16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Axel

I needed Xavier out of the area. I had no idea how far the connections of the people after him went, but I knew that they knew where he was.

Thankfully, taking him elsewhere could serve dual purposes. It was obvious that I couldn't force his memories on him. I couldn't just tell him what had happened and hope it would work—the fit he'd had before was enough to scare me off so much as mentioning anything from the past.

It was… odd. I wanted him to remember everything, but I was still terrified of what he was going to do when he did. He'd walked out before. There was nothing to say that he wouldn't walk out again.

That he wouldn't blame me .

Then what would I do?

If I could have made sure he was trapped in a room that he couldn't storm out of, I would have just told him. It might have taken him forever to forgive me, but I was willing to wait for it.

Since I wasn't prepared for how to handle the situation, leaving town was the best option. There were places we'd been a few hours away from the house that could spark memories for him, and I knew those places had nothing to do with the night he'd died. We could work to see what would trigger memories, and we would be far enough away that I could see exactly how serious the men who were following him were. It was the best solution I could come up with, and Xavier seemed all too happy to play along with my whims.

It meant we ended up in a little house that I owned under a fake name; it sat on the edge of a lake. We'd been here before, and stepping through the doorway made something in my chest feel tight.

It was a cute little vacation home, and one of the multiple properties I had set up all over the country on the off chance that I needed a place to escape. I'd had more than enough money to buy them myself, and a surplus after the death of my father.

No one ever really thought to cut their son out of their will before they were murdered, did they? He certainly hadn't, and I'd been pleasantly surprised when his lawyer had contacted me and told me he'd left me everything.

Of course, he had. I was his only son, and up until the moment the life left his eyes, he'd always thought he'd be able to control me.

"I…" Xavier cut off my train of thought as he looked around. Maybe it was telling, but I hadn't changed anything about this place since the last time we'd been here. I'd brought him a few weeks before he'd died, and we'd talked about moving in. He liked that it was isolated, that it was by the water.

I'd liked that he liked it… and honestly, both of us had job descriptions that let us work wherever we wanted, since all it took was a simple phone call and a car or plane ride to get to where we needed to go. Home base could be anywhere. Back then, it had been a secured landline.

Now it was cellphones and computers…

Technology had changed, but I left this place like a capsule, a tribute to everything that I'd never have again. From the look on Xavier's face, he was very slowly realizing that.

"We've been here before, right?" he said. His voice was so soft, and his fingers automatically moved to switch on the lights in the living room as he stepped inside.

We had been here before. It probably felt not that long ago to him, even though I hadn't stepped foot in this place since the last time we'd come together.

"You used to love it here. We came for the first time in the summer, then you wanted to see the lake in the winter, so we came then, too." I was careful when I spoke, not revealing too much, wondering exactly what the limit was for how much I could tell him before something happened.

But his eyes were already taking in the room around us, and he was nodding along as I spoke.

"I wanted to live here." Xavier's eyes cut to me, and the green was so vibrant against the dark walls and black counters that it made something in my chest ache. He really was beautiful—when he first showed up, I'd thought he looked so different… but he really didn't. Everything that made up who he was still existed, and on the curve of his lips was the same smile he'd had the last time we were here.

"You did. Do you remember what I said?"

Xavier paused, but his face didn't screw up in pain, his body didn't tense. He just turned and ran his fingers along the black marble countertop for a moment before looking at me over his shoulder.

"You told me that you'd give me the world, that you'd buy me a house anywhere I wanted."

"That's right."

"And then I told you that I made more money than you did, so I'd buy you a house anywhere you wanted." He bit his lip to hide a small smile. "I'm pretty sure we had sex on the countertop after that."

The memory made my body feel warm, and glancing behind him let a ghost of the moment play in my head—me spread across the black marble with Xavier between my legs, making me squirm and beg until I told him he could do whatever he wanted, he could buy whatever he wanted. We could be whatever he wanted.

Apparently, he was remembering the same thing, because the wicked look on his face had nothing to do with innocently remembering our plans to move here together.

"I thought it would be nice to remember the good things, to see how much being in a different place would help."

And I wanted us to be safe. I wanted him to be safe. He'd loved it here before—there was no reason for us to leave any time soon.

"I remember the first time you brought me here, Axel." He pushed away from the counter and moved toward me. There wasn't a ghost lingering over his form anymore; there was just his eyes, so perfect and warm and focused on me. "You wanted to show me a part of you that you hadn't shared with anyone else. You said this was your favorite place to come and think, to escape from the world. A place your life as a Cleaner had never touched. That was why I loved it—because it was part of you, a piece of your heart that was just for me."

He sounded so sure of himself, and his fingers were so warm and solid when they slid along my jawline. When he twisted those slender digits into my hair and pulled my head down, I didn't resist. My mouth met his, warm and yielding.

"Mmf…" There were words somewhere in the moan I let out, but I couldn't quite figure out how to make them properly form. We still had a lot to do—we needed to secure the perimeter and make sure that no one had followed us. I had new security cameras that I needed to hook up… but the long list of necessities flew out of my mind when he shoved me back against the door and lifted up on tiptoe so he could press his body flush against mine. When his tongue licked the seam of my lips, I opened my mouth obediently.

The last time he'd done this, he'd been taller than me—tall enough to pin my arms above my head, and broad enough that his body easily covered mine and kept me held to the door by sheer strength.

This time, he trailed his hands along my wrists and circled them, pressing them to my side— this time , it was his presence alone that kept me pinned.

It had never been about his size, about his strength or his ability to physically control me. It had been Xavier's presence.

It had been Xavier.

The body he was in didn't matter.

I pulled back from him before we got too distracted. If I let him keep kissing me like this, there was every chance I was going to end up bent over the countertop again, and we hadn't even settled in. I knew it was unlikely, especially since I had a security system set up to alert me if anyone entered the house, but I wanted to check the perimeter.

I wanted to make sure he was safe.

He let me step away from him, though I noticed the slightly disgruntled expression that crossed his features. It was cute, if I was being honest. Especially since we'd established that I was usually the one with that expression.

I didn't think he'd appreciate me calling him cute, though.

"It shouldn't take long to get everything inside. Let me check the bedrooms and we can—"

"Go get the stuff out of the car, Axel. I think I can handle sweeping the house."

"I—"

Xavier pulled his gun and waved it in front of my face, rolling his eyes as he took off down the hallway. "I'll scream if I need your help. And we both know I don't scream, so…"

He trailed off as he stepped around the corner, and I fought with myself not to follow him. Honestly, none of the motion sensors had been tripped, there was no one in the house but us.

It would be fine.

And maybe it would help him feel more like himself if he took on the role of protector every now and then. I'd brought him here for a reason, even though the prospect of him remembering everything still made something in my chest seize in panic.

At least if we were here, it would be a little harder for him to run off if he got angry with me. I had to tell myself that, even though I knew he would do whatever he wanted to do and I probably couldn't stop him.

I still overloaded my arms with our bags so I only had to take one trip from the car to the house, but he was already back in the kitchen and rifling through the cabinets by the time I came inside.

"No one would squat here, Axel. There's nothing to eat."

"I ordered groceries."

"I'm not that hungry, anyway. I want to go explore." He sounded far more excited than he should have, but his eyes were already flashing from the window to the lake, and I couldn't help but follow his glance.

We'd spent a lot of time by the water, somewhere in the center where a wooden platform floated. I could remember days and nights wrapped up in each other's arms. After he'd died, I hadn't come to tend to anything in so long that I wondered if time had taken it all away and left it to rot.

"All right," I answered. Maybe it was the thought of that time passing, the way his death had stolen away so many moments that we could have had.

It might have just been the excitement on his face. Whatever it was, I wanted to give into him, to give into the moment.

I wanted to pretend for at least a little while that the entire world hadn't fallen apart. It was stupid to try to act like I was the same man that I'd been over twenty years ago, but I was more than ready to accept that.

Even if it was just for a little while.

The water was smooth as glass, and the moonlight and stars reflecting on the surface were beautiful—at least, they were in theory. I was too busy watching the softness slowly wash over Xavier's face, mesmerized by the way I could actually see memories dancing across his features and making his mouth form a soft little oh of wonder the longer he stood by the water.

He'd teasingly pulled off his shoes and pants, sprinting for the dock. But once he came to the edge of the lake, it was like he'd been hit by something.

At first, I was worried that I'd pushed him too hard again, and I'd run to his side with panic burning through all the oxygen in my lungs and leaving me breathless.

When I saw his face, I was breathless for an entirely different reason.

The soft smile on his lips was beautiful, and all Xavier—it was the same smile I remembered him wearing the first time I'd shown him the lake. Back then, we'd both stripped down and swam in the water, and we'd fallen asleep on the dock wrapped in a blanket and each other.

I could almost see him reliving that moment now, each burst of emotion as it crossed his face. When he stretched his hand out for mine, I slid my fingers through his without hesitation. I didn't need to close my eyes to pretend that we were the same people that we'd been before. I could feel it tethered through our touch, through the way he gave me a gentle squeeze and tugged me toward him so we were pressed against one another.

This was Xavier. And he was remembering some of the best moments of our life together. For at least a little while, I was going to forget about all the worse things that had come after.

Of course, it was hard to forget when he finally stepped away from me and pulled his shirt over his head. Xavier's face was still full of warm excitement, but my eyes instantly dropped to his chest.

To the same marks I'd seen on his dead body.

Bullets and knives and…

"Axel?" Xavier's voice was a soft demand, and the tone made me instantly jerk my gaze back up to meet his.

I knew if I closed my eyes at that moment, I'd see him pale and dead and in my arms. If I let myself, it would be entirely too easy to spiral back to that dark place that I'd been in on and off for years.

I didn't want to.

I didn't have to.

Not when he was here.

I pulled my shirt off in a quick motion and tilted my head toward the lake. The air around us was perfect, the slightest hint of fall leaves chasing at the heels of summer. My skin felt hot, and I wanted this moment with him. "Let's swim."

Like he knew that I'd just fought off some inner demon, Xavier slipped forward and pressed his lips to mine in a quick burst of warmth that pierced through me. "That's my good boy."

The murmured praise against my lips zipped along my spine and washed away the last bit of lingering pain that was trying to knock around in my chest.

I had him. Those marks were just a gentle reminder on his skin that I needed to do anything it took to keep him.