then I wouldn't have had to—oh."

There were two men standing in the doorway, and judging by the guns that I could clearly see strapped to their sides, they weren't vacuum salesmen.

Well, shit.

"Hello there, gentlemen. Can I help you?" I tried for innocent—it helped that I was no longer coated in blood. It probably didn't help that it only took a quick glance down the hallway to see the dead body sprawled out on the floor.

"She's down. We'll check her recording device once we handle the situation." I hadn't even realized the second man was on a phone until he hung it up and moved to draw a gun.

Well, double shit. Axel wasn't going to let me live it down if I made a mess in his hallway and his living room, was he?

I slammed the door in their faces, but I knew that wasn't going to buy me much time.

"Axel, two men coming in. Armed!" It was the best I could do, and I just had to hope that he'd heard me. Since my guns were in the bedroom, I was going to have to make due with what I could find. My eyes searched the room—a bunch of expensive art pieces scattered here and there, and an urn above the fireplace.

Axel would probably lose his mind if I let something happen to… well… myself.

The thought was weird enough to give me pause, but I didn't actually have time for that. I darted into the kitchen instead, just as the door splintered open and the men barged inside.

Inside was better. If I killed them in here, maybe no one would realize what was going on. I'd really hate for Axel's entire operation that he'd gotten away with for years to burn to the ground because there were people after me.

"Don't you two know you're supposed to call before you come over uninvited?" I scolded them while grabbing a few knives from the block on the counter. It wasn't perfect, and they weren't actually suited for this kind of work, but I was nothing if not a problem solver.

"If you're cooperative, you don't have to get hurt, Mr. Lister."

There was that name again—the man whose good intentions I was being punished for. They still didn't know who I really was, they had no idea that the man they were looking for was nothing more than a few base instincts and fleeting memories trapped somewhere in the back of my mind.

And maybe this was finally a chance for me to figure out at least a little bit of what they wanted. Unless Axel came charging out and half-decapitated them. If he did, he seriously had no place giving me shit about the dead woman in his hallway.

"What exactly do you want from me? I don't know what's going on." Was that too over the top innocent? I wasn't sure how Marshall sounded before, though I had a feeling these guys didn't actually know him, so my overcompensation of innocence would probably be fine.

Probably.

"Nathaniel West just wants to have a few words with you, that's all. You were an extremely valuable asset to the team, Mr. Lister. Don't you think it's time you stepped back to your responsibilities?" He sounded just a little too sincere to trust, and I could hear his partner trying to sneak around so they could corner me in the kitchen—thankfully, they didn't know the layout of the house. There was no back way for them to cut me off. That did mean there was no back way for me to slip out unless I climbed out a window, but hopefully my backup would be here by then.

He'd heard me when I yelled for him, right?

"I never meant to step out of them. I just… I was hurt before, when the old building burned down. I barely got out of there with my life, let alone any information." Could I play this to my advantage? If I made it seem like I'd intentionally taken that flash drive in some attempt to salvage what was obviously burning to the ground…

I heard one of them flip open a cellphone again, though they weren't speaking this time.

A text?

The corner of my mouth pulled up in a grin. Were they actually idiots, or was it simply that they had no idea what kind of experiments the company they were working for had been running?

Either way, I had more information now than I'd had since I woke up.It was definitely Nathaniel after me and not some competitor.

"Do you think—" My words cut off abruptly when I heard a body suddenly fall to the ground. I didn't think about it, I just rounded the corner and took the few steps necessary to stick the kitchen knife into the other man's torso. He'd turned from me toward Axel, who'd hit our other little problem over the head with a weight.

As much as I wanted to tell him we could have kept them alive to question further, I didn't really have room to speak. The man in front of me pulled a gun up, even though I had a knife in his gut, and I knew what Axel had said earlier was true.

They weren't going to let us easily capture them, were they? His finger was on the trigger, and I had a split second to react.

I could have very easily incapacitated him.

I could have lifted my hand and strangled him until he fainted.

But that would take time, and I didn't have time when there was a gun pointed at Axel. I jerked the knife up and pulled it out. It was jarring when I brought it down again, feeling the blade scrape against bone, but I found what I was looking for with a violent twist that shredded his heart.

Yeah… I probably couldn't scold Axel for being too hasty. I did look up at him with an exasperated expression, though.

"You got brains on the floor, so I don't want to hear a word about the viscera."

My mess was definitely worse, but the joking tone in my voice and the obvious lack of blood anywhere but my hands seemed to soothe the worry that I'd caught trying to form in his eyes.

He really would burn the world down for me, wouldn't he?

Looking at the man at my feet, the one who I should have had incapacitated and ready to extract information from…

Well, I knew Axel wasn't the only one ready to light a match.