14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Axel

I was a strange mixture of anxiety and unadulterated joy. On one hand, having Xavier out and about when we both knew there was probably still someone after him made my skin crawl, made me want to walk around with a weapon in hand.

But having him beside me and watching the way his eyes lit up every time he saw something he recognized or remembered? It was more than worth the feeling in my chest that was threatening to strangle me.

"Axel." He interrupted my thoughts. "You can't scowl and look at me like you want to drag me off so we can have sex in an alley at the same time. You're sending mixed signals."

I scoffed, but… he was probably right. That was probably exactly how I was looking at him.

"This is just my face, Xavier. I'm not scowling." There was no point in denying the latter half of his accusation. It took him a second to realize I hadn't, and the smile that broke across his face was worth the admission.

It was strange. He was the same man I'd known before—not quite a psychopath, but certainly morally gray—but there was a new measure of warmth to him. He was just a little easier to open up, a little easier to smile like he meant it. I didn't know if it was the fact that he was alive again, or if it was some strange echo of the man whose body he'd taken over.

Whatever it was, I wasn't going to question it. It was just a new facet to him, and I was going to accept every piece I was given. He'd asked me to look at him, to see him—to really see him—and I was going to make sure I did just that.

When he combed his fingers through his curls to push them out of his eyes, then took off at a run, I let out a low groan and started after him. Just because we were out and about didn't mean I was going to let him out of my sight. There was every chance that he'd get sick of my overprotectiveness eventually, but I had full intentions of staying exactly this way until we figured out who was after him.

No, not until we figured it out. Until we found them, and we made sure that there was nothing left of them.

I knew I could call in a few favors, and there were people I could ask who would probably be able to find the answers I needed, but I wasn't sure if I was willing to drag anyone else into this mess.

Not because I was worried about them. I'd fuck the world over to keep Xavier safe. I just didn't know who I could trust.

I didn't know who might be willing to sell us out to the highest bidder when they realized that Xavier was really here, that this impossible thing was really happening.

Of course, there was one person I could call. But—

"Axel, you're going to have to run faster than that if you want to keep up. C'mon, old man. Did you forget how to move your legs?"

The pure joy on his face at being out, at running, at being alive was intoxicating. Seeing Xavier happy had been my favorite thing that I'd almost forgotten, and seeing this version of him happy was like learning how much I loved it all over again.

"I know how to run, Xavier." I smirked and took off at a jog until I caught up to him. "The question is, can you keep up with me ?" Maybe he was younger, but my legs were longer than his now. When I took off at a sprint, I heard him let out a low curse, quickly followed by the sound of his shoes pounding the concrete behind me as he tried to catch up.

I didn't know how long I could keep up my lead, but it was more fun than it should have been to outstrip him this way. Before, he'd always been stronger, faster. He'd always been so much more capable than me—I knew he still was now, that he would be more everything again if he kept up training his body the way he had been. But, at least in this moment, I had an advantage. If I never had it again, I wanted to press it now.

I kept running, even though I was tempted to look over my shoulder to check on him. It wasn't like I couldn't hear him keeping a steady pace behind me. I wasn't sure if he was trying to catch up or simply enjoying the view.

Something in my chest felt warm at the thought that the answer might be the latter. It was funny how quickly I'd lost my resistance, how much I was all in for anything that he wanted to give me. Any moment we could have together.

I wanted it all. I wanted twenty-two years worth of everything I'd been missing.

Just thinking about it made me stop and turn suddenly, and he half slammed into me with a breathless laugh that pooled somewhere deep in my chest and warmed me from the inside out.

"What the fuck, Axel?" He wrapped his arms around my waist to steady himself. "We're supposed to be running, remember?"

He didn't sound upset about it, and he didn't stop me when I shifted to link our fingers together, then slowed our pace to a walk when we started moving again.

This was nice.

We'd done this before. The park had been different then, more trees and dirt paths. I also hadn't been afraid someone was going to pop out of the bushes and try to kill us.

Well, maybe a small part of me had worried about it, but I didn't have a basis for it then.

It didn't stop me from swaying slightly so I could bump my shoulder against his. "This is nice, too, right?"

His fingers squeezed mine, and he nodded.

"Yeah… Yeah, it is."

I couldn't stop my free hand from coming up and gently tracing the chain around my neck. There was so much I wanted him to know—so much I wanted him to remember.

I just had to hope when he remembered it all, everything wouldn't come crashing down around us.

I'd been staring at him for a few minutes. We'd gone off the pathways of the park and along a trail in the woods—we'd been here before. The sudden urge I had to pull him close, to whisper every moment of our lives in his ear, was almost too much. I knew I couldn't do that—I didn't want to overwhelm him—but maybe this place, just this, wouldn't be too much?

"Do you remember being here before?" I asked in a hushed voice. We'd been here right before we'd fought. I couldn't make sense of when and where his memories were coming back, and I still wasn't sure if I wanted him to remember that last night at all. Was it better for him to know so I could see that we would be okay, or never remember so he never had to feel that pain, so I didn't have to risk it? But if I knew… maybe I could keep him safe this time.

"Not really, but it's beautiful here." He was glancing around with a soft smile on his face, and I slowly unlaced our fingers so I could take a few steps in front of him and move forward into a small clearing.

"We've been here before. I brought you here right before you…" I couldn't say it. Before he died. Before he left.

Xavier's brows knit together, and he shook his head slowly. "I don't… I don't know."

"I brought a blanket and food. I wanted us to watch the stars all night long…" My fingers came up again, wrapping around the necklace, the pendant. Xavier's eyes moved with the motion, and he froze.

"It started raining," he murmured under his breath.

I started to smile until I realized there was something slightly off about the way he spoke, about the way he stood. His gaze had turned faraway, and his fingers were clenching and unclenching at his side.

"Are you okay?"

"It was so cold… We got so wet. And I—" he cut off abruptly, and something in my chest seized. This felt wrong.

He swayed slightly, and the strangest expression spilled across his features. Xavier's mouth pinched together tight, and the way the color drained from his face told me that I'd pushed him too far. I'd just wanted to see if he could remember us laying on the blanket, or the way it started raining, and we'd had to run home soaking wet. The way we'd kissed, and the way I'd—

"So… cold…" His gaze dropped to the ground like he was seeing something that wasn't there.

"Xavier?" I didn't like how afraid I sounded when I said his name. I didn't like the fact that he didn't look up at me when I spoke. He just stayed there, his hands coming up to clutch his head, his body twitching for a moment before he started to convulse.

I was lucky I was so close to him, or he would have hit the ground hard. I didn't know what to do though—he jerked in my arms like he was having a seizure, and for all I knew, that's exactly what was happening. I didn't understand anything about how he'd gotten here, or what kept him tethered to the body he was in. The information on the flash drive might as well have been another language to me—I was barely tech smart, and I definitely wasn't science smart. Reincarnation and pulling souls from past to present made no sense to me.

But Xavier jerking in my arms like he was in pain was enough to make me a believer in whatever god invented souls to begin with if it meant I could pray for it to stop.

"Xavier, please. Baby," I whispered the word and stroked my fingers through his hair. "Come on."

The violent motion finally stopped, but his eyes didn't open. I could see them moving restlessly behind his shut lids, and I noticed the instant his expression shifted.

It was strange.

Unfamiliar.

He murmured beneath his breath in a voice that I didn't recognize, that didn't have the soft lilt of his accent.

"It's not right."

I froze. Had something happened? Because I could tell from the set of his mouth, from the tone of his voice and the way his brows pulled together, that the man in my arms wasn't Xavier.

"Xavier?" I still couldn't stop myself from saying his name.

"It's not... Deke, they didn't do anything wrong. We can't just let them keep doing this." The voice that wasn't Xavier was a little slurred, so soft. So timid and afraid and unfamiliar that I wanted to scream.

I couldn't see Xavier in his face. I couldn't hear him in his voice.

"Who are you?" I whispered, and nearly dropped him when he responded.

"Marshall."

No.

No, no, no.

No.

"Xavier, please." I cupped his cheek and pressed my forehead to his. "Please, wake up."

Memories weren't important. Trying to get him to understand what had happened wasn't important.

Fuck, if he woke up and he didn't remember me, I'd spend the rest of my life making him fall in love with me all over again. I just couldn't do this. I couldn't have him so close and then taken away from me again.

I couldn't have some hollow ghost version of him walking around with a too sweet voice and an expression that looked innocent even with his eyes closed.

"Don't cry," the voice murmured. "You sound so sad when you do."

Fuck, the wrong voice was comforting me, and it just made me hold him harder.

"Please… I'm sorry that your life was cut short, but I can't lose him again. Just…" I lowered us both to the grass and laid my head on his chest.

It let me press my ear to the unfamiliar rhythm of his heart.

It let him bring his arms up to gently stroke along my back.

"Shh, you're okay."

Even though it wasn't Xavier, he still seemed compelled to hold me, to touch me.

Past lives . Soulmates.

Was some version of him always supposed to be in love with some version of me?

It didn't matter, because this wasn't the right one. This wasn't Xavier, and I—

His body jerked again, and I recognized the second his heartbeat accelerated. I knew the sound, but I was almost too afraid to raise my head, too afraid to look.

"Hey, Sunshine? You're getting me all wet." He sounded groggy and half out of it, but the name made my grip on him tighten, made the soft sob that I'd been trying to keep under control nearly choke me. I forced myself to raise up and look at him, and the expression on his face nearly made me break again.

He looked exhausted, pale… but he looked like himself.

"Are you okay?"

"No," he answered without hesitation. "My head is fucking killing me. What happened?"

Some part of me wanted to lie—I didn't know how he'd take the knowledge that the person whose body he'd taken had come back to the forefront.

"You passed out."

"I…" Xavier frowned. "I was dreaming, but it wasn't me. Marshall took the flash drive because of that kid from the files. Seth." He wrinkled his nose. "He felt bad for him, and he wanted to make things right."

A dream.

Had it just been a dream? Sleep talking? It would make sense that he would be able to access locked away memories while he was unconscious. He'd never talked in his sleep before, but he'd also never been in a body that didn't belong to him.

It was a better thought than worrying about Marshall coming back.

Maybe he wasn't sure if he wanted to, but I was more determined than ever to find the company that was hunting him down and take them apart, even if it was only to make sure that I found a way to keep him here, to keep him safe.

To keep him… him .

"Let's get home, alright? You look like you need to rest."

It spoke volumes when he simply nodded and let me pull him to his feet without argument.