Chapter 5 - Vera

Jessa was crying. No matter what Vera did or how many things she tried from Rami’s list, she kept crying. And not just little hiccups of cries but the big, wailing cries that sounded more like they came from a fire truck than a baby that fit in her arms.

“What’s wrong, baby girl?” Vera held Jessa and rocked her back and forth like she’d seen Rami doing, but the baby continued crying, mouth open wide, eyes squeezed shut. “You had milk, a fresh diaper, a little nap. What else could it be?”

She glanced at her phone lying on the couch. Moira would know what to do. If she called her, she was certain her sister would guide her through soothing Jessa, maybe even offer to come over and help. Only, that felt too much like admitting defeat. Plus, she’d have to explain how she came to be responsible for a baby, and not just any baby, but Rami’s baby.

Everything had been going well after Rami left and Vera was feeling rather proud of herself when the crying started. She’d even gotten Jessa down for a nap and had started rearranging things in her new bedroom, clutching the monitor close. It hadn’t started until after the nap and feeding, and now there was nothing she could do to stem the cries.

“The neighbors are going to think something is wrong over here,” Vera pleaded with the child, bouncing her up and down on her knee.

She could see the neighbor’s house through the window in the kitchen and imagined them peering through the curtains, dialing Child Protective Services because the crying had been going on so long. Jessa’s face was red, and Vera was pretty sure hers was too. She was flustered from the unsolvable problem she held. Heat crawled up her neck.

She was already mucking it up on her first day on the job. Be logical about this. Babies are simple. Simpler than surgery. The schedule was filled out meticulously. She’d kept notes on everything she tried. But Jessa was still upset.

What would she do if it were a puppy that couldn’t settle? The idea came to her in a flash. She hoisted Jessa into the crook of her arm and grabbed her blanket, a knit cap so small it looked more like a mitten, and a pacifier that had been spat out every time Jessa got it near her lips.

“Let's take a walk. How’s that sound?” She crooned nonsense to Jessa as she pushed her feet into her sneakers, even if she couldn’t possibly hear her over her own cries. “A nice little walk around the neighborhood. Some fresh air for you.”

The door opened before she could reach it, and Rami stepped inside, frowning. Vera clutched Jessa closer, caught off guard. She hadn’t expected him home so soon. Then she realized it was half past six, and she’d lost track of time in the whirlwind of Jesse’s distress.

“What’s going on? What’s wrong with her?” He reached for Jessa, pulling her from Vera’s arms. His eyes flashed from Jessa to Vera and back again. “Is she hungry?”

The sight of him still stole her breath. He was close enough that she could feel the heat of him, could smell new books and coffee on his skin, could reach out and touch the dark shadow between his pecs where his shirt was unbuttoned. Frustration and, desire and hurt spun together and Vera snapped.

“Seriously? You think I haven’t tried food? Obviously I fed her and changed her diaper and she napped. She’s just upset.”

“And what were you going to do about it?” Rami hissed, shielding Jesse’s ears with his hand.

She flicked her hand at the stroller sitting a foot away from him, ready to go with Jessa’s bunting inside. “I was about to try a walk when you barged in.”

Her fingers clenched into fists at her sides. What was it about him that made her temper flare? She reached out for Jessa, smoothing her fingers down the baby’s back. All she wanted was to soothe her.

“I’ll take it from here.” Rami twisted away from Vera and started to buckle Jessa into the stroller.

It was clear he didn’t trust her to do it herself. Clear that she’d failed on her first day trying to be maternal. Maybe she didn’t have what it took after all, and her younger self had known that, had tried to lead her down a path that would focus on a career rather than children.

“Fine. I’ll just go.” She didn’t wait for him to respond, pushing past him and out the door while he smoothed the blanket over Jessa.

Tears were prickling the corners of her eyes, and she wouldn’t let him see her cry.

“Vera—“ he started, but she pulled the door shut behind her, blocking out the rest of his words before they could land.

The brisk air was a slap to the face, one she needed after the close-quarters encounter with Rami. She ran down the street, not caring if she attracted attention from any of the neighbors, and didn’t stop until she was three streets away and certain Rami wasn’t right behind her.

She was such an idiot. Why hadn’t she run away the moment she’d realized the nannying job was with Rami? Or better yet, why had she tried to get a job for which she was so obviously unqualified?

Vera pushed her fingers into the hair at her temples and squeezed until it ached. It was bad enough getting dumped by her boyfriend, the first guy she’d dated in years. It was way, way worse to make a total fool of herself in front of him, failing at something she was pretty certain was supposed to come naturally to her.

She walked aimlessly, past the roads with streetlights and sidewalks, to the dark corners of Silversand that edged the forest. There was nowhere she needed to be. No one missing her. She could walk for hours.

Her phone vibrated against her leg. She ignored it, but it pulsed over and over until she couldn’t help but pull it out. Rami’s name flashed across the screen.

Pushing down hard on the red button, she declined the call and slid the phone back into her pocket. No doubt he was calling to officially fire her, like she didn’t already know. She’d save them both the embarrassment of a conversation.

But her phone didn’t stop vibrating. This time with the short double pulse of a text message. Despite herself, she checked the screen.

Where are you? I told you to take the car to get your stuff.

She had to reread it three times. Her stuff? Did he think she was coming back after that? More to the point, did he want her back after that? He must have realized the same things she had as they stood in the foyer, sparks flying between them. It was too messy. Too raw. Even if she hadn’t utterly failed at nannying, she knew she couldn’t just treat him like her boss.

Again, she ignored his attempt to reach out. Silencing the phone, she struck up a faster pace, pushing until her muscles ached and her mind cleared. The salt wind carried unfamiliar scents of the sea, nothing like the sweet, floral aromas of Rosewood. Nothing like home.

Vera wrapped her arms around herself and slowed, hitting a dead end. Firs and spruce towered like sentinels at the wood line, the crossed spears of their branches unwelcoming. Her skin prickled. Something was watching her, there within the trees’ shadow, hidden by the impenetrable darkness.

All of the tiny hairs that ran along her skin stood on edge as she began to shift to her wolf form. It was easy, like slipping into a heated pool or a lover’s embrace. Whatever lurked in the woods, she could handle it as a wolf.

The roar of an engine filled the quiet street. Tires crunched over gravel and sand, spraying grit as the car abruptly stopped behind her. Its headlights flooded her vision, temporarily blinding her when she spun around, reluctantly halting her shift before it had gotten past the lengthening of her fangs.

Her tongue touched the tips of the pointed teeth as they shrank back down. Rami. The familiar old muscle car sputtered and growled like a beast at the end of a chain, a sound that he had reassured her was ‘normal’ and ‘one of the best sounds ever’ but had always sounded to Vera like the car might give up and keel over at any moment.

The driver’s side door swung open. Vera spun back around, searching for the watcher in the woods with the headlights dancing in her vision. Whoever it was, they were gone.

“There you are.” Rami shut the door carefully, gently, completely at odds with the anger in his voice. He stalked toward her. “I’ve been texting and calling for over an hour.”

Vera’s eyebrows shot up. “Oh, I’m sorry, Dad . Did I miss curfew?”

His jaw was tight, a muscle jumping in his jaw. “I had no idea where you went or when you were coming back. You can’t just run off like that.”

She laughed, incredulous. He was taking this fatherhood thing way too far. “Since when do I need your permission to go anywhere? The nanny thing didn’t work out. I know. You didn’t have to come all this way to tell me I suck at it.”

Rami looked over his shoulder at the car. Now that her eyes had adjusted, she could see Jessa sleeping in the car seat in the back. He ran his hand over his face, looking weary.

“I’m sorry I snapped at you when I got home. I was a dick.” He hung his head. “But it didn’t really have anything to do with you. I need you, Vera.”

Her throat constricted.

“To be my nanny, I mean,” he went on. “Please don’t give up yet?”

He looked at her with those puppy-dog eyes she knew so well, the ones he employed whenever he needed to get out of trouble. They’d always worked. She couldn’t help falling into them even when she knew better.

Apologies had never been difficult for Rami. He’d offered them up the moment things had gotten heated, and he’d usually taken the blame, too. Always a martyr. It might have cooled off their fights, but it also kept them from ever really talking about the important stuff. There was no way to work through things when someone just wanted to shut down the conversation entirely.

“I don’t think I’m cut out for it.” She looked away from his deep brown eyes and up at the stars.

Ram’s tone was a challenge, taunting her. “The Vera I know wouldn’t give up so easily. Are you really going to run away before you can prove that your schedule system is superior to my seat-of-the-pants method?”

She knew what he was doing, but damn if it didn’t work. Her eyes glinted. “Fine. I’ll give it a week. You can drive me to get my stuff in the morning.”

Vera stomped over to the car and climbed into the passenger seat like she had so many times before. It was still adjusted to her liking, like he hadn’t had anyone else in it since they’d broken up. But that was impossible. He must have been dating or at least sleeping with others since then. A man as good-looking as Rami didn’t have to spend a night alone unless he wanted to.

The thought made her curl her fingers into the leather seat. She didn’t like picturing him with anyone else. He was her mate. And then he rejected you. It was pathetic, humiliating, and painful. But his hand around the gear stick made her mouth run dry, remembering his touch on her thigh before he’d pulled her onto his lap and taken her right there in the driver’s seat.

“What were you looking at?” He asked, interrupting her thoughts before they carried her away. “Was there something in the woods?”

She leaned her forehead against the cool glass of the window and tried to recall what she’d seen in the woods. It had been more of a feeling than anything else. A scent on the wind that didn’t belong.

“Maybe. I couldn’t tell. Could’ve just been a rabbit.” She shifted in her seat, bringing her knees up to her chin. Normally, he’d scold her for putting her dirty shoes on the leather, but he must have really needed a nanny because he kept quiet, even though his mouth tightened to a thin line. “What got you all upset at work?”

He didn’t answer, the silence stretching until she grew suspicious. Rami was an awful liar. Stories didn’t jump to the tip of his tongue when he needed them, and she could tell he was scrambling for one now. There was something he was hiding from her. Was it another woman?

“Are you seeing someone else?” She pressed.

Rami scoffed. “With all my free time? No, I’m not, and I don’t know what that has to do with anything.”

“Well, there’s something you’re not telling me, and knowing you, it’s because you think I won’t like it. Not to mention the way you practically stalked me in your car. Totally normal behavior.”

“Maybe I just didn’t want to handle the night shift on my own.” He waved toward the backseat where Jessa was sleeping. “Couldn’t that be it?”

“Is it?” She didn’t relent.

Poking at Rami’s defenses was the closest she ever felt to him, when she pressed and pressed until he had no choice but to be honest and show that despite what he wanted to believe, he did actually have feelings.

“No.” He sighed, seeming to finally accept that she wasn’t just going to let it go. “The wolf curse has made it to our borders.”

Vera knew of the curse. Her pack was looking into it but it had felt like a distant threat, something they had plenty of time to deal with. Now, it was at their doorstep. Thoughts of Moira and Cora trapped in wolf form, forgetting who they were, filled her mind. Of Jessa, so vulnerable, stuck as a pup.

“Rami,” she gasped, ashamed of the way fear made her reach for him.

He didn’t push her away as she slipped her arm beneath his and leaned her head against his shoulder. Her fears were reflected in his eyes.

“I know,” he said, glancing down at her from the corner of his eye. “Please just stay close until we know what’s going on. Please.”

She knew she shouldn’t. But Rami’s hand squeezed her thigh, and her refusal died on her lips.