Chapter 4 - Rami

The house was a mess. Rami pushed a pile of unopened mail to the side of the table and nudged a pair of pants out of sight with his foot, hoping Vera hadn’t noticed it. Dirty dishes were scattered over the countertops, and a pile of milk bottles sat beside the sink, waiting to be washed. Ever since Jessa had arrived, Rami felt like he hadn’t had a second to think, never mind clean.

Every second he was awake was spent taking care of Jessa, learning the ropes of childcare. He’d pulled every book on parenting from his shelves and pored over them when she napped, compiling it into a list that he could refer to in difficult moments. When something worked, like taking her for a walk in the stroller when she wouldn’t sleep, he circled it. When something failed, like the time he’d burped her over his shoulder and received an astonishing amount of milk vomit, he crossed it off. The crosses far outnumbered the circles.

“Wow,” Vera said, standing in the front doorway. “Did a tornado come through here?”

“Yeah,” Rami replied, unbuckling Jessa from her carrier, “its name was Jessa. It’s impossible to get anything done with a baby around. I step away for a second, and she starts crying.”

He knew some people managed to do it, to keep the house clean and watch a baby at the same time; he just had no idea how they did it. A home-cooked meal was out of the question after he’d burnt a pan of pasta the second night he had Jessa. Takeout boxes were piled up in the trash can.

She stepped inside gingerly, like she suspected one of the piles of mess might gain sentience and attack her. “Right. Well, what’s her usual schedule?”

Having Vera in his space again brought the memories back, poking holes in the careful dam he’d created against them. The wolf inside of him still demanded that he hold her, claim her as his mate, remove the walls he’d put up between them. Rami ignored it. That part of him couldn’t see the risks involved in a long-term relationship and how they devolved.

“Schedule?” He glanced at the sheet on the table with its scribbled notes. Developing a consistent schedule was there with a big, black line through it. “She doesn’t really seem interested in one of those. Tried it, though. She’s got her own ideas.”

Vera sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. “She’s a baby, Rami. She doesn’t get to rule the house. It’s like a puppy; you need to have a consistent schedule so they know what to expect.”

“Look, you can try. I’m just saying it didn’t work for me and the things that have worked, I’ve circled on here.” He moved Jessa into the crook of his arm and pushed the sheet of notes toward Vera. She picked it up and scanned it. “She’s ready for a bottle now. Why don’t I show you how to mix one up, and then you can give feeding her a go while I pick up a little?”

There was an art involved in getting the formula mixed and at the right temperature, not too hot and not too cold. Vera clucked her tongue when he tested it on the skin of his forearm.

“Don’t you have a thermometer? It’d be more precise and repeatable.” She was tapping notes on her phone into a carefully formatted spreadsheet.

He fought the urge to smile, knowing she’d take it for mockery, but her analytical approach to everything was one of the reasons he’d fallen for her in the first place. Something about how her nose crinkled when she was thinking hard made him want to kiss her. Rami cleared his throat, realizing he was staring and she was waiting for an answer.

“No, I don’t think I have a thermometer. Except the one that came in her first aid kit, and I’m guessing we don’t want to use that one.”

“Definitely not. I’ll bring one tomorrow.” Vera watched carefully while he demonstrated Jessa’s preferred feeding arrangement, nestled in his arm while he sat on the couch. “Looks easy enough. I think I’ve got it.”

Rami motioned for her to sit, and she took the space beside him, leaving a space between them to ensure they wouldn’t accidentally touch. Before, she would have draped her legs across his body, and he would have run his palms up the soft, smooth skin of her thighs. Now, he took care not to move closer as he passed Jessa to her and helped her arrange a pillow beneath her elbow for support.

“Like this?” Vera asked, glancing up at him. Jessa drank eagerly from the bottle, unconcerned by the move from Rami’s arms to Vera’s.

“That’s perfect,” he said.

He knew he was staring but couldn’t pull his eyes away from the domestic scene. Vera’s smooth, dark hair fell forward to cover her cheek. Rami wanted to tuck it behind her ear, see the sharp line of her cheekbone, the curve of her jaw where it ran to the delicate skin of her neck. She had loved it when he’d kissed that line up her throat, her skin so thin there that he could feel the pulse of her blood quickening for him.

“Well, you’re making me nervous just by watching me do this,” Vera snapped. “Don’t you have cleaning to do?”

She had every right to snap at him after the way he’d dumped her, and it was the splash of cold water he needed with the way his thoughts were heading. He swallowed the retort he wanted to utter and turned away, grabbing a trash bag from under the sink to start the process of picking up.

Rami knew she’d never understand his reasons for the breakup. He’d decided it would be easier for both of them in the long run if she hated him. That way, there would be no chance of her wanting to start the relationship up again. He just didn’t know if he could resist if she offered him a second chance, even though he knew better.

Still, he kept stealing glances at the two of them while he cleaned. Without having to worry about taking care of Jessa, he made quick work of the mess around the house, even pulling out the vacuum that had been collecting dust in the closet.

When he came back to the kitchen, Vera was sitting on the padded floor mat with Jessa, making notes on a clipboard she had found somewhere.

“There,” she said, setting down a ruler. “I’ve made a chart to track her feedings and naps. How much, what times, etcetera. Make sure to mark it if you’re the one to feed her or put her down for a nap, okay? Once we have enough data, we’ll put together a schedule.”

“You’re still on about the schedule?” He flinched when she whipped around, glaring at him. “Okay, okay. I’ll try to remember.”

He’d liked her fiery nature when they were dating, the way she wasn’t afraid to speak her mind in any situation, but it frightened him a little now that she had reason to hate him. It felt sharper. Deadlier. She seemed mollified by his agreement at least and turned back to play with Jessa, encouraging her to reach for a rattle shaped like a jellyfish.

“You’re doing amazing, Jessa,” she cooed, showing off her gentle side.

Despite their relationship ending in a cold snap, he trusted her with Jessa. She was competent, capable, and determined. If she didn’t know how to do something, she’d figure it out. It was everything Rami could ask for in a nanny; the only trouble was spending hours every day with his ex. Could he suck it up for Jessa’s sake?

He hadn’t lied when he’d told Vera that she’d been the only response to his ad. It wasn’t like he had any other options. But he couldn’t imagine a candidate that could compete with Vera. A selfish part of him wanted her around anyway.

“If you’re feeling comfortable enough, I really need to get over to the bookstore. Jonah was covering for me this morning but I told him I could make it for the afternoon shift. If not, I’ll bring Jessa.” He’d been doing that since Jessa had arrived on his doorstep, making it work while running his own store, but it was taking a toll on him.

“We’ll be fine,” she said, not looking up. “See you around dinner time; then I’ll need to go and get my stuff if you’re expecting me to start right away.”

“Oh, right. You can take my car since you need to head back to Rosewood for it.”

Something flickered across her face, an emotion he couldn’t read that blinked out as quickly as he spotted it. Her fingers tensed in the blanket.

“I’m staying at Evelyn’s. I can just walk.” When she finally looked at him, her eyes were blank, purged of all emotion.

“Why did you move?” He asked, afraid of the answer.

Was it because of him? He couldn’t imagine that Vera would react so brashly to a breakup. Maybe he was being arrogant, thinking it had anything to do with him.

“We’ll see you later,” she said.

Clearly, the conversation was over. He supposed he deserved that. He’d lost the right to know anything about her personal life after removing himself from it.

He bent down to kiss Jessa goodbye and left, fixing the sight of Vera smiling at his baby in his mind. After so many days wrapped up in Jessa’s care, it felt wrong to leave the house without her, his arms empty, without the bags of supplies she required wherever they went. It was funny how quickly things could change. In a single night, he’d gone from a bachelor to a father.

And now he was living with his ex. One complication on top of another. It wasn’t too late to back out and tell Vera he didn’t think it would work, and his fingers hovered over the keys on his phone, ready to tap out the message. He shoved his phone back into his pocket instead and jogged up the path to the bookstore.

“Oh hey, there you are.” Jonah looked up from behind the counter, setting down the new hardcover he’d been reading. “Man, you look beat. Are you sick? I can close up here today if you need to go back home and rest.”

“I think that whole rest thing has gone out the window for the next ten years or so.”

Jonah’s eyebrows rose. He closed the book and sat up. “What do you mean? What happened?”

Rami told him the whole tale, beginning from the one-night stand and ending with Vera’s interview. It felt therapeutic, laying it all out there, even if he was careful to keep back the emotions twisted through it all. Jonah listened with wide eyes until he ended, breathing out a long, dazed breath when Rami fell silent.

“Wow. Just, wow.” He drummed his fingers on the countertop, searching for words. “I thought Cora was unexpected, but at least Moira and I were sort of together. This is next level. I can’t imagine just having a baby dropped at my door. You must be reeling.”

Was he? That night when he’d seen that woman at his door, he’d been reeling. When she’d first told him about Jessa, he’d been reeling. But now? Now, he couldn’t imagine his life without that little girl; it had happened that fast.

“It was a lot, yeah. But honestly? Something about it feels right, you know? Like once I held her, it felt made to be.”

His cheeks warmed. He probably sounded like an idiot, divulging something like that. Rami turned away and started reorganizing the front display he’d set up yesterday. All the new release books were in the center where their colorful, glossy covers could catch customers’ eyes.

“I know exactly what you mean, actually. Being a father is like nothing else. It changes you.” Jonah was smiling, no doubt thinking of Cora back at home. “But it’s hard, too. I’m glad you have Vera around to help, but I’m here for you too. And I know Moira is.”

“Thanks, Jo.” Rami knew Jonah meant it. He was one of those rare friends who would have your back in any situation, the kind that would do anything he could to help. “Do you think I’m crazy to hire Vera?”

Jonah pulled a face, drawing his lips back in a grimace. “Honestly, she scares me. But I think you have to trust your gut. You two seemed really good together.”

“This isn’t us getting back together or anything like that. That ship has sailed.”

He stepped to the side to let Jonah get by, taking his place behind the counter.

“Right, right. Well, you’ve got my number if you need anything,” Jonah said, packing up his bag. He hesitated at the door, a frown across his usually cheerful face.

“What is it?” Rami prompted. If it was bothering his Alpha, he wanted to know about it.

Jonah had one hand on the doorknob. “You’ve got enough on your plate, but,” he sighed, brow pinching together, “the reports of the curse have reached the edge of our territory. I haven’t seen it yet, but you should know it’s close. Be careful out there, and keep Jessa close.”

A cold lance of fear struck Rami in the chest. “That close? Fuck.”

How could he protect her from a threat that they couldn’t see? This wasn’t like a rogue wolf or a hunter; it was something bigger. Something he couldn’t tackle head-on.

“We’ll handle it. I have some ideas, but just focus on your family for now. That’s more than enough right now.” Jonah waited for Rami to nod his assent before slipping outside into the afternoon sun.

But it was easier said than done. Rami’s mind spun with the new threat, piled on top of his mountain of worries. At least with Jessa and Vera in his house, he could keep them safe. As long as he had his eyes on them, they’d be fine. He had to believe it, otherwise he’d drive himself crazy with worry.

He knew Vera could take of herself. She was strong and cunning and wouldn’t thank him for trying to protect her, but he couldn’t stop himself. It was another reason to hire her. Another excuse to keep her close by. But not to rekindle things. Whatever happened, he had to hold firm to that.

Customers flowed in and out of the store, the bell above the door ringing so often he decided to just prop it open and let the cool, fresh air fill the shop. But the steady stream of people couldn’t keep his mind off of Vera. Each time he closed his eyes, all he could see were hers, pale blue and cold.